A Brief History of the Girls I’ve Kissed (Part 2) (1004 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.34 on 50 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Flash Harry (View user info) at 2008-08-12 05:47:38 EDT
Part 1: http://www.ubersite.com/m/118065
* * * * *
When I was sixteen, I went to my mum's boyfriend's brother's twenty-first birthday party, and enjoyed the single sexiest experience of my short life. I got talking to a girl called Julie, who was the same age as me and lived in a town about half an hour's drive away. She was pretty and funny and well developed: just the kind of girl that seemed completely out of my reach at school.
As the evening wore on, I managed to smuggle us a few beers from the bar, and asked nervously for Julie's phone number. She gave it to me quite readily, and we ended up snogging passionately and ferociously on the dance-floor, in front of the extended family. It was incredibly arousing and humiliating at the same time. I later found out that Julie was my mum's boyfriend's cousin's daughter, so we were ever so slightly related, but not by blood. She had so enchanted me that I was determined to see more of her, and I did so by taking the bus to visit her a few times.
She was a magnificent kisser. Her lips were always soft and comforting, and she taught me how to use my tongue without dribbling all over one another's chin. I was devastated when she called me a few weeks after we met to tell me that she was getting back together with her ex-boyfriend (particularly as she had let me suck her nipples and made it quite clear that as soon as the opportunity arose, she would exercise my virginity). Despite her tender years, she had the body of a fully-grown woman, and my brief dalliance with her breasts made me even more determined to find a girl that I could use for sexual discovery. I was keen not only to explore the feminine form more thoroughly, but also to become skilled and confident at the same time.
Two weeks after Julie dumped me, I was set up by my mate's younger sister with a girl called Pamela. She was in the year below me at school and had a gorgeous face, but a rather childlike body. Still, she was the only girl that had displayed any interest in me from my hometown in a long time, so I hesitantly agreed to the date. In our local parlance, such an arrangement was known as 'getting fixed' for the night. Should we decide that we liked one another, we might get fixed again, and finally go out with one another. Getting fixed was like becoming a couple for a set amount of time, in some sort of library-loan scheme. Once the plans had been confirmed, it was considered bad form to back out of the fix, until the night was over. Kissing was mandatory.
Pamela turned out to be pleasant company. We held hands and hugged all night, but she was clearly shy and I didn't really fancy her, so I found the kiss to be hard work to initiate. When it was time to go to bed (I was staying over with my mate, she with my mate's sister) I finally found the excuse to kiss her that I needed. Her lips were bouncy, and rubbery. It was a nice kiss, but hardly erotic. Nevertheless, I was so determined to install a girlfriend into my life that I pursued our relationship despite my lack of real passion for her.
Things went well. We dated for a year and a half, and we lost our virginity together during one entirely uneventful and uninteresting tumble on my bed when my mum was at work. She gave good handjobs (she was remarkably petite, and compared to her little hand I seemed to have prodigious girth) and mediocre blowjobs. In fact, they were positively painful. She seemed to think that her teeth could be use to generate friction, which was a lamentable misgiving.
Pamela was a good crash-test dummy for me. I honed my oral techniques with her and developed into an accomplished swordsman. I persuaded her to let me fuck her ass, but it was impossible. Her bumhole was like a pin-prick and I no amount of lubrication or attempts to loosen it worked. It was so impenetrable that I could barely squeeze in a finger-tip. At the time I was disappointed, as I saw anal conquering as the last hurdle of my sexual enlightenment, but it was probably a good thing. I would have split her in half.
While I was going out with Pamela, I worked at McDonalds for a few shifts at the weekend, or after school. There, I worked with a completely new group of girls my age, many of them gorgeous, whom I had never come across before since they went to different schools. The amount of flirting that went on was incredible. Sexual tension blossomed and the hormones at times could've been cut through with a knife. I got friendly with a girl who lived on the other side of town, who was a year older than me and had her own car. Michelle seemed so much more confident, and sexy, and grown-up than Pamela (who I'd essentially pretended to be in love with so that I could sleep with her). She dressed like a woman, she was busty and cheeky and oozed sex appeal. She took the contraceptive pill, and I'd never had sex without a condom. I arranged to go round to hers to watch a DVD one night, and it was the easiest sex I ever got.
She was also the best kisser I'd come across, but that might have been less to do with her actual technique and more to do with the fact that she had blindfolded me and was stroking the base of my cock through my jeans when we finally kissed. I'd never been more intensely aroused before, and I loved it. We kissed for a long time, until I was almost frantic with lust. When I fucked her it was pitifully brief, and I exploded into her shame-facedly after less than half a dozen thrusts. I learned a vital lesson: sex without a condom can be dangerously superior (for me, that is. I doubt if Michelle enjoyed my eagerness much at all, and I was never asked to go 'watch a movie' again).
So I'd cheated on Pamela, and it was to become a recurring theme. She became wise to it and started repaying the favour, fucking guys that I played football with and generally slagging around. Later, when I was at University, I heard that she'd been going around the pub, telling anyone that would listen that I had a small willy. She was always childlike, and she took our splitting up rather immaturely, threatening to commit suicide in the immediate aftermath, as well this pointless slander.
In response to her accusations, I would like to point out that I was never able to fuck her with any more than two-thirds of my cock without her squealing out in discomfort. She was very petite, and small-breasted, and rubbish in bed, quite frankly. I always had to make efforts to ensure I didn't drive too far into her, or with too much force, for on the few occasions when I ignored her roars of pain she bled slightly. When I split up with her I made a concerted decision to never again go with a petite, childlike girl. I wanted curves, and tits, and a pussy that could take a good pounding with my full length.
User Reviews
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2008-08-13 17:28:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A much, MUCH better read than the first one.
Submitted by Jack_of_Spades (user info) at 2008-08-13 16:50:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
sounds about right.
besides, I get a larf out of all those "funny words" you English folk use.
I'd be in for a part 3 and the eventual movie starring dirty man whore Colin Farrell.
...
=/
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2008-08-13 15:29:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*was
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2008-08-13 15:29:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just intensely dislike this side of people. In fact, I intensely dislike people.
I'm glad you've grown out of it. It scares the fuck out of me that you dated someone for 1½ years whom you had no interest in apart from sex, which by your own account wasn't even very good.
WHY?
Surely there are other, better, less false sex out there, waiting to be discovered?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-08-13 08:35:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Christmas comes quicker....
Than part 3.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-08-13 07:37:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
bitch and pork fat, actually.
oooh you got text, I have an idea.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-08-13 07:26:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Let me guess, then...breast milk & eye shadow?
;o)
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-08-13 07:22:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i can't tell you, you might pinch my idea!!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-08-13 07:14:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That crisp comp is awesome. I think your suggestions are lame though. Carrot and coriander has been done to death in everything, it is too hip. And brown sauce and bacon is good, but I can imagine every guy trucker North of Hull making that suggestion.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-08-13 07:14:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So now that I'm 23 I have to start behaving?
*blinks*
What would your suggestion be for a brand new crisp flavour?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-08-13 07:11:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your upbringing may have been a factor into your caddishness, but I do believe most guys from 16 - 22 ish have trouble staying faithful, as do girls. It is far too young an age for most people to committ to and understand the responsibilities that go with committment.
Of course there are exceptions to this rule, but at that age most people are walking raging hormones wanting to experiment - it is part of growing up.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-08-13 07:05:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-08-13 12:03:36 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
FJ, you old espadrille.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At least I'm not a clog.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-08-13 07:03:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FJ, you old espadrille.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-08-13 07:03:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think (I hope) my attitudes towards women have become more decent and honest. I truly believe that a lot of my caddishness was influenced by my dad, who went through a bit of a womanising stage when my parents broke up, and I was exposed to it as a vulnerable tot. But ho-hum.
Speaking of crisp flavours, Pheeley, have you seen THIS: http://www.walkers-crisps.co.uk/flavours/default.html?ver=high
Its a competition to come up with a brand new crisp flavour. I've had a few thoughts on the matter (bacon & brown sauce, carrot & coriander, orange & cinnamon, nipples & cream).
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-08-13 06:56:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Can you remember those little pig shaped corn or wheat snacks called 'Piglets'? I think they came in smokey bacon and baked bean flavours. They were ace.
Also, those cracker type snacks called 'fish n chips', salt and vinegar flavour little chip and fish shapes, the packet was made to look like newspaper? Ace too.
Thing is I probably wouldn't eat them now, and if I did, I bet I'd wonder why I remembered them so fondly.
Just like I wouldn't treat people the same way I did when I was 16. At that age, you are not mature enough to be terribly decent. And I remained that way until maybe my early twenties. I think every young man at that age is capable of lying, cheating etc. It is when they continue to do it in their forties and fifties one has cause for concern.
Calling people 'boot' isn't very nice FJ, you shoe.
Submitted by myshit (user info) at 2008-08-13 06:32:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2008-08-13 05:06:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Completely unimpressed with your complete lack of decency. You've displayed it before, in the hobo post, but I thought it must have been an aberration. Seriously, though, this sociopathic streak of yours is unpleasant.
