Drake and EI: A Dream Ticket (1996 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.74 on 138 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Mr. Drake Goes to Washington (View user info) at 2008-07-21 12:02:05 EDT
User Reviews
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-06-25 17:49:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought so too.
What a gem this was. I thought I had a real shot.
C'est la.....something or other.
Submitted by cheerios (user info) at 2009-06-25 17:21:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
mildly amusing.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2009-06-25 16:45:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-04-07 15:34:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Photoshop Fixes all that ails 'ya.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2009-04-07 14:25:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dud Wars is going to entertain your fucking ass off. This much I promise you.
Just as soon as I figure out how to get a photo of a cat in the act of vomiting. It's harder than you'd think.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-04-07 14:23:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If something as trivial as a bad post got me steamed up, I'd be a very sad individual. I just feel like reminding shit posters that they are just that.
I am saddened, however, that you don't at least try to do something entertaining. :(
Live and let live I suppose.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2009-04-07 14:17:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I post crappy posts just to piss you off, you know. Your continued attention only serves to encourage me.
Stay tuned for my Dud Wars series. I'm certain you'll love it.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-04-06 14:56:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ummmm....no.
You big baby.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-04-06 12:05:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shut up!
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-03-25 13:25:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
She wants one more. I really never wanted to drive a '69 camaro anyway.
......*whispers* yes I did. :(
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-03-25 13:04:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
They are expensive little critters ain't they?
Two, huh? We'll be giving it another go next year.
I'm done at two.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2009-03-25 12:47:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WOW....someone paid attention.
Thanks, Rob. I'm very excited.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2009-03-25 12:40:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I found out on st. paddy's day I am expecting another bundle of debt....er...joy this november!
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Congrats, eh.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-11-11 14:41:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
woo
Submitted by rubbermaid (user info) at 2008-11-11 13:04:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
RETAL!
Post something new so I can -2 it as well.
Please and thanks.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-10-17 09:34:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
sadly, this is photoshop.
but there IS a sweet beard...that's gotta count for something.
If not, this ( http://www.ubersite.com/m/109528 ) definitely will make me more jedi.
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2008-10-17 09:27:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
your ms paint skills are impressivce
but you are not a jedi yet
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-10-09 15:47:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dont forget our big meeting at fat sallys strip joint later
Submitted by OminousFate (user info) at 2008-10-09 15:33:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fantastic! This made me laugh :). Awesome material.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-07-25 20:30:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-21 12:43:13 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
apparently neither will experima...
she usually at least says "hi"
Topless corn nugget and experima....im moist just thinking about it.
we'll hire them as interns
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hi, drake
EI already said i was to be your campaign 'spokeslady'
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-07-23 19:21:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-07-23 14:23:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-23 14:19:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll do you one better, I will sign a bill to make every bee sting trigger a chemical reaction in your colon to digest a perfectly legal $100 bill.
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You will make this country great again!
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-23 14:19:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll do you one better, I will sign a bill to make every bee sting trigger a chemical reaction in your colon to digest a perfectly legal $100 bill.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-07-23 14:14:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I took a bee to the hand on my ride in to work this morning. It splattered on my wedding ring but managed to bury the stinger in my finger. I pulled over and got the stinger out and took off the ring. By the time I got to work my damned finger had swelled up so bad I still can't bend it.
As I know you're both keenly aware of the necessity of bees in the whole "honey on my banana and peanut butter sandwiches" natural order of things, I do not ask that bees be exterminated. However, as part of that Presidential collaboration that's sweeping the nation, I would appreciate it if you could make histamine reactions illegal.
Thanks.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-23 13:58:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's why my vice is British, we're gonna take care of both sides of the pond. Well the parts that matter, anyway. Darfur what?
Submitted by Replen (user info) at 2008-07-23 13:49:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When you've finished fixing America come over to the UK - it's fucked as well.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-07-23 10:13:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha ha
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-23 10:07:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
We're up against TTOM, a racist diatribe, and an alter being outed...I'm surprised we made it THIS far.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-23 08:22:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
is this not most heated yet?? HOW VERY DARE something something
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2008-07-22 22:51:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I finally fixed our squirrels, but only cos I have no money: I didn't plant anything for them to destroy. They sit at the property line all depressed. They really don't like when I make the WAA WAA WAAAAA "YOU LOSE" trumpet noise at them. They lob acorn bombs at me. Fuckers incinerated my "Unwelcome" mat.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-22 15:26:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
AYE!
