Ten Tiny True Stories (909 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.21 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Wuzi (View user info) at 2008-09-23 17:22:48 EDT
I always liked these when that band waggon was still rolling, but I never wrote one for myself. Sandmantate made me think about it again, so here it is.
1. My mom cheated on my dad back in the day before they got divorced. When I was around 8, she used to take us kids over to the fellow's house and we stayed there for the weekend somewhat often. We called him Uncle Jim, because his name was Jim. She wanted us to believe he was just a good friend and we were just going there to visit him cause he was a nice guy. But I would come into the room they both slept in some mornings and find them in bed together. It never registered to me until I was an older teenager that they were having an affair. One day, during one of these trips, I walked outside the house we were at to go to the van and my dad was in it searching around. I walked back inside and told mom and the color left her face and she freaked out. We kids were told to leave the room and they argued. Then the cops came. The divorce followed shortly after. My mom denies to this day that she and Jim had sex before the divorce. They're married to each other now. I've never trusted my mother after that. Also I question if that's why I have such trust issues in relationships.
2. My dad used to grow weed in the back yard beside my older sister's swing set before I was born. He and my mom smoked it as well as sold it. My dad still smokes it every once and a while so I hear.
3. I told people I had sex a lot in high school. I was always a good liar, and everyone believed I was quite the ladies man. I partied a ton and always got drunk. Everyone thought I was great, but I never got laid. At one said party, I woke up from a drunken black out with a chick on top of me making out with me. I attempted to take her clothes off right there in front of everyone to bang her. As I was doing so, someone poured ice water on us and we rolled over, causing the pull-out bed to spring into action some how and cave in on us. That ended that. I never got laid until I was eighteen.
4. I've driven drunk a lot. I was only once pulled over for it. I was 18. My girlfriend was with me and it was three o'clock in the morning. After a field sobriety test, the officer arrested me without giving me a blower to check my BAC. I was taken to jail where they finally gave me the blower. I registered .018 on the scale. The legal limit for that age was .02 because mouthwash and stuff can give you even that much. They proceeded to tell me I was the luckiest teenager alive. This was true. Mainly because the officers had to call my date's parents to come pick her up, and they didn't murder me. They actually never mentioned it to me. And we continued dating for quite some time. If I was that girl's parent, murder would have been the nicest possible scenario that would have befallen that boy.
5. Once after not having sex, I called a friend of mine to brag that I had. The second the line picked up I proceeded into a hurried story of how my girlfriend and I had fucked right in front of her parents' house in my vehicle. As it turned out, it happened to be her on the other line. After I finished my story and asked the listening party's opinion on how awesome that sounded, she proceeded to bitch me out. I was never more embarrassed and freaked out in my life. Some how I got out of it by lying that it was all a joke. She wasn't the smartest person I ever dated.
6. A friend of mine had a girlfriend that he loved a while ago. They had dated off and on for quite some time. She and I had been friends since the time they started dating. I always looked for a reason to fuck her because my buddy had stabbed me in the back so many times. One night, when we were all three drunk at my place, I fucked her in my bed while he was passed out on the floor beside us. How he never woke up was beyond me because she was pretty loud. He still hasn't found out, and I don't regret that night one bit.
7. When I was in college, I never read a single book for the three English classes I took. I passed every one with an A by using my friends' notes. I'm sure half of you guys did that too or just cheated.
8. One night, a few friends and I left my house to go search for shrooms in the surrounding wooded areas and pastures. While in a cow field, we pissed off several cows being dumb teenagers. We didn't do anything too serious for fear of being trampled, but they were mooing loudly in protest. A farmer came out of a nearby house and fired a shotgun in the air, as cliche as it may sound. He must have seen our flashlights because he began shooting toward us. Since it was a shotgun though, he was too far off. But we ran like hell anyway. When jumping to get over the barbed-wire fence a sliced a long gash down my leg which bled like hell. When we got back to my house, my mom was still up. She questioned why we were covered in cow shit and blood.
9. I've had near death experiences more times than I can count. Botched surgeries, hit by a truck while on a four-wheeler, tons of vehicle wrecks, accidentally shot, and many other shitty things have happened to me. But I've always remained alive and I've never broken a bone in my body. I've always questioned why it was because karma and I aren't exactly good to one another, except in the me living sense. And after each of these accidents I've thought, maybe I'm meant to do something important, inspiring, and world-changing. But so far nothing has come about. Maybe one day, I'll know why something, somewhere keeps saving my life.
10. When I worked at a small home-cookin' restaurant during college, I got a phone call one night that they needed me to come in. I was sitting at my dorm doing nothing, so naturally I told them I couldn't make it because I was extremely busy. That night it was raining horribly. The next morning I got a phone call that a close friend of mine had died in a car crash. She was driving to fill the spot at the restaurant that I was "too busy" to come to. I've never told anyone I thought it was my fault and that I wasn't busy. I still blame myself for her death though.
User Reviews
Submitted by vergedor (user info) at 2008-09-26 13:22:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I've seen better...
my reaction if #10 happened to me? "yay! someone else got killed instead of me!"
Submitted by Wuzi (user info) at 2008-09-25 12:58:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2008-09-24 21:51:11 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I kind of wonder reading these 'ten tiny true stories' how old the writers are.
Well done.
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Thanks
And I'm 27.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2008-09-24 22:51:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I kind of wonder reading these 'ten tiny true stories' how old the writers are.
Well done.
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2008-09-24 15:32:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MisterDevious (user info) at 2008-09-24 15:16:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
3. ...I never got laid until I was eighteen.
Ha! Gotcha beat in the "pathetic" poll: I was 20 before I lost the virg. And, in true Cameron Frye style, married the first girl I laid. :(
Luckily, divorce ensued after a few years. :)
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-09-24 13:36:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you seem like a great guy!
a liar and a cheat.
awesome! go you!
Submitted by Wuzi (user info) at 2008-09-24 13:26:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-09-24 12:18:23 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Wuzi (user info) at 2008-09-24 13:09:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-09-24 10:49:36 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wanna have the sack to do one of these, but I dont think anything in my life is that exciting.
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Everyone's life is somewhat exciting. This band wagon makes you think about the small, important bits of your life that make it what it is. That's why I like it.
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This is true, I think im gonna get to work on it.
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Awesome. Lookin' forward to reading it man.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-09-24 13:18:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Wuzi (user info) at 2008-09-24 13:09:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-09-24 10:49:36 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wanna have the sack to do one of these, but I dont think anything in my life is that exciting.
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Everyone's life is somewhat exciting. This band wagon makes you think about the small, important bits of your life that make it what it is. That's why I like it.
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This is true, I think im gonna get to work on it.
Submitted by Wuzi (user info) at 2008-09-24 13:09:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-09-24 10:49:36 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wanna have the sack to do one of these, but I dont think anything in my life is that exciting.
----------------
Everyone's life is somewhat exciting. This band wagon makes you think about the small, important bits of your life that make it what it is. That's why I like it.
Submitted by Malachewaii (user info) at 2008-09-24 13:06:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
damn.. #10 sucks..
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2008-09-24 12:58:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-09-24 11:52:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck, forgot to rate.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-09-24 11:49:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wanna have the sack to do one of these, but I dont think anything in my life is that exciting.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2008-09-24 11:42:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like this bandwagon.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2008-09-24 11:04:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-09-24 10:37:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow.
Submitted by Wuzi (user info) at 2008-09-24 09:30:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-09-24 02:26:08 CDT (#)
Ranking: 1
you know, half your stories deal with you lying to somebody about this or that, usually sex. the other half of your stories are about sex. if i were a smart man (and i am not) i would be inclined to believe youre full of shit.
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I'm full of all sorts of shit. I lie alot. However, being that these are "Ten Tiny True Stories," they are all true.
Submitted by Wuzi (user info) at 2008-09-24 09:29:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-09-24 04:45:09 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Entertained me for a while.
I'm certainly hope number 10 isn't true.
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It is true. Still haunts me to this day.
Submitted by Wuzi (user info) at 2008-09-24 09:28:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2008-09-24 05:20:38 CDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"I've driven drunk a lot"
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Rating the comment, not the poster. Well, maybe I am, but who cares.
You are a fucking idiot.
Plain and simple.
You know those adverts where they tell you it's dangerous to drink and drive? They're not fiction. It really is dangerous to drink and drive.
I appreciate the honesty, but anyone who has admitted drunk driving deserves a kicking, in my opinion.
I get drunk a lot, there's no arguing with that fact. But that's my own life in question. Why the fuck would you put other people's lives in danger for your own stupidity?
Please don't interpret this as a direct assault on your lifestyle, but see it more as a wake-up call.
I fucking hate drunk drivers.
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Hey bud, I fucking realize it was wrong. "I've" is a contraction meaning "I have" meaning passed tense. I don't do it anymore. It wasn't smart and I admit that. I share your opinion of drunk drivers. It's idiotic. And I was an idiot whenever I did it. That's why I have stopped.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2008-09-24 06:20:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"I've driven drunk a lot"
--------------
Rating the comment, not the poster. Well, maybe I am, but who cares.
You are a fucking idiot.
Plain and simple.
You know those adverts where they tell you it's dangerous to drink and drive? They're not fiction. It really is dangerous to drink and drive.
I appreciate the honesty, but anyone who has admitted drunk driving deserves a kicking, in my opinion.
I get drunk a lot, there's no arguing with that fact. But that's my own life in question. Why the fuck would you put other people's lives in danger for your own stupidity?
Please don't interpret this as a direct assault on your lifestyle, but see it more as a wake-up call.
I fucking hate drunk drivers.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-09-24 05:45:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Entertained me for a while.
I'm certainly hope number 10 isn't true.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-09-24 03:26:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
you know, half your stories deal with you lying to somebody about this or that, usually sex. the other half of your stories are about sex. if i were a smart man (and i am not) i would be inclined to believe youre full of shit.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-09-24 02:10:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-09-23 21:34:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-09-23 21:34:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-09-23 21:30:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Wuzi (user info) at 2008-09-23 21:29:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry about that experima.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-09-23 21:25:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/114095
a link to the original is appreciated
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2008-09-23 20:33:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good. Lord.
Why anyone would want to do this is beyond me, I just hope you found it cathartic.
I can think of a hundred comments to make, but I'm only gonna comment on #10. I once had a similar experience only it resulted in prison, not death, for the other person. What can you say - or do? We can't foresee the future. All of our actions have consequences. ALL OF THEM, even the most (seemingly) insignificant. Shit happens and you move on with your life.
Submitted by Wompom (user info) at 2008-09-23 20:25:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No attention span necessary.
Submitted by WookieSuave (user info) at 2008-09-23 19:15:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#10 hurts me
Submitted by X54 (user info) at 2008-09-23 18:52:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"And after each of these accidents I've thought, maybe I'm meant to do something important, inspiring, and world-changing."
Congratulations--THIS WAS IT!
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-09-23 18:15:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-09-23 17:50:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Do you have any good stories to share?
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2008-09-23 17:46:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment