The BOSH Man! GOES OUT ON A DATE!! (11851 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.87 on 122 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Dude, thats BOSH! (View user info) at 2008-07-11 13:12:00 EDT
My friend set me up on a date with one of his girlfriends' friends last weekend. She saw my picture somewhere and thought I was cute.. she was recently single and i happened to be bored that night. So I agreed to go on a sort of a double date kind of thing. The 4 of us went to this fancy restaurant (fancy to me, anyway) with $30 entrees and expensive wines.. I even wore a tie. I don't think it's gonna work out though.
I excused myself shortly after getting seated to use the men's room. To do this, I had to walk by the bar, which is where I noticed that despite their ridiculously over priced menus, they still offered Pabst Blue Ribbon on draft for $1.50 a pint. I have never seen PBR on tap before in my area of Massachusetts, so I was pretty excited about it. I got back to the table and shared the glorious news with everyone. The girls just looked at me funny, my friend ordered us 2 PBRs.
Things were going well enough for a little while. The girl I was 'with' (who I will call Professor McPoopypants from here on out) was cute, but I wasn't interested right off the bat. We talked about boring ordinary crap like where we went to school, what we do for a living, etc for a little bit, as the waitress kept bringing me PBRs. She was a little pretentious for me.. Daddy's little girl who has been given everything she wants and was handed her career. She smelled like strawberries and pinesol. It was weird. Conversation wandered pretty drastically after my 10th beer.
At one point everyone was talking about politics. Everyone but me. Professor McPoopypants noticed and asked what I thought about something.. i don't even remember what:
"Huh? Oh um.. I dunno i'm a pacifist"
"..Well what do you mean? You don't want to answer the question?"
"No, it means i'm either too stupid to understand what you're talking about, or too drunk to care. In either case, I don't have an opinion.. i'll let you decide whether i'm too stupid or just don't care. Hey do you guys wanna go across the street?"
There was a blues band playing across the street, they sounded pretty good and I could see that people were having a good time over there. The more I drank the more I realized that Professor McPoopypants is in all likelyhood my arch-nemesis.. my suspicions that she and my friend who hooked us up (hereafter referred to as JUMBOTRON) were in cohoots rose for a little while, but dwindled when he told me over a smoke that he hadn't known her before tonight, and that he didn't like her either.
I asked Professor McPoopypants who she thought would in a fight between a bear and a lion on the moon, as I have often asked here on Ubersite. She stared at me blankly for a few seconds then excused herself to the ladies room, probably to shit her pants. JUMBOTRON went with the lion.
I asked her who her favorite WWF wrestler from the 80s/90s was. She didn't answer me. I got into a heated debate with JUMBOTRON about it. We ultimately decided that Jim Dougan and Roddy Piper were maybe not the best, but were the 2 that we'd most want to party with.
Some more fun facts about Professor McPoopypants:
- She doesn't like ANY of the Rocky movies, and won't even acknowledge the cultural significane of Rocky IV.
- She doesn't drink beer, or like to party from what I could tell.
- She doesn't enjoy live music.. she'd rather go listen to a DJ at some club or something.
- She doesn't think i'm funny AT ALL. I can't stress this enough. I think she hates me actually.. I couldn't see why. I wasn't particularly rude to her, except for maybe that pacifism episode.
- She doesn't enjoy watching the video i have on my phone of my friend swinging across a stream on a rope swing and crashing into a tree.
How can I be with someone like that?
I had a house salad and 12 beers at the restaurant. $25 with (a generous) tip included. The other 3 got coffee and ordered desert, I dropped my cash on the table and went across the street. Once there I put in for an order of wings and a beer. JUMBOTRON came over like 20 minutes later, saying that Professor McPoopypants was bitching about me the whole time after I left, especially about leaving early and not offering to buy her dinner. She can go suck an egg. OK FINE i'm a horrible date who gets drunk and talks about nonsense.. but at least i don't smell like pinesol.
I need a chick who likes to have fun. Any takers?
"Why do you wanna watch TV with the stereo on?"
