What about 'I can destroy you' do you not understand? (849 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.35 on 46 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by OathMeal (View user info) at 2008-09-03 09:41:49 EDT
I farted in the security line at the airport yesterday.
Unfortunately, the place was so well ventilated that no one's olfactory systems were slighted by the stench of my bowels.
Imagine my disappointment.
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Yea, ok so 'ginger' is actually kind of sticking. I don't mind it so much when my girlfriend says, "I love you, ginger!" and it's that much more endearing when she screams it during sex.
It used to be that hearing someone refer to me as ginger would immediately spawn intense suicidal urges because, after all, who wants to be called a spicy root?
A carrot is a root.
Is 'carrot top' not enough?
By the way, carrot tops are GREEN.
Faggots.
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I would totally bone Kelly Ripa.
Regis I don't care much for.
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I was taking a monster piss the other day when it hit me:
"I really need more niacin in my diet."
The shade of 'burnt yellow' that was the puddle I left was nothing to be proud of.
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35% of regular pot smokers are completely sterile.
Huh.
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As I near thirty, I am beginning to notice how fucking little I care about shit that I once thought mattered more than life itself.
Like Nicholas Cage, for example. And boobs.
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The state of Texas is a fucking dump. Period. Talk about flat, boring and lifeless.
The 'modern rock' stations play Def Leppard and Warrant all day and if you're a man who doesn't wear boots and a goofy cowboy hat, you're gay.
I guess being a calloused, portly truck driver wins out over pressed slacks and a briefcase.
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I went into a random middle school in Salt Lake City recently and said that I was the father of a girl who kept coming home and telling me that her teacher was playing inappropriate games with her after class.
I kept saying "What part of 'I can destroy you' do you not understand?" but everyone in the reception area just kept looking at me like I was crazy.
Ugh. Drama.
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I'm convinced God is dead, but since his funeral keeps being postponed, there's no closure.
That explains Catholicism, I think.
User Reviews
Submitted by Tokerson (user info) at 2008-09-07 01:46:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Your urine shade should only concern you if it's clear.
Gold is gold.
Submitted by myshit (user info) at 2008-09-04 14:48:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by tito (user info) at 2008-09-04 14:26:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by tito (user info) at 2008-08-29 10:18:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by tito (user info) at 2008-08-29 03:56:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Where is my prize you cock eating son of a ginger bitch?
Submitted by Aadarm (user info) at 2008-09-04 00:43:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
0 just for the fact I hate Texas just a little less than Mexico, though no where near as much as I hate Mexicans.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-09-04 00:16:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I once farted at school camp when I was 14 years old.
It's still remembered by people.
That sucks.
Submitted by EJ (user info) at 2008-09-03 22:02:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
George Carlin called. He wants his routine back. Also, get him a pack of smokes.
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2008-09-03 21:55:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by PayMeLater (user info) at 2008-09-03 21:48:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-09-03 20:51:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
slacks??
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2008-09-03 17:32:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by OathMeal (View user info) at 2008-09-03 09:41:49 EDT
Yea, ok so 'ginger' is actually kind of sticking. I don't mind it so much when my girlfriend says, "I love you, ginger!" and it's that much more endearing when she screams it during sex.
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Little do you know, she's thinking about "Gilligan's Island" when she's screaming that.
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2008-09-03 15:52:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you're still cool by me, Oathy
Submitted by Wuzi (user info) at 2008-09-03 15:45:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You got the Regis and Kelly Ripa names in the wrong sentences.
(A stab at your homosexual tendencies)
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2008-09-03 15:10:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
This is a lousy alter. Also hypergay pic. This sucked man.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2008-09-03 13:51:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The state of Texas is a fucking dump. Period. Talk about flat, boring and lifeless.
The 'modern rock' stations play Def Leppard and Warrant all day and if you're a man who doesn't wear boots and a goofy cowboy hat, you're gay.
I guess being a calloused, portly truck driver wins out over pressed slacks and a briefcase.
***
Depends on where you go in Texas.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2008-09-03 13:14:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-09-03 16:58:37 BST (#)
Ranking: -2
you make Lenny Henry seem funny
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Fucking HARSH burn man!
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2008-09-03 12:53:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Interesting...
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-09-03 12:34:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh...
