Ten true stories by ME (672 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.13 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by iambetteratit (View user info) at 2008-09-26 20:35:16 EDT
I would link this to experima's post as per uber ettiquite but I am lazy
1. I have broken both of my front teeth out 5 times, once while playing basketball in 5th grade I ran into a wall. Once at Beach week after graduation where I was vomiting so hard I hit my face on the toilet. once in basic training where I smashed my face on my M-16 while diving for cover. 2 days later after the Marine Corps fixed it I was eating chow it broke again, and once in a fight.
2. While on vacation in Greece I went to a strip club and got thrown out because I was throwing coins at the stripper... 1 and 2 euro denominations are in coins and nobody told me how it works there.
3. While bouncing at the bar I used to work at I had a man ask me if I wanted to fuck his wife while he watched... I declined, but now wish I hadn't.
4. one of my ears is half blown off from a bomb in Iraq.
5. My english teacher in 8th grade told me my hand writing looks like a ransom note. I think she's right
6. In freshmen year of highschool I went out for the wrestling team. My first match was against a girl, and they had to stop the match 3 times because I kept getting a hard on. I was dating her 3 weeks after that.
7. The first time I ever smoked weed I got caught by my friend's dad. I told my parents it was a lie, and somehow passed the drug test the next day. My parents took me out to dinner.
8. In bootcamp I sprained my ankle while running in formation because the dumbass in front of me didn't know what right left right means. I crutched myself 8km in full combat gear to the gas chamber and went through it with them. After that they made my eyes water evrey time I used them.
9. I threw up on my ex girlfriend's dad when we went to their house on christmas morning because I was hung over.
10. I have never broken up with a girl in my life, I just stop calling them or answering the phone when they call.. they get the picture after a few weeks.
User Reviews
Submitted by myshit (user info) at 2008-10-01 17:57:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-09-29 14:14:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
These were all funny.
POINTS!!
Submitted by iambetteratit (user info) at 2008-09-29 13:41:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
morello- im sorry who are you again? Its just that Ive never heard of you.. has anyone else?
Submitted by morello (user info) at 2008-09-29 13:15:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
fuck off you idiot
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-09-29 10:12:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
though I DO agree with Ex... grow a pair and finish your business. twat.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-09-29 10:12:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i think i've +2'd all of these so what the fuck.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-09-27 14:18:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hey, i wasnt naysaying. like i said, i like you.
im going to be the same way when im in the military.
Submitted by Malachewaii (user info) at 2008-09-27 09:54:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#6 is hilarious.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-09-27 08:58:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
4. one of my ears is half blown off from a bomb in Iraq.
Prove it.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-09-27 02:40:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#6 made me laugh
you're still an annoying tit.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-09-27 02:14:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-09-27 01:58:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FUCK the naysayers below. I don't think you come off as an arrogant prick. Doodles, however, comes off as a kissass. Some things never change.
Submitted by iambetteratit (user info) at 2008-09-27 01:07:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
doodles.. there could be no good without evil, Thats why you're here
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-09-27 01:01:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm starting to like you.
This post needs more me.
Submitted by iambetteratit (user info) at 2008-09-26 22:59:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm sorry if I come off as an arrogant dick guys.. the sad fact is thats exactly what I am. The military didn't make me that way, although the arrogant mentality is prevelant in the Corps. I have been an arrogant dick for years.
I don't think i am the man or anything because I went to Iraq. Frankly I dont give a shit about your opinion. If you want to buy me a beer I'll drink it. but mostly I do it because I enjoy my work. I get paied to work out and shoot guns.
Well anyway im glad I got to clear that up for you.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-09-26 22:41:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-09-26 22:02:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
See, I'm at a quandary with you. I want to like/respect you because you are in the Armed Forces, and that is something you and I have in common. However, you come off with such an... irritating and unearned arrogance. There is a fine line between self assured and pitiful. I hate it when I see a fellow service man take the latter route.
I think that you would be surprised by how many of us here on Uber are Veterans of Foreign Wars, but you are the only one bandying it about like it's the Red Badge of Courage. There is something to be said about silent pride. Our Grandfathers, and in some case Fathers, all had it. They served with honor and, in a lot of instances, distinction. The fact that they served and made a difference was enough for them. They didn't use it to fuck underage bar skanks, and demand respect that they hadn't earned.
My $.02 take it as you will.
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nothing against the poster because i actually like him.
but i was at a bar a few weeks ago with a bunch of guys who are all bigger and smarter and better looking than me, and one of them was a navy seal corpsman.
Some fucking douchebag at the bar was making a big deal about how he just got back from Iraq, we should all buy him drinks and applaud him for being there, that we all owe him our freedom. My buddy walked up to him, bought him a beer, and asked him what his problem is, and he went into a long tirade about this and that. In the middle of it my friend rolled up his sleeve and showed the guy his Trident tattoo on his forearm.
"Yeah, I did my time too. This country doesn't owe you anything, you volunteered to go there. Now shut the fuck up."
And he did.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-09-26 22:19:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ps: number 10 makes you a pussy
just sayin'
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-09-26 22:06:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ugh. I have to agree with the comment from sandyvaginatits or whatever below. I knew tons of guys who thought just being in the service made them somehow special and bragged, tried to get pussy, thought they were super tough, and so on.
One dude took that attitude to a non-military party in Philadelphia, PA, and got himself a knife to the heart, and dead.
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-09-26 22:02:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
See, I'm at a quandary with you. I want to like/respect you because you are in the Armed Forces, and that is something you and I have in common. However, you come off with such an... irritating and unearned arrogance. There is a fine line between self assured and pitiful. I hate it when I see a fellow service man take the latter route.
I think that you would be surprised by how many of us here on Uber are Veterans of Foreign Wars, but you are the only one bandying it about like it's the Red Badge of Courage. There is something to be said about silent pride. Our Grandfathers, and in some case Fathers, all had it. They served with honor and, in a lot of instances, distinction. The fact that they served and made a difference was enough for them. They didn't use it to fuck underage bar skanks, and demand respect that they hadn't earned.
My $.02 take it as you will.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-09-26 22:02:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
have a nice juicy 2
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2008-09-26 21:07:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A wall, too, has taken a front tooth of mine.