Vehicle Troubles (436 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.5 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The Brewski (View user info) at 2008-09-03 18:10:42 EDT
What a bitch right?
Never in my life have I owned any sort of vehicle that could be considered something more than a big ole piece of shit. My first vehicle was a 1981 Chevrolet Monte Carlo (yes, I was that cool). Me and the car were both 16 years since we were conceived. It was destiny.
I worked at a local pizza joint for a long while until I got enough money saved up to buy something to drive. Anything would work (I had thought). After some searching, I came upon the box-car and bought it. $600. Best money I thought I'd ever spent, for about that first month....
After then, everything went to shit. Radiators have always given me trouble for some reason. This was the beginning. The car excessively overheated on a day to day basis because of a horrible radiator leak. I'd stop by work constantly to fill up several gallon jugs to put in the back of my rig for when it decided to fuck up again. (Come on, I was a kid. Temporary fixes were the best fixes.) More and more things went wrong every day. By the end of its long, irritating life with me, a rod was knocking in the motor, there were tons of shorts that kept blowing fuses, it leaked oil, it leaked transmission fluid, the radiator was shot, etc. When I realized the car was too much to put up with, me and a couple of my buddies took off down a dirt road and wrecked it in some farmer's hay field. One of my best memories from high school.
I had came up with enough money while working and driving the wreck to afford something more, I knew exactly what I wanted. I've got this thing for late 80's Chevy Silverados. Square bodied, short wide bed. Big tires. Lots of power. And of course, four wheel drive. You know them right? They're the ones big rednecks drive and jack up to make them more intimidating. Also to compensate for small penises. Therefore I had to have one. (On a side note, I lived in Arkansas so that played a part in my desire too maybe...).
Twenty-five hundred dollars later I couldn't have been happier. It was a charcoal grey body with black and light grey interior. Everything worked on it except, believe it or not, the radiator. I took the rig home, bought a new radiator, installed it, changed the fluids, replaced plugs and plug wires, and did other minor tune up stuff. It may have seemed to be a bit over-kill on the tune up, but you can never trust shady rednecks. I wanted this baby to live forever. But as it turns out, I was so very right about that bastard.
Two months after I bought "Frank," as I called my beautiful piece of machinery (which led to a great pick up line with the ladies "Wanna see my Frank?" 60% of the time, it worked every time), I had to help a friend of mine move her shit out of her ex-boyfriend's house. It was about a 30 mile drive from my place so no big deal. Angie, my friend, rode with me to the guy's house. I told her I could do it without her, but she insisted. I would have argued, but she was a decent-looking chick newly broken up. (Who doesn't love/want some good, short, rebound sex with a friend huh?)
Pulling into his house, the truck lurches hard forward with this loud crash from behind. "What the fuck!?" I shouted, reached behind the seat for a baseball bat, and turned around. I had expected to see her ex-guy's vehicle attached to my tailgate and bumper but no such luck. I crawled back in the rig, put it in park, and proceeded to help her get her stuff out of his place. He stood next to us and glared the entire time we gathered her things. "What? I'm gonna steal your Batman doll collection? Get the fuck away from me," I proceeded to tell him as we placed the last load into the bed. He went inside. (Probably just cause we were done though, or because I'm nine feet tall and whipped Chuck Norris' ass once. Pussy)
I fired up the truck and put it into drive, but as soon as I hit the gas the truck did nothing but rev up. I stepped out and it started rolling forward. Angie yelled at me, so I jumped in and hit the E-brake. I checked under the vehicle for a minute or two and called my uncle who's a mechanic. He said he figured he knew what the problem was, for a quick fix pop it into four wheel drive and put-put home. That in mind, I locked in the hubs, pulled the shifter, and left... while emptying my ashtray and trash-filled floor board into the guy's driveway.
