Ten Tiny True Stories. (1136 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.68 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Snark << snarkk.at.gmail.com (View user info) at 2008-09-26 20:10:48 EDT
1.0 - When I was 14 I was confronted by 3 cop cars, two paddy wagons and two police dogs. The cops were all standing on the opposite side of their vehicles and pointing their guns at me and yelling at me to get on my knees with my hands on my head. I didn't. I don't think I have every really appreciated how close I came to being shot. I was not guilty of anything, not arrested and several of the police officers were severely reprimanded later on.
2.0 - I was a patrol leader and a sergeant in the Canadian Rangers... which means less than being a sergeant in the National Guard and slightly more than leading a boy scout troupe. During this time I learned the following things:
1.0 - There is no such thing as 'Night Vision' in the middle of the forest at night. (we didn't have optics back then)
2.0 - Sergeant Majors were born to make mankind miserable.
3.0 - Night marches suck.
4.0 - Ozzie Rappelling is the second funnest thing a person can do sober or drunk.
5.0 - The FN is a beast and the C7 is a toy.
6.0 - Rednecks are fun to camp with.
3.0 - I was married once but it broke. Me and my ex wife are good friends.
4.0 - I sawed the back of a man's leg right to the bone. When I removed his hand from the gash to apply first aid, the cut opened right up. I could see all the layers of skin, tissue, muscle and the bone underneath it all. Strangely enough, there was no blood. Dumbass backed into my work area and right into my brush saw blade.
5.0 - I've come close to dying on several occasions but the closest was when a forest of old growth timber literally fell down on me and my crew. http://www.ubersite.com/m/49774
6.0 - I lived in Montreal when I was 19. I did every drug I could get my hands on and basically spent a full year partying. I once did 15 hits of double blotter acid (California Sunshine). I'm just waiting for the day that, that year comes back to haunt me.
7.0 - The first girlfriend I ever had sex with cheated on me. I didn't handle it well. I went looking for the guy and came one bad decision away from using the jet blade she'd brought me back from Mexico and spending young adult life in jail. Luckily, common sense won through. Now I can't even imagine getting in a fight.
8.0 - I have seen more wild bears in one month than most people see in a lifetime. In 13 years working in the bush I only ever had to shoot one. It had a cub and I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach every time I think about it. I staggered the load in my defender back then and hit it in the chest with buckshot first. The finishing shot was a slug. The bear screamed the first time I shot it. That sound makes an appearance in almost all my nightmares. The girl I was training wouldn't talk to me for three days after that, no matter how hard I tried to convince her that the bear's charge had come way to close to be a fake. She was fresh out of university and the kind of idealist who would gladly give her life to a bear rather than kill it.
9.0 - I once shoved a girl hard enough to send her flying. She kept coming at me, claws bared and hands flailing, trying to gouge my face after I insulted her mouthy brother at a party. I was 15 at the time and to this day that is the closest I've ever come to hitting a woman, although I'm sure I must have fantasized about backhanding the odd ex.
10.0 - I used to run my own paintball business. I had a piece of land to use, rental guns, masks and all the other necessary gear. I was a crappy owner though because I loved to play too much and I shot up all my profit. A few years ago I was in a 20,000 grand prize speedball tournament. We did not win 20,000.00. We called out team Kings of Glory and Beer.
User Reviews
Submitted by AngelsGateEvictionist (user info) at 2009-09-04 21:28:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm only rating this because I'm a junky...and you know that of course...hahahaha...
Submitted by PayMeLater (user info) at 2008-09-28 12:28:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
1 tiny true rating
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2008-09-27 22:46:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-09-27 18:23:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
2.0 - I was a patrol leader and a sergeant in the Canadian Rangers... which means less than being a sergeant in the National Guard and slightly more than leading a boy scout troupe. During this time I learned the following things:
1.0 - There is no such thing as 'Night Vision' in the middle of the forest at night. (we didn't have optics back then)
2.0 - Sergeant Majors were born to make mankind miserable.