"..because I like to party"
PS
The other day i farted in scruggs' microwave and set it on 'defrost' for about 48 minutes. Nothing creative happened. That was the end of it.
User Reviews
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2008-09-12 15:03:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's called DKNY.
Submitted by bromide (user info) at 2008-09-08 06:00:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh yeah and definately the bear, no contest.
Submitted by bromide (user info) at 2008-09-08 05:08:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you were absolutely right, it was indeed bosh!
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-09-08 02:16:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by PeakJ (user info) at 2008-09-08 00:20:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2008-09-01 19:16:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2008-08-11 22:40:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bosh
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2008-07-22 03:51:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Genius.
Submitted by caricature19 (user info) at 2008-07-21 20:00:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I would totally date you. I want to see phone vids. I'll show you mine if you show me yours
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-07-20 22:14:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
woops.
hey is anyone watching the espy's?
will ferrel is totally ripping off my material.
he just said he wanted to play golf with tiger woods ..in a bubble on the moon.
raaaaaaa!!!!!
Submitted by PayMeLater (user info) at 2008-07-20 15:25:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wouldn't go out with you if I was a chick, you sound retarded.
But here's a video of a bear fighting a lion:
http://www.goyk.com/video.asp?path=2605
It's not in the wild or on the moon or anything, but 12 year-olds just love it.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-07-20 00:45:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Boshman on B@W?
I quit.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2008-07-19 14:41:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The bear. The lion would take to its instinct and have trouble contending with the bear's natural strength. Once the lion leaps off its feet, the bear will swat it like a fat kid without a blindfold hits a pinata.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2008-07-19 08:32:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BOSH@WORK!
Woot and so on
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2008-07-18 17:58:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to know who would win in a fight between a bear and a lion on earth!
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-07-18 11:47:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
that is one possible outcome for sure
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-07-18 11:43:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I asked my dumbass friend in an email about the lion and the bear with all the outlines that Bosh laid out, here is his reply;
Ok first off you must be on a different moon then the earth's. There is gravity on the moon, its just less then earth.
But for the sake of the story......
Lion and a bear are inside of an anti-gravity bubble, and they are actually conversing with one another about how they are going to go about this strange arrangement. well since they don't speak the same language, they get irritated and start to get physical. Well, the part you forgot was that the bear is the pussy bear on Dr. Doolittle 2 and the Lion is the one without courage on "wizard of Oz." So now you know these two creatures are not very aggressive. Thus, they start frogging one another in a very loud matter. Just hitting each other and then yelling and roaring. (people laughing as in a sitcom) after a couple minutes the bear pulls his quadriceps and the lion made his move. The lion quickly jumped on his back as the bear fell to the ground yelping in pain. the lion grabbed one foot, then grabbed the other, the bear screaming in pain, lion turns around pulls his hurt leg back and starts to stretch it. Then out of no where whips out a bag of ice and bandage. The bear was very grateful and played dead. Jim dougan some how popped the bubble and announced the Unanimous decision. ppl chanted "courage courage courage!!!!"
He felt so proud as he floated away with a tear on his cheek.
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-07-18 10:53:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How did this bucket of donkey semen make B@W?
No, really though this did remind me of a shorter, less asshole version of tuckermax.com so I liked it.
And fuck bears, lions win in space.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-07-18 01:15:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wtf? bored at work?
thanks!
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-07-17 19:05:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W! Bosh!
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2008-07-17 18:33:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What kind of bear?
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-07-17 10:05:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This story is fucking BOSH.
plus, Epiphones are to Gibson what Squires are to Fender. I'm in total agreement. - Actually got a dilema on this in my household, housemate can't afford a Gibson but doesn't want an Epiphone.
Bugger.
I got my Ibanez at trade price while working for a guitar shop! Winnar!
Winnar.
- Did you +2 yourself Boshman?
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-07-17 04:02:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i think you're dreamy. any girl would be lucky to go on a date with you.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-07-17 03:26:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-07-02 13:42:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
to each his own, not knockin it.. i personally wouldn't get one but i've only played a couple..
