(SPT) Heil UCSBguy--UBERNAZI--Sieg Heil! Seig Heil! (Or; Am I a Gullible N00b, or What?) + Bonus Picture of My Pussy (980 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.71 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by X54 (View user info) at 2008-08-21 09:08:22 EDT
Ubernazi is in his bedroom watching "Triumph of the Will" for the hundredth time when he feels the familiar urge to masturbate. It's the Nazi marching music that's like Viagra to him: dum-dum-DUM, dum-dum-DUM. With Leni Riefenstahl's masterpiece still playing on his computer, he digs out his favorite jack-off material, a pictorial documentary of Hitler's life. All the best pages are flagged with yellow sticky notes.
Unzipping his pants, he turns to a picture of Joseph Goebells and coaxes his flaccid penis to semi-erection. Goebells stands behind a podium, eyes burning with fanatical devotion to the Fatherland, clenched fist in the air, rousing his rapt audience to Total War. Ubernazi's cock swells as he imagines Goebells's clenched fist deep in his ass. Some men like gerbils, but I prefer Goebells, he thought poetically.
He turns to the next page: Hermann Goering in his younger days, before he looked like a big, fat drug-addicted Blue Meanie, when he was still a dashing Luftwaffe Ace. God, what a man! Ubernazi drops his cock just long enough to hit the bottle of peppermint schnapps.
Next up is Heinrich Himmler. He's not much to look at, but oh! the SS and all those Jews. Ubernazi pumps his cock faster, although it's so small his clothes keep getting in the way. Leaping to his feet, he tears off his pants and throws them onto a pile of cum-stained women's underwear that once belonged to his mother. Thick brown smears covering the seat from which he just rose testify to past evenings' naked passion.
Reinhard Heydrich greets him on the next page, his close-set, beady eyes cold as razorblades, his thin lips curled in a cruel little smirk. Ah, Reinhard--God knows there was so much else you could have done if only you'd had more time. Ubernazi has to stop beating off for a sec to avoid cumming prematurely. He gazes at the adjacent picture, of the scorched and salted patch of earth that was all that remained of the Czech town of Lidice.
A woman downstairs screams. Fuck! he thinks. He forgot to take the cat out of the oven. His mother, back from the welfare office, must have found it there. It belonged to the little retarded Jewish girl down the street. As he tongues the gap where his front teeth used to be (what a punch that little cunt packed!) he wonders if he left the gas on. Hopefully his mother will air the place out before she lights her crack pipe.
His hand trembles with anticipation as he turns the next page: Otto Skorzeny, the renowned Nazi commando. Oh, Otto! Truly an ubermensch among ubermenschen. Ubernazi moans as Otto glares back from the picture, his chiselled Aryan features marred--nay, enhanced!--by a long, vicious scar across his cheek. Pre-cum dribbles from Ubernazi's overinflated cock; he smears it ecstatically on his pimply face and sandpaper scalp.
He pauses before turning to the next page for the Grand Finale. By some amazing coincidence, "Triumph of the Will" is just at the part where the Fuhrer addresses hundreds of thousands of devoted party members at the Nuremberg rally. Ubernazi stands along with them and raises his right arm in salute, noting with pride that his cock also salutes at just the right angle. A blood-red flag with a thick black swastika hanging on the wall behind his monitor frames the Fuhrer perfectly as he delivers his gut-wrenching harangue. "Ach ooch umph krizchen cloxsch XSCHFRZK!" shrieks the Fuhrer, eyes ablaze with syphilitic insanity.
Ubernazi can hardly contain himself. He dives into bed and reaches for his shit-encrusted dildo. Turning the page to reveal a portrait of Hitler, he imagines the Great One's master cock in his ass. With all his might, he shoves the dildo deep into his rectum. "Heil Hitler!" he cries as he ejaculates into a crusty Yellow Star of David rag.
He lies whimpering and exhausted, reveling in his post-orgasm fantasies. Oh, if only the Master Race had cleansed the planet of the untermenschen plague. If only the Nazis had won!
Finally, when he regains a little strength, he eases the dildo from his anus and crawls to his computer. After wiping the shit from his fingertips onto the carpet, he posts an oblique message on ubersite: http://www.ubersite.com/m/118215
User Reviews
Submitted by jtrujillo34 (user info) at 2008-08-27 15:01:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Alright, I'll stop being a prick. I might have a prick episode if that Mudwhistle does'nt let me in the HATEMADNESS game.
Submitted by UCSBguy (user info) at 2008-08-25 01:53:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
1) I'm jewish you stupid fuck.
2) To even think of something like this illustrates your insanity.
3)I hope those yellow jackets sting your balls so you cannot reproduce.
Sent via blackberry
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-08-23 11:50:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Give it up, Trujillo. Trying to draw attention to yourself by playing a little prick won't work around here. There are too many other little pricks who have already come and gone before you.