3.0 - Night marches suck.
4.0 - Ozzie Rappelling is the second funnest thing a person can do sober or drunk.
5.0 - The FN is a beast and the C7 is a toy.
6.0 - Rednecks are fun to camp with.
_____________
I'm sorry , I can't positively rate this when you listed this all wrong..
its 2.1 , 2.2 etc.
fuck man . why do i care about this shit?
hahahaha nerd
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2008-09-27 19:30:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I bored before 4.
I met some Canadian rangers this summer and they didn't seem as cliquey or folsky as you.
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-09-27 18:23:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
2.0 - I was a patrol leader and a sergeant in the Canadian Rangers... which means less than being a sergeant in the National Guard and slightly more than leading a boy scout troupe. During this time I learned the following things:
1.0 - There is no such thing as 'Night Vision' in the middle of the forest at night. (we didn't have optics back then)
2.0 - Sergeant Majors were born to make mankind miserable.
3.0 - Night marches suck.
4.0 - Ozzie Rappelling is the second funnest thing a person can do sober or drunk.
5.0 - The FN is a beast and the C7 is a toy.
6.0 - Rednecks are fun to camp with.
_____________
I'm sorry , I can't positively rate this when you listed this all wrong..
its 2.1 , 2.2 etc.
fuck man . why do i care about this shit?
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-09-27 08:52:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2008-09-27 08:37:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Eww, Montreal. Living in New Hampshire, I was about a two and a half hour drive from there. I hated ordering the double whopper avec du fromage. It made me feel like less of a man.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-09-27 01:35:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-09-27 00:38:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Every photograph of the first American atomic bomb detonation was taken by Harold Edgerton. Emilio Marco Palma was the first person born in Antarctica in 1978. During his lifetime, artist Vincent Van Gogh only sold one of his paintings (The Red Vineyard).
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So you can use Google as well as the rest of us. Big fucking whoop.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-09-27 01:07:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-09-27 00:38:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Every photograph of the first American atomic bomb detonation was taken by Harold Edgerton. Emilio Marco Palma was the first person born in Antarctica in 1978. During his lifetime, artist Vincent Van Gogh only sold one of his paintings (The Red Vineyard).
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2008-09-27 00:13:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
'7.0 - The first girlfriend I ever had sex with cheated on me. I didn't handle it well. I went looking for the guy and came one bad decision away from using the jet blade she'd brought me back from Mexico and spending young adult life in jail. Luckily, common sense won through. Now I can't even imagine getting in a fight."
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Jail smail.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-09-27 00:00:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i did ten hits of double blotter once and waded through an eighth of shrooms on top of it. i was not...normal for a while after that.
i lived a very straight and narrow life, as far as drugs were concerned anyway, for a decent chunk of time following.
i do not regret the experience at all.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2008-09-26 23:37:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this damnit.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2008-09-26 22:30:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#'s 6 & 8... That's pretty fucking crazy.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2008-09-26 22:21:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-09-26 21:52:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Back in the 60s, one hit of either Purple Haze or Orange Sunshine was enough to blow you away for many hours.
Typical Snark post. . . great!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-09-26 21:44:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I once did 15 hits of double blotter acid (California Sunshine).
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Please allow me to postpone my other comments, as I'm watching the presidential debate:
AT ONE TIME????????????????????????????
2 hits of red sunshine was my limit.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2008-09-26 21:34:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it's appalling how few men have hit women these days
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2008-09-26 20:47:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You had to shoot a bear? You're Canadian? You were married to a woman? You're like a godamn can of tuna with no can opener sometimes with this crazy dog-ass jargon you speak.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-09-26 20:18:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
one of my friends, last weekend, trying to scare some girl who would not leave our party: "i would never hit a woman, so it's good thing you're a cunt." he is a big, big man, and she ran away in terror.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-09-26 20:16:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is probably my favorite one. Big surprise.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-09-26 20:15:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd never hit a lady, but I would smack a bitch.