Spellbound (1159 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesLabels: fiction
Rating: 1.42 on 113 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Flash Harry (View user info) at 2008-07-16 07:18:08 EDT
The worst thing about dating a witch, so far as I can gather, is lying. It is impossible to lie to a witch. They are intuitive to the point of omniscience, and loathe dishonesty. This makes it particularly difficult to keep thoughts, never mind secrets, private. They know what you're thinking. They know where you've been and who you've seen. You have to be remarkably stupid, or naïve, to consider pulling shenanigans on a witch.
The best thing about dating a witch, however, is undoubtedly the sex. I suppose it makes sense that a being so intuitive about betrayal makes a fantastic lover. They can sense what you want, and when you want it, and how hard they should do it. They know when you're not in the mood, and mix up a tasty little potion called Eroticade that makes you throb and explore all night long. They are constantly scheming with new positions and games to try out, and let me tell you something else: their thighs can grip like a vice. Its unholy. Must be from all that flying about on the broom.
All this went through my mind as I was buckled to Nicky's bed. She gently fed my ankles and wrists through the leather straps and pulled them tight, fastening the contraptions with lustful grunts.
"Where have you been?" she asked curiously, dragging sharp, strong nails across my chest. "You're not normally so late."
I hesitated, then answered. "I stayed for an extra beer, with the boys." But it was too late. In the second before I spoke, she'd seen my throat move as I swallowed. She'd seen my eyes flicker from side to side, searching for my excuse. She knew I was lying, and I knew that she knew.
She licked her bottom lip slowly. I suddenly felt awfully vulnerable, shackled to the bed, naked and erect. Nicky was in the habit of getting energetic as soon as we saw one another; mundane things like conversation and eating could wait until her sexual appetite was sated. And these weren't plastic handcuffs with safety catches that she'd secured me with. I couldn't scratch my nose if I wanted to, never mind leave.
She looked me over and sighed sadly. "Where's you watch?" she finally asked.
I twisted my head to look at my wrist. The watch was gone, and I knew exactly where I'd left it. So did she.
"I dunno," I muttered.
"Come on. Don't take the piss. I know as well as you do that you only ever take your watch off when you're fingering. You've left it on that little slut's bedside table, haven't you?"
I silently cursed my carelessness. "What?" I feigned indignation. "No, of course not! I must've left it at home, honestly. I can't believe you'd say such a thing."
It was a useless protest, but for some reason I felt compelled to deny her completely accurate observation. The weird thing was, Nicky was actually a lovely, caring, understanding little witch. If I told her the truth I'd probably escape with a mild dose of herpes from one of her potions, and a hefty slap. But something instinctive told me to lie.
She shook her head disapprovingly, and moved her head towards my right hand. She ran her nostrils along the fingers, sniffing gently, and sucked on a finger-tip.
I clenched my eyes shut tightly and ground my teeth, furious at my stupidity. I couldn't believe I hadn't washed my hands.
"You should've washed you hands," she growled. The game was up, and I nodded with shame. "And I imagine," she continued, "that if I was to taste here," she licked my chin and studied the taste for a moment. "Mmm-hmmm. That little slut has a tasty pussy, I'll grant you that."
"Fuck, I'm sorry Nicky, I'm so sorry," I blabbed.
"What's her name?" she demanded. She saw the look of suspicion on my face. "I'm not going to hurt the precious little tart, don't worry."
"Abbie."
Nicky smiled, and then pounced for my face. I thought she was trying to bite my nose or my lips off, but instead I found her kissing me with a furious passion. Her tongue wriggled half-way down my throat, nearly gagging me, flicking from side to side and forcing its way into my wind-pipe. She hummed gently throughout this wild embrace.
Finally, she released me from her grip. I spluttered and gasped for air, glaring at her quizzically. Nicky smiled happily, and hopped from my chest. She produced a piece of fruit from somewhere, and asked me to tell her what it was.
I wondered if she had gone mad. "It's en epple," I told her.
She grinned. I froze.
"Say it again."
"Epple."
I literally could not believe it. The witch's tongue gymnastics had stolen my ability to say 'ah'. Of all the crazy things to get revenge...
"And what's your slut's name?"