I look at epiphones the same way i look at Squires, which i know isn't fair..
call me smug :)
-------------
DudeThatsSMUG
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-15 19:19:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-07-11 13:37:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ahh my china doll..
nah it isn't going to work.. shes home for the summer but then she's off again in September. We agreed it was for the best if we just remained friends. sad.
and they are earth lions and bears fighting in outer space, with breathing apparati and no gravity.
__________
WELL. In that case, I'm putting money on the lion. Greater dexterity, can whip around faster and claw some bear. Greater range of motion.
I know you're thinking that the bear would do great in low G, unencumbered by his size he'd surely kick some ass, but the lion would be able to bend around faster for more attacks in a shorter time.
Pound for pound, that lion's going to have better muscle mass to weight.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2008-07-14 14:53:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HerrSchniedelwichs (user info) at 2008-07-14 13:19:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Here's to you, kind Sir.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-07-14 10:25:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The BOSH! Man needs a woman of suffficient BOSH!ness. A woman who can discuss:
A. If Wesley Willis's Chicken Cow were to meet up with his schizophrenia demons in a to-the-death jello wrestling contest, who would win?
B. Who is more of a narc, Doctor Phil or Colonel Klink.
C. Why bulleted lists are fucking lame.
But does such a woman exist? I don't know as I haven't seen the second Hellboy. Some people didn't like the first one, but in my opinion, any demon monkey that carries a gun and likes kittens is okay in my book. And really, you have to see the parallels here.
"No, it means i'm either too stupid to understand what you're talking about, or too drunk to care. In either case, I don't have an opinion.. i'll let you decide whether i'm too stupid or just don't care. Hey do you guys wanna go across the street?" is also just about as Douglas Adams as Douglas Adams can get. He's rocking out in his grave right now with Wesley Willis and that dude who played Colonel Klink.
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2008-07-14 04:29:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-14 04:28:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ooooh yeah
You will eat my rear rockets and like it! Ohhhh yeahhh
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-14 04:19:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My money would be on the lion. And the Macho Man Randy Savage.
Although who'd win in a fight between him and a lion is anybody's guess.
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-07-14 04:09:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I know people who think listening to a Dj in a club 'Is' Live Music.
I would go with the bear, and The Undertaker for the wrestling question, I have no reason for that.
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2008-07-14 01:59:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you want a chick that likes to have fun and is always a sure thing, give Method's Mom a call. The only downside of banging her is that you're probably going to be the fifth guy in the last hour.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2008-07-13 22:38:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
definitely bears. lions attack by leaping + lower gravity = goodbye, pussy
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2008-07-13 20:56:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I vote for bears.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2008-07-13 18:19:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Needs more cigarette-lighting and agreement-nodding.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2008-07-13 14:07:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd bet she was actually scruggs' daughter.
Should have punched her in the neck.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-07-13 10:15:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta...
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-13 05:43:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Never ever go out on dates. EVER.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-07-13 05:32:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit, something awesome that's not about pining for women or childhood!
Well, kinda, but you mentioned beer, Rocky and tree crashing.
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2008-07-13 05:08:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Lion wins if the Bear
is a Koala Bear.
More interesting would be a UFC Octagon
Battle featuring all of the following:
Polar Bear
Grizzly Bear
Panda Bear
Kodiak Bear
and lets throw in that Koala Bear
for fun.
Lions are bitches.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-07-13 03:23:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OK nw I read this
She doesn't undersstand you like I do. Those things are bosh. What time will you pick me up?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-07-13 02:24:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-07-12 18:55:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha ha! Not a good match.
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2008-07-12 09:29:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh and btw Danny Glover doesn't count. He's just to damn old for this shit anymore!
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2008-07-12 09:29:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck you dude-aroonie! You don't deserve a good girl. And true butch-ass man would know that between the tiger and bear that the Predator would win.
...The Predator always wins
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-12 06:23:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h02jCrcPFJg
Hurty made it on to British TV!
