The Uber-Lytton Fiction Contest (2045 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.99 on 118 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by (V) (View user info) at 2008-08-22 10:34:34 EDT
The truth is that I've seen some shitty writing here on Uber. We all have. Hell, many of us have contributed en masse to the miasma of horrible writing known as "Ubermadness".
Well, let's make it official! There's nothing else going on around here, and this is simple enough to accomplish where even peoples of limited mental capacities such as Sicosemen can enter, and even excel!
http://www.cbc.ca/arts/books/story/2008/08/14/bad-writing.html
Every year, the annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest is named after Victorian novelist Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton, who began his most famous novel "It was a dark and stormy night."
It awards a grand prize of $250 for the worst opening sentence to an imaginary novel.
The winning entry came from Garrison Spik, a 41-year-old communications director and writer.
"Theirs was a New York love, a checkered taxi ride burning rubber, and like the city their passion was open 24/7, steam rising from their bodies like slick streets exhaling warm, moist, white breath through manhole covers stamped 'Forged by DeLaney Bros., Piscataway, N.J."'
It's pronounced "Speak", by the way, you intolerant motherfuckers.
The runner up, by Andrew Bowers, was:
Hmm...' thought Abigail as she gazed languidly from the veranda past the bright white patio to the cerulean sea beyond, where dolphins played and seagulls sang, where splashing surf sounded like the tintinnabulation of a thousand tiny bells, where great gray whales bellowed and the sunlight sparkled off the myriad of sequins on the flyfish's bow ties, 'time to get my meds checked.
Electro is officially banned from this competition, since this sort of thing comes naturally to him, and frankly, we just can't compete with his level of literary awesomeness.
So have at it, ladies and gentlemen! Try to write the shittiest opening paragraph to a novel that you can muster up. Feel free to choose any genre you'd like, and attach an image that bears absolutely no relevance!
I would suggest that this be done in your own separate post, just to flood the home page with shitty writing and generally piss people off, otherwise it won't be as much fun. Won't be much different than what's on the home page right now anyway. Make sure you link your post here in the reviews, so that we can have a follow up post with voting.
User Reviews
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2008-09-20 02:52:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
go fuck yourself you dumb bitch
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2008-09-20 01:24:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wherever I went, my cursed left hand was sure to follow as it was attached to my body at one of the oddest angles possible and was a constant reminder of my mother's comsumption of the salty poison before my birth 30 years prior to the day I stood waiting in the rain for Murray to pay the bridge toll so we could get on with the trip to the Yukon territory to see the return of the Sasquatch.
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-08-26 16:12:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/118254
Submitted by Daniel_b (user info) at 2008-08-25 17:46:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2008-08-25 15:01:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It was Sunday, July 27th, 2008. James Dupont was found dead at the Riverside Docks. It appears he had his feet cemented then he was dumped into the water to die a watery death. But whom killed him and why?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-08-25 11:27:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No, that's Klingons you're thinking of, nerd-o-rama
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-08-25 05:23:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So Method,
There's this new Greek joint in town. The food is actually pretty fucking good.
I always wanna ask them, "Do you know some bulky, foul-mouthed guy from NY named Method?"
'Cause, all you fuckin' Greeks are related, right?
Submitted by PepsiCoke (user info) at 2008-08-24 22:00:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-08-22 14:48:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just heard that someone here at the bank was asking if they would require a passport when traveling to... Hawaii.
I am not making this up.
Jesus H. Christ.
We're fucked.
----------------
THANKS JACK
MOVE ALONG, PLEASE
Submitted by billrhine (user info) at 2008-08-23 19:56:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-08-23 19:13:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:00:27 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
d'oh - sorry, that was directed at Jack, not at 'pollo...
i can't believe you mixed me up with that cat herder.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2008-08-23 18:41:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/118270
Lick my taint
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2008-08-23 13:52:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/118280
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2008-08-23 03:34:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what do i win?
http://www.ubersite.com/m/118277
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-08-23 00:37:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/118274
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2008-08-22 22:25:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I logged in for THIS?
http://www.ubersite.com/m/118269
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-08-22 20:46:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fail is one of the things I'm better at.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/118268
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2008-08-22 20:14:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/118265
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2008-08-22 20:06:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My passion is open 24/7 too. Who wants a moist manhole?
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-08-22 19:02:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ubersite =/= growingfamily.
Ubersite = Very serious forum for very serious writers.
Stop ruining things :(
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-08-22 17:40:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/118262
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-08-22 17:35:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My entry -> http://www.ubersite.com/m/118261
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-08-22 17:32:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are my one true man crush. Aren't you like an hour and a half away? COME TO PENNSYLVANIA AND I'LL SHOW YOU MY TOMATO FESTIVAL!
Submitted by Sincere (user info) at 2008-08-22 17:11:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:01:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Crystle - Bubba's unfunny<- female counterpart
--------
arrow points to redundant word.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-08-22 16:00:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Looks like I missed all kinds of gayness and circle-jerking around here today.
Or, more specifically, around this post today.
GOOD.
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2008-08-22 15:46:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Speaking of contests, there was once a contest to see who could swallow the most semen in one minute. Your mom won.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-08-22 15:43:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Can't I just post the first paragraph of an Oathmeal post and thus claim victory?
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2008-08-22 15:25:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not bad, Jack, but I can do one better.
Our carnival act of a mayor in Detroit broke his bond by traveling to Windsor for a meeting with officials there. Upon returning he was arrested and one of our idiot city council women, trying to defend the big bastard's actions, was quoted as saying "It's not like he left the country or anything."
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-08-22 14:48:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just heard that someone here at the bank was asking if they would require a passport when traveling to... Hawaii.
I am not making this up.
Jesus H. Christ.
We're fucked.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-08-22 14:33:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahahaha... Skrap, I think he found YOU too!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by dohnuts (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:06:38 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:03:37 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2's all around - I just found out the former Engineering manager at the shitco I used to work for is now assistant manager at a donut shop!
Submitted by dohnuts (user info) at 2008-08-22 14:06:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-08-22 14:03:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2's all around - I just found out the former Engineering manager at the shitco I used to work for is now assistant manager at a donut shop!
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2008-08-22 13:30:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-08-22 13:28:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:23:53 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:39:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No cats, Crystle?
I'm disappointed. There HAS to be another crazy, spinster with a hoarde of cats (actually just 2) on Uber besides me.
Jack doesn't count.
--------------------
I have 3 cats, and my husband's cheating on me with a restaurant. Do I qualify for the club?
=====
Yes. Yes you do.
Submitted by Garrik (user info) at 2008-08-22 13:24:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
great idea
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2008-08-22 13:23:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:39:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No cats, Crystle?
I'm disappointed. There HAS to be another crazy, spinster with a hoarde of cats (actually just 2) on Uber besides me.
Jack doesn't count.
--------------------
I have 3 cats, and my husband's cheating on me with a restaurant. Do I qualify for the club?
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-08-22 13:00:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
d'oh - sorry, that was directed at Jack, not at 'pollo...
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:59:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
um... FG - you may have forgotten, but I already stole all your menz. If I wanted the king, he'd be here, not there.
And 'Pollo - Yes, I'm getting a half Brit-half, middle eastern child..that weighs less than 10 lbs.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:57:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i have A cat. i can't afford cat hoarding spinsterhood yet.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:48:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
no point.
mccallum's won.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:48:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If you'd like, Crystle, I'll send you the King of the Motor Elves until you get your dog. I need a wee bit of a break.
He's good for eating all your food, monopolizing the TV and remote, scratching his butt then trying to shake your friends' hands, and odd jobs around the house.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:45:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:23:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm considering getting a pomeranian as well
--
One of these http://www.savethechildren.org/countries/middle-east-eurasia/?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:45:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Guinea pigs are fucking wrong.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:40:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
no, I'm not so much a cat person... sorry!!
I do have guinea pigs, though...
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:39:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No cats, Crystle?
I'm disappointed. There HAS to be another crazy, spinster with a hoarde of cats (actually just 2) on Uber besides me.
Jack doesn't count.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:30:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nurd.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:30:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha.. that's awesome.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:26:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's funny because my roommate's dog is a dingo and he's a chewer. She buys him bunches of little stuffed toys from the dollar store which he rips to shreds and eats. We call them babies. I walked in from work yesterday and there were like 10 dead babies on the floor. Dingo(e)s love to eat babies.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:24:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and by the way ... *I* hate me for that one...
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:24:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jeaaannnnnneeeeee
I was considering a dingo, but then it went and ate my baby...
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:23:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
papillon - have put the deposit down.
I'm considering getting a pomeranian as well - if I can scrape the money together for two, I'm SO going to do it.
I know, they are tiny, and therefore not real dogs - but my HOA has a size limit of 10 lbs...
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:21:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:20:24 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ooooh - guess what?
aside from the obvious (that I'm bored and want to be entertained...)
I'm getting a puppy!! WOOOO.
===
What kind?