After talking to my uncle, we figured the best plan was to go to his house, figure out the truck, then take her to her place later. We headed down the highway. We talked and I consoled her as we drove. She cried and talked about her ex and how much of a nicer guy I was. Jackpot. I worked it on obviously, smooth line after smooth line. When I set my mind on sex, I want sex. Women are strange though, we all know. They take all this convincing nonsense. So I gave her the set ups, she talked up my awesomeness and convinced herself. I think. I was unable to really find out. I looked over at her and our eyes met in that look (the one when you know you're gonna kiss and it's going to be a damn-sure-leads-to-sex kiss, oh yeah that look). At that second, the truck's back end hit the pavement and made a God awful screeching sound as metal sparked and the tires, with both halves of my back axle, sped past the front cab, one tire and axle half on each side. Dodging traffic and mortified onlookers, I slid into (ironically) an auto-body shop parking lot. I looked over at Angie when we were finally stopped. Her eyes were clenched shut, her nails were dug into my seat, and her mouth was open in something of a silent scream. I laughed. (Kiss my ass. You should have seen her. It was great.)
She looked up, punched my shoulder and got out of the truck. The kiss moment had passed.
Goddamned rednecks cock blockin' me.
User Reviews
Submitted by myshit (user info) at 2008-09-04 14:52:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Wuzi (user info) at 2008-09-04 13:05:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-09-04 04:59:19 CDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is the most depressing caricature of a man that I have ever read. Seriously. It should come with a health warning, it is just that low and horrid and obsessed with just this appaling crude meaningless ugliness. It makes me want to inject heroin into myself.
Is all of Arkansas like this? Is it just you?
Seriously, not fucking around, how is it that in a world filled with miracles such as day becoming night and people falling in love can you have become this way?
---------
That is, by far, the best insult comment I have ever read.
Touche sir.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2008-09-04 07:38:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-09-03 20:39:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The only reason that this isn't a -2 is because you registered in 2004, from what info I have gethered.
====================================
Which means, "Not only is he a douchebag, but he's also an alter."
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-09-04 05:59:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is the most depressing caricature of a man that I have ever read. Seriously. It should come with a health warning, it is just that low and horrid and obsessed with just this appaling crude meaningless ugliness. It makes me want to inject heroin into myself.
Is all of Arkansas like this? Is it just you?
Seriously, not fucking around, how is it that in a world filled with miracles such as day becoming night and people falling in love can you have become this way?
Submitted by Wuzi (user info) at 2008-09-03 20:56:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-09-03 19:39:09 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The only reason that this isn't a -2 is because you registered in 2004, from what info I have gethered.
----
Yep that would be me.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-09-03 20:39:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The only reason that this isn't a -2 is because you registered in 2004, from what info I have gethered.
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-09-03 20:30:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2008-09-03 19:03:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
a) that picture is not a late 80s silverado. late 70s/early 80s mabye.
b) i also like LATE 80s silverados and early 90s ones. short bed 4x4 reg cab is the only way to go. nice work.
i like cars.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I always liked the 90-97ish extended cab Z71. I never cared for them being jacked up, but I like them with some modest sized tires.
Couldn't afford the gas in one now. I can barely afford my Ranger.
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-09-03 20:27:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very nice. One of my old friends from highschool lives in Ft. Smith. He is a DJ now. Goes by the name of Puck if I'm not mistaken.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2008-09-03 19:03:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
a) that picture is not a late 80s silverado. late 70s/early 80s mabye.
b) i also like LATE 80s silverados and early 90s ones. short bed 4x4 reg cab is the only way to go. nice work.
i like cars.
Submitted by Wuzi (user info) at 2008-09-03 18:51:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jonesboro eh? I lived for a short while in Batesville, which was about two hours from there.
But for the most part I lived in the NW region right near Fayetteville. North of Ft. Smith.
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-09-03 18:48:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
In the Ft Smith area? Or the Lake Norfolk area?
I used to live in the Jonesboro area. I graduated highschool there.
Submitted by Wuzi (user info) at 2008-09-03 18:42:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That was for Yozz. Yeah the 90's weren't bad. I have always been a lover of the 80's ones though. I lived up in NW Arkansas.
Submitted by Wuzi (user info) at 2008-09-03 18:41:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Your mom said she was busy this afternoon.
cunt
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-09-03 18:40:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I prefer the 90's Silverado. What part of Arkansas did you live in?
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-09-03 18:16:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
More like posting on Ubersite troubles. What's wrong, couldn't think of anything interesting this late in the day?