"Ebbie," I said sadly. She'd stopped me from saying her name. "Eh cen't believe you would do this, Nick. Eh know Eh was eh besturd, but come on. Imegine what my mum end ded will think? They won't ellow it! It better not be ever-lesting..."
But Nicky wasn't listening to the words, she was too busy laughing. She grabbed my balls with one hand and squeezed tightly, and when I opened my mouth to scream ("Eeeeeeurhg!") she poured liquid down my throat. I recognised the taste as Eroticade, her potent aphrodisiac.
"Eh'm really not in the mood, you med cow!" I argued, but she was already stripping naked, with her back to me. I rattled at my bonds, but it was futile and I knew it. There was no escape.
"Now, now, darling," she cooed. "Just calm down." She turned round to face me wearing just a tight corset and black gloves. A long, thick dildo was strapped to her waist. It stuck out, quivering, pointing at me.
I recoiled in horror.
She knelt before me, and started stroking both dicks. "By the way, the safety word is banana."
User Reviews
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-09-12 06:28:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by InkyFingers (user info) at 2008-09-10 23:40:33 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
You're a woman. You might even be her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
????
Submitted by InkyFingers (user info) at 2008-09-10 18:40:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're a woman. You might even be her.
Submitted by loveinbrevity (user info) at 2008-07-21 11:31:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-07-18 13:02:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my goodness! I've had to wait until everybody left the office to finish this because I started laughing my ass off about 3 paragraphs in.
Very good Mr. Bell!
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2008-07-17 23:25:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-07-17 13:37:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-17 09:44:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-07-17 03:23:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-16 12:24:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've seen a lot of Europe, and don't get me wrong I *love* it, but it would be nice to spend a decent amount of time in the UK. Lots of history, shows, culture...
and wonderful folk with charming accents.
That's another thing I love about travel; my accent is plain-jane here in the States, but when I'm abroad I sound SEXY.
At least, that's what the Germans. Flatterers. The Czechs couldn't understand a damn thing I said. Kept slipping into German (which I would think they would know better than English since Germany is RIGHT THERE) and they would look at me funny.
That's ok though, because Czech is a smegging weird language. A whole country too poor to buy a vowel. What the hell are all those accent marks for??? Hiragana was easier than that mess.
------
beg to differ, kind sir. czechs speak excellent english and much more so than german. second, we have the highest growing economy in europe and your dollar is virually worthless here. we have more industry localised in 30000 square miles than you have throughout your entire usofa (ok i'm lying out of my asshat, but i am offended). the czechs could understand you but chose to ignore you due to your stupidity and incorrect pronounciation of the english language - mericans tend to "swallow" their words,making them difficult to hear, so they say here. so rather than understand you, it's easier to ingore you and walk away. we're like that. the language is a mess to write, i agree, but try explaining the spelling of "knight" compared to enunciation to a non english speaker. makes sense? i think not. btw the accent marks are to make consanents (spellink) hard or soft. much like your ch in church. we use accents in place of letters.
and...
beer and gorgeous grrls - we win!
_________
Dear Sir,
My grandfather was Czech. Goes a long way to explaining my madness, I feel.
And besides, I love the Czech Republic. I was there for New Years and nearly wound up in the hospital with burns from the fireworks launched off haphazardly at street level. Still enjoyed the art & architecture, and the booze.
But as silly as "through" is, you have to admit that the Czech language is... uniquely complicated.
I site the case of Lee and Rodka, husband and wife. Lee was British, Rodka Czech. Though she spoke English as clearly as anyone else, Lee had been unable to learn Czech even in twelve years of marriage. She just smiled at him when he garbled a word, and kissed him gently on the cheek.
If you'd like to offer lessons in Czech, I would gladly learn. I do feel a bit retarded when flipping through my souvenirs and can't make out what's been written.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-17 09:23:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-17 14:22:42 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
'Twas not realy bad. Just a talkin' bout your whorin'. I will give you a link soon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
All those apostrophes made me hard. Is that weird?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-17 09:22:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
'Twas not realy bad. Just a talkin' bout your whorin'. I will give you a link soon.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-17 09:10:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
:o(
I was afraid of that.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-17 09:09:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-17 13:14:09 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
101!
No I didn't see that. I hope they were being nice...?
