On a scale of one to poser, you wear "Famous" clothing. (792 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Methodius (View user info) at 2008-08-02 13:57:54 EDT
7:30 PM. I'm brooding over the fact that I've worked yet another 12 hour shift at my store. I look at the mess of unfolded T-shirts that I will, by fate, have to fold in less than 2 hours. A rubber chicken screams in the background, and I reach for my imaginary gun. Shit, I left it at home.
It is at this point I realize I have another customer walking in the door. Please, God, don't let it be another pre-teen drooling over the Jingle Jugs. Maybe I should start from the feet up to make it more bearable. If I see the signs of a pre-teen, I'll look away and return to my mountain of violated t-shirts.
Shoes. They're obnoxiously large. Black. The tounge looks like it belonged to a cow. Can't be a pre-teen. Their mommies still buy them shoes they think look good. Haven't reached the age of independent walking yet.
Pants. See, I may have said shorts if they hadn't been transformed into pants. No pair of shorts should ever come close to mid-shin. Ever. I begin to realize exactly what kind of monster we're dealing with.
I may have looked at the belt area, if it was visible. Instead, it's covered by a black shirt that goes down almost as far as the shorts do. It's apparent to me they're trying to grab my attention with the shirt, so out of spite, I will save my observation of that article of clothing for last.
Cap. An unbended trucker-like cap. Looks like the bill of an unfortunate duck in a highway- flat, dead, and probably smells bad. This isn't looking good. Let's look at that shirt again.
What I should've said by this point was "Aww fuck" and just went back to work. Instead, I stared at the shirt and assumed that the customer was giving me a helping hand in speaking. I merely said "-uck", because the F was provided. I mean, I was thinking that's what it was. After all, I assumed the person knew he looked ridiculous and was going to be invoking that sort of response in many people throughout the day. An experiment maybe?
Not exactly. Turns out this "F" is one of the trademarked symbols of "Famous Stars and Straps", a clothing line obviously designed for children who can't make it past the 6th letter in the alphabet. It's also becoming very popular with white trash twatwaffles that will be lucky to earn their GED (or not have two kids by the age of 17). That's the kind of fella I realized I was dealing with.
Now, I'm not exactly well kept half the time. I wear t-shirts, mostly black, with a pair of shorts I'll wear a few times a week. They don't smell, why bother fucking with it? Plus, I'll do my fucking laundry when I feel like it. But never in my life have I stooped to as low of a level as this.
Who started this campain of riff-raff? A little cock-knocker named Travis Barker, former drummer for the now defunct (thank God) band Blink-182 (I mean, seriously. Blink is Green Day with a little bit of cat shit mixed in. Nothing special, they're not that good, and they shouldn't reunite). He's been known for other work with people like Avril Lavigne (whose tits are smaller than mine, so nobody will even pay attention to her) and +44, which as far as I know, now makes it two subjects of elementary school subjects covered under one man. Thanks, but I learned that shit the first time around. I don't need some simple-minded drummer pounding it into my head.
I had always pondered for a few weeks what the "F" that damn thing meant. First, I had thought maybe it was a way to "stick it to the man" with the meaning of "Fuck", because we all know the same people wearing these clothes would like nothing more than misuse a four-letter word as many times as possible. "Fucker" would have been more appropriate, but even still, it didn't have to do anything with "fuck" at all. I even thought it might have stood for "Faggot", but i missed on that one (Note- not ripping on gay people. My boss is gay, and he's less of a reject than this group of posers).
It stands for "Famous", but has been seen with the words "Family" and "Forever". Hell, if i was that much of a cunt I would want other cunts to be nearby, my "family." And since this line of cothing is cursed straight from Mr. Barker's sphincter, those who wear it will be doomed to "forever" live in trailerparks with their alcoholic girlfriends and 12 children (with only half of them having known fathers).
So what can be done? Well, I wasn't exactly sure how to approach this growing trend of trashiness. On one hand, I could ask it to be eliminated and try to save what little "respect-for-self" still exists in my generation. On the other hand, we could keep them around. I decided to go with the latter. By having them around, there is something beautiful about seeing them. When you see them, you can point and laugh. Point them out to your friends. Throw rocks at them. Spit on them. Show their girlfriends what real men are (ones that don't all work construction). And know deep down within yourself that you'll never be as big of a failure as they are.
