Absolutes - Another EPIC OathMeal Contest!! (852 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.3 on 44 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by OathMeal (View user info) at 2008-09-15 13:01:39 EDT
HI KIDS!
No, there'll be no testosterated posturing from me today...this is serious business I'm conveying to you this morn.
Due to the painfully low level of entertainment being provided by Ubersite at the moment, I thought it would be opportune to introduce another fantastic OathMeal contest.
Those of you who have participated in these in the past know that I dish out some pretty fantastic prizes for those who are lucky and/or talented enough to win. For THIS particular contest, the winner will have his/her choice of one of the following very exciting options:
1. $10 paypaled instantly
2. A custom-writ short story by ME describing my adoration for you and your abilities (2,000 word max)
3. Your selection of something from http://www.thinkgeek.com (shipped cost under $15)
4. Nothing
"WOW THAT'S BRILLIANT OATHY SO HOW DOES THIS CONTEST WORK?" ...I hear you ask.
Well, the contest is called Absolutes</i> and here are the rules -
<b>RULE 1: You will post text content describing something you absolutely and completely loathe to the point of this thing causing suicidal ideation. Some examples might be cops, toothy blow jobs, taint chafing, Method's mom, soggy cereal, Shlongy posts, etc.
Nothing is off limits, but the one requirement is that it pisses you off to no end.
RULE 2: You will post a picture of something that is in direct contrast to that thing which you hate. Consider it...the 'inverse'...of whatever you've just described as the ultimate object of your hate.
Example: If you wrote about how much MS Word pisses you off because it's formatting abilities are akin to drawing shit in the sand, perhaps you'd post an screenshot of some high-end adobe product in action.
That's a pretty lame example and you WILL LOSE, likely, if you use it, but you get the idea.
Now...
You can choose to FLIP these options and write about what you love, and post a graphic depicting what you hate...but please maintain the theme of the contest in doing so.
Be sure you do two things or else you will be laughed at endlessly and exempted from consideration as winner:
1. Title your post "Absolutes - [title]"
2. Link your post back here
Winner will be determined by overall rating at 10 am MST, Wednesday, September 17th.
I don't want to hear any bitching, whining or other scourge-like outcries. Being a badass all the time and pretty much doing whatever I want doesn't leave much time to deal with fucking babies getting their ASCII in a twist.
NOW GO 4th!
User Reviews
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2008-09-21 13:37:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/e/e8/Ronbyrequestonly.jpg/180px-Ronbyrequestonly.jpg
THAT'S YOU ROFL LOL!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEE
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-09-16 20:21:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Doggapoopa.
Submitted by Judgement (user info) at 2008-09-16 07:32:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-09-16 07:09:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
'Splendid Failure' Roared EI
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-09-15 23:40:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
didn't read it
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-09-15 15:57:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Consider this my entry, even though I already posted it before the contest. But not that long before. http://www.ubersite.com/m/118728
I hate: live mice.
I love: dead mice.
Submitted by dohnuts (user info) at 2008-09-15 15:52:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-09-15 15:47:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
not one person has linked back to this post.
DISQUALIFIED
=========
*blinks*
Did I miss something?
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-09-15 15:51:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I was all set to write about how much I hate Bill Gates and his fucked up operating system, but then you had to use Word as an example. Fuck me.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-09-15 15:47:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
not one person has linked back to this post.
DISQUALIFIED
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-09-15 15:17:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Garrik (user info) at 2008-09-15 14:27:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I just have to be awesome all the time in front of our clients (which isn't really even a task) and the money pours in.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0OTgb3KO7QM
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-09-15 15:07:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Garrik (user info) at 2008-09-15 14:47:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GEE THANKS INION 'PRECIATE THAT.
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any time red.
Submitted by jtrujillo34 (user info) at 2008-09-15 15:04:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oathmeal, hmmmmm......You should get a Cockmeal. Just chop someone's cock off. Shove it up your ass, take it out then stick it in your mouth. That will complete a technique called the Dirty Sanchez. Be sure to knock all of your teeth out ahead of time because even a dead cock hates teeth.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-09-15 15:02:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I have no idea what's going on here...
Submitted by 8bithero (user info) at 2008-09-15 15:00:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/118735
Submitted by Garrik (user info) at 2008-09-15 14:47:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GEE THANKS INION 'PRECIATE THAT.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-09-15 14:40:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
can't be fucked.
Submitted by dohnuts (user info) at 2008-09-15 14:30:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1221503304985225835
Submitted by Garrik (user info) at 2008-09-15 14:27:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sorry dipshit but I have lackeys like you doing my math for me.