----------------
No Comment
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-07-17 08:24:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
c'est moi
or FJ the literary wonder bunny?
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-17 08:14:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
101!
No I didn't see that. I hope they were being nice...?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-17 08:12:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How on earth did this hite get 100 reviews???
Did you see the comments where all the Yanks were talking about you? (Not this post).
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-07-17 03:24:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
actually, i apologise. at least you spelled czech write (get it, GET IT!)
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-07-17 03:23:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-16 12:24:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've seen a lot of Europe, and don't get me wrong I *love* it, but it would be nice to spend a decent amount of time in the UK. Lots of history, shows, culture...
and wonderful folk with charming accents.
That's another thing I love about travel; my accent is plain-jane here in the States, but when I'm abroad I sound SEXY.
At least, that's what the Germans. Flatterers. The Czechs couldn't understand a damn thing I said. Kept slipping into German (which I would think they would know better than English since Germany is RIGHT THERE) and they would look at me funny.
That's ok though, because Czech is a smegging weird language. A whole country too poor to buy a vowel. What the hell are all those accent marks for??? Hiragana was easier than that mess.
------
beg to differ, kind sir. czechs speak excellent english and much more so than german. second, we have the highest growing economy in europe and your dollar is virually worthless here. we have more industry localised in 30000 square miles than you have throughout your entire usofa (ok i'm lying out of my asshat, but i am offended). the czechs could understand you but chose to ignore you due to your stupidity and incorrect pronounciation of the english language - mericans tend to "swallow" their words,making them difficult to hear, so they say here. so rather than understand you, it's easier to ingore you and walk away. we're like that. the language is a mess to write, i agree, but try explaining the spelling of "knight" compared to enunciation to a non english speaker. makes sense? i think not. btw the accent marks are to make consanents (spellink) hard or soft. much like your ch in church. we use accents in place of letters.
and...
beer and gorgeous grrls - we win!
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2008-07-16 23:28:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I see what you did there.
Submitted by PayMeLater (user info) at 2008-07-16 18:13:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-07-16 16:27:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-16 12:24:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've seen a lot of Europe, and don't get me wrong I *love* it, but it would be nice to spend a decent amount of time in the UK. Lots of history, shows, culture...
and wonderful folk with charming accents.
That's another thing I love about travel; my accent is plain-jane here in the States, but when I'm abroad I sound SEXY.
At least, that's what the Germans. Flatterers. The Czechs couldn't understand a damn thing I said. Kept slipping into German (which I would think they would know better than English since Germany is RIGHT THERE) and they would look at me funny.
That's ok though, because Czech is a smegging weird language. A whole country too poor to buy a vowel. What the hell are all those accent marks for??? Hiragana was easier than that mess.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-16 12:17:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Are you just visiting the UK or are you using it as a launch-pad into mainland Europe?
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-16 12:14:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SWEET.
Air Canada can get me [there] and back again for under a grand. Not too shabby, I'll have to keep them in mind.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-16 12:09:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And I know you're fibbing about the porn spam. I know this because I have spammed you with it myself ;o)
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-16 12:08:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hah, no I was suggesting that the elderly and naive fall for such scams. Its on GMTV all the time.
Did your son get a 9th placed ribbon? I hear they are encouraging participation rather than success at sports days now. GMTV talk about that, too. I take it he doesn't have a particularly un-pronounceable name?
'Tis the season for weddings, I suppose.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-16 12:05:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Those bastards prey on the elderly and the vulnerable.
Been cake-making today toots?
-------------------------------]
Whoa, I am neither elderly or vulnerable!!
Yeah, I have a fair few weddings on currently. And it was sports day today. My eldest was in the egg and spoon race, not his forte, he was the last to finish, so slow in fact the entire crowd of kids, mums and dads started chanting his name (printed on the back of his England shirt) and when he finally finished about 90 seconds behind all the others, everyone cheered. "That loser is my son!' I shouterd, beaming with pride.
I never get any porn spam. I'd rather like it.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-16 11:57:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1789288
The band geek/ regular geek in me was almost in tears over this. Glorious.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-16 11:51:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Can you imagine the Internet without porn? Ugh. It'd just be like Teletext.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-16 11:48:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know what? I never get those emails. Not even the offers to enlarge my pen15. Virtually no spam, whatsoever (knock on wood).
