Ten Tiny True Stories About My Genitals (1073 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.47 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Grimm <--grimmguy747.at.gmail--> (View user info) at 2008-09-26 22:19:44 EDT
1. I basically spent my entire time in school from Grade 4 to Grade 12 sitting in class exercising the 'Penis Push Up' Muscle. When I'm fully erect and standing up straight, I can easily get a 90 degree window of motion using nothing but cock strength. I like to hang bras off it and have a little burlesque show.
2. Seven and a half as of last week. But there's been a few times I know I've passed eight. Not a lot of girth, but the head swells nicely when I'm close. And lemme tell ya, that comes in fucking handy.
3. If I go two days without showering, the skin between my upper thigh and my scrotum starts to smell like roasted chicken.
4. I insist that every girl I'm with gag on it at least once. Sooner, later, it's up to you. But it's going to happen. My advice: Get it over with early.
5. I felt bad for every girl that ever licked my nuts. It didn't feel good enough to cover the humiliation aspect.
6. I trim things down south, monthly. Once I did it while hungover. The electric shaver cut my balls twice and my dick once. Imagine a male's genitals bleeding in three places for a week, and trying to keep a long time girlfriend from seeing it until it healed without ever telling her why.
7. When I was 14 I discovered that sticking your dick in the output jet of a jacuzzi is an amazing fucking experience, but when you cum you need to make sure to move the cock out of the water flow lest it all get blasted back inside and harden into a little cement ball that hits the toilet with a plop the next time you pee.
8. One girl blew me four times in one day. Right after the other, over a course of maybe two hours. I'm sad to say it was the greatest day of my life.
9. I prefer the sock method over the tissue method.
10. In my heart of hearts, the only girls I'll love forever are those who let me cum on their face, and did so with enthusiasm.
User Reviews
Submitted by Replen (user info) at 2008-10-12 14:38:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by simplemindedhafwit (user info) at 2008-10-03 13:36:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I read it as "Ten True Stories About My Tiny Genitals" I was expecting to get a grin out of some guy doing a bunch of crying and moaning about his little dick. Never mind ....... "As you were gentlemen."
Submitted by Paralyzed_By_Hope (user info) at 2008-09-29 14:27:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking priceless.
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2008-09-28 12:40:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I too prefer the sock method but I am always sockless, minus the ones on my feet, I don't do sloppy seconds to my friggin feet, when that twinkle sparks in my eye!
I settle for tissue or the ol hand method and move on it's no big deal.
Submitted by PayMeLater (user info) at 2008-09-28 12:33:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2008-09-28 04:12:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
9. I prefer the sock method over the tissue method.
So does Oathmeal.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-09-27 19:25:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-09-27 06:11:17 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
9. I prefer the sock method over the tissue method.
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I discovered a newer and more efficient method. It's called angular trajectory towards the toilet method. I previously favored the sock method myself, just for the conveniance, but there's still clean up to consider.
The toilet method is a direct-action remover of befoulment. Plus, it's like going to a gun range, because you can aim at a certain spot. I like to draw a bullseye on a single piece of toilet paper and let it float on top of the water.
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-09-27 14:49:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1. I basically spent my entire time in school from Grade 4 to Grade 12 sitting in class exercising the 'Penis Push Up' Muscle. When I'm fully erect and standing up straight, I can easily get a 90 degree window of motion using nothing but cock strength. I like to hang bras off it and have a little burlesque show
I just got a great mental picture of this.
PS. Can I watch?
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2008-09-27 12:15:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by therealgeddylee (user info) at 2008-09-27 11:42:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking hilarious.
But #3 made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.
Submitted by Malachewaii (user info) at 2008-09-27 10:02:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Too funny..
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Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-09-27 09:11:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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I discovered a newer and more efficient method. It's called angular trajectory towards the toilet method. I previously favored the sock method myself, just for the conveniance, but there's still clean up to consider.
The toilet method is a direct-action remover of befoulment. Plus, it's like going to a gun range, because you can aim at a certain spot. I like to draw a bullseye on a single piece of toilet paper and let it float on top of the water.
Submitted by zoobie2000 (user info) at 2008-09-27 10:01:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow i haven't thought about wanking into a sock for a while now
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2008-09-27 09:28:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sweet.
how's the dude neighbor doing?
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-09-27 09:11:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1. I basically spent my entire time in school from Grade 4 to Grade 12 sitting in class exercising the 'Penis Push Up' Muscle. When I'm fully erect and standing up straight, I can easily get a 90 degree window of motion using nothing but cock strength. I like to hang bras off it and have a little burlesque show.
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Me too. Sometimes I make it perform courtship dances in order to encourage my wife to mate with me.
It often works.
ALSO----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
9. I prefer the sock method over the tissue method.
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I discovered a newer and more efficient method. It's called angular trajectory towards the toilet method. I previously favored the sock method myself, just for the conveniance, but there's still clean up to consider.
The toilet method is a direct-action remover of befoulment. Plus, it's like going to a gun range, because you can aim at a certain spot. I like to draw a bullseye on a single piece of toilet paper and let it float on top of the water.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2008-09-27 07:44:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2008-09-27 04:24:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I mean, it's 4:30 and I'm logging in solely to +2 you for #10. God I love black girls. Fuck you all.
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2008-09-27 03:04:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
#3 made me snicker.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-09-27 02:16:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus fuck...
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-09-27 00:29:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know why anybody bothers with any method OTHER than the sock method. It's like, you've got gold, what are you looking for?
Submitted by darkwulffe (user info) at 2008-09-27 00:24:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2008-09-26 23:34:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
grim stuff indeed
Submitted by earth_collapse (user info) at 2008-09-26 22:48:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't be so fucking stupid.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-09-26 22:47:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cement ball, ouch
Submitted by Grimm (user info) at 2008-09-26 22:43:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sock Method: Masturbating into a sock. It is indeed a REVOLUTIONARY experience.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-09-26 22:29:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what is the sock method?
Submitted by metalbeast7 (user info) at 2008-09-26 22:27:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
the first time i used the sock method was REVOLUTIONARY.
the best part about it was that my girlfriend told me to do it that way.