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:21:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Get a DINGO. Dingos are awesome. Dingoes? Dingos? Anyway, get one.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:21:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-08-22 10:59:37 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OH I KNOW!!!
Silly me - the treatement must be PIE!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-08-22 10:57:58 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Berty - what's the treatment for cancer of the hypotenuse?
Do you have to undergo Radius treatments?
=====
Crystle made a funny! :D
(\/)-Gawd what a whore. (Not you Crystle)
HW
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:20:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ooooh - guess what?
aside from the obvious (that I'm bored and want to be entertained...)
I'm getting a puppy!! WOOOO.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:19:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
little boner, BIG BONER owns you all.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:19:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:-(
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:18:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Pun is to humor as Ubersite is to serious writing
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:13:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you and jake need to be shot together. cambodian street execution style.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:06:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
puns are an art form, very little understood or tolerated by an american audiance.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:04:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep
it wasnt' THAT bad. And I didn't try to tell everyone else that I was funny and they suck...
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:03:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Puns!
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:02:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
crystle you are now on my list.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:01:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Crystle - Bubba's unfunny female counterpart
<flees>
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:01:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sounds like fun!
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:59:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OH I KNOW!!!
Silly me - the treatement must be PIE!
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:57:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Berty - what's the treatment for cancer of the hypotenuse?
Do you have to undergo Radius treatments?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:55:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I adore your optimism.
Unfortunatly America is not ready for crippled, mult-breed, asian wearing a pink batman outfit and reluctantly seeking greasy greek man love. The resulting diplomatic incident could destroy relations between the EU and the US. After that we could find ourselves in nuclear war or, even worse, with Russia increasing its influence over western 'yerp.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:49:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:45:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:37:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
berty: uber's very own personal make a wish kid.
i could make a pink batman suit happen. and you know if i make it then you HAVE to wear it.
-----------------
*shakes head*
What do you think will happen when a black, Irish, disabled, arabic fellow wearing a pink batman suit rolls up to the US immigration desk and responds to the question about the purpose of his visit with "to bum a bonkeyed Greek"?
-------
well i'm picking you up at the airport, you're changing in the car and i'll see you in a week.
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:49:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Afraid to mess with his rating below.
Hehehehe
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:48:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll throw my oar in (for want of a better metaphor):
'Doreen tossed and turned, her golden hair curling out playfully atop the pillow, and gripped the duvet betwixt her creamy thighs. Lonely, restless and fretful, she could not slip into the dreamy realm of sleep, no matter how she tried. The rain pattered the shutters; wind howled outwith; and once or twice, with a startle, she thought she heard his footsteps upon the porch.'
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:45:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:45:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:37:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
berty: uber's very own personal make a wish kid.
i could make a pink batman suit happen. and you know if i make it then you HAVE to wear it.
-----------------
*shakes head*
What do you think will happen when a black, Irish, disabled, arabic fellow wearing a pink batman suit rolls up to the US immigration desk and responds to the question about the purpose of his visit with "to bum a bonkeyed Greek"?
--
You will be handed pre printed directions to his house?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:45:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:37:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
berty: uber's very own personal make a wish kid.
i could make a pink batman suit happen. and you know if i make it then you HAVE to wear it.
-----------------
*shakes head*
What do you think will happen when a black, Irish, disabled, arabic fellow wearing a pink batman suit rolls up to the US immigration desk and responds to the question about the purpose of his visit with "to bum a bonkeyed Greek"?
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:44:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I could cheat and just rip a line from FranktheGayBears awful series "After the fall" or whatever its called
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:43:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Berty almost brings a tear to my eyes. I would love to give him a hug.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:37:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
berty: uber's very own personal make a wish kid.
i could make a pink batman suit happen. and you know if i make it then you HAVE to wear it.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:37:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-08-22 16:34:38 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
I have good news and bad news, everybody!
The good news is that I've discovered that I'm a bit cross eyed, so that now I can fit in with the rest of the freaks on uber, especially the British mutants that loiter around here.
The bad news is that I'm a bit cross eyed
---
At least you'll be able to look Hidden in the eyes properly.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:36:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do I get to wear the pink batman suit too? That has always been a fantasy of mine.
As a disabled, black, Irish, arab who has cancer of the hypotenuse you have to agree to my requests or else face being formerly branded as both cruel and unusual.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:34:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have good news and bad news, everybody!
The good news is that I've discovered that I'm a bit cross eyed, so that now I can fit in with the rest of the freaks on uber, especially the British mutants that loiter around here.