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2008-09-03 12:28:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
That sucked more than.... you know.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-09-03 12:04:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
**throws dead horsey parts at Oathy for fun**
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:58:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you make Lenny Henry seem funny
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:25:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"I want your crankset"
now officially the gayest thing ever written on uber
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:17:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
1.) Texas is awesome. Regarding the whole 'being gay cause you look like a Banana Republic model' I suggest you visit Dallas, it's very metropolitan, very fake and has alot of kick ass bars.
B.) I want your crankset, I just don't want to pay the price. Most people who buy high end parts for their bikes are posers. Some of the best riders I've ever seen ride beaters.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:16:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-09-03 10:26:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I tried a recipe for Skyline Chili once.
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My mother's recipe tastes dead-on. Years went into perfecting that recipe.
I can't make it.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:05:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sorry dude, but...
'slacks' = -1.
'pressed slacks' = -1.
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:03:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-09-03 10:54:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.nymethod.com/oathmeal.jpg
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2008-09-03 10:41:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
______________________________
I would totally bone Kelly Ripa.
Regis I don't care much for.
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admit it, you would bone Regis too
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-09-03 10:41:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Spice Rack, brilliant. Yes.
Star Anise makes me laugh because it sounds like Star Anus.
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2008-09-03 10:41:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oatmeal is good for you - and part of this healthy breakfast
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2008-09-03 10:39:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's like that movie "A Beautiful Mind" only with Corky from Life Goes On in the title role.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-09-03 10:33:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Ah, the musings of a mediocre mind.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-09-03 10:28:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
our fedex guy is a midget...every time i see him pushing the handcart, straining to peek over the handles like an old woman driving a big old cadillac, i just want to laugh. maybe throw some change at him or something.
or fruit.
do midgets like fruit?
i bet they do.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-09-03 10:26:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-09-03 10:10:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love being called spices. I wish someone would start calling me Pumpkin Pie Spice. Or Curry.
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The real name for Pumpkin Pie Spice is Nutmeg. Go with Star Anise.
I tried a recipe for Skyline Chili once. It called for "3-5 Nutmeg balls, whole". I missed the dash like an idiot, so I added "35 Nutmeg balls, whole". The chili tasted like pumpkin pie. True story.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-09-03 10:25:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-09-03 10:10:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love being called spices. I wish someone would start calling me Pumpkin Pie Spice. Or Curry.
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Can we just call you "Spice Rack"?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-09-03 10:21:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"Girlfriend"....Buahahahahahahahahahaha
This lie actually topped your lie about Shlongy emailing you constantly. You've outdone yourself, shitforbrains.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-09-03 10:19:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you know I was thinking...what is the next evolution of razor
I have a vibrating razor with 3 blades and then I bought one with 4 blades and one on the back for trimming (both oddly made by the same company) and now I'm wondering whats next like a panel of 30 blades that mounts on your shower wall that you just rub your face against?
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-09-03 10:13:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A few years ago I went to Atlanta for a business trip with 12 guys from work.
I got so drunk on the plane that I puked in one of the little sit down phone booths by the baggage claim.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-09-03 10:10:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love being called spices. I wish someone would start calling me Pumpkin Pie Spice. Or Curry.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2008-09-03 10:08:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Some thoughts are better left unshared.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-09-03 10:01:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ya' know, I always thought getting a peek to the inner workings of your mind would be pretty scary. I imagined it would be like something out of that movie "The Cell" with J Lo.
After all it was pretty Meh. Imagine my disappointment.
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-09-03 09:52:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I would love to hear someone say 'I can destroy you' I think I would just wet myself laughing at their impotent rage, before calling the police to say that some pervert had entered the school to talk about something to do with touching gilrs. It would then be interesting to see exactly who was destroyed.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-09-03 09:51:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If you'd have put a sock on that crankset there's be something here worth a comment.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-09-03 09:49:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It's not so much "understand" as "buy".
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-09-03 09:49:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
lol @ "girlfriend"
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-09-03 09:47:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us
from the animals. Except the weasel.
-- Homer Simpson
Boy-Scoutz n the Hood
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-09-03 09:45:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Marge: This is the best gift of all, Homer.
Homer: It is?
Marge: Yes, something to share our love. And frighten prowlers.
Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire