The Protea and the Thistle (facts bandwagon post) (404 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.54 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Zoobie2000 (View user info) at 2008-09-26 11:34:40 EDT
I put a handful of drawing pins on my teacher's chair when I was eight years old. The teacher sat on them and blamed my best friend who was the naughtiest in the class. Before my friend got beaten I owned up and got beaten instead. My friend never lets me forget this.
When I was around 14 years old, me and our friends would go into the shanty town next to our suburb and buy weed from the rastas and fruitsellers. Apartheid was still not officially over, but the african people there would welcome us with such warmth, even inviting us into their houses. I think they liked the idea of white children coming and seeing the way they lived, and experiencing their culture. We just wanted the weed.
I have been mugged eleven times, that is not an exaggeration. It has happened a few times on the train, a few times going to buy weed late at night, once on the main road, once outside a nightclub. All apart from two occasions were by people carrying knives. The other two times they had guns. The only time I was ever really scared was when a minibus picked me up while hitch-hiking drunk. They held me at gunpoint and stole my cigarettes and clothes, took me to a cash machine to draw my money. Then they wanted to take me to my parents' house and rob that too. I was afraid of being raped. One of them was older than the rest and made them stop and let me out. He was even kind enough to drop me near my house.
We used to take acid trips on Table Mountain. Once when we were walking around in the veld, far from any path, we found three tiny graves with wooden head-stones. I assumed they belonged to three hamsters. Written on them were things like 'RIP Flopsy. Who either died from having his head cut off or by being crushed by a brick'. To this day I don't know if this was purely an halucination, but I still worry that the person that put those graves there is still wandering around Cape Town, mass-murdering small family pets.
I managed to complete university and got a decent job at a large insurance company. Things were okay until I started getting frustrated because of affirmative action. I was denied promotion while people who were plain lazy and uneducated were promoted ahead of me, because they were black and I was a white male (suppose I still am lol). This is the reason I emigrated to the UK, not because of the crime.
So now I am living in a foreign country, with its shitty weather and strange accents. The Scottish people are very friendly, in fact one of them has invited me around for some Haggis. I can only imagine how tasty those deep-fried sheep lungs are going to be.
User Reviews
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-09-29 04:52:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Haggis is good shit.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2008-09-28 05:12:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My Sarie Marys is zo ver van myn hart
maar 'k hoop om haar weer te zien
ze heeft daar in die wijk van die mooi rivier gewoon
daar onder bij die groot rivier
O, breng my trug naar die ou transvaal
daar waar my sarie woon
daaronder bij die mielis bij die groene doringboom
daar woon my sarie mareis.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-09-27 17:20:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good set of stories. How are you finding the UK, by the by? Consider it a point of interest.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-09-27 00:35:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-09-26 14:08:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-09-26 13:14:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
almost had some rape there
Submitted by John_H_Kim (user info) at 2008-09-26 12:02:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by weather (user info) at 2008-09-26 12:00:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The weather knows that you know and will bless you with some sun. I will not tell you when, however.
Submitted by zoobie2000 (user info) at 2008-09-26 11:58:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yes yes I know it should be 'my friends and I'. I actually re-wrote it like that, but the sentence sounds better the way it is. Wait, why am I justifying myself to you? Go weather some rocks or drown some Indians, whatever it is that you do :)
Submitted by weather (user info) at 2008-09-26 11:54:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"me and our friends"
The weather doesn't put up with bad English.
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2008-09-26 11:43:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great read.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-09-26 11:38:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-09-26 11:37:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment