Fine Fuck it.. Palin Speech highlights (735 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.09 on 33 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tesla (View user info) at 2008-09-04 02:30:04 EDT
In case you missed some or all of Sarah Palin's convention speech I have provided a transcript below. I hope you find it as powerfully moving and inspirational as I did.
"Hello, tonight I am honored to speak at this half empty arena in St. Paul Minnesota as the Republican nominee for Vice-President. I'm glad to see so many white people and so few black people gathered here to show your support for John Mccain's Presidential Campaign.
To those of you that question John Mccain's ability to lead this great nation I say this... John Mccain can't lift his mutant arms above his nipple line. He isn't part of the Washington arm raising, rotator cuff using elite. Barack Obama can block things being dropped squarely on the top of his head. Now that isn't change we can believe in! Maybe the reason Barack Obama keeps his arms in such functional shape is so he can raise your taxes with them! (Crowd cheers and farts. Some people die from old age.)
I know you have all heard my experience being questioned by the latte drinking, terrorist hugging, media liberal types... (Crowd boos; more are taken by Jesus) Let me tell you I have PLENTY of experience! While Barack Obama was running Harvard's Law Department and doing public outreach to the disenfranchised in Chicago I was serving as a proud parent in the PTA. When I wasn't scribbling Jesus' name into science books or throwing away all the condoms on campus, I love you Bristol, I was beating baby seals to death and using their blubber to run old timey lamps! Now that is the type of forward thinking energy policy that will keep America's houses poorly lit well into next century! I was also mayor... (crowd smiles and poops) where I killed a moose and ate it. Then WHEN I WAS GOVERNOR!... (crowd loudly cheers and loudly continues to die from old age) I killed a moose and DIDN'T eat it. So I guess you can say I'm pro-choice. (giggles) Seriously though, I think I proved that I am highly qualified to run this country or any number of Dunkin Donut locations.
In closing I would just like to say a little something about Patriotism. GOD BLESS OUR TROOPS! I hope they all serve with the honor and courage of heroes like John Mccain and Robert E. Lee. I would also like to say a little something about Faith. GOD HATES FAGGOTS! (Crowd waves American Flags vigorously)
Thank you St. Paul! And Thank You America!"
User Reviews
Submitted by stinkfish (user info) at 2008-09-05 03:27:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Mccain speech was brilliant...
I always wanted a president with limited arm movement and a speech impediment!
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-09-04 22:54:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Palin recently said that the war in Iraq is "God's task." She's even admitted she hasn't thought about the war much—just last year she was quoted saying, "I've been so focused on state government, I haven't really focused much on the war in Iraq." 1, 2
Palin has actively sought the support of the fringe Alaska Independence Party. Six months ago, Palin told members of the group—who advocate for a vote on secession from the union—to "keep up the good work" and "wished the party luck on what she called its 'inspiring convention.'" 3
Palin wants to teach creationism in public schools. She hasn't made clear whether she thinks evolution is a fact.4
Palin doesn't believe that humans contribute to global warming. Speaking about climate change, she said, "I'm not one though who would attribute it to being manmade." 5
Palin has close ties to Big Oil. Her inauguration was even sponsored by BP. 6
Palin is extremely anti-choice. She doesn't even support abortion in the case of rape or incest. 7
Palin opposes comprehensive sex-ed in public schools. She's said she will only support abstinence-only approaches. 8
As mayor, Palin tried to ban books from the library. Palin asked the library how she might go about banning books because some had inappropriate language in them—shocking the librarian, Mary Ellen Baker. According to Time, "news reports from the time show that Palin had threatened to fire Baker for not giving "full support" to the mayor." 9
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2008-09-04 22:42:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I wish people would write better sarcasm than that along the lines of "You love me... BEACUSE I SUCK!"
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-09-04 22:00:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2008-09-04 21:48:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by stinkfish (user info) at 2008-09-04 21:16:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Im glad this has squeaked its way to a positive rating
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2008-09-04 17:34:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-09-04 16:20:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! This is funny as poo. Points for you.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-09-04 16:02:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2008-09-04 15:05:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well done sir.
Submitted by myshit (user info) at 2008-09-04 14:47:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by stinkfish (user info) at 2008-09-04 13:19:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This wasn't exactly trying to be balanced...
ya dig?
Submitted by BobSandwich (user info) at 2008-09-04 12:40:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-09-04 12:04:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll say this for you, mate, you've succesfully polarised people's response.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-09-04 11:44:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This was even better the second time.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-09-04 11:38:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2008-09-04 10:55:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
for this
"While Barack Obama was running Harvard's Law Department and doing public outreach to the disenfranchised in Chicago I was serving as a proud parent in the PTA"
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2008-09-04 10:42:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-09-04 10:14:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Beautiful.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2008-09-04 10:04:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2008-09-04 09:56:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Vilf.
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-09-04 09:12:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I laughed. It was pretty funny.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-09-04 07:33:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Owch.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-09-04 07:17:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Howzabout you leave the political satire to those who know funny. Or those who at least know the meaning of the word 'funny'. Or those who at least know how to look up the word 'funny' in a dictionary. Or maybe those who at least know how to spell the word 'funny'.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-09-04 07:16:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No, YOU explain it. That was the crux of my point. Balance in a political post, be it satire or otherwise, is always going to be more powerful and persuasive.
Don't actually try to explain it though as you'll make a mess of it.
Submitted by stinkfish (user info) at 2008-09-04 06:49:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Barack Obama taught at Harvard sir....
John Mccain almost flunked out of Military school...
airhead?
explain
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-09-04 05:44:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It is remarkable that against such a terrifyingly insane duo of an elderly man and the ultimate busybody/control freak that you have made such a pitiful mess of lampooning them.
Don't try this satire lark again, mate. You're clearly not cut out for it.
This also needed some manner of depictions of Barack Obama as an airhead. There's never any balance in your guys efforts of sending up your political figures.
Submitted by Aadarm (user info) at 2008-09-04 02:48:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Now I've had to click 3 whole links to read this and use a mouse gesture to get back to ubers! And I only thought it was ok the first time I read it on your blog.
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2008-09-04 02:43:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
nope, no one ever wins here
Submitted by stinkfish (user info) at 2008-09-04 02:42:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I reposted without a link cause I got panned for that...
I can't win here
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-09-04 02:40:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not terrible.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2008-09-04 02:39:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I already read this on your blog
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2008-09-04 02:39:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
you know the rules dingbat: 1 post per day