Atheists as a Majority (1070 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.13 on 56 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Daniel Jackings (View user info) at 2008-09-27 07:19:59 EDT
This is what it would be like, if the majority of people were atheists.
ATHIEST KID: Mom, I'm going to go fuck a hooker.
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, son.
ATHIEST KID: Afterwards, I'm going to go smoke pot with my friends, since it's "not addictive."
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, come home soon!
The atheist kid leaves the room. The father comes home from work several minutes later.
ATHIEST DAD: Hey!
ATHIEST MOM: Hi, honey! I'm pregnant again. I guess I'll just get another abortion, since "foetuses don't count as human life."
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, get as many abortions as you want!
ATHIEST MOM: Oh, and don't go in the bedroom.
ATHIEST DAD: Why not?
ATHIEST MOM: There are two gay men fucking eachother in there.
ATHIEST DAD: Why are they here?
ATHIEST MOM: I wanted to watch them do it for awhile. They just aren't finished yet.
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, that's fine with me!
Suddenly, their neighbor runs into the house.
ATHIEST NEIGHBOR: Come quick, there's a Christian outside!
ATHIEST MOM: We'll be right there!
The atheist couple quickly put on a pair of black robes and hoods. They then exit the house, and run into the street, where a Christian is nailed to a large, wooden X. He is being burned alive. A crowd of atheist's stand around him, all wearing black robes and hoods.
RANDOM ATHIEST: Damn you, Christian! We hate you! We claim to be tolerant of all religions. But we really hate your's! That's because we atheists are hypocritical like that! Die, Christian!
THE END
Scary, isn't it?
User Reviews
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-10-01 10:13:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i always wondered what kind of person would fail philosophy 101. i'm so glad i know now.
Submitted by dmw02h (user info) at 2008-10-01 09:45:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
me: i am an atheist.
i have no desire to take god out of the pledge of allegiance or off of the dollar bill.
i think some people need religion to guide them - to provide them with guidelines as to how to live their lives without harming others. i do not.
a couple of my best girl friends have had (multiple) abortions. i have not. they believe in god. i do not.
i value life. so much so that i don't even eat meat. can you say that?
i am not gay. i show my homosexual friends love and compassion just as i would anyone else. just as your god says you should. i do not, however, care to watch them do it.
i am an atheist and i'm supposed to be the enemy but yet i don't feel the need to push my beliefs or lack there of on others nor do i find a public forum to spit out hatred and anger into this already unkind world.
i know i am not perfect. isn't humility something your god asks of you?
those of us that are happy, good, and kind, keep quiet in our little parts of the world. we pick up our litter. we say please and thank you. we hold doors open for the elderly. we try to leave this world cleaner than when we left it. i grew up in the church and i've read the bible. this is not what He would want of you. you have put yourself on a pedestal and passed judgement on others. i think you need to talk to your local pastor.
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-09-30 14:51:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
...ha
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-09-30 09:48:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
As long as everyone keeps feeding the fucking trolls this place is flat-out gay.
-DON'T FEED THE TROLLS UNLESS THEY ARE FUNNY OR ORIGINAL YOU FUCKING RETARDS-
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2008-09-30 07:43:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow - you're a complete fuckstain.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-09-30 06:56:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I have a lot of Christian morals, but I'm not a Christian. Some of them just make good sense.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-09-30 06:50:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Atheists still have morals, they are just not based on ancient lies and stories.
You can be moral without it being due to a fear of an imaginary omnipotent being.
Christians / Muslims / Jews (scratch that, Jews suck) are OK, just fucking gullible and too weak to survive life without constant reassuarance that there is more to life than we see. There isn't you know, man up and get the fuck on with it.
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2008-09-29 15:14:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"Scary, isn't it?"
Ya.
Another person so scared shitless of the world that they hide behind the bogus premonitions of a beguiled and desperate ghost-worshipping ideology.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-09-29 12:14:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-09-29 06:22:57 CDT (#)
Ranking: -2
My t.v usually stays on through the night, so when i wake up about 6.00am each morning there's fucking Benny Hill or Creflo A. Dollar preaching thier stupendous crap to amazingly stupid people.
I can't respect people who love god. I just can't.
-----
It's Benny Hinn actually. A most despicable human being.
Benny Hill was a slapstick British comedian famous for his risque, Undercranking video segments and the classic Boots Randolph instrumental named "Yakety Sax" made famous by the Benny Hill show's end credits.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bl0WIw8KOVc&feature=related
My father has that as his ring tone.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-09-29 11:56:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by bromide (user info) at 2008-09-29 10:32:22 BST (#)
Ranking: -2
If you were going to be a clueless, preachy fucker you could have at least been original
http://aradicalwrites.blogspot.com/2008/01/top-100-fundamentalist-christian-quotes.html
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-09-29 07:36:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
im a good catholic boy
;)
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-09-29 07:22:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
My t.v usually stays on through the night, so when i wake up about 6.00am each morning there's fucking Benny Hill or Creflo A. Dollar preaching thier stupendous crap to amazingly stupid people.
I can't respect people who love god. I just can't.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-09-29 06:40:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I went to an atheist party once and the door was answered by a 5ft tall dude tightly wrapped in black plastic with a kitchen skewer through his cheeks and razorblades stuck in his head. "Oh Berty" he said, "we have such sights to show you!" so I apologised because I didn't know his name.