------------------------
I think I would totally fuck Feys big nostrils.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-08-13 05:50:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
mine made me feel even sicker :)
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-08-13 05:34:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
the last sentaece made me feel sick
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-08-13 05:13:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's fine, because I'm not trying to impress you. I was a bit of a cunt towards girls when I was younger. I'm not sure why that was. Something to do with my dad, perhaps.
Of course, I could've lied and written an account of the five year faithful relationship with my childhood sweetheart that will climax with an autumn wedding, but what would be the point in that?
And yes, you are being a boot.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2008-08-13 05:06:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Completely unimpressed with your complete lack of decency. You've displayed it before, in the hobo post, but I thought it must have been an aberration. Seriously, though, this sociopathic streak of yours is unpleasant.
Oh, I'm sorry, am I being a boot again?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-08-13 04:45:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-08-13 04:34:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-08-12 22:30:32 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Am I the only one to find all this a wee bit sad? (I can't be bothered to scroll down the comments).
Your indifference to her is tragic.
My own experience of the first 'big' relationship (and I hear of others) is based mostly on being totally convinced you are madly, deeply in love - forever. It borderlines the bunny boiling obsession that hasn't been captured since Fatal Attraction. Well, maybe not that extreme, but you certainly convince yourself it will last forever.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It does seem sad. My indifference to her is borne out of the many years since I last saw her, and the bitter hangover caused by our break-up.
Had I written this at the time, I would've recorded that she was my princess, my soul mate, the only girl for me. I was head over heels in love, or so I thought. Since I've had time to stand back from it (and cared far more intensely about other girls) I can safely say that although I thought I loved her, I didn't at all.
I just convinced myself that I did since it seemed to be the 'done' thing.
Aren't most 'first loves' like this? They start off all-consuming and Shakespearean, but recalled from a safe distance it turns out that it was all rather, well, meaningless?
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2008-08-12 22:16:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-08-12 17:30:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, it is working now, I sat holding it in the most peculiar position for 30 of the longest minutes of my life. It will do until I can replace it.
------------------------------------------------------
And now, to the post...
..."and we ended up snogging passionately and ferociously on the dance-floor,"...
I felt the use of both 'passionately' and 'ferociously' was too much. In the terms you apply them, to describe a style of kiss, they appear to mean virtually the same thing, they are too similar to use together in the sentence. It is as redundant as saying 'the dress was dull and dingey'.
RE "Pamela" -
"It was a nice kiss, but hardly erotic. Nevertheless, I was so determined to install a girlfriend into my life that I pursued our relationship despite my lack of real passion for her.
Things went well. We dated for a year and a half, and we lost our virginity together during one entirely uneventful and uninteresting tumble on my bed when my mum was at work. She gave good
handjobs (she was remarkably petite, and compared to her little hand I seemed to have prodigious girth) and mediocre blowjobs. In fact, they were positively painful. "
Am I the only one to find all this a wee bit sad? (I can't be bothered to scroll down the comments).
Your indifference to her is tragic.
My own experience of the first 'big' relationship (and I hear of others) is based mostly on being totally convinced you are madly, deeply in love - forever. It borderlines the bunny boiling obsession that hasn't been captured since Fatal Attraction. Well, maybe not that extreme, but you certainly convince yourself it will last forever.
"I worked at McDonalds for a few shifts at the weekend, or after school"
LOL
..."than two-thirds of my cock without her squealing out in discomfort."
Oh PLEASE. You know, when girls are at school, and we reach the magical age of 16, the sixth form girls pull us aside at breaktime and tell us - "every time a man puts his donger in your snatch, no matter how small the donger, wriggle and writhe in obvious (but fake) discomfort, and squeal 'I can't take it! It is too big!' The guy will love you forever and when you break up, will tell all his mates, yeah, you were an awkward bitch and clingy, but you had a small vag. And for Gods skae, never, ever say you use a super absorbent sized tampon, you'll be called 'bucket knickers' for the rest of your educational life".
+2.
Submitted by PayMeLater (user info) at 2008-08-12 16:03:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
right
Submitted by Replen (user info) at 2008-08-12 14:48:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-08-12 14:02:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-08-12 12:48:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-08-12 12:16:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Others have probably said it before, but this is essentially growing up 101.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2008-08-12 10:55:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2008-08-12 10:38:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh heh...snogging.
Also, that discomfort she felt was probably her hymen slowly breaking. One good pounding would have ripped that apart and she'd quite quickly get used to maximum thrust.
At least, that's how I've treated virgin vag in my experience.