ATTENTION PEOPLE OF THE UNIED STATES!
Do you like it? So do I. Do you hate it? Then so do I. Are you not sure? Me either. If you want it done, I'll do it. I listen to the people and their voices come spewing out of my mouth. The time has come to elect an official of the highest dignity. Of the most unimpeachable moral fiber. A character that can look special interests in the face and say "NAY"
so until that guy comes around, I think me and EI couldn't really fuck things up any worse, am I right?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-22 15:17:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
get campaigning!!
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-22 15:09:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
no worries susie. I have nothing to do now anyway.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-07-22 15:06:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ARR! Yes of course, the petting zoo incident was committed by a mate of his. Pardon.
The fattened grey Midwest squirells are still as menacing, and fortunately for us, still just as fat and lazy. When they manage to motivate themselves, they are a force to be reckoned with. Just last month I caught one of them trying to jack my car. He pulled a knife on me. I shot him with the garden hose. His homeboys have vowed revenge.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-22 14:57:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahem, its not just the drakes post, he had to get express permission to use my photo.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2008-07-22 14:48:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've been well, thanks. Haha the petting zoo was a close friend of the Scotsman, a countryman of his. His wife still wants to die of shame and they haven't visited one since. But yes, Scotsman is a mighty foe to the Darwinian rejects. He once took a swerve at someone reading a novel on a major highway. The guy panicked, slammed the brakes, caught up with The Scotsman, made a big show of closing his book, giving the thumbs up and nodding. How's the brown squirrel/redneck hordes?
Sorry, Drake, we're turning your awesome post into a chat room.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-07-22 14:33:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Derkins!!!! How ya been, girl?!
Aye, I'm sure The Scotsman is a mighty foe to Darwinian rejects.
Can of Pepsi....hehehehehe
I've missed your stories about that crazy bastard. Like the time he was at the petting zoo.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-07-22 14:31:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-07-22 14:26:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My first official act as Attorney General will be to throw around the entire weight of my office in order to pressure Congress into legalizing the use (negligent, deadly force or otherwise) of 3/8" ball bearings and ball pein (sp?) hammers by helmet wearing motorcycle riders.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2008-07-22 14:22:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-07-22 14:07:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wear a helmet too, though I don't think their use by adults should be mandated. Like Forensic, I like my brain right where and how it is.
Since you like 'driverbots', I'll give you my term for people who stood in line for hours at an Apple or AT&T store on 7/10: iBots.
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You and The Scotsman are on the same page with that one. He thinks the same should be with seatbelts for adults. He wears one, but thinks that it should be a choice. I think he's counting on natural selection to cull the herd. iBots HAHAHAHAHAHA, agreed. It's a bloody phone, get a grip.
Forensic - holy shit! Kids are idiots, seriously. I have several stories of The Scotsman exacting revenge on idiots on the road. One involved lobbing an unopened can of Pepsi which exploded all over the hood of his target.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-22 14:21:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-07-22 14:07:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2008-07-22 13:20:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Skrap - that's true. I suppose if you just started lobbing ball bearings, they'd just think you were an asshole rather than "He's angry because I merged without checking the lane. My bad." Driverbots is an awesome word, I'm stealing that, by the way.
Forensic - brain buckets FTW. If it weren't for one of those, my brother in law would be selling pencils thanks to some jackass in an SUV.
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I wear a helmet too, though I don't think their use by adults should be mandated. Like Forensic, I like my brain right where and how it is.
Since you like 'driverbots', I'll give you my term for people who stood in line for hours at an Apple or AT&T store on 7/10: iBots.
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who REALLY needs a phone THAT bad?
c'mon!
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-07-22 14:07:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2008-07-22 13:20:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Skrap - that's true. I suppose if you just started lobbing ball bearings, they'd just think you were an asshole rather than "He's angry because I merged without checking the lane. My bad." Driverbots is an awesome word, I'm stealing that, by the way.
Forensic - brain buckets FTW. If it weren't for one of those, my brother in law would be selling pencils thanks to some jackass in an SUV.
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I wear a helmet too, though I don't think their use by adults should be mandated. Like Forensic, I like my brain right where and how it is.
