Gaga For Dogface, Part 1 (627 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalRating: 1.2 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by X54 (View user info) at 2008-09-05 10:50:09 EDT
Sam Wire, Surface Technician First Class, sat up with a start. Were those twigs snapping underfoot, or just the crackling of his campfire reflected back from the darkened forest? Twisting around in his camp chair, he looked back at the open cargo ramp of the landing craft 30 feet behind him. Dark, man-sized figures darted into the woods. Or were they just shadows cast by the fire's dancing flames?
"Lights," he said to the landing craft.
Nothing happened.
"Lights, God damn it!"
Still nothing happened. Another fuse, he thought, taking a drink from his half empty bottle of potable alcohol. The damn landing craft ate them like candy. He'd already gone through all his spares and had started scavenging them from other equipment, had even borrowed the one from his laser pistol.
A shadow emerged from the trees. This time there was no mistaking it. Sam reached for his laser pistol, thinking of the scrap of metal he'd used to replace the fuse. A woman with wild, black hair dressed in a worn aviator's jumpsuit stepped into the firelight and knelt before him. A crevasse of cleavage peeked out from the deeply plunging neckline of her unfastened front zipper. Stunned, Sam ogled her, half expecting Professor Sheehan's familiar reprimand: "Wire, will you please try to look at my eyes when I'm speaking to you?"
But Professor Sheehan and her grad-student assistant were miles away by now, and this woman didn't object to Sam's hungry stare. Smiling, she thrust out her chest and said in English, "At last you've returned."
The skin around her eyes was painted black like a raccoon's mask. Her prominent nose and jaw gave her a vaguely canine appearance. Sam leaned forward.
"All our lives we've waited for you," continued the woman in a low, husky voice, "praying for your return, just as our parents did, and their parents before them, all the way back to the Time of Plenty. And now, at last, our prayers have been answered." Her voice rose to a shout. "You are here!"
With that, the forest broke out into high-pitched ululations. A dozen swarthy men brandishing machetes burst from the trees to kneel in a semicircle around the fire. They wore an assortment of outdated military uniforms in various states of disrepair. All were barefoot. With noses and jaws even more prominent than the woman's, they looked like a pack of hungry dogs, testing the air with flared nostrils.
"Who are you?" said Sam.
The woman rose to her feet and fixed Sam in a steely gaze. "I am Shayla," she barked. "Leader of the Rightful Guardians of the Holy City of Plenty!" She clapped her hands. Two men tossed bundles of wood onto the fire. They all began a low, rhythmic chant. Shayla approached Sam and bent forward to place her hands on the armrests of his chair. She smiled to reveal shiny, white teeth filed to sharp points. Some sort of crucifix-like object dangled from a fine, glittering chain around her neck. Swaying to the men's chanting, she stepped back and began to dance. Turning away from Sam, she slipped the jumpsuit from her shoulders. The men increased the volume and tempo of their chanting. The crackling flames burned higher.
The landing craft's intruder alert buzzed. Sam turned to see one of the men poking around inside. "Hey!" he hollered, struggling drunkenly to his feet.
Shayla gripped his arm, steadying him. She barked an order. Two men rushed forward to drag the intruder from the landing craft. A third man stepped up, his machete raised, as they wrestled the intruder to the ground. The machete flashed once, twice, three times and the struggling man's head rolled free. Whooping, machete-man picked it up by its long hair and held it, dripping, before Sam. Its eyes blinked in the flickering firelight.
"Holy shit," said Sam.
"No one shall be permitted to displease you," said Shayla. The men howled as machete-man tossed the severed head into the fire, then continued their chanting. Shayla resumed her dance.
[To be continued...]
User Reviews
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2008-09-20 17:36:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-09-07 19:44:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by jtrujillo34 (user info) at 2008-09-05 15:01:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Damn right I'm on. Your mother.
That was the last practice session for the week.
Game time bitch.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-09-05 14:53:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're on, Buddy.
Submitted by jtrujillo34 (user info) at 2008-09-05 14:51:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Your a fucking genius. Like I said I will post monday morning, you piece of shit. Your going down like your whore of a mother.
Just practicing.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-09-05 14:43:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No, God dammit. You have to write one about ME. And I'll write one about you. It won't do you any good to write one about Shlongy because he doesn't even know who you are.
Submitted by jtrujillo34 (user info) at 2008-09-05 14:36:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I will post my hate on Monday morning. I only uber during working hours, and I'm leaving in about an hour.
Submitted by jtrujillo34 (user info) at 2008-09-05 14:30:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Great Idea Sir.
I choose Shlongy, who are you going to harass?
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-09-05 13:40:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by jtrujillo34 (user info) at 2008-09-05 10:31:24 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
X54-----Gggggggggaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy..............ssssshhhhhhhhoooooooorrrrrrrrrtttttttttsssssss!!!
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Maybe we should crash that hate contest, Trujillo. Mudwhistle is such a dumbfuck he'll never know the difference. And no one else gives a fuck. What do you say?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-09-05 13:32:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-09-05 16:18:07 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's not my picture. I googled "dark and scary forest."
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LOL Scary forest?? I have no idea why that made me laugh
Submitted by jtrujillo34 (user info) at 2008-09-05 13:31:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
X54-----Gggggggggaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy..............ssssshhhhhhhhoooooooorrrrrrrrrtttttttttsssssss!!!
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-09-05 11:19:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahaha, at least you're honest! Still...it's a cool pic, and it looks like WA. It probably is. Or its in Northern CA or something.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-09-05 11:18:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's not my picture. I googled "dark and scary forest."
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-09-05 11:15:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Points for a cool pic. Looks like Washington, or at least the Pacific Northwest somewhere.