I wonder what everyone else is doing that I'm not.
Peeking at porn, perhaps???
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-16 11:47:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-16 16:36:21 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Someone shine a light??
I just received an email saying my 'loan' is ready, I just have to send two bank statements, two wage slips (I am self employed) and a photocopy of my bankcard, both sides.
Do people really fall for this shit?
And I wasn't giving birth, I have been working.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Those bastards prey on the elderly and the vulnerable.
Been cake-making today toots?
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-16 11:40:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I will come visit. I've been meaning to go over for a while, and having friendly faces would be a tremendous bonus.
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-07-16 11:37:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There was a story? I thought this was all about the comments!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-16 11:36:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Someone shine a light??
I just received an email saying my 'loan' is ready, I just have to send two bank statements, two wage slips (I am self employed) and a photocopy of my bankcard, both sides.
Do people really fall for this shit?
And I wasn't giving birth, I have been working.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-16 11:33:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should totally come visit us Shadow. It will be marvelous for everybody.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-16 11:29:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It was a good story, except that the main character was an idiot. That's the only hangup I had, really.
Though when we say "stupidity should be painful" I guess this would be an example; so there's that.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-16 11:28:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And, for the record, there will be no bukkake.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-16 11:28:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Didn't it just.
So, yeah...everyone enjoy the little story then?
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-16 11:27:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well this conversation degraded fast.
Good morning Uber!
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-16 11:25:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wouldn't fancy it either. I wouldn't know where to look with all those willies waving about. I mean, its rude to look at another man's dick, but then it would be rude to NOT look at the lady whose face you were coating.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-16 11:25:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh.
Still, makes me feel like a bit of a commodity. And anyway, travel is all up in the air at the moment, when I get a bit closer to the time of plane ticket purchasing, I'm sure many things will have changed, including who cares to meet who in what town, etc.
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2008-07-16 11:24:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-16 11:23:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-16 11:22:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
laughing at 'pass the parcel'.
Poor shadow.
It could be the first bÜkkake...?
----------
According to Legend it wouldn't be the first.
Not that Shadow is that kind of girl.
Also, before you say anything, I am not that kind of boy either.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-16 11:22:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
laughing at 'pass the parcel'.
Poor shadow.
It could be the first bÜkkake...?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-16 11:21:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-16 11:19:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PASS THE PARCEL???
Is that some kind of innuendo directed at defaming my chastity and good name?!
------------------------
Not at all. In pass the parcel only one person gets to unwrap the present.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-16 11:20:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-07-16 11:16:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-16 11:13:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-07-16 10:49:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That post was a parody Berty. Also the comment attached rings no bells with me and doesnt sound like something I would type, link me the post you found it on.
-------------
I will prove nothing. I am not the one on trial here.
-
I knew I never said that. Sadly Berty seeing as you made the Accusation you are the one that has to prove it. Seeing as you cant I will take it that I am correct. Prove me wrong.
------------------------
*holds up hands*
Okay, you've got me. I guess that means I'll have to pay for the holiday inn. Email me your availability and I'll book the hotel and order the extra supplies of chapstick and whipped cream.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-16 11:19:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PASS THE PARCEL???
Is that some kind of innuendo directed at defaming my chastity and good name?!
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-16 11:18:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bint is innocent until proven guilty.
Nipples are strange things to be fascinated by - I mean, they're essentially udders. But I love 'em. I suppose its all that Freudian maternal hoo-haa.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-16 11:17:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-16 10:44:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm sure Birmingham isn't all bad. I have only been at the train station on my way to an abysmal outskirt called Solihull or something. But if shadow is just visiting, there are so many better places to visit in the short time. Especially considering she'll be staying with me for at least three weeks.
---------------
Well... that'd make things kinda... weird, really.
I am a simple man with simple tastes and I recall games of pass the parcel really stressing me out as a child. Perhaps I will sit this one out.
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-07-16 11:16:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-16 11:13:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-07-16 10:49:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That post was a parody Berty. Also the comment attached rings no bells with me and doesnt sound like something I would type, link me the post you found it on.
-------------
I will prove nothing. I am not the one on trial here.
-
I knew I never said that. Sadly Berty seeing as you made the Accusation you are the one that has to prove it. Seeing as you cant I will take it that I am correct. Prove me wrong.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-16 11:13:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-07-16 10:49:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That post was a parody Berty. Also the comment attached rings no bells with me and doesnt sound like something I would type, link me the post you found it on.
-------------
I will prove nothing. I am not the one on trial here.
So, basically, you really do like being suckled on? That's kind of a shame really. I really kind of liked the idea of a woman who is bored by breast related foreplay. It'd be one of those awesome curiosities like a woman who loves men with beards and hairy legs or a man who just cannot get enough of being underwater.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-16 11:00:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well ummm as far as black people go, well colours a funny thing, some people feel the need to identify it, some dont. I on the the other hand talk out of my arse and have to go home now as I need to get my haircut before I make my to the swimming pool.
I believe there may be an EI swimming tale coming soon, maybe involving a black person.
or white
or Berty
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-16 10:56:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-16 10:47:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I always thought Solihull was meant to be nice??
Bristol is the place to be!
We have blacks and everything!
REAL BLACKS
_________
This reminded me of when TTOM saw his first black person, he was so excited!
Well, I think it was him that made the post... can't be sure though, the memory is rusty.
I am the only white person in my section of the office, which is AWESOME because the black girls are cool and the white girls are a bunch of catty trailer-dwellers. And racists. Bitches.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-16 10:49:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Indeed, Mr. Bell! I have a new job starting soon that should line my pockets with a bit more scratch than the current... what's the word... CRAP I do every day.
Last time I left the country, I was gone for over a month (without cash monies) so having money should make the whole thing go a lot smoother.
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-07-16 10:49:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That post was a parody Berty. Also the comment attached rings no bells with me and doesnt sound like something I would type, link me the post you found it on.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-16 10:47:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I always thought Solihull was meant to be nice??
Bristol is the place to be!
We have blacks and everything!
REAL BLACKS
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-16 10:47:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would gladly suffer Birmingham to be in the company of Berty.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-16 10:44:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm sure Birmingham isn't all bad. I have only been at the train station on my way to an abysmal outskirt called Solihull or something. But if shadow is just visiting, there are so many better places to visit in the short time. Especially considering she'll be staying with me for at least three weeks.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-16 10:41:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Birmingham is a very nice city with lots going on and fantastic places to visit. I will grant you, however, that we do not have so many crappy art projects such as the shite 'angel of the north' or the 'millenium dome'.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-16 10:39:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-07-16 10:35:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Where did I say I detest Attention being payed to my nipples? Surely not, no way. Any man neglects them is in for a very quick trip to the other side of my door.
------------------------
http://www.ubersite.com/m/116750
Also:
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-04-03 8:57:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
He was there suckling away for what seemed hours and I was so bored! Bored and damp and unsatisfied and (eventually) kind of sore in the chest. I was so glad we went back to his place and that I gave him a fake phone number.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-16 10:38:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There are many nice places to visit in the UK...
Birmingham is not one of them. Even if Berty does live there.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-16 10:35:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Also my flat is enormous.
*waggles eyebrows*
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-07-16 10:35:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Where did I say I detest Attention being payed to my nipples? Surely not, no way. Any man neglects them is in for a very quick trip to the other side of my door.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-16 10:34:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-16 10:33:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In the spring, I'll be on your side of the Atlantic.
Late fall if I get any more frustrated with the way things are going around here... I have to stick around for the election though, so it'll probably be spring either way.
Who has a couch for me? I'll buy the first round.
--------------------
You should totally come to Birmingham so that I can fully harpoon that image you have of me as a mental giant.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-16 10:33:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In the spring, I'll be on your side of the Atlantic.
Late fall if I get any more frustrated with the way things are going around here... I have to stick around for the election though, so it'll probably be spring either way.
Who has a couch for me? I'll buy the first round.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-16 10:33:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-07-16 10:19:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like my nipples. A boyfriend ask me to get them pierced once. I went to my tool box and got out my pliers and put his penis in it before looking in his eyes and asking him if he would have a prince albert done for me. Strangely he said no.
--------------------
You have written in great detail about how much you detest attention being given to your nipples, which is odd because everyone I've ever known in the building trade have generally been such strong supporters of nipples as to ignore the rest of a woman's body althogether.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-16 10:30:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-16 10:24:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
...
I was standing around with my friends not too long ago, and nipples came up in discussion. Color, consistency, size, etc. I let slip that my nipples are, when erect, about the size of quarters and the same shade of pink as my lips. Suddenly, eight eyes were trying very desperately to bore through my black tee shirt and I felt compelled to cross my arms as though my clothing had suddenly disappeared.
Serves me right, I suppose.
------------
Ahhh man... why you gotta be on the other side of the Atlantic?
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-16 10:28:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yip shadow, that'll do it.
*stares*
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-16 10:24:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
...
I was standing around with my friends not too long ago, and nipples came up in discussion. Color, consistency, size, etc. I let slip that my nipples are, when erect, about the size of quarters and the same shade of pink as my lips. Suddenly, eight eyes were trying very desperately to bore through my black tee shirt and I felt compelled to cross my arms as though my clothing had suddenly disappeared.
Serves me right, I suppose.
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-07-16 10:19:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like my nipples. A boyfriend ask me to get them pierced once. I went to my tool box and got out my pliers and put his penis in it before looking in his eyes and asking him if he would have a prince albert done for me. Strangely he said no.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-16 10:09:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:52:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What? I have nipples!
and no Berty I am not going to show them to prove it. Also I know quite a few 'Non Geek' men and they're not gay either, so geeks arent the only ones left.
-------------
It is true. I had completely overlooked gentlemen in the building trade and also those that drive heavy goods vehicles for a living.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-16 10:05:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Its 3pm here shadow. Prime nip-chattin' time.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-16 10:05:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I am rubbish at writing male characters who AREN'T sleazy. Make of that what you will...
And Bint, surely a little geekiness in a man is a good thing? That's how I excuse some of my eccentricities, anyway.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-16 10:04:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh jeez, it's way too early to talk about nips. Haven't quite recycled all the Guinness yet... and Miss Cricket made me drive this morning... ungh
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-16 10:00:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The was fantastic, though the main character was a complete dolt.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:53:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
just camwhore already bint!
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:52:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What? I have nipples!
and no Berty I am not going to show them to prove it. Also I know quite a few 'Non Geek' men and they're not gay either, so geeks arent the only ones left.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:52:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think that lights a little small.
Apparently.
Lets talk about something manly like boats or calculators.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:49:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:48:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Indeed. Where's Orphelia when you need her?
*shines boob-shaped light into sky*
She'll be here in a bit.
--------------------
She is probably giving birth or something.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:48:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Indeed. Where's Orphelia when you need her?
*shines boob-shaped light into sky*
She'll be here in a bit.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:46:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
We could be the worst two people to discuss girls nipples like this, we are both horny time bombs.
I felt funny typing that
pink small nipples are best
dammit
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:44:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
VERY intriguing. Peeking out from lacy trims, straining against material, stiffening beneath gentle caress...I could play with a nice pair of nipples for hours.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:43:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
intriguing??
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:41:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
While my own nipples are useless, irritating appendages, I find girls' nipples highly erotic and intriguing.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:39:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahhhh harry, you cheeky little monkey
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:38:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
see i like pink nipples but brown nipples....not so much
big nipples are a no no too, i mean come on BIG NIPPLES! Fat girls should have fat brown nipples and un fat girls should have un fat pink nipples
I hope you agree
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:36:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:34:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wait a minute. Are you saying that...that...Bint has no nipples??
---------------
I heard a rumour that she had them removed to force her lovers to focus on areas which interested her more.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:34:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wait a minute. Are you saying that...that...Bint has no nipples??
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:34:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well im no geek. Plus I have nipples....come and get me
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:32:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I shouldn't worry LB, I am far too fond of nipples for any kind or romance between us to be possible.
And just what is that supposed to mean anyway? I didn't think there were any men other than geeks anymore.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:29:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually I knew another witch. Never wore any underwear apparently she got a better grip on the broom.
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:27:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That sounds like it's slipping into geek there Berty. I like role play, it's fun, but the thought of making out with Harry Potter makes me want to sow myself up and join a convent
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:24:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:20:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Depends on whether our ends meet.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh Berty, you smooth bastard!
---------------
I am a level 12 Lothario.
