My final farewell post. (1975 hits)
Category: NewsRating: -0.56 on 130 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Director (View user info) at 2008-08-28 16:08:38 EDT
I've done it before but never really meant it. Pretened like I was going to leave Ubersite and then come back.
But...I *really* did it this time.
I got a third DUI last night. This time it's a felony and they're probably going to put me away for at least 5 years, according to the attorney I just spoke to on the phone.
Save the preaching. I'm going to pay in ways you can't imagine.
I'm scared.
Anyway I guess that's it then. I doubt they have much in the way of Ubersite at Jackson State.
Anyone that wants my account can have it. Just e-mail me at ebolamay.at.gmail.com and I'll give you the password.
Too bad I have to go out this way. I had always envisioned my farewell post as something rather profound and moving, something that touched each and every one of you, or at least made you think and garnered just a little respect for me from you.
But not like this.
Be interesting to see what the world is like in 5 years.
Fuck.
Adios, Uber.
User Reviews
Submitted by vexx (user info) at 2008-09-09 11:25:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
gotten raped yet?
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2008-09-01 09:37:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
When I saw the title, my first thought was, yea right going to jail again, I'll bet.
See how smart I am?
See how fucking stupid you are?
Have fun, nitwit.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2008-08-31 22:31:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Well, thank the fucking Lord and the virgin mutha-fuckin' Mary. Turns out that wishing on a star thing works after all!
Though, not sure I really buy it. I mean, farewell posts in which the poster leaves multiple comments... you're yanking our chains. Even if you do "go" you'll be back under another name.
I hope you get herpes.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2008-08-31 13:05:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you gotta be fucking kidding me, man. again?
Submitted by Yougotthatright (user info) at 2008-08-31 11:44:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well Dude, on the positive side...
at least this is all going to take place AFTER the Olympics. I mean I'd hate to think of the progressive horrors from a huge black inmate armed with a 25lb python-o-love...trying to keep pace with some of the medal winners during the recent rowing events on NBC.
Fucking Canadian team at almost 40 strokes per minute on their way to the gold. To borrow someone elses line, "Talk about an asshole hanging like a wizards sleeve".
You might want to wear a headband for all those beads of sweat too.
*of course it would be cool as all hell to hear that electronic "blooooop" (from the OTHER end of the jail house) like the crews hear when they cross the finish line when he's finished.
Inmate one: " Laaaaaaaawdy man...listen to that stoke count by the coxswain down in C-34"
Inmate two: "no sheeeeeeeeet *looking at his watch for 30 seconds*...that's gold medal worthy and its only the semi-finals"
*blooooooooop* as they both stare at the clock in amazement, then high-five each other in national pride.
"Blingity Bling, Bling"
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2008-08-31 09:59:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You'll turn tricks in prison just so you can get on here and post about your miserable, boring existence 4000 times everyday.
Hopefully you'll get aids from some disgusting nigger who puts cigarettes out in your eyeballs and die.
Suck shit, you fucking dumb redneck cunt.
Submitted by Yougotthatright (user info) at 2008-08-30 20:33:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well try not to sob too much, because the sobs will create these wonderful spasm's in your rectum which add to the thrill of the overall experience...thus creating more "want" for what you got! I mean I feel absolutely horrible about making her cry...but it feels sooooo fucking good.
Kind of like when your girlfriend coughs while you're boning her.
Sigh!
That and stay away from "I can eat 50 hard...anything" bets.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-08-30 06:43:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
hope you get bummed by big bad jose and his inflatable truncheon
Submitted by myshit (user info) at 2008-08-30 05:53:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I've been sentenced for a D.U.I. offense. My 3rd one. When I first came to prison, I had no idea what to expect. Certainly none of this. I'm a tall white male, who unfortunately has a small amount of feminine characteristics. And very shy. These characteristics have got me raped so many times I have no more feelings physically. I have been raped by up to 5 black men and two white men at a time. I've had knifes at my head and throat. I had fought and been beat so hard that I didn't ever think I'd see straight again. One time when I refused to enter a cell, I was brutally attacked by staff and taken to segragation though I had only wanted to prevent the same and worse by not locking up with my cell mate. There is no supervision after lockdown. I was given a conduct report. I explained to the hearing officer what the issue was. He told me that off the record, He suggests I find a man I would/could willingly have sex with to prevent these things from happening. I've requested protective custody only to be denied. It is not available here. He also said there was no where to run to, and it would be best for me to accept things . . . . I probably have AIDS now. I have great difficulty raising food to my mouth from shaking after nightmares or thinking to hard on all this . . . . I've laid down without physical fight to be sodomized. To prevent so much damage in struggles, ripping and tearing. Though in not fighting, it caused my heart and spirit to be raped as well. Something I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself for
-----------
lol
Submitted by iambetteratit (user info) at 2008-08-30 01:58:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't worry about it dude, Its going to suck but it wont be nearly as bad as you think.