They're not famous, they never will be. They will "forever" be a "family" of "failures".
User Reviews
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-08-03 18:03:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I am fairly certain that your username breaks unwritten rule no.66 of Uber.
Uber is very heavily moderated.
Submitted by NewGuy08 (user info) at 2008-08-03 04:39:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by tatersninja (user info) at 2008-08-03 02:17:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'll just take your word for it.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2008-08-03 02:16:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tater, you do not want to know what tub girl is.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2008-08-03 02:06:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by tatersninja (user info) at 2008-08-03 00:09:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh, just so you don't get confused if you try egging my house.
Tater isn't my REAL name!! Oh, Em, Gee!
lolz below,
minus the tubgirl thing.
I don't know what that is, but I'm guessing something to do w/ an asian and some weird sick shit doodles looks at regularly.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-08-02 23:47:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Methodius (user info) at 2008-08-02 23:45:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd rather go dumpster diving at an abortion clinic
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1995 called, they want their shit expression back.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-08-02 23:45:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whatever you say there tubgirl.
Submitted by Methodius (user info) at 2008-08-02 23:45:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well dumbass, for your information I don't work at Hot Topic. Epic fail.
I'd rather go dumpster diving at an abortion clinic than continue this half-minded conversation with someone named "Tater". Seriously. Where's your friend "Macaroni and cum"?
Submitted by tatersninja (user info) at 2008-08-02 23:44:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Doodles? That seriously sounds like something I've named one of my turds......
Yeah, I name my Great Shits.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-08-02 23:42:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Alter and retard arguing below.
Submitted by tatersninja (user info) at 2008-08-02 23:40:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Who's the shithead? O yeah, people that work at hot topic.
Boing.
Submitted by Methodius (user info) at 2008-08-02 23:38:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Blow me, shithead.
Submitted by tatersninja (user info) at 2008-08-02 20:42:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Um for not being method.
Where do you work...Hot Topic? jesus mercy me.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-08-02 20:19:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Method's alter names are getting lazy.
You lost points for not ripping on gay people.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-08-02 19:13:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Thanks for alerting me to this new trend.
When you said, "I may have looked at the belt area, if it was visible," I think you meant, "I might have looked at the belt area had it been visible." Or better yet, "would have looked." "May" implies that you're not sure whether you looked at the belt area or not, when clearly you kvow perfectly well that you didn't because it wasn't visible. Plus, the way it's worded, I'm pretty sure there's a present/past tense conflict between "may" and "was."
That was fun, even though I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2008-08-02 16:40:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You work at Spencer's Gifts? The one next to the Orange Julius? Awesome.
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2008-08-02 16:08:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
As far as rants go this is weak sauce.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-08-02 15:25:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should be.
Submitted by Methodius (user info) at 2008-08-02 15:23:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
For the record, I'm not the same "Method" person that everyone knows on here.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-08-02 15:22:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good Old Uncle Method.
Submitted by Methodius (user info) at 2008-08-02 15:19:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The conversation sparked pertains to me being a savant penis drawer.
Conversation only Ubersite can deliver.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-08-02 15:15:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Savant syndrome—sometimes abbreviated as savantism—is not a recognized medical diagnosis, but researcher Darold Treffert defines it as a rare condition in which persons with developmental disorders (including autism spectrum disorders) have one or more areas of expertise, ability or brilliance that are in contrast with the individual's overall limitations.[1] Treffert says the condition can be genetic, but can also be acquired,[1] and coexists with other developmental disabilities "such as mental retardation or brain injury or disease that occurs before (pre-natal) during (peri-natal) or after birth (post-natal), or even later in childhood or adult life.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-08-02 15:11:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2008-08-02 15:10:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
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IN SOVIET RUSSIA, PENIS DRAWS YOU.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-08-02 15:10:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
See? It's uncanny.
He's a savant, really.
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2008-08-02 15:10:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-08-02 15:09:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cock below.
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Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-08-02 15:07:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Penile expert.
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Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-08-02 15:06:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's an appallingly drawn penis
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-08-02 14:29:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well you seem to be retarded.
Good for you.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-08-02 14:12:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment