Big Mary (625 hits)
Category: NewsRating: 1 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Technoratty (View user info) at 2008-07-27 17:07:45 EDT
A London woman died as a result of a right good headbutting, after an irate drunken mermaid locally known as " Big Mary", jumped out of the water and struck the Londoner rapidly in the face with her forehead, while she was boating with her family in the Firth of Clyde, the local medical examiner said today.
Iza Ejat, 57, of Flangenugget, London., was with her family on a boat near Glasgow, braying loudly in her fucking annoying accent, when a redheaded, large breasted, pissed mermaid "actually jumped out of the water and fuckin' headbutted her", Glesga Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission spokesman Jimmy McCunt said. It appeared that the force of the collision knocked Londoner Iza "the fuck out"
Preliminary results of an autopsy conclude that Ejat died from blunt force trauma caused when the mermaid headbutted her, it is thought that the mermaid is of Scottish desecent and that the London accent had was "like a red rag to bull".
Iza Ejat 's family said she was "a kind and caring person who was loved and admired by many, especially the teenagers whom she sold drugs to" brother Dan Douch said at a news conference Friday. Ejat Lived in a run down housing estate in London, Douch said, "which fit her well because she loved to drink and fight at the weekends." She also was a hospice volunteer who helped terminally ill patients prepare for death, and she was a pro at suffocation by pillow",Douch said.
"She was truly a twisted sister," said Douch, who was 15 years younger than her.
Iza Ejat's secondary school sweetheart and husband of 33 years also died unexpectedly a little more than two years ago from complications of VD,. The couple had two grown and married children. Her 7-month-old grandson , called Deceased, is named after her late husband .
"The events that led to Iza's death yesterday were the result of an unavoidable accident," said Douch. "It couldn't have been prevented if the woman hadn't had such an annoying accent and won't likely be replicated."
Douch said many people have asked what they can do to help the family.
"First, this weekend, please send money for our family, we need beer and fags" said Douch.
Douch also said "Anyone who wants to join me in going up to Glasgow to stab some random Scots call me on the number below"
"What we need right now is some money and time to grieve and have a party," said Douch. "We all miss Iza dearly. It just really hasn't even sunk in yet."
ma buckfast has sank.jpg (35 kB) [image/jpg]
User Reviews
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2008-07-30 14:09:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
been a while...... ma brain is wrecked, but I will get me an education
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-30 12:00:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Needs more attention.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-07-29 13:31:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2008-07-28 06:13:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I giggled like a japanese schoolgirl at 'Deceased'.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-07-28 05:42:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There are some little gems in here.
Certainly better than the last post I read of yours.
I thought your account had been stolen.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2008-07-28 04:27:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by TheBrad (user info) at 2008-07-27 18:37:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
WTF?