First off you are going to do 18 months tops. They CAN sentence you to 5 years, but one year and probation is far more likley unless you get a judge whos kid was killed by a drunk or something.
Second, prison isnt just one big ass building where all types of criminals are all mixed up. You arent going to have an axe murderer, or a child rapist as a cellmate (at least that means he didn't get convicted of that, watch out tho it dosnt mean he hasnt done it)
don't be a bitch. don't take shit from anyone. You are no longer dealing with human society. You are now in the animal kingdom, animals always pick on the weakest one to assert dominance. EVEN IF YOU GET YOUR ASS BEAT FIGHT BACK. Fight hard and loud because you want the guards to break it up ASAP, and if you look weak it will get worse.
see ya in a while jailbait.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-08-29 13:07:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah right.
Good afternoon, good evening and good night!
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-08-29 10:33:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2008-08-29 10:11:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2008-08-29 08:45:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you'll get what you deserve, hopefully longer than five years. repeat offenders amaze me. are you that pathetic that you cant learn your lesson the first time? or the second?! fuck off and die.
---------------------------
I have to agree with that statement - once you make a mistake you'd think you'd learn.
But I will +2 you anyway because, where you're going, you'll probably get +6... or +8 if your cellmate is of the chocolate persuasion
=============================
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, that would be a great joke for a roast.
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2008-08-29 10:11:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2008-08-29 08:45:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you'll get what you deserve, hopefully longer than five years. repeat offenders amaze me. are you that pathetic that you cant learn your lesson the first time? or the second?! fuck off and die.
---------------------------
I have to agree with that statement - once you make a mistake you'd think you'd learn.
But I will +2 you anyway because, where you're going, you'll probably get +6... or +8 if your cellmate is of the chocolate persuasion.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-08-29 10:08:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-08-29 09:45:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Vaya con dios, amigo.
=====
Yessir, Vaya con ropa, por tu soapa! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-08-29 09:45:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Vaya con dios, amigo.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-08-29 09:17:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If a negroe's your celly, don't sleep on your belly.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-08-29 09:09:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Achh. I hope this is a joke. If not, keep in mind that you won't likely do the full five. My little brother did less than a third of his time sentenced. He found god...the moron. But then, to his credit, he lost god when he got out, because he's not really a moron. In retrospect, serving time was the best thing that could have happened to him, and he'd probably be dead now if he hadn't gotten busted.
I don't know. Try to find the positive, however meager, in all bad situations. Sorry to be obvious, but I have to take a crap (don't mix pickles and stout) and am rushing through this.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-08-29 08:55:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
night night, keep ya butthole tight
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2008-08-29 08:45:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you'll get what you deserve, hopefully longer than five years. repeat offenders amaze me. are you that pathetic that you cant learn your lesson the first time? or the second?! fuck off and die.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-08-29 08:40:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I buy it.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-08-29 08:12:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-08-29 13:07:30 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.hrw.org/reports/2001/prison/report.html
It's a legitimate concern, honestly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That is a wonderful, marvellous link, and I love you for it.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-08-29 08:10:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Story in NY Times
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/08/20/politics/20rape.html?scp=1&sq=prison%20rape&st=cse
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-08-29 08:07:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-08-29 06:35:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Also why are Americans so terrified of getting raped in prison? If it's that prevalent, wouldn't there be more outcry to do something about it? Like give the inmates free condoms?
I reckon there is practically no bum rape in prison. I reckon it's all overblown rumours following trash talking during games of Scrabble.
__________
http://www.hrw.org/reports/2001/prison/report.html
It's a legitimate concern, honestly.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-08-29 07:46:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ROFL!
Too bad you didn't die first. That would have made a great story.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-08-29 07:27:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
who the fuck are you?
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-08-29 07:24:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
farewell , farewelle
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-08-29 06:35:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Also why are Americans so terrified of getting raped in prison? If it's that prevelant, wouldn't there be more outcry to do something about it? Like give the inmates free condoms?