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2008-07-12 04:59:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i will be in seppoland shortly
arrange a double date
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-07-12 00:06:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
bears. hands down. lions are bad ass but nobody fucks with a grizzly.
Submitted by Aussie_em (user info) at 2008-07-11 23:27:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2008-07-11 22:53:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How bout i punchasize your face..for free??
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2008-07-11 22:49:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bahahahahahahahahahahahaahhahaha this was great
You seem like an ok dude even though yer from horrible Massajewshits.
GO SOX WOO!!!
not red
WOO!!!
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-07-11 22:36:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I recommend a conservative, sandwich heavy portfolio.
Submitted by bjrog2 (user info) at 2008-07-11 22:18:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Laugh-coughed up my toasted sammich, fucking beautifully written dude!
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2008-07-11 18:54:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PBR on tap? WTF?
Even Middle East doesnt have it on tap.
Submitted by billrhine (user info) at 2008-07-11 17:40:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lion ftw
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-07-11 17:36:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Next time fart in the microwave and throw a plate of eggs in there on high for 10 minutes. That will be fun.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-07-11 17:36:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lion versus a Kodiak, Grizzly, or Polar bear? Sorry, the lion is toast.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2008-07-11 17:28:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Why do you wanna watch TV with the stereo on?"
"..because I like to party"
------------
Bosh, I love you. And I've only made it to that part of the movie ONCE (the first time I watched it). Normally I'm drunk and/or passed out by the time Walker or Texas Ranger yells about being jacked-up on Mountain Dew.
Great post, though!
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-07-11 16:07:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked the invisible elephant post, it was actually the reason I created an account. Never got around to commenting it though.
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-07-11 16:05:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds kind of speculative, motion for appeal.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-07-11 16:05:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Furthermore, I'm a very important man, and you'd do well to give me +2's on all my posts, or I'll delete the internet.
I'm serious, I'll really delete it all.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-07-11 16:03:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-07-11 16:02:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
State the facts that make me an alter...
---------------------------------------------------------
Because I say so. Fact. Case Closed.
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-07-11 16:02:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
State the facts that make me an alter...
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-07-11 16:00:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-07-11 15:56:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
=======================================================================
Jim Dougan's yell would not be heard, there is no sound in space. Lions win
=========================================================================================
Alter's opinions don't count.
Besides that, he has breathing apparatus on, which would indicate that he is also capable of speech, and as they are inside a containment area, sound could in fact be heard.
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-07-11 15:56:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-07-11 15:54:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
But back to what matters: Lion vs Bear in a containment area, without gravity, but with breathing apparati, with Jim Dougan yelling "HooooooO!!!!" while waving a 2x4.
With 25x25 1 on 1 battles, of every species, the overall win would go to lions then, unless we're working with Tekken Survival rules, wherein the winner of battle 1 continues to fight subsequent combatants until death, then is replaced, in which case the Ursus family would probably come out on top due to what I suspect is their much higher endurance (considering that they have thicker hides/fat stores to protect against blows.)
However, upon closer examination, Jim Dougan's powerful yell would detrimentally affect the outcome in favor of the bears, because as everyone knows, cat's hearing is better than bears, meaning they'd be temporarily stunned, long enough for the bear to quickly swipe it's massive bear claws downward, crushing the cat's skull.
But wait, is Jim Dougan just standing around yelling, or is he participating? I assume he'd side with the bears in this case, as they can stand on their hind legs, which would impress him as it does me. Not only that but they share an equivalent amount of body hair, meaning it would be hard to discern any difference anyway. In this case, Jim Dougan would use the 2x4 with DEVESTATING effects against all the felines.
Is tag team allowed?
================================================================================
Jim Dougan's yell would not be heard, there is no sound in space. Lions win
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-07-11 15:54:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
But back to what matters: Lion vs Bear in a containment area, without gravity, but with breathing apparati, with Jim Dougan yelling "HooooooO!!!!" while waving a 2x4.