The bad news is that I'm a bit cross eyed
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:28:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
complete with olive oil. comes in rosemary too.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:26:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
mmmmm pantry sex
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:26:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:23:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll have a go:
'Jospehine padded across the grassy tennis court towards the buffet table, curling her toes and reveling in the spongy, moss-like, grass that covered the court like an artificial carpet, and avoided the accusing eyes of her bombastic coach; Sir Lionel Blair.'
So what do I win?
--------
A night with Method in the pantry of your own choosing.
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:26:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:23:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll have a go:
'Jospehine padded across the grassy tennis court towards the buffet table, curling her toes and reveling in the spongy, moss-like, grass that covered the court like an artificial carpet, and avoided the accusing eyes of her bombastic coach; Sir Lionel Blair.'
So what do I win?
--
A pink Batman suit
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:25:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ok well i'm picking on you. or helping him pick on you.
berty gets double points for the name "sir lionel blair"
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:23:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll have a go:
'Jospehine padded across the grassy tennis court towards the buffet table, curling her toes and reveling in the spongy, moss-like, grass that covered the court like an artificial carpet, and avoided the accusing eyes of her bombastic coach; Sir Lionel Blair.'
So what do I win?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:21:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well that's disappointing = (
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:21:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:19:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hourly and weekly rates available?
---------------
Sure, but you have to return it with the same amount of gas as when you got it.
I'm not picking on you method. It's all for funzies.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:19:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
stop pawning your wares on my post, you whores, this is a serious writers forum
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:19:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hourly and weekly rates available?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:19:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oooh, it seems that pen_name really has it out for me. Looks like I have a new arch enemy! I wonder what I did to be worthy of such biting vitriol?
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:18:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I only rent.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:17:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fair point.
are YOU selling?
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:14:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:11:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
why? are you selling?
------------
Buyer beware...
You don't want to get shortchanged.
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:12:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/118250
God I'm bored today.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:11:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
why? are you selling?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:10:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why, are you back on the market for dick?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:07:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i painted my nails. they are now bijou bronze. now i've got to do my toes.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2008-08-22 10:54:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I've never watched Xena. I get stuck watching Lifetime Movie Network once in awhile. Alyssa Milano is hot and in like every movie. The end.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-08-22 10:51:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2008-08-22 10:47:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Lesbians make better grilled cheese sandwiches than normal people do. It's scientifically proven.
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They watch Xena better than normal people do. You can't pay enough to hear a lesbian's commentary on Gabrielle's attire.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-08-22 10:51:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2008-07-17 18:07:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Grab the dog by the waist, fuck it in the butt, pull out, ejaculate on your belly. Insert your fingers into the dog's ass and wipe the poop on your face. Rub out the red rocket then blow your dad while he eats a Butterfinger slathered with mayo. What is this contest again?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-08-22 10:50:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I thought that I WAS THE INVENTOR of "It was a dark and stormy night", goddammit.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/40583
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-08-22 10:50:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
At least you broke your cherry, Method. Now grab those bloody sheets and hang them on your front door.
Your tribe will be proud of you.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2008-08-22 10:47:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Lesbians make better grilled cheese sandwiches than normal people do. It's scientifically proven.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-08-22 10:46:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
pen_name is hurting my feelings, I've been humiliated on the internet for the very first time, I'm going to take a nap
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-08-22 10:45:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i think butch and bull are synonymous.
The other sort are lipstick lesbians.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-08-22 10:45:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
IM SO STUPID
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-08-22 10:44:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Excuse me, I'm bisexual. Or as my mother says, "silly." Either way, there's a difference. Have some respect.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-08-22 10:43:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I said butch-dyke, Rosie O'Donnell
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-08-22 10:43:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Let's go to California and do it Ellen-and-Portia style. I don't have to break up with my boyfriend do I?
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-08-22 10:43:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
She's the bull-dyke. Not me.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-08-22 10:41:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
great, a butch-dyke lesbian wedding! On my very own post!
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-08-22 10:41:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jeanneee when are we getting married?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-08-22 10:41:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WELL THIS IS A SMASHING SUCCESS RIGHT OUT THE GATE!
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-08-22 10:41:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I already tried this. People weren't receptive.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-08-22 10:40:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just kidding, I love you, let's make smores
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-08-22 10:40:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
G: plus 2 me right now
you bitch
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2008-08-22 10:40:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I would suggest that this be done in your own separate post, just to flood the home page with shitty writing and generally piss people off
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sorry Chuckie, but I'm in charge if pissing people off around here! get your own angle!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-08-22 10:39:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Die of ass cancer.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2008-08-22 10:37:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
god you're boring