9 tiny truths and one ridiculous lie (854 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.92 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by beeltea (View user info) at 2008-09-27 05:35:13 EDT
1. When I was 23 I played Ferdinand in an outdoor production of "The Tempest" for a fairly large regional theater. My costume included a sword and scabbard, and the stage jutted out into a lake. My first entrance into the play was swimming across about a forty yard channel, and on the last night of the run my sword fell from my scabbard to the bottom of the lake. Being that it was an essential prop for later, I dove down and actually recovered the sword during performance.
2. I grow hair faster than normal people, and I have it all over my body. If it was left unchecked the only thing that would distinguish me from sasquatch would be that I am quite short. I own many hair removal products, including waxing strips, razors, cream hair remover (for men), a nose trimmer, and an electric razor with adjustable settings.
3. My apartment has a different infestation every year. The first year it was roaches, but I lived with a slovenly person and put down some boric acid after she moved out so now I never see roaches. After that there were these tiny little black bugs but they are gone as well. My new infestation are small brown moths and I just can't figure out where they are coming from. Part of me thinks that these are just the little black bugs again but they have evolved and sprouted wings.
4. In college I got into Pink Floyd. I also got into marijuana at about the same time. One summer I had an internship in Vermont, and I drove from my college in Texas to Vermont, and then drove back afterwards. After college I drove from my home in New Mexico to New York despite having my drivers license suspended. I listened to the entire pink floyd canon during the voyage. Then I drove back. And the I drove back again. I just got my new drivers license three years ago, yet I have logged thousands of miles without one.
5. I plan on writing a story for gruberfest.
6. I will actually write a story for gruberfest.
7. Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.
8. I was in Mexico one day with my Freshman roommate from college, who is fluent in Spanish because he is a Mexican. We got drunk and ended up being harrassed by the police force they have down there, which is basically a government sponsored mob. I didn't understand most of the conversation, but my friend also had anger issues, so we ended up being thrown in a Mexican jail. I had my ass kicked that night.
9. My first year in New York I was mugged by three teenagers on New Years Eve. One of them hit me on the back of the head with a skateboard. I had really nice clothes on at the time, and all of them were stolen; Kenneth Cole shoes, Armani shirt, Diesel Jeans, and boxers. The only thing I had on when I regained consciousness was a undershirt which I got at Wal-Mart a year before. I ran into a church and stole a flag so I could walk back home with my unmentionables covered. I think that the gods were looking out that night, trying to tell me that I looked like a douchebag.
10. Ubersite sucks.
User Reviews
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-09-29 11:04:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-09-29 05:33:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Those moths are a real pain. They're living in some kind of fabric. Look behind/underneath stuff.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-09-28 19:10:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wtf is up with this last minute choke shit?
i wanted to see milwaukee sit the postseason, and now i don't get that because your guys failed me.
oh well...as long as the cubs don't win the whole thing i'll be happy.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-09-28 18:32:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ach...my sympathies, pal.
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2008-09-28 14:08:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nicely done
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-09-27 23:22:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck em if they cant take a joke
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-09-27 12:55:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're not writing a damn thing for Gruberfest.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-09-27 11:21:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-09-27 11:17:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jtrujillo34 (user info) at 2008-09-27 11:13:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I live in New Mexico too. What part of New Mexico did you or do you live in?
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-09-27 11:06:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Get yourself a bunch of spiders to eat the moths, then a bunch of chickens to eat the spiders. Then get a goat to eat all the chicken poop. Then you can practice your short game with all the goat pellets. New York sounds just divine.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-09-27 09:33:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-09-27 08:43:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
5 or 6 is the lie
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2008-09-27 06:23:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#7 is the lie. I played a joke on a girl in school once, and she couldn't take it. But I would not have fucked her. She was ugly.
Hence why I played the joke on her.