With 25x25 1 on 1 battles, of every species, the overall win would go to lions then, unless we're working with Tekken Survival rules, wherein the winner of battle 1 continues to fight subsequent combatants until death, then is replaced, in which case the Ursus family would probably come out on top due to what I suspect is their much higher endurance (considering that they have thicker hides/fat stores to protect against blows.)
However, upon closer examination, Jim Dougan's powerful yell would detrimentally affect the outcome in favor of the bears, because as everyone knows, cat's hearing is better than bears, meaning they'd be temporarily stunned, long enough for the bear to quickly swipe it's massive bear claws downward, crushing the cat's skull.
But wait, is Jim Dougan just standing around yelling, or is he participating? I assume he'd side with the bears in this case, as they can stand on their hind legs, which would impress him as it does me. Not only that but they share an equivalent amount of body hair, meaning it would be hard to discern any difference anyway. In this case, Jim Dougan would use the 2x4 with DEVESTATING effects against all the felines.
Is tag team allowed?
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-07-11 15:45:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-07-11 15:42:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BJ-theGreat (user info) at 2008-07-11 15:17:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-07-11 13:18:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I miss dating random chicks who I know that I will not like from pretty much, the first 4 minutes upon meeting...but I will still fuck them anyways later on before I never see them again.
But that's just me. Mr. Class.
---------------------
i feel sorry for any woman that would let you winthin 10 feet of them without a blindfold.
Fortunately, it's a problem you'll never have to worry about, now isn't it, Virg?
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-07-11 15:42:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not clicking on that link.
Generally, whenever someone posts a link that reads any combination of "tinyurl" it's something I'm not wanting to see.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-07-11 15:39:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
my bad :(
http://tinyurl.com/6oazz6 (NSFW)
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-07-11 15:33:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-07-11 15:28:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
----------------------------------------------------------------
I expect some female nude pictures (you or equally attractive) for that transgression into my psyche.
You owe it to us all.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-07-11 15:28:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
MWG, refer to this photo for a size comparison of lion/bear: http://i171.photobucket.com/albums/u309/bricks_house/grizzlyandlionmale.jpg
Honestly! They're about the same size!
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-07-11 15:23:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dudethatsbosh, top notch as (almost) always.
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2008-07-11 15:19:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PEOPLE PEOPLE! Michael Jackson here (famous 80's pop icon, with his own Wikipedia page). I have owned both lions and bears as pets. The bears would kick the lions asses and this has nothing to do with that day they I left the gate to the pool unlocked.
Case closed!
Submitted by BJ-theGreat (user info) at 2008-07-11 15:17:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-07-11 13:18:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I miss dating random chicks who I know that I will not like from pretty much, the first 4 minutes upon meeting...but I will still fuck them anyways later on before I never see them again.
But that's just me. Mr. Class.
---------------------
i feel sorry for any woman that would let you winthin 10 feet of them without a blindfold.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-07-11 15:14:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah man
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-07-11 15:14:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-07-11 14:48:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
no im sorry i knew that was confusing
theres no gravity
the anti-gravity bubble just makes it so the lack of gravity on the moon doesn't effect the bubble itself from floating into outer space. INSIDE the bubble there is still zero gravity.
-----------------------------------------------------
Well now then, the fact that there is still zero gravity supports my previous theory that the bears have a weight/grounding advantage over the lions. One missed leap, and the lions are stuck at the ceiling helpless!
And Ballare, Grizzlies can in fact turn around, and they do use their massive, hyperpowered claws for defense. Plus, Lions are nowhere near as big as a grizzly.
What if we added a hippo into the mix to make things REALLY interesting?
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-07-11 14:55:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
should've just punched her in the face, BOSHman.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-07-11 14:50:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
see this is what my date was lacking.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-07-11 14:48:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
no im sorry i knew that was confusing
theres no gravity
the anti-gravity bubble just makes it so the lack of gravity on the moon doesn't effect the bubble itself from floating into outer space. INSIDE the bubble there is still zero gravity.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-07-11 14:48:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
liiiooooon wiiiins
haaaah
wooooo
haaaaaaaah!
crowd goes wild!