It beat the pants off of my best mate's God-son's bar mitzvah though, even if it was a little intimidating.
Submitted by bromide (user info) at 2008-09-29 05:32:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If you were going to be a clueless, preachy fucker you could have at least been original
http://aradicalwrites.blogspot.com/2008/01/top-100-fundamentalist-christian-quotes.html
Submitted by tatersninja (user info) at 2008-09-28 21:06:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i hope this is an alter. most people can't be this...wait...fuck.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-09-28 20:28:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Way to be subtle, you shit-stirring alter you.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2008-09-28 13:25:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This fails as tongue-in-cheek for the same reasons it fails if you are actually serious.
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2008-09-28 12:32:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Piss poor execution of an idea.
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2008-09-28 10:13:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2008-09-28 02:22:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is retarded...I guess it's supposed to be...but it's just annoying.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2008-09-28 02:12:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Götterdämmerung.
Submitted by jason878 (user info) at 2008-09-28 01:05:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hurr hurrr hurrrrr, all atheists have no morals and are actually satanists because they dont believe in the idea that some judgemental prick is watching ever us judging our every action and thought and criticizing us for doing what it is that all animals in the world naturally do.
Also, where the fuck do you get off saying that atheists are hippocrits when you are criticizing them and not accepting them because of what they think. Fucking tool. fear-mongering religion's that pray on the young and the naive are not going to survive the age of information.
Oh yeah, 70% of the world are non-christians and what you described isnt happening. you must live ina real shitty neighbourhood.
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2008-09-27 19:48:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hurray another lame ass alter....
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2008-09-27 19:29:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
*reads your past posts*
God damn it I thought this post was serious.
So am I naive or does that say something about evangelicals?
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2008-09-27 19:27:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Damn straight. Only random straight men having sex in my dauther's bedroom for me.
Submitted by Desz (user info) at 2008-09-27 18:19:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
nice try for a Grueberfest entry
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2008-09-27 16:14:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
wouldn't that be awesome?
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-09-27 16:07:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
WOW you really do suck .
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-09-27 16:04:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh I thought this is what the christains already do to everyone who is not their style christian?
did I miss the news?
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-09-27 15:23:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-09-27 06:00:05 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
catch fire you fucking spacker
--------
HAHAHAHHAHA
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2008-09-27 12:45:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I think the atheists would be doing alot more coke than you suggest.
Submitted by EJ (user info) at 2008-09-27 12:31:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No more -2 bombs? What is this place coming to?
Submitted by EJ (user info) at 2008-09-27 12:30:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Three strikes and you're out, cockshit.
Submitted by EJ (user info) at 2008-09-27 12:29:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2008-09-27 12:10:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yay
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2008-09-27 12:09:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2008-09-27 11:55:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this is still funny when i'm sober.
Submitted by DTII (user info) at 2008-09-27 11:25:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Thanks for clearing that up. Now I know just how evil atheists are, I can steer clear of them.
I'm glad that history has proven that religion has NEVER been responsible for ANY suffering, death, atrocities, or suffering. Whatever god is in charge has made damn sure to send you, as a holy messenger, to clear up this whole debacle.
PRAISE JESUS! PRAISE ALLAH!
SIEG HEIL!
SIEG HEIL!
SIEG HEIL!
SIEG HEIL!
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-09-27 11:24:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wait... I WANNA BURN CHRISTIANS ALIVE!!!
Where do I sign up???
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2008-09-27 11:23:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha
I want to live in that world.
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-09-27 11:06:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I can't tell if you were trying to make a joke. I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt, but I'm pretty sure that you honestly believe that Christians are the only good people in the world. That is sad and scary.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-09-27 10:54:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2008-09-27 10:52:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
is this supposed to be tongue-in-cheek?! it isnt, is it? you suck
Submitted by IntangibleHands (user info) at 2008-09-27 10:13:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I never realized how FUCKING AWESOME atheism is until now. You've converted me.
Submitted by zoobie2000 (user info) at 2008-09-27 10:05:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this is fucking hilarious... in fact i am an atheist and have fucked several men up the arse just this morning
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-09-27 09:49:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
incidentally funny
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2008-09-27 09:47:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-09-27 09:35:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Are you 15 and emo?
Oh wait, I guess you've already proved it.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2008-09-27 09:26:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
that's kind of funny.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-09-27 09:00:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
catch fire you fucking spacker
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-09-27 08:42:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Imagine an all atheist world, where we go to war, not because God told the President to, but so he could advance his own personal wealth and that of his friends.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-09-27 08:10:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ah, but not all of us need religion in order to make basic ethical desicions. Obviously you need to worship something that doesn't exist in order to follow simple rules.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-09-27 08:05:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH BOI ATHEISM IS AWESOME!
I never knew quite how awesome until right now.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-09-27 07:49:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You're a 14 year old pothead, right? The ignorance and stupidity that this post demonstrates is worthy of such.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2008-09-27 07:45:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i laughed.
Submitted by Dimenhydrinate (user info) at 2008-09-27 07:36:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Atheism and close-mindedness are two separate concepts. Lots of dumb fucks are atheists, lots of dumb fucks are religious. The two are not related, people are just stupid in general.
Personally I couldn't give a fuck less on what you believe in.