10 Tiny Truths (650 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.75 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Antisirch (View user info) at 2008-09-27 03:16:30 EDT
1. One time, when my family and I were up north fishing at a lake we camped on at least once every summer, I caught a huge sunny - by far the biggest of the day. However, because I was young, I never took the fish off the hook myself, my dad always did. At about the same time he was getting the hook out of the mouth of my fish, my sister brought in a tiny one. My dad took one look at the fish dangling off of her pole, decided that one wasn't big enough to keep, and proceeded to throw my big keeper back into the lake. We still laugh about it to this day.
2. Another time while fishing on the same lake, a seagull flew over our boat and proceeded to shit from one end of the boat to the other, hitting all 4 of us.
3. While visiting the zoo one afternoon when I was about 7 or 8, we stopped by the gorilla pit. Apparently, the gorillas were angry at all the people gawking at them and decided to start throwing whatever they could find up at us; this included chunks of dirt, grass, and gorilla shit. My sister, who is two years younger than me, got hit with a handful of gorilla shit. I laughed, she cried, and then I got yelled at. Every time I think about that trip to the zoo, I can't help but laugh out loud.
4. A lot of my weekends during the summer as a child were spent at my grandparents' house. There was almost always at least one set of cousins also there for the weekends while our respective parents enjoyed a weekend without kids running around. My grandma would always take all of us out into the woods behind their house to visit "The Funny Tree", which was a giant pine tree whose roots were exposed, creating a natural jungle gym. I miss those walks.
5. On two separate occasions, I have had a guy cry and ask me to stay as I was trying to escape after a one night stand. I regret ever wanting to sleep with either of them.
6. I am almost 26 years old and I absolutely hate buying either condoms or tampons. It somehow makes me feel dirty and like everyone in the store is looking at me, even though I know that no one else in the store has even noticed me.
7. For whatever reason, in the few short years that I have been apart of the "real" world, I have never had a female manager who I thought was competent. Now, whenever I browse through the internal job postings at work, I try to make sure that the hiring manager is male.
8. I once slept with a co-worker while we were training for 6 months out of state. Several months after we returned, my manager left for a new position and he became my new manager. During our monthly 1-on-1 meetings, I always half expected him to say something about it - he never did, and we both pretended like nothing ever happened. Despite the fact that we slept together, I still think he's by far the best manager I've ever had.
9. In high school, one of my guy friends would steal dry ice from the grocery store he worked at and then come over to my house and we, along with another friend, would build dry ice "bombs" by packing the dry ice into a 1 liter pop bottle, adding some water and then capping it. One time, we decided to build one and toss it into the creek about a half mile away from my house. There was so much pressure in it that the bottle ended up flying about 50 feet above the surface of the water. I laughed so hard I peed my pants. My dad, who had encouraged us up until this point, told us he could hear the explosion at the house and said we couldn't build dry ice bombs anymore :(
10. Any time I play drinking games with my current roommate, I always seem to get ridiculously bruised. Two notable injuries include: Snow Wrestling with about 10 other people when there really wasn't much snow; I woke up the following morning with more bruises than I've ever had on my body at one time. The other includes slipping on a patch of ice across the street while trying to race around the 4 corners by our house in the middle of January when it was 20 below zero; my whole knee and my hip swelled up for weeks and I still have a scar on my knee.
User Reviews
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-09-29 21:57:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, what HE said.
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-09-29 21:44:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Show us your hole.
Submitted by Otter (user info) at 2008-09-29 19:36:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So nice to read a post where some isn't bitching about one thing or another, talking political crap, or bashing another Uberposter. Just a young lady remembering happy things that happened in her life.
I hate buying condoms as well. The very first time I bought some, I got lectured by the crusifix wearing old lady behind the counter. I had a difficult time buying them for years afterwards.
Submitted by Replen (user info) at 2008-09-29 14:16:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-09-29 11:00:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-09-29 05:31:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2008-09-28 04:45:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-09-27 15:52:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-09-27 13:07:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
6. I am almost 26 years old and I absolutely hate buying either condoms or tampons. It somehow makes me feel dirty and like everyone in the store is looking at me, even though I know that no one else in the store has even noticed me.
________
Condoms and tampons state to the world that you are young and fertile. You should display them proudly atop your basket of groceries, preferably next to the chocolate syrup and cream.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-09-27 11:48:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
in that case, take a nap. The world shall appear a better place.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-09-27 11:47:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't see one by you. I don't have to search older posts, I hope. I won't be happy about that, and my review might reflect it.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-09-27 11:45:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh thanks lungfish, you leave me out
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-09-27 11:44:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Last one of these I'm rating.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-09-27 09:30:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-09-27 08:44:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like all these ten tiny true stories (sorry not YOUR ten everyones ten - y'know what I means?)
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2008-09-27 04:39:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Look, if you had chosen to make firearms a big part of your life your stories would probably be a lot more funny. But ya know? Fuckin' shit, man,
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2008-09-27 04:27:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i got hit in the face with a piece of rotten fruit thrown by a money at a zoo in djakarta when i was little
all the indon urchins laughed at the litle white boy
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-09-27 03:22:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#2 ha
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-09-27 03:21:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Drinking games turning to violence... ah, the memories!