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-07-11 14:47:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wiat his name was Simba.
I wonder how I forget these things.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-07-11 14:47:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lion wins.
Pumba(sp?) > winnie the pooh
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-07-11 14:47:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, okay, we've got gravity. Kind of changes things. What about propulsion - direction-changing jetpacks?
Thing is, a lion could easily circle a bear - any bear - and take 'em down from behind. And is plenty fast enough to dodge a bear's paws, at least to get in a good throat-slash. Grizzlies, as huge as they might seem, are only slightly larger than a lion, anyway. Big cats have better bigger stronger claws, anyway. Pfft, grizzlies are scavengers. Use their claws for digging around in the dirt.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-07-11 14:46:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ok hmm
well if you were to take an alpha male from every species of bear and every species of lion (wait aren't lion babes stronger?) and have them fight eachother on the moon in their breathing apparati with jim dougan yelling "HOOOOOOOOOOOOO" ..who would have more wins? Bears or Lions?
assume theres 25 species of lion and 25 species of bear.. and all the different species are chosen out of a hat and randomly selected to fight their opponant.
thats 25 1 on 1 fights
who would be the first to 13 wins? Bears or Lions?
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2008-07-11 14:44:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The bear would totaly kick the lions ass! Lions suck, it's a proven fact.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-07-11 14:42:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would give my right arm to go on a date with you. If I were single, that is.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-07-11 14:40:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
We've still not determined the species of either Lion or Bear. These things make HUGE differences BoshMan! I would expect you to realize that!
In this scenario, the mountain lion loses all advantage of surprise, and therefore gets pwned by all bears, except for Black bears, and possibly the sun-faced bears.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-07-11 14:36:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OK New stipulation.
We're in space
on the moon
bear and lion are in their breathing apparati
but somehow there is an anti-gravity bubble on the moon that is very large and inpenetrable, which out combatants will fight in.
Also hacksaw jim dougan is the referee and the match starts officially when he raises a 2x4 into the air and floats aimlessly in outerspace yelling: "HOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"
I think i will stick with the lion though.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-07-11 14:30:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
someday they will see..
some day...
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-07-11 14:28:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-07-11 14:21:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck no, a lion (mountain OR normal) would fuck the shit out of a pansy-ass panda. Even a grizzly might be a fair match. Polar > lion, though.
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I call bullshit. Pandas might be pansies, but they're big fuckin pansies with really big claws, and don't go buying into their neutral demeanor either, I'm pretty certain I heard from a friend of a friend of an uncle's cousin's 3rd nephew's neice's boyfriend that there have been vicious Panda attacks, not just on humans, but on either lion's distant cousin the snow leapard.
Polar AND Grizzly would put a lion out of misery, but I'd give more power to the mountain lion though, due to it's tactics. Are we talking fair fight, or natural fight, because in a natural fight, stupid African lions would just walk up expecting a fair fight, but a mountain lion.....you never know where they'll be coming from, so that gives them a definate edge.
Another factor that comes into account is the lack of sufficient gravity, which is why I vote for the bears. Due to their higher weight, they would have much less of a chance of floating off into space before the fight begins. I'm not even going to get into the whole "what will happen when the lion(s) pounce) conundrum.
People think this kinda thing isn't important, but just you wait until we get into space and they all see how wrong they are!
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-07-11 14:26:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
in space the african lion would dominate any bear. I think even a mountain lion (purple panther, painter, ghost cat, mountain lion, cougar, puma, deer tiger, mountain screamer, catamount, purple feather, hellcat, panther) whatever you want to call it would have a chance because of the throat shot.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-07-11 14:22:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
speaking in generalities then, who is the king of outer space?
ANSWER: The Harlem Globetrotters. And lions.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-07-11 14:21:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck no, a lion (mountain OR normal) would fuck the shit out of a pansy-ass panda. Even a grizzly might be a fair match. Polar > lion, though.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-07-11 14:18:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Also, what kind of bear? If it's a grizzly, the bear will ALWAYS win. If it's just a black bear though, I'd put my money on the lion.