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-08-12 10:37:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. So many stories are running through my head right now. I dated this girl for a while, and she was really a nasty freak. She just loved to get down with sex all the time. She was like, any time of day,
she was like:"Yeah, let's go. I'm so nasty."
And I'd be nailing her.
She'd be like: "Oh, you're nailing me. Cool."
She loved to dirty-talk. Totally into it.
She'd be like: "Yeah, let's screw, let's... I wanna fuck."
God, it was so dirty.
She'd be like, "Me so horny, me love you long time."
Yeah, she had great tits. You know, when you, like, you grab a woman's breast and it's...
And you feel it and... it feels like a bag of sand when you're touching it.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2008-08-12 10:36:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty good stuff, I enjoyed both... though the last 2 paragraphs irked me a little; how ever you intended them they came across as...
"I cheated on her after I'd finished using her for sex and causing her discomfort so that I could fail to experience 'that final hurdle'"
"She got understandably upset being that she was young and really into me"
"Bitch!"
-P
Submitted by Gay (user info) at 2008-08-12 08:10:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Gay (user info) at 2008-08-11 11:40:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
With all due respect, I was expecting this post to be blank :(
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-08-12 08:03:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-08-12 12:59:43 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-08-12 12:57:24 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Its time like this I realise I've had a terribly uneventful sex life. Time to start spicing it up!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That reminds me, I might also record the occasion when I mistook a tube of Deep Heat for KY jelly...
-------------------
Come now Flash, a tad American Pie-esque if I don't say so. I remember deep heating a boy for badness once... I must have been feeling particularly malicious that day...
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-08-12 07:59:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-08-12 12:57:24 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Its time like this I realise I've had a terribly uneventful sex life. Time to start spicing it up!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That reminds me, I might also record the occasion when I mistook a tube of Deep Heat for KY jelly...
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-08-12 07:57:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-08-12 12:55:11 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-08-12 12:51:47 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
You do realise this is the only reason we're sticking with this don't you?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That, and the unfortunate incident of the girl with the anal beads and the cellophane.
---------------
Its time like this I realise I've had a terribly uneventful sex life. Time to start spicing it up!
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-08-12 07:55:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-08-12 12:51:47 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
You do realise this is the only reason we're sticking with this don't you?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That, and the unfortunate incident of the girl with the anal beads and the cellophane.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-08-12 07:51:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-08-12 12:48:56 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh I didn't discover my penchant for man-love until I got to Uni. Patience, Banj, lest I pierce you.
---------------
You do realise this is the only reason we're sticking with this don't you?
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-08-12 07:48:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh I didn't discover my penchant for man-love until I got to Uni. Patience, Banj, lest I pierce you.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2008-08-12 07:48:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-08-12 07:47:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In response to her accusations, I would like to point out that I was never able to fuck her with any more than two-thirds of my cock without her squealing out in discomfort. She was very petite, and small-breasted, and rubbish in bed, quite frankly. I always had to make efforts to ensure I didn't drive too far into her, or with too much force, for on the few occasions when I ignored her roars of pain she bled slightly. When I split up with her I made a concerted decision to never again go with a petite, childlike girl. I wanted curves, and tits, and a pussy that could take a good pounding with my full length.
------
Hahahahahahahahahaha! Retal!
And I knew you'd slip the proficient swordsman in there somewhere Flash.
When do we get to the man sex?
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-08-12 07:42:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoyed these.
"who I'd essentially pretended to be in love with so that I could sleep with her" indeed, growing up 101.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-08-12 06:33:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i used to enjoy eating giblets as a child
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-08-12 06:28:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And I will post a picture of my giblets if there is ever another 'Cocks of Uber' collection.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-08-12 06:27:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What a gentleman you are....
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-08-12 06:27:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No not up to date yet Bint. I have written more, but again I was wary of posting too much at once.
Haha yes I feel my public retort to Pamela is enough. It has been a long time festering away in my mind.
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-08-12 06:14:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
How many parts is this going to have? Or are we up to date now?
I find the thought of Attractive personel at McDonalds rather amusing though.
So is dissing young Pamela out of your system now? You should take photos of yourself, you know holding up your 'Goods', and put posters up so everyone knows that Pamela was telling an ickle fib.
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-08-12 06:14:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
How many parts is this going to have? Or are we up to date now?
I find the thought of Attractive personel at McDonalds rather amusing though.
So is dissing young Pamela out of your system now? You should take photos of yourself, you know holding up your 'Goods', and put posters up so everyone knows that Pamela was telling an ickle fib.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-08-12 06:01:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well that's all pretty ignoble of you, but hey its grim up north.