I just have to be awesome all the time in front of our clients (which isn't really even a task) and the money pours in.
It's a stark contrast, I know, to your job of cleaning out lint filters at your local laundromat.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-09-15 14:27:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Enough heat.
Your contest is shit. You are not funny, interesting, intelligent or worth the time. Fuck off.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-09-15 14:25:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I get the same way when I think of you doing sums in your head.
Submitted by Garrik (user info) at 2008-09-15 14:24:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
LOL
Sorry red but I just can't imagine you being physically capable of raising a spear above your head.
...at least, not for longer than a few seconds before folding under the immense strain your shoulders would experience.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-09-15 14:23:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Just when I thought Oathmeal couldn't make yet another whiny comment when someone has called him a cock HE GOES AND KNOCKS ANOTHER ONE OUT OF THE PARK!
WOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
etc.
Submitted by Garrik (user info) at 2008-09-15 14:22:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow.
Just when I thought all the world's unfunniest jokes have seen their time here on Ubersite, redskies goes and shows me how wrong I was.
Un...real.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-09-15 14:21:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It is very important that I learn how to throw spears in case my supermarket ceases to exist! I AM GINGER HEAR ME ROAR!
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-09-15 14:19:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you gunged up cunt.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-09-15 14:19:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Brilliant. If I'd bothered reading your contest I'd know what it was about - I presume it's a shit hatepost rip off?
You're not worth hate though.
Tell you what though spacker, do one on pity and I may write one about you. It would be along the lines of "there once was a chicken feed salesman who couldn't go out into the sun without the rays burning his precious skin"
Submitted by Garrik (user info) at 2008-09-15 14:16:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
hahah if I were entering my own contest I'd write the longest, most thought-out piece on survival, strength, persistence and integrity.
Then, for the pic, I'd throw up one of Redskies' numerous camwhores.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-09-15 14:13:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
STILL in love with a stripper, 4 below.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-09-15 14:11:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
don't get all Jurassic on me pal
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-09-15 14:10:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm waiting on the one that goes on and on about the virtues of whiskey or tequila or rum or weed or teetotaling or whatever and ends with a picture of Absolut bottles.
Submitted by Garrik (user info) at 2008-09-15 13:58:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
lol@quint...
Well at least you have the CONCEPT down.
Submitted by dohnuts (user info) at 2008-09-15 13:54:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Point giving cunt, below.
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2008-09-15 13:54:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, this is easy. I'll do the one with the "love" text and the "hate" picture. I'd post and link, but I don't post anything with this alter, so here's my entry:
I love getting my salad tossed by Method's Mom. She's not afraid to get the tongue right in there. In fact, she kind of cleans you up while she's at it. It's like using a bidet. Blowjobs are a dime a dozen. Any girl can do it and any girl with no teeth can do it better. But tossing the salad is an art. A lost art. Sure some guys in prison are very skilled at it, but finding a woman with analinguis abilities is hard. Hmmm... perhaps that's why Method's Mom is so good at it. She does fuck a lot of black guys and most black guys go to prison, ergo said black guys probably coached her on her technique. Regardless, la Mère de Méthode is definitely the finest salad tosser I have ever been with and I'm the kind of guy who has had his salad tossed a lot. And no, not always in prison. Mostly, but not always.
OK, for my hate picture:
http://www.nymethod.com/oathmeal.jpg
As for my prize, I'll take the cash. You can paypal me at iamquint.at.gmail.com
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-09-15 13:49:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Points for a good idea! I'll watch...too shy to play these sorts of games just yet.
A good idea to "hate" on would be the fact that Sage likes to give people "points"...seemed to piss you off enough, Ginger.
Toodles!
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-09-15 13:46:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is possibly the lamest bid for attention that I've ever seen. You do realize you're a joke, yes?
Submitted by dohnuts (user info) at 2008-09-15 13:28:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll play!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-09-15 13:22:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
haha!!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-09-15 13:18:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It's a surprise a minute around here, Sherlock.
Submitted by Garrik (user info) at 2008-09-15 13:18:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy, Scourge and Redskies, all conveniently shitting on my post.
HOW COMPLETELY UNPRECEDENTED.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-09-15 13:13:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This contest is officially canceled due to "Lack of Interest".
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2008-09-15 13:12:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 filename
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-09-15 13:09:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
prize #2 almost interests me enough to make me consider entering this stupid fucking contest.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-09-15 13:06:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Garrik (user info) at 2008-09-15 13:02:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Of COURSE I can't keep html tagging consistent. What else is new.