Polar Bears, Panda Bears, and Grizzlies would top the lion, but the Lion would beat out black bears, sun-faced bears, those Romanian dancing bears, and even Australian bears.
But wait, are we talking standard Lion, or Mountain Lion? If so that changes EVERYTHING.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-07-11 14:14:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lion
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-07-11 14:09:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
- She doesn't enjoy watching the video i have on my phone of my friend swinging across a stream on a rope swing and crashing into a tree.
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Boshman, you MUST report her to the appropriate authorities immediately. Anyone who would not find that amusing and funny is most certainly a commie-islamofascist who should be reported at once to be sent off for execution with her ne'er-do-well friends.
Also I could have warned you about the farting in the microwave thing. It gets more interesting when you add a bullfrog into the equation, though a toad will work in a pinch.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2008-07-11 14:08:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what happened to the chick in china? i had high hopes. deflated.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2008-07-11 14:08:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dougan fucking ruled.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-07-11 14:05:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heh
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-07-11 14:02:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Someone please alert that fucking toolgobbler oathmeal that Shlongy gets more "action" on a random Tuesday than he's enjoyed in the last 10 years.
Now I'm just counting "females". He may keep track differently, if you catch my drift.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-07-11 14:00:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2008-07-11 13:53:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was the some of awe.
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2008-07-11 13:44:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i love you
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-07-11 13:43:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yea the lion gets most of the votes.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2008-07-11 13:41:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-07-11 13:41:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-07-11 13:37:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ahh my china doll..
nah it isn't going to work.. shes home for the summer but then she's off again in September. We agreed it was for the best if we just remained friends. sad.
and they are earth lions and bears fighting in outer space, with breathing apparati and no gravity.
====================================================================================
I'm going with the lions for the space fight, bears just paw at their foes. Lions go for the throat shot, so with no gravity the bear would paw the lion away but if the lion hit the throat then he would at least take out the apparati. Lion wins hands down.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-11 13:39:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That bitch either needs a good plowing or some valium.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-07-11 13:39:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is Professor McPoopypants related to ProfessorFuckFace?
Just askin'.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-07-11 13:38:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ps
clearly a narc, shoulda called her out.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-07-11 13:37:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ahh my china doll..
nah it isn't going to work.. shes home for the summer but then she's off again in September. We agreed it was for the best if we just remained friends. sad.
and they are earth lions and bears fighting in outer space, with breathing apparati and no gravity.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-07-11 13:31:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh goddamn! I'm too old for you.
I think you're hilarious though, and would be proud to drink a few with you.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-07-11 13:30:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy is a fucking pussy who hasn't seen any action since Dorothy Spellman gave him a mercy blow job under the bleachers in high school.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-11 13:29:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
btw...
Space Lions & Bears or Earth Lions & Bears? It makes a difference...
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2008-07-11 13:28:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
She doesn't drink beer? OR enjoy discussing 80's WWF wrestlers? She's obviously a narc.
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-07-11 13:27:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd have still knocked that bitches backwall out and took a healthy shit next to her bed.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-11 13:27:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Guess China-girl didn't work out... pity.
Or not, that's the way these things go. And you did get to go to China, after all.
I know way too many females who don't drink beer. What's up with that? Oh, you'll do a shot (as long as it's sweet teehee) and you'll drink wine (my Merlot looks like blood teehee) but you're to good to have a Guinness? Pshh.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-07-11 13:26:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i would have left the bitch as soon as she refused to answer the fight on the moon question.
also, you were an absolute gentleman! you tipped them off to the $1.50 PBRs! what else did the bitch want after that?
you should have shit in her purse and ditched out by the second beer.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-07-11 13:20:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
mcpoopypants
that shit never gets old
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-07-11 13:18:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I miss dating random chicks who I know that I will not like from pretty much, the first 4 minutes upon meeting...but I will still fuck them anyways later on before I never see them again.
But that's just me. Mr. Class.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-07-11 13:14:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
im so bored