Ten Tiny Truthy Stories (1072 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.66 on 38 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by shadow (View user info) at 2008-09-26 20:14:56 EDT
1.I grew up in a little farming village outside of Kyoto. The folks there lovingly called me "Blue Eyed Matador" and fed me strawberries before attempting to offer me up as a sacrifice during the Penis Festival.
2.My mother was brown hen that was SUPPOSED to be incapable of laying eggs. Shows what farmers know.
3.On the eve of my thirteenth birthday, I was indoctrinated into a cult where everyone was named "Jennifer" and given a shiny piece of silver to shove through the appendage of my choice. I chose the tongue.
4.I met a witch once, who said I would live and die in combat. She turned ten tarot cards and predicted that I would never know peace, so I punched her.
5.I fired a gun for the first time when I was seven. I was hooked.
6.A shaman once told me that kids are like dogs. You can put them in a stew, but you shouldn't.
7.Right now, at this very moment, my flatmate is standing behind me naked jiggling her triple Ds.
8.In the age old question of who would win a fight between a bear and a lion fighting on the moon, I bet on the lion. Little did I know that my lack of faith in the Bear Totem would eventually lead a Kodiak to my home looking for retribution. He asked me to fork over the cash I had placed on the lion, and when he found out I'd spent it all on cheese bread, he ate my left hand. I'm typing this with a top secret cybernetic appendage created for me by the nice folks at the NSA circa 1974.
9.I taught an art class at Heidelberg Community College during the France Prussian War. I asked each of the students to draw me a picture of two people having sex. When some refused on moral grounds, I said "If you're not comfortable with drawing sex, draw me a dragon eating a woman. It's basically the same thing." One student drew a picture of a dragon eating a woman out. I framed it.
10.Last week my flatmate had flea bites on her legs. We thought our little black tabby had brought home some little black friends, until we realized the culprit was actually the flatmate's boyfriend.
User Reviews
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-02-27 13:51:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Entertaining to the MAX!
woo
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-10-13 09:06:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
All publicity is good publicity!!! If he keeps it up for say... about 10 years I might get myself on that most viewed posts list.
Keep on hitting it!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-10-13 05:45:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think the mass of alters who continually wreck Banjo's posts are hilarious, they make up at least 50% of comments. Banj should be flattered someone *coughs* Beano *coughs* goes to such trouble.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-10-13 04:43:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-10-12 00:31:05 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jeez, woman! What did you do to piss these people off???
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Who knows and who cares. Whst a sad existence they must lead if they can think of nothing better to do with their day than this though.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-10-12 08:59:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-10-11 23:51:26 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks Shadow - but don't worry - I'm not losing any sleep over it!
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-10-11 18:55:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tis just a frustrated saddo venting some dismay.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-10-11 18:51:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks Shadow - but don't worry - I'm not losing any sleep over it!
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-10-11 11:37:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
also:
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-09-27 08:55:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
8.In the age old question of who would win a fight between a bear and a lion fighting on the moon, I bet on the lion. Little did I know that my lack of faith in the Bear Totem would eventually lead a Kodiak to my home looking for retribution. He asked me to fork over the cash I had placed on the lion, and when he found out I'd spent it all on cheese bread, he ate my left hand. I'm typing this with a top secret cybernetic appendage created for me by the nice folks at the NSA circa 1974.
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Serves you right, heretic!
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ha!
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2008-10-11 03:34:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i don't believe a word of this
Submitted by DiamondEyes228 (user info) at 2008-10-11 02:35:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
""If you're not comfortable with drawing sex, draw me a dragon eating a woman. It's basically the same thing." One student drew a picture of a dragon eating a woman out. I framed it. "
that made this worth it
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2008-10-10 23:54:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"One student drew a picture of a dragon eating a woman out. I framed it."
One of the best laughs I'v had in a while, after reading the leadup of course.
Submitted by nargles (user info) at 2008-10-09 18:54:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
how could you have grown up in Kyoto and fired guns?
oh, nevermind.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-10-02 22:59:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Although that would be pretty awesome.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-10-02 22:58:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-10-02 19:28:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If Rick Astley gets a noteworthy percentage of write-in votes, I will give you +2s for LIFE.
