GrUeBERfest 2008 Round 1 - The Nest (447 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Hornet (View user info) at 2008-09-26 14:47:50 EDT
After circling the lot on foot and looking for any signs of wasps, Alan followed the inspector from the County Health Department inside the old house, the last house on the block to be checked.
The County man didn't seem happy to be here, frowning at Alan and frowning at the logo painted on the side of Alan's truck (COMPLETELY BUGFOG!). When Alan had introduced himself the County man had just headed for the house. An embroidered name tag on the County man's shirt read 'Heseltine.'
The house had been abandoned because the owner couldn't keep up with the mortgage payments. Another sale would be tough. The house was run down and as far as Alan was concerned the neighborhood would be the last on his list of places to live.
"Five wasp deaths," Heseltine snapped, speaking for the first time. He walked down the hall to the kitchen. His work order said the basement door was in the kitchen. "I don't see any wasps. You don't see any wasps. But we have five people from this area who were killed by wasps. Wasps. Christ! And now I've got my supervisor all over me. He isn't just lighting a fire under me, he's shoving a blowtorch up my ass."
"Huh," Alan said, just to irritate the man.
Heseltine glowered. "We checked the woods nearby, all county land, easy access. Saw spiders, about a billion mosquitoes, lots of dumped garbage, and if that was a dog turd I stepped in yesterday the fucking thing must be as big as a mule. But no wasps. No bees, no stinging insects of any kind."
Now that was odd, Alan thought. In this part of the Midwest there were yellowjackets and bees and hornets.
"These fucking things," Heseltine said, leading Alan into the kitchen and rocking his head from side to side in a way that reminded Alan of those bobble-head dogs people used to put in their cars. "You should have seen what they did. I saw an old lady and a young kid, a boy, maybe eleven. They were puffed up like you wouldn't fucking believe from hundreds and hundreds of stings. The medical examiner sent a sample of the venom off to the etymology lab at the university. That was two weeks ago and he still hasn't gotten an answer about what's attacking people in this assfuck of a neighborhood.
"Entomology," Alan said.
Heseltine said, "Eh?" Without waiting for an answer he said, "These fuckers. We got to get these little fuckers. I hate fucking bugs."
"Then you're in the wrong line of work," Alan said.
Heseltine's head snapped around as if Alan had just said something obscene about the County man's wife.
"Let's just get this shit done."
Alan stepped into the kitchen behind Heseltine and something crackled softly under the toe of one boot. He bent down and saw a crushed insect with a burnt-orange head, thorax and wings, and a bright yellow band around its abdomen.
It was a hornet, and it was as big as Alan's thumb. Holy Christ, Alan thought.
"This doesn't make any sense," he said, rising and pointing at the dead hornet.
Heseltine grinned. "Ah, so these little fuckers are inside, huh?"
"Yeah," Alan said. He glanced at the basement door on the far side of the room. It was open just an inch or two. "But this is a European hornet. They are nowhere near as aggressive as yellowjackets, and they aren't attracted to human food or garbage, so this doesn't make any sense."
Before Alan could object Heseltine reached down and picked up the dead hornet. "Nasty looking thing," he said, tossing the insect away and wiping his fingers on the leg of his work pants.
"Let's go," Heseltine said, switching on a flashlight and opening the basement door.
Alan has his own flashlight on his tool belt along with a spray can of insecticide that could shoot a stream twenty feet long. He switched on his light and followed Heseltine down the creaking staircase.
"Well, hello Jesus," Heseltine said. He whistled.
The basement was far deeper and longer than Alan would have suspected, extending back as far as the woods at the end of the lot. The walls were lined with rounded stones, like cobbles. The floor was old flagstones. There were two cheap light fixtures overhead, both holding the jagged necks of broken light bulbs.
Heseltine pointed to the industrial green paint slopped on the walls. "I guess we know what color was on sale that week."
They passed an old washer and dryer, a tool bench and racks on the walls empty now except for a few rusted old drill bits. The painted portion of the walls gave way to bare, dusty stone.
Alan was looking everywhere for nests. "I'm not seeing anything," he said.
A hornet buzzed out of the darkness, circled the men, and then went back the way it had come.
Heseltine laughed. He led the way deeper into the basement.
They saw four slender lines of rose-colored light ahead, forming a rectangle. It was light spilling out from around a closed door. They could hear faint, tinny music coming from the other side.
"Be my guest," Heseltine said, stepping aside. He sounded nervous, and when he stepped into an old cobweb he frantically pawed it away from his face.
Alan knocked on the door, and it swung open on squealing hinges.
