Oh, Christ--I'm Typing This on a Dvorak Keyboard (1553 hits)
Category: Computers & InternetRating: 1.59 on 44 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by X54 (View user info) at 2008-09-03 10:54:30 EDT
Unbeknownst to the vast majority of you common slobs, there lies deep within the convoluted bowels of the Microsoft Windows operating system (as well as its predecessor from Apple) a setting which allows you to change the layout of the keys on your keyboard. It seems that the default qwerty layout was designed to prevent skilled typists from typing too fast for the old mechanical typewriters to keep up. The qwerty keys are arranged in a way that limits how fast you can type by pairing commonly used letters with your least dexterous fingers. Dr. August Dvorak, after a careful study of human physiology and the English language, devised a new keyboard optimized for maximum efficiency.
Before you go -2ing this and calling me a snooty, elitist bastard, let me point out that my decision to go Dvorak had nothing to do with increasing either my productivity or my prestige. It was instead part of an experiment to test a sports training technique called visualization. Visualization is where you imagine doing something, like swinging a golf club or shooting a free-throw, in order to improve your skill at it. I wanted to test the effectiveness of this technique by re-learning to touch type. My plan was that once I'd memorized the Dvorak layout, I'd alternate between practicing for real and practicing through visualization. I'd give myself a typing test at the end of each weekly round of practice and compare the results over time.
After just two weeks, however, my experiment was derailed when I was asked to go back to work. The person who'd taken over for me at my old company left suddenly. I agreed to come out of retirement until a replacement could be found.
My position required a fair amount of documentation. The problem I had was that after two weeks' practice on the Dvorak keyboard, I'd completely forgotten the qwerty layout. At first I didn't think this would be any big deal. I just changed the setting on my work computer to Dvorak. But I didn't foresee how often I'd be using someone else's computer, or how often someone else would have to use mine.
Typing on a qwerty keyboard for me now is worse than you can imagine. It's like looking at a keyboard for the very first time. Technically I guess you'd call what I do on a qwerty keyboard hunting and pecking, but I spend far more time hunting than pecking. You can imagine my embarrassment when I'd go to type something on someone else's computer and spend an eternity just entering my name and password. My old colleagues must have thought I'd really lost it during my sabbatical.
To make matters worse, I was still far from proficient with the Dvorak layout. Answering simple emails was a tedious chore. Longer documents took forever. My text was usually riddled with typos.
It was some consolation, however, on those occasions when someone else tried to use my computer. I often forgot to change it back to qwerty when the IT guy or whoever came to do something for me. (All right, I admit, sometimes I only pretended to forget.) He'd type something and then stare at what he'd typed, wondering what the fuck had happened. After checking to make sure his hands were positioned correctly, he'd try again. Often he'd start out by trying to type a password, so all he could see were those little stars. He'd try three or four times, scratching his head after each rejection. Then I'd say, "Oh that's right. You need the qwerty keyboard."
The fellow I eventually hired to replace me had his own keyboard idiosyncrasies. He claimed to have some kind of wrist problem, carpal tunnel or something, so he brought his own ergonomic keyboard. If you think the Dvorak keyboard sounds silly, you should have seen his. Imagine cutting a regular keyboard in half right between where your index fingers go and then standing the two halves up on end. Each half had a little side-view mirror positioned so he could see the keys without craning his neck. This allowed him to type with his hands rotated ninety degrees from normal, like he was karate chopping the desk surface.
His mouse was also designed with the karate chop grip in mind. Imagine something that looks like a half cantaloupe with a big gash down the middle of it. He rested his hand in the gash and slid the cantaloupe around on the desk to control the cursor.
To top it off, he also brought his own ergonomic chair, which was just a big blue beach ball. I've seen them used in pregnant women's exercise classes at the gym. He made quite an impression on people when they first entered his office, sitting on his big, bouncy blue ball in front of the two vertical halves of his keyboard and his cantaloupe-sized mouse.
Anyway, I was forced to abort my experiment because of how much time I spent typing at work. There was no way I could spend a week at a time just visualizing my typing. Although I eventually became about as proficient with Dvorak as I was with qwerty, I still can't say whether visualization is a legitimate training technique.
In case you're considering a switch of your own to Dvorak, my advice is: Don't do it. Never mind those born-again Dvorkians who claim their keyboard will speed up your typing, improve the quality of your prose and generally make you superior to the unwashed qwerty masses. It's a lie. I'm living proof of that. Go Dvorak and you'll regret it every time you try using someone else's computer. Your friends will mock you for being pretentious. And besides, I doubt you're pushing the limit of your qwerty keyboard as it is. If you really want to increase your typing speed, you're better off doing typing drills.
But who needs to do that, anyway? It's not like you really need to type that fast. It doesn't do any good to type more quickly than you can think. And you can only think so fast. I could understand it if you were transcribing documents into MS Word all day, but who does that any more? That's what character recognition software is for. Unless you're into it for superficial reasons, like being able to brag about being Dvorkian, there's no real advantage to the Dvorak keyboard. My guess is it'll eventually die out altogether like one of those obscure Eskimo languages.
