Addiction (703 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: fuckwittery
Rating: 1.52 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by LadyPlural (View user info) at 2008-07-20 15:46:06 EDT
I fell off the wagon yesterday.
I was clean for almost two years. It's funny, you think you have an addiction beat, but it's always there, lurking in the background. Even when you aren't thinking about it actively, the impulse is just a stray thought away. I was strong, and I fought it as hard as I could.
But I wasn't strong enough.
People who have never had to deal with the sometimes physical craving are sometimes unsympathetic. They'll tell you things like "Just think about something else when the craving starts!" or similar nonsense. They don't really understand how it eats away at you, how no matter how much you fight, there's always a little voice lurking in the background telling you that just one hit couldn't hurt. That one tiny fix is all you need, and you'll be able to go back to quitting anytime you want.
It's a lie.
I knew I had a problem when I realized that I was spending my time in between fixes anticipating the next fix. I tried tapering off doses, but that was a pathetic waste of time. The only way I was going to be able to drag myself out of the hole I was in was to quit cold turkey. And I did. And it hurt like hell, and I almost backslid more times than I can count, but I did it. I ignored the whispers in the back of my head that told me that just one more hit would get me through a rough spot in my life.
Yesterday, I was bored. Achingly bored. And I guess I had gotten complacent, lulled into a false sense of security. And I told myself "Just one little hit can't hurt- I've already beaten this."
I tried, dear god I tried so hard.
It wasn't hard enough.
User Reviews
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2008-07-28 13:49:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:P
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-07-22 02:22:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Heh.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2008-07-22 02:16:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY
I MISSED YOU SO FUCKING MUCH
Submitted by iambetteratit (user info) at 2008-07-22 02:06:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for reminding me why I don't do heroin.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2008-07-21 18:32:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
SNARK!
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2008-07-21 14:27:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YAY!!!!!!!
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-21 11:25:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So many old schoolers...
This is clearly a sign of the End Times.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-07-21 11:00:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What does "desperation" have to do with Shlongy?
It should be looked at as an HONOR.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-07-21 10:43:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-21 07:30:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nobody ever leaves Uber, they just take a break.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-07-21 09:51:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You can check out anytime you like, but you can NEVER leave!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-21 07:30:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nobody ever leaves Uber, they just take a break.
Submitted by myshit (user info) at 2008-07-21 05:03:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
welcome back I guess.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-07-21 04:47:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm pretty cool. You should click my posts with baited breath.
Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2008-07-21 02:02:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Welcome back.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2008-07-21 00:01:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heyy, welcome back
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2008-07-20 23:33:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
SilvrWolf, I'll get right on that.
And by 'that' I mean 'a penis'.
You weren't specific as to who the relations were to take place with, so I'll just assume you meant that homeless guy down the street and go from there.
(my e-mail address is the same, and I might be on AIM later tonight)
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2008-07-20 19:02:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy hell! I forgot that you're legal now!
I demand nasty, depraved, no-holes-barred adult relations.
You promised! Well, maybe not but we're going to pretend that you did.
You have 48 hours to comply.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2008-07-20 18:56:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good to have you back, even though I don't really go online much anymore (this is the fourth time in two years).
I miss talking you, babe.
Although the thought of the corset to prom still keeps me warm at night.
Well, that and the pine needle PC, but I'm a freak like that.
Take care, R.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-07-20 18:18:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Way to come back two years after you posted your tits.
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2008-07-20 17:34:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Are you hot? I can't remember, and I need to know in case I should care.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-07-20 17:25:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It happens
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-07-20 17:12:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Here's something to help you catch up.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/99166
Also, 2 users created approximately 8,473 alters, which bored the hell out of approximately 80% of the good writers/posters at the time, so not many come back here so often anymore.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-07-20 17:12:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Welcome back!
It's not a terrible addiction, really... even if it does require co-habituating with some rather painful douchebags.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2008-07-20 17:09:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Old enough? Yes. In fact, I turn 21 in a few days.
Desperate enough? Nope.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-07-20 16:59:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Amazingly enough, I GET IT!
Nicely done, toots.
Are you now old enough to show Shlongy your snizz?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-20 16:41:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I always have an urge to say hello to you,Fey. Possibly because I have a sneaking admiration of you but for what reason I know not what. Possibly because you call a spade a spade and have nice hair.
It looks bouncy.
Haven't you got important things to be doing?
I imagine you to be quite important.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2008-07-20 16:30:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hi!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-20 16:21:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have read this post now and LOL
Hello Fey!
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2008-07-20 16:17:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Welcome. Please just don't be another Orphelia and I'll continue to be pleased you've come back.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-20 16:14:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hello.
Few people are truly strong and I bet you are a right tough cookie when the mood takes it.
Goodbye.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2008-07-20 16:06:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Aww, thanks!
So, has anything particularly interesting happened? Other than the traditional tempests-in-teapots that I remember so very fondly? Or, hell, any particularly interesting tempests-in-teapots? Promising new people?
And yes, I am fully aware that asking these things is startlingly akin to showing up to a party two years late and wanting to be filled in on everything that happened before I got there.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-07-20 15:56:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hooray! I was a noob mostly right before you last posted. I remember liking your posts.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-07-20 15:54:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHA
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-07-20 15:51:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great re-entrance!
Submitted by PepsiCoke (user info) at 2008-07-20 15:48:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
tits or gtfo