Since you like 'driverbots', I'll give you my term for people who stood in line for hours at an Apple or AT&T store on 7/10: iBots.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-22 13:56:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-07-22 18:47:22 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-22 12:38:22 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The man sounds an intriguing fellow.
Maybe he could be my first........man/fellow
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You know, he's never been propositioned by man. I wonder how he'd react.
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Going on the water balloon incident im not entirely sure I should breach the topic.
(I think he reacted as most people would by the way)
EI is a man of the people!
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-22 13:50:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-22 13:46:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel I must defend myself, the case in question you are referring to happened when I was very young and I believed it to be a lady, it wasn't until the person in question showed me his dingle dangle I realised what was before me. Needless to say , i dropped to my knees in shame and just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. It was all a horrendous misunderstanding.
I explained this to the police.
Geez............vote Drake and EI!
-------
word!
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-07-22 13:47:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-22 12:38:22 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The man sounds an intriguing fellow.
Maybe he could be my first........man/fellow
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You know, he's never been propositioned by man. I wonder how he'd react.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-22 13:46:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel I must defend myself, the case in question you are referring to happened when I was very young and I believed it to be a lady, it wasn't until the person in question showed me his dingle dangle I realised what was before me. Needless to say , i dropped to my knees in shame and just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. It was all a horrendous misunderstanding.
I explained this to the police.
Geez............vote Drake and EI!
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-22 13:44:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That takes some serious balls to waterballoon someone who is riding. That is either plain stupidity or sheer malice, because there is a real possibility the person riding could die. Fucking teenagers.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-07-22 13:40:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-07-22 13:39:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
your first man, bah that's laughable
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-22 13:38:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The man sounds an intriguing fellow.
Maybe he could be my first........man/fellow
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-07-22 13:33:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The Man was driving home one night and some punk kids lobbed a water balloon at him. It hit him square on the upper chest. The Man is an experienced rider so he didn't crash or go down. He did chase the kids and I'm fully convinced he would have beat them half to death (minors or not) if he would have caught them.
While under normal circumstances, a water balloon is not deadly, BUT, if you're on a motorcycle going 40 mph (or faster depending), water balloon can be a deadly weapon.
The Man's bike is a monster and can go very fast (BigDog Mastiff). The only reason they got away, was because they ran a red light and went down a one way street the wrong way. The Man ceased pursuit because those kids could have killed someone in order to get away from him.
Me, I would have crashed probably. I'm smaller, have a smaller bike, and have been riding less than The Man.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-07-22 13:32:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really don't understand the ball pein hammer thing I mean are you going to hit someone with it or destroy property with it? I understand bikers being all 'badass' and what have you but I think I'd just laugh my ass to the bank if you hit me with a ball pein hammer.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-22 13:27:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
do i get a first lady to??
Roll up roll up!
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2008-07-22 13:20:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Skrap - that's true. I suppose if you just started lobbing ball bearings, they'd just think you were an asshole rather than "He's angry because I merged without checking the lane. My bad." Driverbots is an awesome word, I'm stealing that, by the way.
Forensic - brain buckets FTW. If it weren't for one of those, my brother in law would be selling pencils thanks to some jackass in an SUV.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-22 13:06:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
beautiful AND smart...you know...I'm looking for a first lady *wink wink*
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-07-22 13:03:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't you worry Drakey! I wear a DOT approved helmet upon my noggin.
I like my brain. I have invested quite a bit of money into it.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-22 13:00:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Personally, I don't drive a motorcycle, But I have seen what negligence can do to an innocent biker. I am pro-safety when it comes to that.
However, the jackass that refuses to wear a helmet deserves the 30 year coma and brain damage if and when they do wreck. Safety first.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-07-22 12:59:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I started carrying some after getting annoyed and often spooked by tailgaiting assholes.
Some people think nothing about riding your ass if you're on a bike. If you speed up, so do they. They won't pass you, they'll just continue to ride your ass, and if the road's side is single lane, there isn't much you can do except wait until you can pull off and let the moron pass you.
I have some in my pocket of my riding jacket. So far, I haven't used them. I would only do that as a last resort or if they're being so retarded that my temper gets the better of me (and I think that I can successfully out run them).
The ball pein hammer is much better.
BALL PEIN HAMMER PARTY 2008!