I reckon there is practically no bum rape in prison. I reckon it's all overblown rumours following trash talking during games of Scrabble.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-08-29 06:28:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't remember if Director is funny or not.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2008-08-29 06:17:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-08-28 20:55:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Ok. Well that's that, folks. It's been fun here. I've enjoyed it, obviously, or I'd have been gone long ago.
I'm sure Uber will help me in the upcoming trials ahead as I often think of this site and laugh.
Wish me luck. I wish you all the best.
Fondest goodbyes to:
Jeaneeee,
Experima
ManicMother
Circe
Merlina
Shlongy
Lungfish
Capt. Thorns
Peace and God bless
-Jason-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Another list I didn't make
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-08-29 04:47:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
to be honest any gimp stupid enough to get done for dui for a third time really does deserve to become the new bitch on the cell block.
Luckily with your expereince of anal insertions, based on previous post, you should do just fine.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-08-29 04:04:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This may make me LOL until my dying day...
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-08-29 03:18:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-08-28 19:45:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
In fact, county jail was akin to being locked up in the Russian Gulag. I was confined to a 10 x 8 cell almost the entire time. I can't handle that 23 hours a day for five years, man.
--
===How to make Wine in Prison===
Prison wine...or prison hooch is made all the time by those that really want a taste of grandpa's old' cough medicine. It is commonly made in the cell toilet. The better choice, however, is to brew it in a trash bag.
Step #1: Make a strong bag by double or triple-bagging plastic trash bags.
Step #2: Pour warm water, your choice of fruit or fruit juice, raisons, tomatoes, yeast, and as much sugar as you can get. If sugar is not on hand, powdered drink mix will work also (kool-aid).
Note: (Many prisons make yeast illegal on the premises. In this case moldy bread does just fine. Slices should be moist and can be put in a sock to strain any stray elements.)
Step #3: Tie off the bag with a knot. Penetrate the bag with a straw, or some other type of tube to allow carbon dioxide to release.
Step #4: Hide the bag where your prison guard can't see it. Three days is enough, if you really can't wait. A week is a more reasonable time. Normal wine takes around a month to brew.
It is crucial that you hide the smell. Burning incense or spraying deodorant can help.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-08-28 21:33:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
didn't read anything but the title, btw.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-08-28 21:32:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As long as I'm in there somewhere...+2 to prison!
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-08-28 21:28:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
God I hope so.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-08-28 20:55:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Ok. Well that's that, folks. It's been fun here. I've enjoyed it, obviously, or I'd have been gone long ago.
I'm sure Uber will help me in the upcoming trials ahead as I often think of this site and laugh.
Wish me luck. I wish you all the best.
Fondest goodbyes to:
Jeaneeee,
Experima
ManicMother
Circe
Merlina
Shlongy
Lungfish
Capt. Thorns
Peace and God bless
-Jason-
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-08-28 20:41:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wrong below.
Believe it or not, it's not really possible to know everything there is to know at the age of 22, Mr. Cymbals.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-08-28 20:24:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is an utterly untrue cry for attention that is attempting to wrap some heat around a pre-planned departure (that will probably fail).
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2008-08-28 20:22:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This isn't funny if it's fake, and you deserved to wrap yourself around a telephone pole if it's real.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-08-28 19:45:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Some friends and I were wondering about that. Do they even allow you internet access in prison? When I was in county they did not. In fact, county jail was akin to being locked up in the Russian Gulag. I was confined to a 10 x 8 cell almost the entire time.
I can't handle that 23 hours a day for five years, man.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2008-08-28 19:41:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I cant wait for your next post from the prison library
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-08-28 19:40:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WTF does being on Ubersite have to do with the price of tea in China, dipstain? Being on Ubersite doesn't prevent one from making a beer run and fucking up, once again.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-08-28 19:37:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
See, it's funny that you were on Uber all night last night.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/118338#2771339
Submitted by Sincere (user info) at 2008-08-28 19:26:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Here's a guy who only got 12 months for his 7th DUI.
http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=84572
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-08-28 19:03:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Have fun studying it.
I sure the hell never did. I just took the diploma and threw my hat in the air like they showed me.
