My horrible combination of events saturday night (749 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: -1.33 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by johnny trujillo <johntru34.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2008-08-18 13:18:29 EDT
I am bored as a mother fucker right at work and I want to tell everyone about my weekend. Saturday night my friends and I decided we would go to the club get fucked up and try to dance. Sounds like a pretty fun time to me. I could go without the dancing, but if drinking is involved count me in. Everyone meets up at a Roxanne's house around 9 there were about 8 of us in all. Due to the extremely over priced drinks at the club we sit around taking shots and figure which club we will go to.
We decide we will just go downtown and the first club that looks fun we will check out. As soon as we park we whip out the bottle for a few last shots. I hope were not the only losers who drink before going to the club. Anyway my girlfriend never drinks and I mean never. Probably once every three months. Don't ask me how but its fuckin possible.
We decide on a random club because there were a shit load of people in there and it looked fun. So were doing the whole club scene shit. Running into people you used to know but don't care about, Mingling, and whatever. Well I spot this one chick that I used to bang. I think fuck....fuck...fuck..fuck...Because my girlfriend knows who she is and she hates her guts. She knows I banged her and she despises her for it. This is only the beginning to the horrible combination of events. Not only does my girlfriend hate this girl she is also drinking, and drinking a lot. Then to top it off my girlfriend is on the rag. Now I know girls PMS but no girl turns fucking nuts like my girlfriend for a good week and a half every month. She will fuck you up. Im not even fucking joking.
I don't even know what to do im such a little bitch just thinking of all the possibilities of what could happen. Im so scared. So I did what any guy would do I went and hung out with my guy friend at the corner of the bar and took a shot. I figured if my girlfriend noticed the girl and some shit went down I couldn't get arrested or anything cause I wouldn't be there to do anything stupid. Full proof plan. Gladly no one was arrested.
All of a sudden I see my girlfriend and her stupid friend in some corner of the club crying. So of course I knew what was going on right away. Now we have been together 3 ½ years my girlfriend has no reason to think that I want that chick. Its that combination of alcohol, period, and hated bitch all at one time that will really fuck a person up. I mean she was balling like her mother just died. Kind of funny actually. I was standing in front of her listening to her cry for about ten minutes when fuck. she just completely puked on my fuckin shoe. God damn. That sucks. Her friend took her to the bathroom and who knows what kind of sick shit came out of her in there.
While I was waiting with this other friend of ours some dumb drunk guy bought us a round of long island ice teas. What an idiot. I love drunk idiots who buy me drinks.
User Reviews
Submitted by cat_head (user info) at 2008-09-17 04:36:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"Full proof plan". You really are a total fucking moron aren't you?
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-09-15 15:45:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, they are...I usually never get THAT wasted in public, though. But the past couple Saturday nights I drank myself sick. Last Saturday it was a Hurricane Party and drinking games that started at 4pm. Fun times!!
Submitted by jtrujillo34 (user info) at 2008-09-15 15:43:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Saturday nights are great!
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-09-15 15:33:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahahahahahaha!!
I had a fun evening Saturday night too...won't regale the whole story, but I ended up completely trashed and puking in a bathroom at a bar. I didn't puke on anyone or anything...I had good aim and the sense to know that I had to puke. I also passed out on the same toilet, but I was fully clothed and sitting upright. At least I didn't get kicked out of any bars (to my knowledge) and had all my best guy friends helping me. They should have, the bastards...I cooked lunch for them and served them all fucking day long while THEY got wasted, and I've DD'ed for them on many, many occasions. An eye for an eye, bitches.
Submitted by jtrujillo34 (user info) at 2008-09-15 15:10:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How about you go fuck yourself.
Submitted by cat_head (user info) at 2008-09-15 12:28:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"I mean she was balling like her mother just died".
Funniest spelling mistake ever.
Shame about the rest of the post.
Please stop using the N word in comments on other posts. My mother was black, God rest her soul. Out of respect, I was balling for weeks after she died.
Submitted by Lanik (user info) at 2008-09-09 11:38:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Lanik (user info) at 2008-09-09 11:38:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wow, where's the punch line? you fuckin tool.
side note:
"So I did what any guy would do I went and hung out with my guy friend at the corner of the bar and took a shot."
pussy, any real man would've grinded on that ex-bitch you fucked.
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2008-09-03 15:00:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I shall love him and squeeze him and call him Truji.
BACK OFF! MY PUPPY!
Submitted by jtrujillo34 (user info) at 2008-08-18 14:49:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GIVE ME A BREAK. ROUGH CROWD.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-08-18 14:14:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What a moron.
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2008-08-18 13:57:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/24173
Submitted by myshit (user info) at 2008-08-18 13:56:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You sound like a twat and your cum sucking whore of a slag girlfriend sounds like a cunt.
Have I got you both about right?
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-08-18 13:55:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You're a pussy-whipped retard and your lack of manliness offends me.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-08-18 13:53:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-08-18 12:51:41 CDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You see this? This is my new fucking haircut.
all my boys? they got the same haircut too.
see that skank? i used to fuck her.
fucking skank, skank,skank jagerboms.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
die!!! myspace is that way.
go on now, shoo.
====
Brilliant!
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-08-18 13:51:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You see this? This is my new fucking haircut.
all my boys? they got the same haircut too.
see that skank? i used to fuck her.
fucking skank, skank,skank jagerboms.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
die!!! myspace is that way.
go on now, shoo.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-08-18 13:37:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I read about every tenth word of this. I got the impression that you're a stupendous pussy.
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2008-08-18 13:31:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
we don't care
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-08-18 13:27:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I asked around, and practically everyone I know can relate to your plight. We've almost all fucked your mother and found it to be quite boring. If there was more to your post past being as bored as someone fucking your mother, I wouldn't know.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-08-18 13:24:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I just read this and wished I hadn't.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-08-18 13:21:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i got as far as 'I am bored as a mother fucker right at work' and decided you suck ass
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-08-18 13:20:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
a resounding meh.