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-07-22 12:51:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Used to carry some 3/8" steel bearings in my pocket. Ball bearings are useful but heavy and not intimidating without actually using them. A pissed off biker waving a hammer will make most minivan-wearing cellphone-talking driverbots at least accept the possibility that they may have been in error when failing to look into the lane before merging.
I do appreciate the number of pro-bike comments here. With gas prices climbing there will be more of us than ever on the roads. Get your ball-pein hammers before the price jumps.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2008-07-22 12:21:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm digging out my green card so I can vote for you.
Forensic and Skrap: Ever carried ball bearings in your pocket? A couple buddies of mine do to over-the-shoulder flick into some asshole's rad or windshield. People that mess with bikes should be keel-hauled.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-22 09:44:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-07-22 09:36:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-22 07:45:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jeaneeeeeeeee at least I'M american, c'mon!
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My bad dude, I thought you were Canadian. You're too funny to be American.
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Thanks?
Well my ancestry is scottish and 1/45703 italian....soooo....
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-07-22 09:36:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-22 07:45:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jeaneeeeeeeee at least I'M american, c'mon!
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My bad dude, I thought you were Canadian. You're too funny to be American.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-22 08:59:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Here's the real question: who can make the most "I just ate an entire lemon" face.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-22 08:56:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have never and will never ever have muscles like that. Thank you.
Im waiting for our financial backer?? Apollo seems the most likely but he was less than forthcoming with his cash.
B@W!
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-22 08:42:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
a true politician.
Well I think this turned out nicely, don't you?
Did you like your pecs? I thought it was a nice touch.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-22 08:40:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah um ok, that wasnt me , I did not have sexual relations with any milkshakes, anywhere in any yard.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-22 08:29:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-22 08:27:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nancy Ass foreigners??
I will be 1 million times better than Arnie!
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
lalalalalala
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perhaps the milkshake comments aren't helping the "nancy ass" accusations...eh?
and they're like, it's better than yours!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-22 08:27:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nancy Ass foreigners??
I will be 1 million times better than Arnie!
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
lalalalalala
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-07-22 08:18:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-22 07:45:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jeaneeeeeeeee at least I'M american, c'mon!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-07-21 22:17:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
When Seacrest finds out about this, he's going to send his thugs to wipe the floor with you nancy-ass foreigners.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-07-21 22:04:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
no you're not michael!
YOU ARE INNOCENT!
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-21 21:58:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I will pardon you...after all...you're white now.
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2008-07-21 21:53:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would vote for you, but I'm a convicted fellon :<(
Submitted by Desz (user info) at 2008-07-21 21:25:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-07-21 18:25:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-07-21 13:54:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aye, Skrap speaks troof on the hammer issue. Remember that story I told you, Skrap, about the guy on one of our runs who nearly crashed because a douchebag pulled out in front of him and hit the brakes? He smashed the idiots windshield with a ball pein hammer.
It was right out of the Big Lebowski. It was glorious.
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Yes, I do - in fact it was that story that prompted me to get the 20oz Mechanical Agitator and whittle finger grooves into the handle so it doesn't slip out of my grip.
Submitted by devildog (user info) at 2008-07-21 17:52:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/117295#2731256
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-21 17:18:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
are you kidding....You'll have to appreciate it twice as much, since I'm so busy with meetings.
Kthnxl8r bbs
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-21 17:15:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
do i get to appreciate that too?? Aimed at Toe.
or is it...
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-21 17:13:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-07-21 17:11:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you left out the part where you.....
I don't have a gross mind and I can't finish that sentence.
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I'll appreciate that more than you'll ever know.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-07-21 17:11:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you left out the part where you.....
I don't have a gross mind and I can't finish that sentence.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-21 17:05:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
EI: Yeah by my forehead is shiny....greasy virgin FTW!
Yozz: I think this is the beginning of a beautiful freindship.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-07-21 16:58:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-21 14:47:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yozz, you most certainly are welcome in my administration.
------------------------------------------------------------
WOO HOO! As Attorney General, I will
- strictly enforce the laws governing the proper distillation and brewing of spirits and other alcoholic beverages;
- sit on my hands regarding the enforcement of traffic, prostitution, public decency, public intoxication, drug and handgun laws; and
- cherry pick cases for which to throw the entire weight of my office behind in an attempt to force congress to declare Shlongy's birthday (August 18th) a national holiday.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-21 16:56:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well ive got a million wrinkles on my forehead and you have none
must be because you are 12
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-21 16:37:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I might ask.....why?
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-21 15:55:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nope that's all natural.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-21 15:50:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Drake, have you had plastic surgery?
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-21 15:48:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
EmissionImpossible FTC (forthecitizenship)
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-21 15:46:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh and for those doubting thomas people, i may not have been BORN in the great US of A but I have visited once and have elderly relatives of relatives living in boston.
Therefore I qualify, thankyou.
*raises arm in salute*
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-21 15:44:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-07-21 15:42:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-21 13:33:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
For real though...fucking with bikers should be punishable by waterboarding. I have seen a wreck first hand and....whoooo-boy I don't wish that on anyone.
=====================================================
i've seen quite a few really nasty wrecks with bikes. the last one i saw was in Philly and i saw a piece of a bike on the highway and then another piece and then another and i thought "there's going to be nothing left of this dude when i get to him" and then i got to the body and it was very badly mangled and twisted up. have you ever seen someone's nutsack get ripped open in a wreck and a testicle is actually hanging out? i have.
i also had a friend die on his bike. wasn't his fault, he was a responsible rider. i always take extra care around bikers.
--------
fuck....I mean just.....fuck
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-21 15:43:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
apparently neither will experima...
she usually at least says "hi"
Topless corn nugget and experima....im moist just thinking about it.
we'll hire them as interns
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-07-21 15:42:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-21 13:33:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
For real though...fucking with bikers should be punishable by waterboarding. I have seen a wreck first hand and....whoooo-boy I don't wish that on anyone.
=====================================================
i've seen quite a few really nasty wrecks with bikes. the last one i saw was in Philly and i saw a piece of a bike on the highway and then another piece and then another and i thought "there's going to be nothing left of this dude when i get to him" and then i got to the body and it was very badly mangled and twisted up. have you ever seen someone's nutsack get ripped open in a wreck and a testicle is actually hanging out? i have.
i also had a friend die on his bike. wasn't his fault, he was a responsible rider. i always take extra care around bikers.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-21 15:39:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Corn Nugget will not comment on this post Drake, so we may have to hang her.............................
topless
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-07-21 15:27:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-21 15:24:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Orphelia, you have my approval.
EI, We're gonna take this country by storm.
BTW Topless tuesdays (except for fatties) is a great idea.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-21 15:17:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha. And i like you both, little sweethearts the pair of you.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-21 15:14:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have just appeared on CNN for those who missed it. I was promoting ' good looking women topless tuesdays ' and 'kick bubba in the nuts friday'
Shlongys multitude of phones clogged up the networks and the phone lines exploded, so till next time this is Drake and EI, over and out
Sir,Yes,SIR.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-21 15:10:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
THERE YOU ARE!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-07-21 15:08:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sir, I have an idea sir, lets bomb somewhere, make a statement sir, YES SIR.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-21 14:47:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yozz, you most certainly are welcome in my administration.
Now all I need is a financial backer....where's apollo?
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-07-21 14:44:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Can I be Attorney General?
Although slightly smaller than yours, my pecs are something to behold.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-07-21 14:42:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by snagglepuss (user info) at 2008-07-21 14:39:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2008-07-21 14:31:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-07-21 14:25:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-21 14:12:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well shlong, yes, I'll admit, it borders super-gayness but hopefully I at least come off as the pitcher and not the catcher.
Let's see there's something like 35,000 uber accounts, which means if every single user voted for me, I could get as many as 400 individual votes!
Submitted by myshit (user info) at 2008-07-21 14:09:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Class.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-07-21 14:04:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is pretty funny yest, a little gay.
Anyway, Shlongy has voted for himself for at least ONE office in every single election that he's voted in since 1978.
One year, 3 or 4 of my pals "wrote me in" too, so I was hoping that the TV "talking heads" would have at least mentioned the "groundswell of support" but it never materialized.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-07-21 13:56:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-21 13:54:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Joey-Motherfucking-G
Where you been, my friend? I would love for you to post and distract people from the shit I am forced to subject them to.
When do we get another gem?
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-07-21 13:54:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aye, Skrap speaks troof on the hammer issue. Remember that story I told you, Skrap, about the guy on one of our runs who nearly crashed because a douchebag pulled out in front of him and hit the brakes? He smashed the idiots windshield with a ball pein hammer.
It was right out of the Big Lebowski. It was glorious.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-21 13:49:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I see absolutely nothing wrong with that. I think little bastard kids should be privy to the same treatment when they decide to cross a large intersection at a crosswalk JUST when the light is turning yellow, and I have to wait an extra thirty seconds to go because they decide to walk aS SLOWLY AS POSSIBLE, PREVENTING ME FROM SAVING GAS BECAUSE I'M STUCK WAITING FOR JONNY PULL-UP-YOUR-PANTS TO CROSS THE GOD. DAMN. STREET.
but yea....you know...
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2008-07-21 13:49:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rar, Rar, Rar
it's all back to the dark star, and if it's his round,
I'm quite partial to another Marlon at the bar....
Ahem.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-07-21 13:46:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I gots no problem with Puerto Ricans or cigarettes as such - had good times with both, in fact. I just don't want either one ricocheting off me while I'm in the wind. Tell ya what... to show how fair I am, I'll go with FG3 on this. Rather than shooting them, I'll be content with administering a simple beat-down. Perhaps it will behoove the next guy to quit smoking if the pins in his thumbs prevent him from operating his lighter for a few months.
Side note: did you know that it is perfectly legal to carry a ball-pein hammer on your motorcycle? True story.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-21 13:33:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
For real though...fucking with bikers should be punishable by waterboarding. I have seen a wreck first hand and....whoooo-boy I don't wish that on anyone.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-21 13:32:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
DONE.
FG3 you will be my secretary of state.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-07-21 13:31:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I assume Skrap was on his motorcycle.
Just give us the option of doing horrible things to people (with immunity of course) who throw things at, or otherwise fuck with, people on motorcycles.
Treat it like this; if someone fucks with someone on a motorcycle, treat it like attempted murder and then allow the motorcyclist to take whatever revenge he/she deems appropriate.
You can throw something at someone driving a car and chances are, nothing horrible will happen. But if you throw something at someone driving a motorcycle, it could well spell disaster.
JUST ALLOW US TO BEAT THEM SENSLESS!!!!!
Submitted by Dexter-Brown (user info) at 2008-07-21 13:25:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fantastic!
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-21 13:21:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WHich do you want to go more....Cigarettes or Puerto Ricans?
Either is doable
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-07-21 13:20:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You boys best hurry up and get elected. Puerto Rican in the back of a pickup truck flipped a cigbutt at me this morning on my way to work. It missed, but nonetheless I'm tired of it being illegal for me to shoot people for that shit.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-07-21 12:55:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I smell a write-in ballot...
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-21 12:52:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The pecs weren't good enough?
Okay...cookies.
But no milk.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-07-21 12:49:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Will there be cookies?
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-07-21 12:48:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
They're dreamy alright.
Wait
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-07-21 12:43:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-21 12:42:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
so sorry...where are my manners...
....COCKBOY!!!
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-07-21 12:40:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-07-21 12:37:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you're not supposed to say "i hope it's ok that i used your photo".
you're supposed to say "you're lucky i didn't photoshop a dick in your mouth".
========
For Example
http://www.ubersite.com/m/92487
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-07-21 12:37:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you're not supposed to say "i hope it's ok that i used your photo".
you're supposed to say "you're lucky i didn't photoshop a dick in your mouth".
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-21 12:27:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-07-21 12:24:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this is awesome. this is what ubersite used to be about before all the losers showed up.
-------
Truer words have seldom been spoken.
I'm glad you were okay with me using your photo. It was meant to be a surprise...
...SURPRISE!
oh and thank you.
Submitted by tatersninja (user info) at 2008-07-21 12:25:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I can't read all that. Nice use of hidden's yearbook photo ... es muy hilario.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2008-07-21 12:25:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*Pulls appropriate lever*
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-07-21 12:24:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this is awesome. this is what ubersite used to be about before all the losers showed up.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2008-07-21 12:12:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-07-21 12:12:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck yeah, you've got my vote! If I had one anyway...
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-07-21 12:09:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahahahaha nice!
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-07-21 12:08:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FUCK YEA!!
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-07-21 12:07:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's okay.
Submitted by GangsterSquid (user info) at 2008-07-21 12:06:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't read it.