FuckTaint (U)ber-Lytton Fiction Contest (580 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.54 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bob Sandwich (View user info) at 2008-08-22 11:54:28 EDT
So if I understand correctly I am to be judged on the opening sentence of an entire first paragraph to a story with a genre of my choosing. Here is my piss poor first attempt at an Uber Competition.
It was seven in the morning, birds are chirping, the garbage collectors were making their way down the street, Phillius annoyingly thumbed at his nostril, the pungent odor of an industrial fire around the block still hung heavily in the air from the night before. A humming bird darted around a feeder at the end of the walk pausing for short breaks to sip from the spout before fluttering away again. Reaching his car parked neatly on the curb he rounded the back of his sedan dropping his keys while fumbling in his pocket for his cellular phone. Fate was on his side that day for while he was bending to retrieve his key fob the trash truck came crashing in out of control crushing his head between his rear bumper and the steel grill guard of the massive tuck causing his dome to erupt like a tomato under a sledge hammer. The only thing I could think as I sat across the street was, "Wow, lucky fucker. Better the head than the knees I guess".
User Reviews
Submitted by billrhine (user info) at 2008-08-23 20:27:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
dildo in mouth
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-08-22 23:49:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Read the rules you fucktard.
"Bobsandwich is officially banned from this competition, since this sort of thing comes naturally to him, and frankly, we just can't compete with his level of literary awesomeness. "
http://www.ubersite.com/m/118249
Fucking autistic cunt.
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-08-22 16:16:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, that is what I am all about. Hit the links lately?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-08-22 16:13:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Not a problem! I like politeness.
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-08-22 16:08:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank you Shlongy
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-08-22 16:02:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Worthless.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-08-22 15:02:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
...meh...
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-08-22 14:03:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2's all around - I just found out the former Engineering manager at the shitco I used to work for is now assistant manager at a donut shop!
Submitted by InkyFingers (user info) at 2008-08-22 13:57:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It's bad, but not spectacularly bad. And then a random baby picture...
Submitted by Garrik (user info) at 2008-08-22 13:24:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:02:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I concur with Berty.
However, this was the first that was really a terrible first sentance all on its own. mixed tenses and all.
and a picture of a cancer orphan to boot!
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:01:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So have at it, ladies and gentlemen! Try to write the shittiest opening paragraph to a novel that you can muster up. Feel free to choose any genre you'd like, and attach an image that bears absolutely no relevance!
===================================
Read the rules ignorant fuck.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-08-22 12:00:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
NO you stupid boring motherfucker, read my directions, I said a paragraph
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:59:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Isn't it only meant to be one sentance?
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:57:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Marge, try to understand. There are two kinds of college students: jocks
and nerds. As a jock, it is my duty to give nerds a hard time.
-- Homer Simpson
Homer Goes to College
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-08-22 11:56:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aah, that's better!