It would be like the seal cracking on the seventh parchment.
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I don't think you understand, dear, he's nominated for MTV's UK version of their music award show type deal (apparently). While that does make the award incredibly arbitrary, he really should have *some* kind of award.
He's up for best act ever, and you must vote for him until your fingers bleed, a link and a +2 have been provided to encourage you:
http://ema.mtv.co.uk/vote/#__best_act_ever
Submitted by prlegalhelp (user info) at 2008-10-02 21:44:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I saw YOUR 10 pieces of pain and I have to admit you really are an American, stick that thing where sun don't shine while you look into the mirror for me. OK?
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-09-29 23:01:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-09-29 04:32:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
10.Last week my flatmate had flea bites on her legs. We thought our little black tabby had brought home some little black friends, until we realized the culprit was actually the flatmate's boyfriend.
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Gross.
_________
Psst.
Don't tell the Commodore. I'm not sure he'll find it funny :P
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-09-29 10:43:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think 'truthy' means blatant lie :(
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-09-29 10:07:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-09-29 04:45:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PMO, D!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-09-29 04:32:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
10.Last week my flatmate had flea bites on her legs. We thought our little black tabby had brought home some little black friends, until we realized the culprit was actually the flatmate's boyfriend.
---------------------
Gross.
Submitted by PayMeLater (user info) at 2008-09-28 12:35:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Lamia (user info) at 2008-09-28 07:44:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2008-09-28 04:28:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2008-09-27 12:23:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Malachewaii (user info) at 2008-09-27 09:51:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
7.Right now, at this very moment, my flatmate is standing behind me naked jiggling her triple Ds.
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this is when you stop typing, turn around, and re-create your framed dragon photo in a real life setting..
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-09-27 08:55:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
8.In the age old question of who would win a fight between a bear and a lion fighting on the moon, I bet on the lion. Little did I know that my lack of faith in the Bear Totem would eventually lead a Kodiak to my home looking for retribution. He asked me to fork over the cash I had placed on the lion, and when he found out I'd spent it all on cheese bread, he ate my left hand. I'm typing this with a top secret cybernetic appendage created for me by the nice folks at the NSA circa 1974.
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Serves you right, heretic!
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-09-27 02:33:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-09-27 01:49:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-09-27 00:07:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you consistently entertain me in both your reviews and posts.
lets smoke cigars and drink scotch together and point out everybody elses shortcomings to amuse ourselves.
__________
I always like smoking cigars for the first few minutes, but afterwords find them increasingly difficult to enjoy.
(that's what SHE said...)
Would you settle for Turkish cigarettes and imported beer?
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BOOM.
deal, as long as the mockery of others still plays a part.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-09-27 02:27:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-09-27 02:11:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My god, you rule...
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-09-27 01:57:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Franco Prussian.
FRANCO. Not FrancE.
It's these sort of things that will one day give me an ulcer the size of a cantaloupe.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-09-27 01:49:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-09-27 00:07:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you consistently entertain me in both your reviews and posts.
lets smoke cigars and drink scotch together and point out everybody elses shortcomings to amuse ourselves.
__________
I always like smoking cigars for the first few minutes, but afterwords find them increasingly difficult to enjoy.
(that's what SHE said...)
Would you settle for Turkish cigarettes and imported beer?
Submitted by darkwulffe (user info) at 2008-09-27 00:29:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-09-27 00:25:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-09-27 00:07:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you consistently entertain me in both your reviews and posts.
lets smoke cigars and drink scotch together and point out everybody elses shortcomings to amuse ourselves.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2008-09-26 21:29:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
9.I taught an art class at Heidelberg Community College during the France Prussian War.
that's an incredible coincidence! i was teaching PE there then.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-09-26 20:47:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-09-26 20:29:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Right now, at this very moment, my flatmate is standing behind me naked jiggling her triple Ds
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haha
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-09-26 20:24:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
it's about time somebody has submitted any factual stories.