unSurreal (pt.1) (566 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 0.27 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bob Sandwich (View user info) at 2008-08-14 15:48:06 EDT
(What am I doing here? Oh God, someone please put a bullet in my fucking head. I have to get out of this office I can't take one more day of this.)
These are Drake's thoughts as he sat hunched over his desk, all he wants to do is quietly pass the time away until his eight hours are up. Drake is your average twenty-one year old male that works a completely average job bringing in a pathetically average wage. The only things un-average for Drake are the situations that he so willingly puts himself in.
Vital Stats: Drake
Age: 21
Sex: Male
Height: 5'11''
Weight: 160lbs and dropping
Married: Divorced
Kids: One [Female]
Smoke: 1/2 pack a day
Drink: Closet alcoholic
Now, we go back to the thoughts. (What am I doing here? Oh God, someone please put a bullet in my fucking head. I have to get out of this office I can't take one more day of this.)
"Drake, are you listening to me? I asked you a question, did you hear me?" It was Ethel questioning him again. He hadn't heard the question but it didn't matter, lately the answer has always been the same. When Drake started this assignment he worked alone, secluded in his office eight hours a day, five days a week. He wasn't paid much, but he could provide for his wife and kid.
"Drake, I need help this one is really 'mind bottling' and it's gettin 'flusterating' so as soon as I finish this one I'm going to take a break to smoke a cigarette." When Ethel first started working for Drake he was tolerant of her ignorant, hill-billy way of speaking. He chalked it off to her being from Arkansas and not having a decent education. Now after a year of listening to her broken English he is growing impatient.
Ethel often barrages him with questions concerning their work, lately it is to the point where he tunes her out as soon as the question starts and that is where the thoughts come in. He doesn't need to hear her, he always has the same answer. "Repeat the question again." She repeats and halfway through she abruptly stops with a quick, "Oh, never mind, I know the answer now."
It never fails, half way through repeating the question she always comes up with the answer herself. Ethel has been working in the office with Drake for a little over a year, she should know the answers to all of her questions without having to ask. The job is not hard, together they clean up a very clustered electronic filing system. There are about seventy different documents that the two work with, all are appropriately titled in their header. There are also an equal amount of electronic files to sort these documents to; all are appropriately named to correspond with said documents. A trained monkey could do this job and would ask less questions than Ethel, if Drake would have had a say so then he would have been working with Bobo the Scanning & Filing Chimp rather than Ethel.
It is closing in on quitting time, Drake checks his cell-phone for messages. It is Thursday and there are no plans yet, there never are, he has found that the nights are much more interesting now without a plan. Some old friends avoid him, he avoids others, new friends think he is the life of the party until they know him better. His drinking is starting to show, not just in his actions but on his face, the way his eyes have started sinking in and stay bloodshot most of the day. His hair is dark but there are noticeably some grey coming in, and his body is loosing mass at an alarming rate.
His life was at one time wild, through high school he was always coming and going. His family didn't see much of him, he never quite fit in with them so they understood. Upon graduating he moved away to take his shot at experiencing the world. Ups and downs led him to meet his future ex-wife, he settled down with her, moved her back to his home town, and started a family. A year and a half later she wanted her shot at the world and was gone, she took the child and moved a few states away and he was left with an empty, now boring life.
That was fine, he takes one day at a time, never plans, he hates plans, people change, plans change, there is never certainty in plans. Drake lives under the absolute that no matter what you can drink away anything by the end of the night, and the end of the night is when he comes to life. He often wakes up in strange places, random beds, the floor of a strange house, a few times his car. He meets new people but can't remember their names, he will pass by them without acknowledgment unless they stop him. They will talk about what amounts to him as fuzzy memories of past nights, he will feel embarrassed he doesn't recall their names and has learned to hand them his cell and ask them to program their number in. This way he learns their name and also has someone new to help pass the days away.
"It's four-thirty, what are you doing tonight? You aren't goin' out again are you? Dude, you need to slow down, your tryin' to burn both ends of the candle." Ethel banters on like this most afternoons.
(What am I doing here? Oh God, someone please put a bullet in my fucking head. I have to get out of this office I can't take one more day of this.)
User Reviews
Submitted by tatersninja (user info) at 2008-08-27 12:55:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah epoch fail.
um. not so much.
I can say, "hello. I want a beer."
"good bye" "thank you." "i want candy" "capital letter" "democrat"
The important things, clearly.
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-08-27 12:39:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I tried to ask if you speak russian yet in russian. Didn't work out too well.
Submitted by tatersninja (user info) at 2008-08-27 12:20:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-08-27 12:12:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Вы говорите по-русски?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WTF is this, Bobblahblah??? Seizure??
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-08-27 12:12:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Tater, it is expected.
Вы говорите по-русски?
Submitted by tatersninja (user info) at 2008-08-27 00:26:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
it comes off as a first/ rough draft kinda dealio.
like your brain is confused.
Drink less, kiddo. Is it gay that I auto +2 you?
Submitted by trivia91 (user info) at 2008-08-15 15:46:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-08-15 07:38:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-08-14 18:07:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hate the Drake.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-08-15 00:35:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahhahahaha
nice fake writing dude!
almost had me fooled!
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-08-14 21:03:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-08-14 15:48:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is the first part of a series that I might try out depending on the reviews, this is just some background info and I reckon that each new chapter will start from Drake's work desk while he tries to reminisce about the night before. Drake is a fictional character that resembles me in some ways along with other fictional characters that resemble the fine folk that I encounter on a regular basis. The stories will be as close to the real deal as I can stand, I am not going to fabricate exciting tales as I want it to be surreally unSurreal.
---
Choke on a cock you vest wearing faggot.
I didn't think it would be possible for one man to love penis so much.
Honestly you're a bigger slut than that mandy girl.
And she admitted to blowing 'Mr. Swimteam' who later turned out to be jpig.
I went off on a tangent there, but you probably didn't realize that as you are obviously too busy to read rev views because your giving free blow jobs at the local glory hole.
Fucking pole smoker.
P.S. this 'series' sounds god awful. Don't do it.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-08-14 19:57:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You must have been to the Flash Harry school of present/past tense atrocities.
The series might have some promise, although this intro of Drake struck me as a little too brute force. Ethel shows promise as a sort of sidekick. Don't give up based on these reviews!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-08-14 18:07:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hate the Drake.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2008-08-14 17:36:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You should make your fabricated tales more exciting
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-08-14 16:49:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
(What am I doing here? Oh God, someone please put a bullet in my fucking head. I have to get out of this office I can't take one more day of this.)
Submitted by Nigeyboy666 (user info) at 2008-08-14 16:21:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-08-14 16:05:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Gay (user info) at 2008-08-14 15:48:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Great post now knock it the fuck off and cut yourself already.
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-08-14 15:48:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is the first part of a series that I might try out depending on the reviews, this is just some background info and I reckon that each new chapter will start from Drake's work desk while he tries to reminisce about the night before. Drake is a fictional character that resembles me in some ways along with other fictional characters that resemble the fine folk that I encounter on a regular basis. The stories will be as close to the real deal as I can stand, I am not going to fabricate exciting tales as I want it to be surreally unSurreal.