An Open Letter to Metallica (953 hits)
Category: Sound & MusicRating: 0.07 on 44 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by SilvrWolf (View user info) at 2008-09-22 20:34:57 EDT
Dear Metallica formerly known as a metal band:
Stop. Just stop already. You're embarrassing yourself. Everyone already knows you're mere shattered shells of your former self. In a pathetic recovery attempt from the travesty known as "Reload", you've left a trail of turds you claim to be albums in a fetid, malevolent ploy to revive your has-been status. One would think that a band of such legendary status would hit bottom, kick off and resurface with at least one release of tonal awesomeness. Instead, you've dredged ever deeper into the abyss of excreta and proven yourselves to be just as washed up as we all feared you were.
In a ridiculous maneuver, you've tried edgy names on your last two albums, desperately trying to hearken back to your glory days of yore. It's the Nintendo generation's world now, dipshits; do you think using words like "anger" and "death" has any effect on us now? Wake up, monkeys! We're so absurdly desensitized to death and violence these days. We're playing full-on blood and gore games before our tenth birthdays. Do you honestly think a Magna-doodled coffin as album art is provocative or even remotely cool? You should give us more credit than that. Oh wait...
There's no credit to be given; only cash to be taken. James, you completely phone in the lyrics to your latest $20 disk of dilatancy and yet sue anyone and everyone who bootlegs the tripe. You should be BEGGING us to fileshare this putrid pile of pestilence. And what's with the dreadful production value on this latest release? Seriously, "Garage Days" sounded more cohesive than this latest pustule. But I digress. Then again, you're not really Metallica anymore, are you? You've forgotten the lyrics to "...And Justice for All", and become all about that unholy union of money and justice you once railed against. Gone are the days of "Motorhead", "Fade to Black" and "Creeping Death". I won't say you're sell-outs like so many others have, but only because practically every band and artist since Elvis sold out just to make an album. You're at the mercy of your label, even if it's your own. From Metallica, the gods of metal to Moneytallica, please-air-us-on-mainstream-radio-so-zombie-sheep-kids-will-buy-our-albums, my, how far you've fallen!
Now I know that a group has to evolve throughout their lifespan and unfurl new tendrils into the ever-changing marketplace, but you don't have to rape and alienate your former image to do so. The next time you think you're going to take a shit in my ear and call it music, do the world a favor, park your bus on busy railroad crossing and wait. Maybe you'll understand the true meaning of "the light at the end of your tunnel". Perhaps it's time for you to hang up the wah-wah, and move to a nice condo in Boca Raton. Hey, it could be worse: at least you aren't Guns 'n' Roses.
Disgustedly Sincere,
Silvr J Wolf
P.S. I'm listening to a bootleg copy of "Ride the Lightning" at this very moment. Sue me, fagbags.
User Reviews
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2009-02-04 22:20:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
FRANTIC TIC TIC TIC TIC TIC TOC
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-09-25 09:18:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I gotta give you a plus 2, saw a concert they filmed in Europe (maybe Germany) and I was shocked... I feel a bit let down, considering Metallica was my first ever concert.
Apparently they have a full time 'conflict resolution' person on staff, because no one in the band can deal with each other anymore.
Thats just sad... time to end
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2008-09-25 08:35:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What's not to like? Hammett's solo is awesome in this song.
How could he know this new dawn's light
Would change his life forever?
Set sail to sea but pulled off course
By the light of golden treasure
Was he the one causing pain
With his careless dreaming?
Been afraid, always afraid
Of the things he's feeling
He could just be gone
He would just sail on
He would just sail on
How can I be lost?
If I've got nowhere to go?
Searched for seas of gold
How come it's got so cold?
How can I be lost?
In remembrance I relive
And how can I blame you
When it's me I can't forgive?
These days drift on inside a fog
It's thick and suffocating
This seeking life outside its hell
Inside intoxicating
He's run aground like his life
Water's much too shallow
Slipping fast down with the ship
Fading in the shadows now
A castaway
Blame all gone away
Blame gone away
How can I be lost
If I've got nowhere to go?
Searched for seas of gold
How come it's got so cold?
How can I be lost?
In remembrance I relive
And how can I blame you
When it's me I can't forgive?
Forgive me, forgive me not
Forgive me, forgive me not
Forgive me, forgive me not
Forgive me, forgive me
Why can't I forgive me?
Set sail to sea but pulled off course
By the light of golden treasure
How could he know this new dawn's light
Would change his life forever
How can I be lost
If I've got nowhere to go?
Searched for seas of gold
How come it's got so cold?
How can I be lost?
In remembrance I relive
So how can I blame you
When it's me I can't forgive?
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2008-09-25 08:28:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I just bought it and you are a fucking dipshit.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2008-09-25 08:28:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Actually, Fuck you. Their new album is fantastic.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2008-09-25 07:02:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
lyrically, metallica always sucked balls.
musically, they had a few decent albums. only band to cross metal to true mainstream. whoopdee frickin doo.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-09-25 05:48:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-09-23 03:05:37 BST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fortunately for me, I always hated their guts and thoyught they sucked, so I don't have to be disappointed during the downward spiral.
=========
A damn good point.
Iron Maiden (barring Virtual XI and the horrific cover from Dance of Death) are far superior in every way.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2008-09-23 17:16:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Death Magnetic is much better than their last three albums. Music has evolved, they've been a bit slow to evolve with it. That's all.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-09-23 14:15:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
True, they suck 15" donkey dick now.
Submitted by BeerPong (user info) at 2008-09-23 14:05:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2008-09-23 13:58:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
just for future reference, in case I ever run for office, I'd like to point out I was kidding about the super sweet 16 thing.
they're much too old.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2008-09-23 13:57:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck you mothafucka ur rong, (\|/)etallica iz teh R0XX0RZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
Actually, I'm not much of a metal guy, but from a peripheral point of view it's kind of easy to root against these boys when MTV does a tribute to them which includes Snoop Dogg--in weird Metallica clothes--doing a cover.
I know, I shouldn't have been watching MTV, but if the internet is down at home it's likely to have some wack-fodder...mmmm, super sweet 16...........
Submitted by sweetcheebs (user info) at 2008-09-23 10:57:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I've been expressing disdain for Metallica's releases since Load, but this is a bit unnecessary. Yes, the songs are simplistic and amateurish when compared to earlier releases, but at least they tried to appease fans by returning to their thrash roots.
I won't listen to the few songs I enjoy more than a few times, but the old fuckers did what they could. I doubt they are even capable of writing powerful and technical songs anymore.
To whoever said metal is dead, you're wrong. More specifically, thrash is experiencing a resurgence.
Evile
Merciless Death
Demiricous
Violator
If you like metal, you'll like these bands.
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2008-09-23 10:17:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I quite enjoyed the new album, I certainly wouldn't lump it in with the rest of the post-black album shite, even if it does have its flaws, and this rant wasn't a particularly good or original one either.
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-09-23 08:00:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-09-22 23:35:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
On a separate note one of my hidden shames is that I love Billy Joel.
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I always thought Elton John was the better piano rocker, and I couldn't get into Joel. Is my life incomplete?
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-09-23 07:48:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://affordablecomputerz.com/music/JamesTaylorSteamrollerBlues.mp3
I hope that works.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-09-23 07:45:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I like the Eagles :o(
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-09-23 07:44:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-09-22 23:35:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
On a separate note one of my hidden shames is that I love Billy Joel.
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I like James Taylor.
Submitted by zoobie2000 (user info) at 2008-09-23 07:18:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you suck ass who gives a shit if metallica is crap? get over it!!!
Submitted by HerrSchniedelwichs (user info) at 2008-09-23 06:18:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn right, Sir.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2008-09-23 04:03:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fact is death magnetic is a decent album. sure the solos are all completely awful, and there's not much cohesion, and some of the songs blow ass entirely, but there are some good riffs and good hooks. easily their best since black album
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2008-09-23 00:44:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know. We know. It's tragic.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-09-23 00:26:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Billy Joel's song 'Vienna' is at the top of my most played list in itunes.
I listen to it nearly everday. And do weird hand flappy things and leg kicks as my form of appreciation, others would call it 'dancing'
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-09-23 00:21:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Billy Joel gets a bad rap. The 80s version of Billy Joel is ubiquitous and sometimes a little cheesy, but I grew up listening to him and I'm not ashamed to say I think the man is a brilliant songwriter.
I'm only five feet nothin.'*
*I am neither taller nor shorter than that, really.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-09-23 00:12:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm only five foot one*
*I'm sufficiently taller than that, really.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-09-23 00:09:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh, trust me, it was.
I'm fairly fond of adam ant too.
In fact as far as anything musical goes the only thing I can't stand is 'gangsta rap' and that fucking pop 'soulja boy' shit.
That makes me want to kill a little black baby.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-09-23 00:03:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-09-22 23:35:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
On a separate note one of my hidden shames is that I love Billy Joel.
...
-----
Perhaps that maybe wasn't as hidden as you might think. INSAIJS.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-09-22 23:35:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
On a separate note one of my hidden shames is that I love Billy Joel.
As in 'Only the Good Die Young' 'Uptown Girl' and 'It's Still Rock and Roll for Me' can be heard from my ipod on a daily basis.
And by separate note, I mean separate from my first review.
And this post in its entirety
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-09-22 23:19:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
XM51, normally broadcast only online and set aside for jam bands, has had "Mandatory Metallica" programming for over a month now. All Metallica, all the time.
To XM as well I say: "Stop. Just stop already." You're ruining my sound card and making my Carver amps bored out of their electronic minds. Stop screwing around and put Government Mule back on you fux.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-09-22 23:12:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i fucking love ride the lightning
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-09-22 23:09:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 SILVRWOLF SIGHTING, but +2 anyway. And I don't even have to finish reading. But I just got back from the Philliesgame and they kicked ass and I'm buzzed and Imma rant for a minute, k?
I saw Metallica live about 11 times- 10 of which were on or before The Black album tour. When Load came out and they were crucified for it, I was the one in my circle saying 'hey look, when you're 40, you're never going to be the same as you were creatively at 20, have an open mind, give the guys a break.." etc, the equivalent of your "Now I know that a group has to evolve throughout their lifespan and unfurl new tendrils into the ever-changing marketplace.."
But then I really listened to that album. And it was the last new one I would listen to in its entirety. On this new album, I've heard a couple of cool riffs on the radio that I thought might have some promise, but you know what? They really amount to what Metallica would have sounded like directly following Justice..not what they should have developed into 20 years later. And then- I heard a quote from James about how not to read into the meaning behind one of the songs because he hates it when celebrities spout their political opinions..
WHAT THE FUCK? I guess he forgets songs like Disposable Heroes, or oh, entire albums, like "...And justice for all."
p.s.- instead of ripping them from my own CDs, I have pirated Metallica's entire pre-Load back catalog just on principle.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-09-22 22:40:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I tried this argument on Uber a few weeks bac, it wasn't appreciated then either. My saying they had 'sold out' was met with much hate.
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-09-22 22:31:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
MotorBREATH, asshole.
They were done long before Reload. It happened when they dumped their original producer for Bob Rock. Nothing after that (including the black album) compares with the first four releases. Although there are some pretty good covers on the Garage Days CD.
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-09-22 22:25:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OK, so I read this finally, and Metallica has always sucked. How did you not know this? They are balls.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-09-22 22:05:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fortunately for me, I always hated their guts and thoyught they sucked, so I don't have to be disappointed during the downward spiral.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2008-09-22 21:46:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you cant hate hetfield.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2008-09-22 21:44:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
For implying they used to be good. They didn't
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-09-22 21:24:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have to agree with this.
However I'm a bogan. We have to like Metallica. It's in the rules.
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2008-09-22 21:01:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AMEN, the coffin on the new album is quite symbolic of their careers. Amirite?
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2008-09-22 21:00:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Metallica's lyrics were always shit
Submitted by metalbeast7 (user info) at 2008-09-22 20:54:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
they havent made a good album since kill em all. and i really do think that they have sold out. guitar hero and little 13 year olds buying their shit at hot topic? the only reason i used to like them was because they introduced me to metal. i didnt know shit about it at the time. metal is dead.
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-09-22 20:43:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Stop. Just stop already. You're embarrassing yourself.
_________
This is all I read. auto +2
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-09-22 20:40:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Can't say I care.
Or that this was that good.
Or that you came off in any other way except as a bitching duchebag.
Nintendo generation?
Seriously?
Nintendo isn't well know for their blood and gore games.
Except for golden eye and perfect dark.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2008-09-22 20:37:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just a little rant resulting from a 4AM ride and radio.
I won't be around for comments. My intraweb time is limited to warrides these days.