I Left a Box of Crayons Under a Volcano In Mexico (511 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: -0.15 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by someone (View user info) at 2008-09-02 15:24:21 EDT
Once, when I was reading ample amounts of literature and my mind was filled with Russian czars and raft trips on the Mississippi, I had decided I was to be an author. I had dropped out of the school of Isenberg, starting taking literature classes on the Five College grounds, and started sketching out ideas for my first novel. I had decided right away that the novel would be semi-autobiographical because I'm not very creative and I'm such an egotist I had no doubt I would appear in my writing no matter how hard I tried to write myself out of it.
Problem was, my life was rather boring. So, in an attempt to add some spice, I developed a drug habit worthy of constant bank account raping. Popping Oxycontin like Pez was something all suburban college children do these days, so in order to up the ante; I robbed a convenience store for cigarettes and Eclipse gum and also Mass Millions tickets. When I tried to redeem a quick pick winner for 70 dollars two weeks later, I was promptly arrested and booked. I smiled in my jail cell, scribbling notes on toilet paper convinced I was on the fast track to stardom. I just needed a bit more depth to my pathetic existence.
I tried butt-raping my girlfriend, I was so high I thought she might go for it, but she beat me up and called the police. I did not predict more jail time, and with my prior robbery charge I spent a few months in medium security outside of Boston. I didn't write much then, I was very afraid and my lawyer was upset because dad wasn't paying his bills.
When I got out I spent a few months in rehab, writing a bit more but mostly reading Lowry and dreaming of becoming a class-A alcoholic with a taste for culture and Mexican whorehouses. I took a cross-country trip in a white Civic and got into Mexico, but once I was under the Volcano I realized the despair he felt and realized my editor was back in Chelsea and he wasn't returning my snail mail requests for traveler's checks. I had to call father for a ticket back north and he was very slow in handling my request. I think he was upset with me.
I had little money left at this point so I took some time off college and worked a summer in a paper factory. I spent nearly every day hiding in the bathroom for as long as possible reading the editorials from the New York Times. I learned much about the Lebanese-Israeli conflict but Hezbollah didn't answer my calls for recruitment so I ended up joining Hamas. The Gaza Strip is a disaster and I'd rather not talk much about it.
I ended up living in Brooklyn with a gay man named Robert who claimed to be an artist but spent much of his time drawing erotic art with Crayola's. When I told him I didn't 'get it' he called me a cretin and threw me out. I wondered the streets of New York for several days trying to find a person to sleep with so I could have a place to rest. My editor was not returning my calls. Finally, I took a bus back home to Amherst and spent a few weeks visiting old friends and using my free time to play computer games and smoke marijuana. It was uneventful from what I remember but a welcome change from the dirty streets of the city and the violence of Mexico. I was surrounded by people like me and I signed up for school again and now I am here.
User Reviews
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2008-09-04 20:06:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ding!
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-09-03 14:37:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
End it all.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-09-03 06:06:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
+1
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-09-03 06:05:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-09-03 06:02:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2008-09-02 21:25:08 BST (#)
Ranking: -1
On the Road ultra-light style
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2008-09-03 01:49:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
excellent title, post better than the usual drivel on here
literary name dropping a bit dodgy though
Submitted by TheBrad (user info) at 2008-09-02 23:08:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
needs a 3 year stay in a leboniese whorehouse, complete with herpes and crabs.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-09-02 22:35:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I read this with an american accent.
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-09-02 20:25:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
TRYING TOO HARD.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-09-02 19:55:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2008-09-02 16:25:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
fear and loathing ultra-light style
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-09-02 16:13:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Didn't like it, no offense.
Submitted by loveinbrevity (user info) at 2008-09-02 15:49:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't try so hard.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-09-02 15:42:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Seriously overdone. Basically, it sucks.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-09-02 15:38:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
tl;dr