Submitted by stone8946 (user info) at 2008-08-28 18:59:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Society wont lose much.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-08-28 18:58:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm gonna study Communications, shlongy, because I hear they just don't have enough people with that indispensable background.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-08-28 18:57:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
He might want to start studying something in the medical field, so he can take care of his own anus once it starts getting stretched on a regular basis by "Bubba" and "LeRoi" (That is the Negroid spelling).
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-08-28 18:55:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
They have degrees in "Busboy Studies"???
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-08-28 18:54:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hope this is shenanigans. If it isn't, 5 years is enough time to earn a degree.
Make it a useful one.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-08-28 18:30:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jewish mint chocolate chipped ice cream.
Slut.
You're worse than Circe. You'll fuck anything. ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING, ANYTIME, ANYWHERE.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-08-28 18:28:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 drunk driving. Fucking disgraceful
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2008-08-28 18:22:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
you don't even own a car
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-08-28 18:21:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i wondered why you drizzled the chocolate all over shlongy.
shlongy tastes like mint chocolate chip ice cream.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-08-28 18:16:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
She's not the first to have those feelings...and I doubt very much she'll be the last.
Shlongy is amazing.
PS. Her snizz smelled like Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. I dug that about her.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-08-28 18:15:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You know what's extreme? You can NEVER enter the country of Canada again if you have a DUI.
How fucked up is THAT?
I'd rather do jail time than be banned from an entire portion of the fucking WORLD because I have a DUI.
Jesus.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-08-28 18:14:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
jail for a DUI? that's extreme.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-08-28 18:12:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's NOT shenanigans.
I fucked up.
Again.
:-(
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-08-28 18:10:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Worst shenanigans ever.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-08-28 18:09:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-08-28 18:06:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm enjoying Ubersite like an old girlfriend, one last night. Then I'm gone forever.
Ubersite probably won't even exist by the time I get out.
=============================================================
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-08-28 18:09:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's not shennanies, Jeannneeee.
I wish it were.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-08-28 18:09:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
OK - Isn't it about time you gave your password to someone else?
I thought you were leaving.
*Yozz checks his watch*
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-08-28 18:08:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is unfunny shenanigans. At least I hope it's shenanigans. I mean I know you have a serious drinking problem, but I didn't think you were retarded.
Also let me just say that I am thrilled to see JoeAverage back on ubersite. We need more of him in our lives.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:57:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah and he's ruined you for mules and elephants and rhino's and sperm whales and every other mammal on the planet with a pick missile, too.
NOTHING will fuck you after Shlongy.
NOTHING.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:57:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah, you too, EI.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:56:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what about me!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:56:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
after shlongy, i'm off the market toots. he's ruined me for other men.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:55:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You fucked SHLONGY?
I was gonna buy you in 5 years to celebrate my release but you can forget all about that now.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:54:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
don't forget shlongy.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:49:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jack, John, Henry, Tom, Dick, Harry, Wilber, Alfred, George, Todd, Mitch, Brian...
Those are just a few of the beanstalks you've climbed.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:48:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Both of you should STFU
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:46:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
that made no sense at all.
and leave jack and his beanstalk out of it.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:45:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's what you need, actually. Someone to plant a fucking beanstalk in that hole you call a vagina. You need a beanstalk growing out of your cunt to feel anything, and who knows? If you're lucky you'll wind up with a golden egg laying goose.
Too bad everything that enters your crack dies.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:43:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
good. fuck you.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:42:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'd notice if the freight train was bigger than a jumping bean, cockgobbler
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:41:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You wouldn't notice a freight train ramming the slit that hangs from your panties in festoons, you skank.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:40:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
that was your cock? i thought it was a twizzler. my bad.
Submitted by myshit (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:39:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this is AWESOME.
It's a shame about the time difference.
I'm gonna have to catch up with this in the morning.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:39:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And fuck you, Vexx. I'm gonna spend all my time working out and when I get out I'm gonna find you and fuck you up, assmonkey.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:38:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah my cock is pretty noxious, but that didn't stop you from slurping the veiny purple knob, did it you green cunted street walker?
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:36:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
they shrivelled up from the fumes off your cock, fuckmonkey.
Submitted by vexx (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:34:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Seriously. You're scum. The world is a better place with you behind bars.
Submitted by vexx (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:33:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
THANK FUCKING CHRIST!
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:33:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wasn't crying about the price. I was crying about your tits. They were frightening.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:32:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i was just trying to give you a break on price after you started crying about it.
overnight case? you mean your pack of microcondoms?
Submitted by Garrik (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:31:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
100% contrived bullshit.
Get a life, idiot.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:30:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was feeling generous and pretended I didn't hear the going rate of "5 cents for head, 10 cents for pussy, 15 cents for it all, anal included!"
Cunt.
BTW I lost my overnight case when I was at your place. Can you look inside your twat and see if it fell in there?
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:28:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
that's all you could afford, drunk.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:27:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
She didn't fuck me yet.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:26:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah but .25 a pop doesn't add up very quickly.
Whore.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:25:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
nope. but i'm just in it for the money, remember?
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:24:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Uberslut extraordinaire below. Seriously, blondie. Is there anyone on Ubersite you HAVEN'T fucked?
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:23:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
whore-hiring drunkard below
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:22:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Backstabbing bitch below.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:21:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You also got caught stealing the Hope diamond.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:19:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-08-28 14:17:40 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I got a running a red light ticket along with it, Shlongy.
--------
and don't forget your solicitation charge.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:18:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yay for jail time!
I got a ticket the other night for not stopping at a right turn on red (which *allegedly* had "No Turn on Red" signs clearly posted). Alas, I was drunk and high and driving, and riding dirty. I am just glad he didn't KNOW I was drunk and high and riding dirty...and furthermore he said if I went to online driving school before my court date and plead no contest in court, he'd tell the judge I was very cooperative and suggest wiping my ticket off my record! He only gave me the ticket in the first place because e-Surance fucked my shit up and put my ex's accident (hitting a deer--acomprehensive, no-fault accident) on MY driving record as an at-fault accident resulting in 4 points on my license which I didn't know about...but now all that's straightened out and my insurance is actually $40 lower each month AND I'm getting a $200 refund from Progressive, my CURRENT insurer for overpayment based on falsely provided information!
Ok so now that I've officially digressed, yay for jail time, good luck, and points for you for the Bengal cat pictures.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:17:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I got a running a red light ticket along with it, Shlongy.
Submitted by Dimenhydrinate (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:16:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I don't understand. I've never in the slightest hesitated to pick up my cell phone, call my friend, and tell him to come pick me up. I'm sure it's just as easy for everyone else, right? We all have brains capable of rational thought (never had an issue remembering NOT to drive shitfaced while shitfaced), indeed? I'm missing something, or maybe you are rather.
Tough love, but remember, life does go on (even after that 5 years). Also, fuck everyone on Ubersite, not excluding my self.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:10:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It's no fun getting a DUI....
Unless you ALSO get a SPEEDING TICKET at the same time! Then, it ROCKS!
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:09:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
McCallum, of all the people on Ubersite, you're the one who has consistently misunderstood me the most.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:04:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
but shenanigans
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:03:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
hope you rot in prison
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:02:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I've done it before but never really meant it. Pretened like I was going to give up sodomy and then quickly jump back on the rod.
But...I *really* did it this time.
I got fucked in the ass last night. Hard. This time it's wrecked my asshole, and I've lost all control of my sphincter. They're probably going to have to give me a plastic one that works on pulleys, according to the doctor I just spoke to on the phone.
Save the preaching. I'm going to pay in ways you can't imagine.
I'm scared.
Anyway I guess that's it then. I doubt there is an alternative to ass pounding that will come close to what I had.
Anyone that wants my dildo collection. Just e-mail me at solongmeatwand.at.gmail.com and I'll give you a couple bags full.
Too bad I have to go out this way. I had always envisioned having a four-way with two cocks in my ass and one stroking just outside, waiting for the opportunity to squeeze in. It would have been nice to finally feel full.
But no, it wasn't meant to be.
Be interesting to see what the world is like without ass play.
Fuck.
Adios, Uber.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-08-28 17:00:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't sweat it.
You'll be out by Saturday, if you can afford a good lawyer.
Oh...that's right. Never mind.
Submitted by JoeAverage (user info) at 2008-08-28 16:59:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Save the preaching. I'm going to pay in ways you can't imagine.
Well, allow me to indulge for a moment and imagine the ways that you will PAY. First, you'll PAY a lawyer who will be under-prepared and ill-equipped to handle your case (because you are a slack ass with no money and three DUIs). Then you will PAY fines probably to MADD (Mother's Against Drunk Driving) who will be ruthless in their insults and nasty stories about how you could have killed someone. Just be glad that you have to deal with MADD and not DAM (Mother's Against Dyslexia) because those bitches are ruthless and nasty (I heard they wipe their asses before they shit). And speaking of shitty asses ohhhhh doctor are you in for a treat.
