Absolutes (497 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.83 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by >McDougal< (View user info) at 2008-09-15 13:44:12 EDT
Liars.
There is nothing I hate more than listening to a bunch of bullshit that I KNOW not to be true, only to have to politely suffer as to not offend anyone who is 'friends' with said liar.
FOR example:
A buddy of mine had a girlfriend whom will henceforth be referred to as Lying Whore.
Now, Lying Whore wasn't just capable of fabricating mountains of bullshit with each sentence, she was the biggest sympathy whore I'd ever encountered. Ever.
To set the scene, my friend, a few guys we know, Lying Whore, and myself would all hang out at least once or twice a week. Given, most of us were much happier when LW wasn't around.. but my buddy was a good friend of ours, so we mostly gritted our teeth and did our best to bear it when LW was around.
Bullshit mountain #1:
LW: My dad died. He killed himself. (At this point, she's already scanning the room for looks of sympathy..)
Me: How did he kill himself?
LW: I don't know..
Me: Your dad killed himself.. and you don't know how?
LW: No.. I.. Uh.. I was just so upset I didn't want to hear anything else.
Now mind you, this whole time..not only is she with us the day her dad croaks, but not a single tear has been shed for old Daddy dear. One could draw up a few conclusions from this:
1. Daddy liked to play hide the sausage. (Doubtful.. she scares small children on a daily basis..)
2. Daddy was a drunk who abused the LW. (Anyone who knew her dad at all would know this to be false)
3. Daddy is still alive and well, and the LW is still very much an LW.
So, being the great friends that we are, we offer our 'condolences' and part ways later that night. The next morning we call LW's mommy to actually pay our respects and whatnot.
LW's mom: Hello?
Friend: Hello, we were just calling to say how sorry we are about John.
LW's mom: Why, what's wrong?
Friend: Well, we heard he died. LW told us that he'd taken his own life.
LW's mom: Uhh, no, he's sitting right here next to me watching TV.
Friend: So he's okay?
LW's mom: Yeah. He's right here.
Friend: Sorry to bother you.. >click<
Needless to say, when we all found out the news that he was indeed alive and well, we weren't too happy. Personally, I wanted to kick her in the face. Unfortunately, Friend had decided that a foot to her face would be too severe, and asked us all not to confront her about it. In respect for Friend's wishes, we agreed.
Bullshit Mountain #2:
LW: I'm pregnant.
Friend: Oh. You sure?
LW: Yeah. I'm sure.
Friend: ...
So, Friend and LW talk for awhile, and LW says that she'll be going to the Doc for an ultrasound.. and when she comes back, there's no name of the patient on the sonogram pics.. odd, don't you think?
Long story short, the whole "I'm pregnant" bit goes on for about five months.. and still no change in body. The belly hasn't gotten any bigger, appetite hasn't changed, etc. Now I realize that taller women may not show until late in their pregnancies, but this bitch was lucky to be 5'1" at most.
In the meantime, all the while more sonograms and Dr. appointments turn up, all with the name blacked out or cut off. Hhmm.
So, to get to the bottom of this, Friend calls me over to act as an eyewitness. He makes her pee on a stick, and the test comes up negative. Okay.. pee on another stick. Negative..
I'm sure if she had peed on a third stick, the window would've said "you're not pregnant you stupid bitch". Too bad she never peed on that third one..
So, we know she's not pregnant, but she keeps insisting that she is, all the while dragging my friend through a load of bullshit that he doesn't need. So finally, I've had enough, and say
"hey, LW.. how's your dad?
She looks at me for a minute, and I say "we called, and we know he's not dead. you're a fucking idiot."
So then my Friend chimes in about how we called and verified that she was indeed an LW, and she tries explaining it away that it was a stepdad she meant. Which also wasn't the case.
Meanwhile, she's still insisting that she's pregnant, so a visit to the hospital with Friend in the exam room proves once again, that she's an LW.
I fucking hate assholes who try to use plausible deniability to back up their bullshit lies.
Another example.. I don't care HOW much of a badass you think you are, you did NOT kick the shit out of six guys at a bar. You're an asshole. Just because we weren't there, doesn't mean we don't know you're full of shit. Choke on a cock.
It just irritates me to no end, the amount of assholes out there who fabricate bullshit to try to sound cool.
In contrast..
User Reviews
Submitted by Lamia (user info) at 2008-09-17 03:51:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2008-09-16 14:29:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lying cheating bastards are pieces of shit as well
Submitted by Malachewaii (user info) at 2008-09-15 14:24:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
YESSS!!! There goes my 10 bucks. Unless no one else posts.. which they will..
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-09-15 14:12:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/31237
There are no oranges in this post. Liar.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-09-15 14:08:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
All this mess is telling me is that you are a fucking moron for "hanging around" this dumb broad for more than 40 seconds.
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2008-09-15 14:07:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
p.s. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sarcasm
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2008-09-15 14:07:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My cousins neighbor claimed to be a Navy Seal back in late 1999. He said he was re-activated in order to help with possible military takeover of Denver in the even the Y2K chaos was too much for local police to handle. He even claimed there was a "Private Road" fro, Fort Carson to Denver whereby they could get troops to Denver with no traffic.
I also worked with a guy who was "Air Force Special Forces" and still had the immunity from prosecution if he had to 'take care of anyone deemd a threat to our country". He also planned the invasion of Haiti, only to be foiled by President Carter's diplomacy, but received a commendation. Did I mention he also used to steal corvettes for a lviing? yet, there he was....working on a helpdesk.
I could go on and on...
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2008-09-15 14:07:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by dohnuts (user info) at 2008-09-15 14:03:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Doesn't get it, below.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-09-15 14:05:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
kooky
Submitted by Malachewaii (user info) at 2008-09-15 14:05:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
quint, you fuckin mental midget..
Submitted by dohnuts (user info) at 2008-09-15 14:03:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Doesn't get it, below.
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2008-09-15 13:55:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You hate Abraham Lincoln? Racist!
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-09-15 13:54:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, OK. I can follow you on this one.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-09-15 13:53:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it!
Submitted by Garrik (user info) at 2008-09-15 13:51:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-09-15 13:47:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hope your first child is a masculine child!