*puts on wizard robe and hat*
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:20:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Depends on whether our ends meet.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh Berty, you smooth bastard!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:20:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:11:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:08:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
LittleBint has pheremones and she is not afraid to use them to achieve her ends.
xx
This doesnt pose a problem to anyone does it?
-----------------
Depends on whether our ends meet.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:19:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Plus two review below. "Very small rocks". HA!
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:14:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Pheromones are witchcraft.
BURN HER!!!!
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:13:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sir Bedevere: There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.
Peasant 1: Are there? Oh well, tell us.
Sir Bedevere: Tell me. What do you do with witches?
Peasant 1: Burn them.
Sir Bedevere: And what do you burn, apart from witches?
Peasant 1: More witches.
Peasant 2: Wood.
Sir Bedevere: Good. Now, why do witches burn?
Peasant 3: ...because they're made of... wood?
Sir Bedevere: Good. So how do you tell whether she is made of wood?
Peasant 1: Build a bridge out of her.
Sir Bedevere: But can you not also build bridges out of stone?
Peasant 1: Oh yeah.
Sir Bedevere: Does wood sink in water?
Peasant 1: No, no, it floats!... It floats! Throw her into the pond!
Sir Bedevere: No, no. What else floats in water?
Peasant 1: Bread.
Peasant 2: Apples.
Peasant 3: Very small rocks.
Peasant 1: Cider.
Peasant 2: Gravy.
Peasant 3: Cherries.
Peasant 1: Mud.
Peasant 2: Churches.
Peasant 3: Lead! Lead!
King Arthur: A Duck.
Sir Bedevere: ...Exactly. So, logically...
Peasant 1: If she weighed the same as a duck... she's made of wood.
Sir Bedevere: And therefore...
Peasant 2: ...A witch!
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:11:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:08:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
LittleBint has pheremones and she is not afraid to use them to achieve her ends.
xx
This doesnt pose a problem to anyone does it?
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:09:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Having just split up with a sex-crazed evil witch of a woman called Nikki who I initially thought to be nothing but sweet and nice, this story struck something of a chord with me.
I am actually quite depressed now.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:08:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
LittleBint has pheremones and she is not afraid to use them to achieve her ends.
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-07-16 09:04:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nope! Sorry, I could buy some stick on ones for you. Actually what if I just bought some of that Wartner stuff and left it Lying around so that you could just imagine that I had some warts?
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-16 08:58:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have a broom
~~~~~~~~~
Any warts?
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-07-16 08:55:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-16 08:19:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
She had a twin too. Sometimes it was hard to tell which witch was which.
--
It took you 4 minutes to make sure that you typed this right didnt it?
I have a broom
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-16 08:19:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
She had a twin too. Sometimes it was hard to tell which witch was which.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-16 08:15:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Did she turn you into a newt?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-16 08:14:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
she had a pointy hat
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-16 08:13:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
EI, how did you know she was a witch?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-16 08:10:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I dated a witch once. She was a really angry women, I only mentioned she left the milk out, she swore, hit me,chased me on her broomstick and fell on the floor, she totally flew of the handle.
Im here all week and weak all year.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-07-16 07:41:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HARD ON AT WERK!
HARD ON AT WERK!
AHAHHAHHHAAAA, this was fab
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-07-16 07:34:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-16 07:30:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"SHCOUKSS! SHCOUKSS!"
~~~~~~~~
Did you ever find out what she was looking for?
----
No..I like to think it meant 'Socks'
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2008-07-16 07:31:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Behnehneh
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-16 07:30:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"SHCOUKSS! SHCOUKSS!"
~~~~~~~~
Did you ever find out what she was looking for?
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-07-16 07:29:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ths reminded me of the time I worked in a supermarket at the checkout, when some old maori lady came up to me
and asked where the 'shcouksss' were.
Seeing as she was missing some notable teeth and was quite obviously drunk at 10am, I endeavoured to be polite;
"I'm sorry, I missed that, what did you want?"
"SHCOUKSS! SHCOUKSS!"
I didn't have a fucking clue what the fuck she was saying, so I walked away.
Now that is a fucking random memory right there.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-16 07:28:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That is quite funny.
Why would he cheat on her though? What possible motivation could he have?
I eh'nt cut out for this modern living lark.