Submitted by jtrujillo34 (user info) at 2008-08-22 14:23:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I am sorry sir. Please feel free to correct me.
X54 I thought the gay shorts was the limit to you gay infested life. This is an all time low for even the fruitiest of guys.
flame on bro or should I say sis.
X54 you are completely gay im sorry dude its unanimous.
+4 for the beer
-2 for the gay shorts
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-08-22 08:21:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this was dumb
i'm from lidice (respectively, my family was)i lived there 6 months.
beautiful little village.
jeep wrangler.
can't.....
rate......
-ve.....
ahh!
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-08-21 23:16:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2008-08-21 23:13:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
yes it's a crying shame he's not around, much like not having simon around, aussie ants, thorpe, williamson, that week off without whorphelia....
fat tony...
inbreakingnews.....oh wait she was awesome.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-08-21 23:05:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks. I'm happy with the way it turned out. I think it captures the essence of UCSBguy. Too bad he's not around to see it.
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2008-08-21 22:55:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-08-21 16:30:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I almost deducted a point for that painfully schizo title.
Also, I don't know if the line; Some men like gerbils, but I prefer Goebells, he thought poetically.
needs quotes like so:
"Some men like gerbils, but I prefer Goebells," he thought poetically.
For some reason I was hung up on that, but its a me problem. I did chuckle at that play on words, though.
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It's common to not use quotes if it's a thought. Perhaps they are both acceptable? I'm too tired to look it up.
This was awesome, by the way.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-08-21 22:05:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fag below.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-08-21 21:22:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You sir, are what the enlightened men of this modern era call a 'homosexual'.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-08-21 18:54:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-08-21 13:30:45 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I almost deducted a point for that painfully schizo title.
Also, I don't know if the line; Some men like gerbils, but I prefer Goebells, he thought poetically.
needs quotes like so:
"Some men like gerbils, but I prefer Goebells," he thought poetically.
For some reason I was hung up on that, but its a me problem. I did chuckle at that play on words, though.
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Well, the quotes are debatable. But the tense shift most certainly is not. It should have been, "Some men like gerbils, but I prefer Goebells, he thinks poetically." The whole piece is supposed to be in present tense.
I'm glad you appreciated that play on words. It doesn't make sense unless you realize "Goebells" rhymes with "gerbils" when pronounced by a German.
And Mr. jtrujillo34, don't think I haven't noticed your increasingly snide little comments. But how seriously do you expect anyone to take them, bereft as they are of proper punctuation and capitalization? I take more offense at the little dog down the road that barks when I ride by. (I think it's a poodle, and a bitch at that.) Maybe you should stick to spraypainting your initials on boxcars, a form of expression at which a man of your talent might reasonably expect to excel.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2008-08-21 17:51:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If there is one thing Donkey cant abide, it's poor grammar
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-08-21 16:30:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I almost deducted a point for that painfully schizo title.
Also, I don't know if the line; Some men like gerbils, but I prefer Goebells, he thought poetically.
needs quotes like so:
"Some men like gerbils, but I prefer Goebells," he thought poetically.
For some reason I was hung up on that, but its a me problem. I did chuckle at that play on words, though.
Submitted by jtrujillo34 (user info) at 2008-08-21 16:28:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
X54 you are completely gay im sorry dude its unanimous.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-08-21 12:23:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
God damn it! I just noticed there's a tense shift in there. I've failed.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2008-08-21 11:53:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel dirty!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/74019
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-08-21 11:32:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
actually read it this time, holy fuck.
I feel like I need a shower.
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-08-21 11:25:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You sick fuck.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-08-21 11:05:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I guess you have to read the first few comments on the link for this to make sense.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/118215
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2008-08-21 10:37:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Deutschland uber alles
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2008-08-21 10:27:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
insert witty comment here, followed by lolcat reference
Submitted by jtrujillo34 (user info) at 2008-08-21 10:26:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
X54 I thought the gay shorts was the limit to you gay infested life. This is an all time low for even the fruitiest of guys.
flame on bro or should I say sis.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-08-21 10:01:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF? A -1 on this? This is the third time I have considered losing my Uber password.
Sometimes I really hate you fucking people.
Not you X54.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-08-21 09:23:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it, and eventually they will believe it"
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-08-21 09:22:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-08-21 09:19:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well if that faggot would show up, it might just happen, but it seems like he's been completely incapacitated AGAIN by another random man in his life, it's sad
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-08-21 09:18:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
for gods sake when, oh WHEN LORD will someone put "bonus picture of my pussy" in the title and NOT put a fucking cat picture on their post. WHEN SWEET JESUS, WHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNN!
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-08-21 09:13:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
some good hate around here would be nice
a Method/GLALL Rip Battle would make me hard I think
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-08-21 09:12:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
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