A Harrowing Tale (this title doesn't really pertain to the story, but I couldn't think of anything funny to put hear. I need a good pun or something.) (576 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.27 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by GeorgeWashington (View user info) at 2008-08-19 02:57:16 EDT
I was in Geneve, Switzerland with the family hanging out and whatnot. We ate cheese, bread, and chocolate with every fucking meal and it was amazingly good but it drove me insane. I had many good opportunities to make fun of the french, which was nice.
Anyways.
I wanted to pierce my ear, as a memory of the something something something good times blah blah blah look like a badass. So out I went, walking through the freakishly clean streets of Geneve with my two buddies and a limited knowledge of french. We got to the first store that looked like it would pierce ears, and much to our chagrin realized that we did not know how to say "pierce" in french, only "can you put a hole through this guys ear?". The first store said they could not.
As did the second.
And the third.
And the fourth.
BUT the fifth.....
We walked into a nice little (read:tiny) shop with two shelves filled with different earrings and in the corner a desk. But no one was tending the shop. As we walked out, I hardly noticed a group of men at the pub next door (who were all drinking and having a merry old time) until one of the m stood up, put down his beer and asked me if I wanted a piercing.
Well, idiotically, I followed him into the shop. I asked if I could pierce my left lobe and he asked if I am 18. Well, I am not BUT I showed him I already had a previous piercing and he said it was fine then.
Well, this hairy man who luckily spoke english (unluckily with a german accent) said that my friends could NOT come in to the room where the piercing was to take place and I had a slight fear that I was going to end up the victim of some Saw type terror, especially when I noticed the beaten up doctor's bed he had in his back room, and the millions of needles.
And yet, common sense did NOT prevail and I let this stranger stick a sharp piece of metal through my ear and then put a round piece of metal through the hole the sharp piece created, thereby preventing my body from healing itself as it is naturally supposed to do, and creating a hole in my head that will last forever. For fifty fucking dollars.
Which was cool and all.
And when my ear began to bleed I figured that it was normal, all part of putting a hole in yourself. I doubt that the german could smell the jew on me, but who knows. I DO know that my ear continued to bleed for quite a while, and I made nothing on it. When the man told me "is no big deal," I believed him.
The next eleven times he said it made me less and less and less comfortable. And more uneasy (On a side note: being more uneasy is not the equivalent of being less easy. How strange).
And when he said "I hit unt vein, is no big deal," I probably should have done something other than awkwardly fake laugh, but that's my automatic reaction. I paid him my fifty dollars and picked up my friends, who the lovely german man had left with a stack of old automobile/porn magazines. And we went on our way.
Of course, we were followed by a trail of thick ear blood for a street or so. And my shirt is now a little reder than before. But oh well.
So for a couple of days (read:three) my ear was huge and red. Which was unpleasant. Sort of like a tomato, only that if you bit into my ear there would be more pus than in your regular tomato (I assume, personally I'm against the fregtable). Imagine Bellushi's zit bit in Animal House. That part was pretty funny. But it has nothing to do with my ear.
A week and a half later, all's good in my ear, so... yeah.
User Reviews
Submitted by PhillipTheGreat (user info) at 2008-08-20 23:00:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-08-20 20:26:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
If you were looking for a pun, you fucked up horribly in your title.
Unless you meant to use "hear" instead of "here."
In which case, I still don't get it.
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ACTUALLY, I wasn't planning on doing it before I put it down, but when I saw it I liked it, and so it stayed.
Submitted by traxadron (user info) at 2008-08-20 21:29:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Buritto in your face!!!
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-08-20 20:26:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
If you were looking for a pun, you fucked up horribly in your title.
Unless you meant to use "hear" instead of "here."
In which case, I still don't get it.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-08-19 19:14:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You paid a drunk in a dirty shop to pierce you? AIDS wish?
You should have done what normal people do- have your insanely high roommate pierce your cartilage in the kitchen with a starter earring, with an anesthetic of 'ice cube' and an antiseptic of 'rubbing alcohol.' By the way- "on the count of three!" apparently means "right the fuck now because I know you'll back away and we'll never do this shit."
...it will be perpetually infected, and you'll give up after a few months.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-08-19 18:43:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't stomach the thought of getting pierced on vacation. It never bodes well.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-08-19 14:11:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I always thought with a user name like Philip that you were a guy
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2008-08-19 14:09:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
fuck u and yer uppity title
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-08-19 11:51:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-08-19 10:36:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 picture that shows no gender
could be a chick, could be a dude.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-08-19 06:48:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Executive summary -
Ear pierced in an unsanitary fashion while on vacation.
Initial infection cleared without medical intervention.
Net effect: uninteresting picture and one additional hole to show on demand.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-08-19 05:33:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There is a ladybug in your ear.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-08-19 03:37:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I joined the moles on your face there and made a big ole sharp fang.
Submitted by PhillipTheGreat (user info) at 2008-08-19 02:58:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fregtable = fruit/vegetable
Tomatoes are gender confused.