I know why chicks don't like me (1121 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.2 on 71 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by OathMeal (View user info) at 2008-09-17 12:41:29 EDT
Isn't it obvious?
1: I play death metal and ambient dub music wherever I am, no exceptions (well...there IS some Mustard Plug, Pennywise and pre-Black-album Metallica thrown in there). It's 'All Meshuggah, all the time' on WBDD radio, in my apartment or while driving my car, which leads us to...
2: My car is an all-stock 1997 Honda Accord 4-door with two 12" bass speakers in the back being pushed by a bridged 2,000 watt Kenwood amp, tinted windows, alloy wheels and a lingering wet dog smell inside. I like to be reminded of my favorite friend even when she's not around.
3: I talk to myself. Audibly. In public. About things that I probably shouldn't talk about, even to myself.
4: I have a degree in Philosophy. When most other right-minded individuals make the decision to spend $30,000+ of their own (or their parents) money on education, it's likely going to be so they can APPLY their new-found knowledge in some lucrative and problem-solving way. Not me. I'm far too enlightened to do anything pragmatic with what I've learned regarding epistemology, symbolic logic and phenomenology.
5: I simply cannot stand make-up on a woman. This is something I have HONESTLY tried to rectify in my life by appreciating face art donned by women but it just hasn't worked. Why the double standard? Men don't cake on foundation and mascara before going to the gym (well...ok...maybe Method does) so why do women?
6: My IQ is in the mid 140's. I don't have to be a member of some high-brow, loosely stitched-together group like MENSA to know I'm WAY smarter than just about everyone. I guess some women find this trait of mine to be elitist, egotistical and brash. What, like I actually ASKED to be born with such well developed mental capacities?
7: I watch no TV. At all. I don't understand others' fascination with it. I mean, why watch depictions of others living interesting lives when there's a chance you could create an interesting life of your OWN in your very OWN reality?
8: I argue the merits of extreme sports and hardcore weightlifting. Let's be honest; when you're ripped, huge and intimidating, AND you can do a kickflip on a 45-inch longboard like I can, it's a lot easier to believe you're a fucking badass without limitations (which I am). Again, chicks appear to be too in awe of my incredible physique and sick mountain bike skills to take me seriously.
9: I'm never going to finish that damn montage of myself that I've been working on since graduating from military school. I'm waiting to finish my MBA and THAT'S certainly not going to happen tomorrow.
10: I have a subscription to Blizzard Entertainment's newsletter regarding the development of Diablo III, quite possibly the most epic release that company will have ever produced. I am also not too ashamed to say that I have, in the past, PAID REAL MONEY for items for my Diablo II character just because pwning noobs with a level 42 Chain Lightening spell is WELL WORTH the $1.92 paypal payment for that +2 allskill Shako of Vita.
User Reviews
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2008-09-18 22:53:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I haven't watched TV in over a year now.
You'd be smarter if you kept all that intelligence to yourself.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-09-18 13:00:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Your face. Simple As That.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-09-18 08:34:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-09-18 03:59:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am also not too ashamed to say that I have, in the past, PAID REAL MONEY for items for my Diablo II character just because pwning noobs with a level 42 Chain Lightening spell is WELL WORTH the $1.92 paypal payment for that +2 allskill Shako of Vita.
__________________
Fuck I can totally see Oatmeal sitting in front of his computer spending hundreds of dollars to dominate fat basement dwellers and children on the internet.
Its so terribly tragic
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2008-09-17 22:38:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
11. chicks don't dig micropenises due to steroids
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2008-09-17 22:02:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'd say you're gay and very much in love with yourself. That's cool.
Submitted by therealgeddylee (user info) at 2008-09-17 18:20:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A decent chunk of these apply to me. Especially the death metal.
Nothing scares the hell out of a girl more than blasting Morbid Angel on your way out to dinner.
Submitted by invisiblefish (user info) at 2008-09-17 17:56:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for death metal
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-09-17 17:31:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You got a new desk to hide under, Champ?
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-09-17 17:28:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I used to live with a girl who had a degree in philosophy. she would walk around thinking she was better than everyone and would deliberately stay sober when everyone else was drunk so she could try and get secrets out of you, so I told her that her boyfriend was cheating on her with our other flatmate.
2 days later she moved out.
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-09-17 17:24:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
holy shit... the shlongy/ginger hate is giving me a rage boner.
Submitted by Garrik (user info) at 2008-09-17 17:23:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-09-17 17:14:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I cannot wait for my opportunity to put you out of your own misery.
_______________________________
I welcome that! Really I do!
But we've discussed this before and your fear for your own life is the only thing REALLY holding you back.
Until you get over that, I'll be here!
<3
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-09-17 17:19:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't. I'm sick of this asshole.
He can't shut his fucking ginger mouth. Ever.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-09-17 17:17:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh man do I love me some Shlongy/Oathmeal fights!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-09-17 17:14:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
OH BOY! Mr. Internet Tough Guy is pulling out all of his internet stops and using real names again!!!
YOU SURE RULE THE INTRAWEBS, BRET!!!
How'd you come up with this new strategy, genius???
I cannot wait for my opportunity to put you out of your own misery. You are without a doubt, the biggest piece of shit I've ever come across, anywhere at anytime.
Submitted by dreamstomper1 (user info) at 2008-09-17 17:11:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Garrik (user info) at 2008-09-17 17:02:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Shlongy is, bar none, the biggest pussy this website has ever encountered.
Fuck off nice and right, dipshit. If anyone has any right to discuss how women should be treated around here, it certainly isn't you.
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ME!! ME!! I have the right to discuss how YOU treat women. Jackfuck!!
Submitted by Garrik (user info) at 2008-09-17 17:11:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you Jeff! Keep up the good work!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-09-17 17:09:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Make me, tough guy.
You are in the top 1% of biggest fucking losers in the entire western world.
I'm here to remind you of that on a daily basis.
Now shut the fuck up before you hurt yourself, fucking faggot alter queen.
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2008-09-17 17:06:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-09-17 16:51:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Relax Jeannee, I've fucked loads of uber guys. So has my mom.
--
That's not funny. Method's Mom jokes are so old.
Submitted by Garrik (user info) at 2008-09-17 17:02:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Shlongy is, bar none, the biggest pussy this website has ever encountered.
Fuck off nice and right, dipshit. If anyone has any right to discuss how women should be treated around here, it certainly isn't you.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-09-17 17:00:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'll be a jerk all fucking day, if for no other reason to remind him what a piece of shit human being he is.
The fact that YOU forgave him for how he "spoke" to you via Uber - and I haven't - tells me something about both of us.
Submitted by dreamstomper1 (user info) at 2008-09-17 16:56:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I am having a hard time forgiving him for saying that to a woman. And he is actually very sweet in real life.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-09-17 16:51:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Relax Jeannee, I've fucked loads of uber guys. So has my mom.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-09-17 16:49:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't be a jerk, Shloongy. I know you're constipated, and I feel your pain on that, but you're better than that. Oathy and I talked it out and now we're cool. We're not exactly friends, but all is forgiven. But being reminded of the fact that I went... there... with a person from Ubersite makes me want to die. I'm in a completely different place than I was 2 years ago.
I guess I need to be reminded of how fucked up I used to be, lest I lose touch with the humility that is my birthright. Or something. I must have had too much coffee today because I'm spazzing the fuck out right now
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-09-17 16:43:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Because he's a fucking moron, for starters.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-09-17 16:30:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Of course not. Why would it?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-09-17 16:28:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I saw that...and it was nice to sit back and recall that you were never going to acknowledge oathmeal's existance ever again AND that you quit Ubersite.
None of it stuck,eh?
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2008-09-17 16:27:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Diablo III will rule all.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-09-17 16:20:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I love that we are still talking about that little episode, 2 fucking years later. Love it. It's like re-living the best day of my life over and over and over and over, like that movie Groundhog Day, except utterly appalling and pathetic. Excuse me, I have to go hang myself now.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-09-17 15:54:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HWF_U6fmmMs
Submitted by dohnuts (user info) at 2008-09-17 15:54:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
With all due respect...nah, fuck it, you don't deserve any respect right now, dreamstomper. I like fuckjack better than jackfuck.
Submitted by dreamstomper1 (user info) at 2008-09-17 15:49:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OMG!! I thought you were an oddball, turns out, you are a jackfuck!! Is that how you speak to women when they make you angry?
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2008-09-17 15:46:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Also because you look like this: http://www.nymethod.com/oathmeal.jpg
I've said it before. Method's Mom will fuck anybody. Literally. There was once a World of Warcraft convention that she accidently went to (as it turns out, the "Black Guys with 14 Inch Cocks" convention was actually in Meeting Hall D, not B). 90% of the attendees were virgins when they walked in, but not when they left. True story. Anyway, Method's Mom really will fuck anybody, but not you. That says something.
Submitted by Garrik (user info) at 2008-09-17 15:36:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Who's 'foster'?
Submitted by dohnuts (user info) at 2008-09-17 15:32:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dreamstomper forgot to mention:
543: You think that telling women "kicking you in the cunt would be a compliment" makes you sound cool. http://www.ubersite.com/m/95544#2218318
*runs and hides*
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-09-17 15:28:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Garrik (user info) at 2008-09-17 15:25:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It's certainly more nutritional than the loads of semen you swallow for breakfast, moron.
------
hey man don't knock that stuff. it's fat free and high in the necessary building blocks of life.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-09-17 15:27:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
method sold you his car?
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-09-17 15:25:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*snicker*
Submitted by Garrik (user info) at 2008-09-17 15:25:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
lol@below
Muscle Milk IS a food.
It's certainly more nutritional than the loads of semen you swallow for breakfast, moron.
Submitted by dreamstomper1 (user info) at 2008-09-17 15:20:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is why chicks don't like you, Oathy.
11. You let your dog watch when you have sex. She is on the bed or under the bed or staring right at you.
12. You wear black jeans, that are too tight with tapered legs.
13. You NEVER have food. NEVER. Muscle Milk is not a meal!!
14. Your Kool- Aid is weak. Really, it is.
15. You buy 1 ply toilet paper. ??
16. You eat standing up, at the counter.
17. Your feet are too small. I am often surprised you don't fall over.
18. Returning DVD's at the grocery store is too complicated for you.
19. You give chicks too many drugs. When they overdose, you tell them it's their fault
20. You have a twin bed. Must be more of that Existentialism shite.
21. You read product manuals on the toilet.
22. It's not just makeup that irks you, it's lotions, creams, shampoos, toothpastes, deodorants. Huh, most hygiene products.
23. You sell gifts chicks have given you on Craigslist!!
24. Your pubes are like Saffron.
25. You think Tabasco is exotic.
Submitted by dohnuts (user info) at 2008-09-17 15:16:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahaha @ muddy trying to get under my skin. You can talk about her all you want. Your wife is still a portly kid shitter, much like you.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2008-09-17 15:15:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
girls don't like that you feel the need to prove yourself. modesty is the key, they are clever enough to know whether you are a cunt or not, which you clearly are - so i suppose you're pretty much fucked either way
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-09-17 15:11:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was very hard to finish reading.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-09-17 15:10:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
11. You like boys.
Submitted by Garrik (user info) at 2008-09-17 15:07:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
adamdidit2u has some serious issues, the least of which involves obsessing over me.
Get back to your mindless job serving the public, 'sandwich artist'.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-09-17 14:47:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
now why do you have to bring my wife into it....I don't talk about LAUREN HANLEY
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2008-09-17 14:46:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Your life sucks. Haha. Because of you.
It's not any of those things. I have worse degrees of some of the issues above and I'm not even some ripped jocktard. My life still drips pussy.
Submitted by dohnuts (user info) at 2008-09-17 14:24:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Muddy is just a week late, much like the dick flap he calls "wife."
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2008-09-17 14:23:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You somehow managed to make me believe you're actually a bigger douchebag in real life than on this website.
congrats on that i guess.
Because I'm bored I'll just do a quick point by point.
1: I play death metal and ambient dub music....
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because you hink it makes you hardcore. It doesn't and it never will. BTW the inability to appreciate all forms of music is a sign of immaturity and intellectual dwarfism
2: My car is an all-stock 1997 Honda Accord 4-door ....
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You tried to pimp out a 11 year old japanese family sedan. You are a loser.
3: I talk to myself. Audibly. In public. About things that I probably shouldn't talk about, even to myself.
=============
No comment needed. Get some help, and some friends
4: I have a degree in Philosophy....
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Just because you have a degree in it doesn't mean shit. Alot of colleges are diploma mills especially in areas like philosphy because the department is just glad someone is thaking their classes. You can probably regurgitate a few choice quotes, but lets face it you majored in philosophy cause you probably couldn't hack doing the hard science and math classes that practical majors require.
5: I simply cannot stand make-up on a woman....
============
This is because you're a closet homo. Come on out of the closet, you're obviously the last to know.
6: My IQ is in the mid 140's....
===========
People who boast about thier IQ's using a number from a unscientific test that uses an unscientific scale are liars. You not being an exception.
7: I watch no TV. At all...
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OMG leik look at me! I'm so elitist cause I don't watch TV. Maybe you should try doing things that normal people do like hang out with some friends and watch a football game and you wouldn't be some gym obsessed homo who rapes his dog and spends 300 hours a week on a website using 50+ users.
8: I argue the merits of extreme sports and hardcore weightlifting...
============
NEWS FLASH
Badasses get chicks. Hot chicks. They get this thing you always see on the intarwebs called "pussy". You are not a bad ass. You are a poser. You suck at mountian biking obviously because you buy all of the most expensive gear and parts in the vain hopes someone thinks you can do something more hardcore than bunny hop a fucking curb.
9: I'm never going to finish that damn montage..
===============
GHEY!
10: I have a subscription to Blizzard Entertainment's newsletter regarding the development of Diablo III,....
================
WOW
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2008-09-17 14:09:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/111493
Submitted by Garrik (user info) at 2008-09-17 14:05:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by dreamstomper1 (user info) at 2008-09-17 14:04:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Yes, let's pretend you don't know.
__________________
Hmm looks like Beano, JonnyX, redskies or some other member of the anti-Oathy troupe has decided to play digital grabass with me yet AGAIN.
HOW FLATTERING.
Submitted by dreamstomper1 (user info) at 2008-09-17 14:04:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Yes, let's pretend you don't know.
Submitted by Garrik (user info) at 2008-09-17 13:58:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by dreamstomper1 (user info) at 2008-09-17 13:56:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
______________________
OK WHO THE FUCK DOES THIS BELONG TO
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-09-17 13:58:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/111097
Especially the last couple paragraphs, about using whore tactics on women with standards. Except that there are no "tactics" to be used on whores; see the first couple paragraphs on that.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-09-17 13:57:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I heard chicks dont like you because you have red hair...
Submitted by dreamstomper1 (user info) at 2008-09-17 13:56:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-09-17 13:36:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
im methods lover, jigga jigg ahh
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-09-17 13:34:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Maybe it's all the cancerous ginger moles on your back?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-09-17 13:33:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
aren't you ginger?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-09-17 13:30:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What the fuck are YOU talking about...even your own parents down't like you.
Why would anyone else?
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-09-17 13:14:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of
a bottle. They're on TV!
-- Homer Simpson
There's No Disgrace Like Home
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-09-17 13:12:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
sico below
Submitted by dohnuts (user info) at 2008-09-17 13:09:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
While I adamantly agree with this: "5: I simply cannot stand make-up on a woman. This is something I have HONESTLY tried to rectify in my life by appreciating face art donned by women but it just hasn't worked. Why the double standard? Men don't cake on foundation and mascara before going to the gym (well...ok...maybe Method does) so why do women?" I trump your IQ and feel as though when you are not able to be at a sporting event, TV is the next best thing so I own one...for sports.
Or, quit being such a pussy shield.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-09-17 13:03:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-09-17 12:58:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Garrik (user info) at 2008-09-17 12:54:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh and by the way, JesterLilt is the winner of the 'Absolutes' contest.
Jester, send me an e-mail with your prize selection.
splatterhouse.at.oath.com
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-09-17 12:53:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Gotta have a MONTAGE!!!!!!!!!!........."
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2008-09-17 12:50:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hmph.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-09-17 12:49:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this is gayer than the last gay thing you did
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-09-17 12:49:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually, its probably much more simple than that - you are douchebag.
Submitted by Garrik (user info) at 2008-09-17 12:46:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/118774