You are going to be the bitch of the biggest, blackest inmate and he's going to have a dick like a telephone pole. You will be repeatedly sodomized and gang raped as the black gang members PAY cigarettes for a crack at you until your asshole hangs down like a wizard's sleeve. On the bright side you'll probably get the Super AIDS and die in about 3 1/2 years. I hope you enjoy eating cumfart cocktails because that's what they'll be serving you every night. And the guards won't PAY you any attention because you're a wreckless asshole who now has a wrecked asshole.
You will do the hardest time there is. I will take you out of that one bedroom Hilton and cast you down with the sodomites. Are you catching my meaning, or am I being obtuse?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-08-28 16:53:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2008-08-28 16:49:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You'll be like the Method's Mom of Jackson State.
--
Fuck off, Method.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-08-28 16:53:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-08-28 16:48:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Do not tell other prisoners about your private life. Do not discuss your crimes and do not discuss politics or religion. Any type of discussion that can lead to an argument is a big no no. Don't put your business out onto the street. At the same time, respect other prisoner's privacy and don't pry into their private lives.
--
In other words, everything you've ever talked about here you can't talk about there.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-08-28 16:52:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
deja vu...didn't you already get your Third?
anyway....you didn't 'get' a DUI you earned a DUI, you deserve whatever happens to you.
Submitted by PepsiCoke (user info) at 2008-08-28 16:51:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Prove it
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2008-08-28 16:50:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The first rule of fight club is you do not talk about fight club
The second rule of fight club is dont pick up the soap
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2008-08-28 16:49:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You'll be like the Method's Mom of Jackson State.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-08-28 16:48:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
9. Keep your mouth shut
Do not tell other prisoners about your private life. Do not discuss your crimes and do not discuss politics or religion. Any type of discussion that can lead to an argument is a big no no. Don't put your business out onto the street. At the same time, respect other prisoner's privacy and don't pry into their private lives.
10. Be respectful and polite
Always be polite and respectful to other prisoners. Respect is the only thing a prisoner has and taking that away can be disastrous. Remember, if you give others your respect, they will most likely return the favour. You do not want to make enemies in prison.
You're fucked.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-08-28 16:46:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I really wish this were shennanigens. It would be so much less nightmarish.
Submitted by Spuzzum (user info) at 2008-08-28 16:45:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
5 years for a third DUI? If you didn't crash your car that is total BS.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-08-28 16:43:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Would have been better if you went with a pregnancy announcement. Or if you tell a uber stalker that you're going to call the police if they don't stop calling you.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2008-08-28 16:42:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-08-28 16:14:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
shenanigans
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-08-28 16:41:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I can't give a positive rating to a drunk driving post. I'm sorry. Chin up.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-08-28 16:35:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this and a quarter will get you a cup of coffee
Submitted by myshit (user info) at 2008-08-28 16:25:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-08-28 16:24:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Where did this occur?
http://jackson.mi.crimeviewcommunity.com/wizard.asp
Submitted by jtrujillo34 (user info) at 2008-08-28 16:22:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
That sucks. fuck off now. Drop the soap, I hear good things happen.
Tell Lil Spider I said "wat up".
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-08-28 16:22:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If this is true I hope you never drive again. I have empathy for addicts- but not when they repeatedly put innocent people in harm's way because they refuse to stay off the fucking road.
I hope prison does not permanently break your spirit.
If this is shenanigans, then see you tomorrow.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-08-28 16:21:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"Save the preaching. I'm going to pay in ways you can't imagine.
I'm scared."
--
You're scared?
THIRD DUI?
You've been fun at times, but fuck you man, you could have killed someone.
Enjoy your sphincter while it is still intact.
Submitted by Sincere (user info) at 2008-08-28 16:19:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Here- I did a quick search and found you some prison survival tips.
http://listverse.com/miscellaneous/top-10-prison-survival-tips/
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-08-28 16:19:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
shenanainsaindxsikcn
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2008-08-28 16:17:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you'll be back, you lousy drunk
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-08-28 16:17:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I can only hope that this ruins the rest of your worthless life.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-08-28 16:15:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This sucks if true, and it did not make me smile. You're entertaining and not only for the drama. Start rehab/AA now. Taking the initiative may get you probation with little or no jail time.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-08-28 16:14:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
shenanigans