Lately I've been thinking about trying to re-learn qwerty without losing Dvorak. Imagine being able to switch back and forth between them at will! Now that would be something to brag about.
User Reviews
Submitted by evilmedley (user info) at 2008-09-07 04:55:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"He made quite an impression on people when they first entered his office, sitting on his big, bouncy blue ball in front of the two vertical halves of his keyboard and his cantaloupe-sized mouse."
Now that made me laugh my ass off. I love the picture too.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-09-04 13:30:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
heh
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-09-04 13:08:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That would definately be something to brag about. I'm also pretty amazed at the picture too. I did not realize that was available, or possible to use in any efficient manner.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-09-04 04:42:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-09-03 16:25:43 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:22:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:18:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoy myself far too much to ever be capable of memorising a keyboard layout in two days.
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That's going to make you go blind Berty
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If that happens I will be the best disabled person evar. I will become a pop star and rap about how I "fail at brail".
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I'm going to let down the tyres on your wheelchair Berty.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-09-03 22:32:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-09-03 18:36:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-09-03 16:20:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2008-09-03 10:57:48 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A buddy of mine uses dvorak at home and at work, and has fits when he tries to use one of my computers. I have considered learning it because I can't touch type in qwerty at all even after years.
if I did tho I would take the keys off and put them in the dvorak layout.
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Don't do it! Learn to touch type on a qwerty keyboard, instead. I'm telling you, you'll never type long or fast enough to gain any advantage from the Dvorak keyboard.
Don't bother trying to tell your buddy that, though. Those Dvorkians are fanatical, like hippies with their crystals and pyramids and shit. They won't listen to reason.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2008-09-03 14:45:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Learned something new and it was a relatively entertaining read.
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2008-09-03 13:57:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A buddy of mine uses dvorak at home and at work, and has fits when he tries to use one of my computers. I have considered learning it because I can't touch type in qwerty at all even after years.
if I did tho I would take the keys off and put them in the dvorak layout.
Submitted by Judgement (user info) at 2008-09-03 13:56:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Aadarm (user info) at 2008-09-03 13:39:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't feel like typing much because the qwerty keyboard on my Blackberry sucks.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-09-03 12:49:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would think that switching over would be a pain in the ass. I've spent the bulk of my life using qwerty keyboards, and while the things are damned innefficient, I've been able to average 50 WPM since I was around 16. I'd also have to master both to be in any way handy around the office, as most of the computers around here are either qwerty or those fucking ergonomic pieces of shit the software guys use.
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2008-09-03 12:46:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-09-03 12:25:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No idea what the hell you're talking about here.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-09-03 12:16:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gotta love The Drake!!
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-09-03 12:08:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're like matthew broderick in "war Games"
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:55:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's a pity he didn't let you in that hate contest. You're such a hateful little bastard you probably would have won.
Submitted by jtrujillo34 (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:44:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had already forgotten about that shit. You had to brink it up. What an asshole. Fuck you and your shorts.
Thats some decent hate And I still could not get in. I terrorized Mudwhistle but he is a dick. Im new so once I learn how to write like you fags maybe I will be considered.
Anyway I would but oil all over the big blue ball so he would slip off all day.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:38:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-09-03 08:33:52 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That guy is a pussy. I have an urge to knife his big blue ball just for being such a pussy.
I too work with a guy who sits on one of those exercise balls. He says it makes his back feel better. Really though, he's just a perv I think. Sometimes he'll bounce up and down on it and he looks a little too happy doing it, if you know what I mean.
Anyway, he thought he could fluster me by saying something pervy. "Hey Forensic, I think I got a case of the blue ball! Heh heh heh."
I just looked over the top of my nerd-chick glasses at him and replied, "Oh, is that what's going on? Here I just thought you were sitting on some big alien egg. I was getting ready to ask you when it's due to hatch. You must be very proud. Who's the papa?"
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Ha ha ha. I have to agree--it's a little hard to take someone seriously when they're sitting on one of those balls. At least he didn't bring it with him to meetings.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:33:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The fellow I eventually hired to replace me had his own keyboard idiosyncrasies. He claimed to have some kind of wrist problem, carpal tunnel or something, so he brought his own ergonomic keyboard. If you think the Dvorak keyboard sounds silly, you should have seen his. Imagine cutting a regular keyboard in half right between where your index fingers go and then standing the two halves up on end. Each half had a little side-view mirror positioned so he could see the keys without craning his neck. This allowed him to type with his hands rotated ninety degrees from normal, like he was karate chopping the desk surface.
His mouse was also designed with the karate chop grip in mind. Imagine something that looks like a half cantaloupe with a big gash down the middle of it. He rested his hand in the gash and slid the cantaloupe around on the desk to control the cursor.
To top it off, he also brought his own ergonomic chair, which was just a big blue beach ball. I've seen them used in pregnant women's exercise classes at the gym. He made quite an impression on people when they first entered his office, sitting on his big, bouncy blue ball in front of the two vertical halves of his keyboard and his cantaloupe-sized mouse.
======
That guy is a pussy. I have an urge to knife his big blue ball just for being such a pussy.
I too work with a guy who sits on one of those exercise balls. He says it makes his back feel better. Really though, he's just a perv I think. Sometimes he'll bounce up and down on it and he looks a little too happy doing it, if you know what I mean.
Anyway, he thought he could fluster me by saying something pervy. "Hey Forensic, I think I got a case of the blue ball! Heh heh heh."
I just looked over the top of my nerd-chick glasses at him and replied, "Oh, is that what's going on? Here I just thought you were sitting on some big alien egg. I was getting ready to ask you when it's due to hatch. You must be very proud. Who's the papa?"
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:28:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by jtrujillo34 (user info) at 2008-09-03 08:27:09 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You type a report everytime someone cum's on the wall or what?
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You're just pissed off because they wouldn't let you in the hate contest.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:27:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:23:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
So a few years ago I decided I'd learn to type as opposed to hunt/peck so I went out and bought Mavis Beacon....most boring shit ever. What software finally taught me to type....Timone and Pumba Teach Typing. True Story
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They did a computer game called 'typing of the dead' which was based around that old lightgun game 'house of the dead'. They should have had that in schools.
Everyone who works in education is rubbish.
Submitted by jtrujillo34 (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:27:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You type a report everytime someone cum's on the wall or what?
Submitted by jtrujillo34 (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:25:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I did'nt know you had to type at your pussycat video janitor job.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:25:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:22:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:18:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoy myself far too much to ever be capable of memorising a keyboard layout in two days.
--
That's going to make you go blind Berty
--------------------
If that happens I will be the best disabled person evar. I will become a pop star and rap about how I "fail at brail".
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:24:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-09-03 08:18:48 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoy myself far too much to ever be capable of memorising a keyboard layout in two days.
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You'd be surprised how easily you can memorize it. The key is to NOT look at the keyboard. I think not having the keys to look at is actually an advantage of the Dvorak keyboard because it forces you to memorize their locations. Or you could just paint all your qwerty keys black.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:23:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
So a few years ago I decided I'd learn to type as opposed to hunt/peck so I went out and bought Mavis Beacon....most boring shit ever. What software finally taught me to type....Timone and Pumba Teach Typing. True Story
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:22:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
(Ridiculously awesome!)
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:22:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was intersting news to me, but that keyboard is ridiculous!
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:22:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:18:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoy myself far too much to ever be capable of memorising a keyboard layout in two days.
--
That's going to make you go blind Berty
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:18:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoy myself far too much to ever be capable of memorising a keyboard layout in two days.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:16:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-09-03 08:11:59 PDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:08:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-09-03 08:01:26 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
visualization is imagining doing something.....really.....GTFO....thanks for that scientific explanation
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Have you got a better explanation? One that doesn't take more than one sentence, I mean.
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I think an explanation in general was unnecessary
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Well, you're obviously a sports training aficionado.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:14:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's true. I don't conform to "the rules".
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:13:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-09-03 08:07:10 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So what do you do, print out a sheet for something to refer to, or did you just commit the new locations to memory?
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I made a printout for when I was first memorizing the new locations. But it only takes a day or two to commit them to memory.
Don't do it, F.J. I can tell, you're the kind of person who might want to switch over just because it's different. Heh heh heh.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:11:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:08:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-09-03 08:01:26 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
visualization is imagining doing something.....really.....GTFO....thanks for that scientific explanation
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Have you got a better explanation? One that doesn't take more than one sentence, I mean.
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I think an explanation in general was unnecessary
Submitted by Littlebint (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:09:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Well that sounds all kinds of weird.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:09:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I saw this keyboard once for one handed typing. It was a series of push/pull buttons so essentially each button could be pushed in, pushed forward or pulled back to create a character.
think about the cyber implications of a one handed keyboard
perhaps Duchovny uses it
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:08:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-09-03 08:01:26 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
visualization is imagining doing something.....really.....GTFO....thanks for that scientific explanation
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Have you got a better explanation? One that doesn't take more than one sentence, I mean.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:07:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-09-03 16:03:53 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
I suppose you could do that, but I don't. You shouldn't be looking at your keyboard while you're touch-typing anyway.
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Yeah but that is only the case because I instinctively know where the keys are with qwerty. If I was to change, I'd be scanning the buttons looking for the correct one until I re-learned the positions.
So what do you do, print out a sheet for something to refer to, or did you just commit the new locations to memory?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:06:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bloody Klingons with their mad typing habits.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:03:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-09-03 08:01:09 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can honestly say I did not know this.
But letters are printed on the buttons of a qwerty keyboard - do you pry them off and move them around to their new layout, or are you just expected to remember what one is where?
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I suppose you could do that, but I don't. You shouldn't be looking at your keyboard while you're touch-typing anyway.
Submitted by Squirrelly_Girl (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:02:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I found this interesting. All though I am also really, really bored.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:01:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
visualization is imagining doing something.....really.....GTFO....thanks for that scientific explanation
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-09-03 11:01:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can honestly say I did not know this.
But letters are printed on the buttons of a qwerty keyboard - do you pry them off and move them around to their new layout, or are you just expected to remember what one is where?