They were looking at a girl's bedroom. There was a big bed, a bedside table, a vanity, and a tall lamp with a rose bulb. Everything in the room was pink or white. On another slender table was a very old record player with garish colors and rounded plastic corners. It looked like a toy. There was a record spinning on the turntable.
'Sugar,
Oh, Honey Honey.
You are my candy girl,
and you got me wanting you.'
The Archies, Alan thought. He stepped into the room, noticing that a heavy steel bolt was lying on the floor in a litter of chewed wood fibers.
There was a girl sitting on the bed. She had to be in her late teens, but she was dressed like a little kid. Her Barbie t-shirt was tight across her breasts and her hips were straining against her wool skirt. Her eyes were hidden behind pink sunglasses with heart-shaped frames.
Heseltine looked at Alan, his mouth puckered as if he had just taken a bite out of a lemon. "Well," he said.
"You can't come in here," the girl said. She sounded like a little kid.
"This is messed up," Alan said to Heseltine. "You should call Social Services or somebody like that. This girl needs help."
The girl flopped back against a stack of pillows on the bed, half reclining, half upright. She picked at a scab on one upraised knee, her bare toes pressing into the quilt on the bed. She wasn't wearing any underwear.
"No need to rush things," Heseltine whispered as he peered intently between her legs. He absently brushed at one ear and hissed as a hornet buzzed away from him. "Ow! That little fucker stung me!"
"My babies protect me," the girl said, almost singing.
The record was still playing.
'I'm gonna make your life so sweet.'
A hornet landed on Heseltine's nose. He dropped his flashlight and reached for it and a dozen hornets settled on his upraised hand. He opened his mouth to say something when the small bodies began moving and stinging. Heseltine let out a painful yell.
The County man turned and ran for the basement stairs, more hornets following. Alan thought they were attracted to the pheromones Heseltine had rubbed on his pants after picking up the dead hornet.
Alan heard Heseltine screaming in the dark behind him. He looked at the girl and she smiled. Her lipstick was bubblegum pink, applied too thick and smeared in the left corner of her mouth. There was a heavy crash and thud as if Heseltine had fallen against something. The County man cried out but his voice was wheezy and indistinct.
"Don't hurt my babies and they won't hurt you," the girl said. She took off her sunglasses.
Alan stared. He wanted to run, but that might make the hornets come after him. The girl's eyelids were opened wide, and in each empty eye socket was a large hornet, watching him. She stuck out her tongue at him. A hornet was on the end of it. She giggled and the hornet took to the air, circling Alan.
Behind him Alan could hear Heseltine whimpering and thrashing on the flagstones somewhere in the dark. The County man sounded as if he were being suffocated.
The single hornet circled Alan again and again. The girl crossed her ankles, leaning forward with her elbows resting on her splayed knees.
Alan's heart was racing. Christ, he thought, trying to fight his urge to run, I can see her snatch.
The hornet came too close to his face. Alan instinctively clapped his hands together, crushing it.
The girl was pouting. "You're bad," she said. "Bad to my babies."
"Yeah, whatever," Alan said. He raised his canister of insecticide, scanning the corners of the room, under the bed, any place a nest might be hidden. When the first few came at him he hoped he could spray whatever exit they used and trap most of them inside.
The girl on the bed spread her legs wide. "Bad people need to be punished," she said. A hornet climbed out of her and walked across the field of her pubic hair. She reached down and spread her lips and hornets came bursting out of her in a dark stream.
Alan hands went numb. He dropped the insecticide and ran for the stairs.
"Daddy couldn't keep us in," the girl called to him, "You can't keep us in, no one can keep us in."
Alan was a few feet from the stairs when hornets begin stinging his eyes, filling his mouth, and wriggling into his nose. They got into his pants and began stinging his testicles, bringing him to his knees. He couldn't scream, he couldn't breath.
Soon Alan and Heseltine were just unmoving shapes in the dark.
"Eat, babies," the girl said, clapping her hands. She got up from the bed and closed the door. Then she started the record from the beginning, singing along.
User Reviews
Submitted by Desz (user info) at 2008-09-29 15:44:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by billrhine (user info) at 2008-09-28 12:46:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Brian_Johns (user info) at 2008-09-27 22:16:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by PukingDog (user info) at 2008-09-27 03:54:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh this is really fucked up.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-09-27 00:40:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Gyro_Gearloose (user info) at 2008-09-26 17:57:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-09-26 15:58:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2's for all Grueberfest entries posted today, just because.
Submitted by tatersninja (user info) at 2008-09-26 15:43:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice. Hornet + snatch.
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2008-09-26 15:23:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cool. This one was rad.
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2008-09-26 15:19:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
worst STD ever!
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-09-26 15:05:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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