GF08 24H FlashExpo - "A Face Like Violence" (358 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.5 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Desz (View user info) at 2008-09-21 18:58:32 EDT
"Don't point it's not polite" a mom said to her son while he was walking by.
It was normal that people crossed the road when they saw him coming,the whispers behind his back and the pointing.
He let out a small grin while feeling his face. He thought "if only they knew the stories behind these scars..."
He sat down and felt his favorite scar, it is the deepest one and runs from his mouth to his left eye.
While lighting up a fag he thought back of that night....
The rain, the rope, the whore everything was just perfect, in his mind this was the best rape he every did. The bitch had it coming after telling him to fuck off when he asked for a lap dance...
He still remembers so vividly how she tried to scream while he was holding her throat.
While opening her shirt with his hunting knife he "accidentally" made a cut 1 inch deep from just above her pussy until her neck. Thinking about it makes the taste almost come back to his mouth.
The only regret he has is that it was so short... seeing as it was his first he was to excited.
He smiles remembering how she was still alive when he came all over her bloody torso.
Ha he smirked, stupid whore. He left her to burn in a dumpster but not after beating out all her tooth so they can't identify her. He still got one in his pocket, it is the one he used to make the memory in his face.
He moves his hand to the other scars.
All these great stories, and nobody to understand them....
He drops his fag and continues his walk.
-----------------------------------
word count= 273
User Reviews
Submitted by Harmon (user info) at 2008-09-22 15:49:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hahahahahahhaahahahahah
Submitted by Desz (user info) at 2008-09-22 15:23:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for the constructive criticism.
Will use the points for grueberfest!
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-09-22 01:48:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, probably the worst story I have ever read on this site, to the point where I almost want to +2 it.
I think I'll do that, because it would be a damn shame for others not to be able to read this.
Too hilarious.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-09-22 00:03:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Pretty much what STIXS said.
Describe the scene. Play it out in your head like a movie and explain everything you're seeing. You can always go back and cut out unnecessary words later. "Show" us what's in the movie. Oh, and try to either pick Present or Past tense and stay with that.
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2008-09-21 22:55:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
This was interesting, but the lack of spell and grammar-check made it bothersome to read. Also, you could have spent at least one or two more sentences giving us some character development. But since this wasn't terrible, you don't get a (-2), just a (-1) because it does need some improvement :-).
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-09-21 21:59:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
zzzzzzzzz
zzzz
zzzz
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-09-21 20:40:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
There are grammatical errors every few lines
Rape is way over done here
You missed the 'shock' factor you were going for her by a country mile too.