GrUeBERfest '08- R1: Made to be Broken (494 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesLabels: GrUeBERfest '08- R1
Rating: 0.25 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by NintendoCzar (View user info) at 2008-09-28 10:30:30 EDT
Tom would do anything to protect his family. When you are a political figure, you must never let the power go to your head, because the first ones to get hurt are your family. Tom didn't understand the relation. That's what put him in this predicament. It all started oh-so innocently. Tom's family and friends were celebrating his latest success: putting a high level criminal behind bars. During the celebration, a man Tom didn't know too well (at that point) approached him.
"Hello, Tom, my name is Symon."
"Hi...Symon. I'm sorry, I don't believe I know you, how did you get in?"
"I got in because of what I do for people. I give them everything they could ever want. Would you like that, Tom?"
"I have everything I want right here, what more is there? Success, family, friends, money. By the glory of God I have it all."
"Yes, by that glory, I suppose. Well, Tom, here's my card, call me, if you ever need anything, I'm always ready for new...friends, I guess you could them that."
Tom took the card, and while part of him wanted to throw it away and forget this unexpected exchange, something about Symon intrigued Tom enough to keep the card. After the party, he and his wife had their own celebration. With their daughter tucked in bed, in dream land, the real party began.
During the fuck fest, Tom couldn't let go of what Symon had told him. He began to second guess if he had everything he wanted, or if he could do better. He looked at his wife's body. She wasn't ugly, but...she wasn't very pretty, either. Her breasts were showing the effects of gravity, and they seemed too far apart. He touched her skin and noticed the bumps, the scars from years...Was there a woman out there that didn't posses these imperfections? He was a winner in life now, why was he settling with this? Her hair was too short, and the list went on. It went on for the 4 minutes of sex, and then once it was over, his brain stopped second-guessing her and he tried to get some sleep, but he couldn't help but think what other areas of his life he could improve. The next day, during his lunch hour, he gave Symon's office a call. The card didn't share many details, just the name "Symon Lucious" and a number.
"Hello?" said the monotone voice.
"Yes, I am looking for a Mr. Lucious, please?"
"Oh, why, this is he..I know who this is, it's Tom, isn't it?! So glad to hear from you," said Symon, in a much more vibrant tone than originally.
"Well, I was wanted to hear more about your proposal, what is it you do, exactly?" questioned Tom, perplexed, confused, nervous, and intrigued all at the same time.
"I make your wildest dreams come true, ha ha! But...it's not something that translate well into words. No, I'd rather show you, first hand. Meet me at 6pm, tonight, at Dorsia's"
"Why, of course. I can't wait."
For the rest of the day, Tom imagined just what it was that Symon had planned. He smiled about it at times, but then doubted if it was anything more than a sales pitch for some new age pill- some more of the fluff Tom didn't need anymore. He would soon find out it was something just as Symon had promised. A few hours after the phone conversation, Tom got a knock on his office door.
"Come in."
Tom didn't expect anyone at this hour. It was 4:30 pm, much too late for any important business. In walked a woman, in a stunning blue dress, with long blonde hair and perfect red lips. She sat down in front of Tom.
"Hi...I'm Lisa. I was sent here by a temp agency. I've been assigned to be your new secretary."
"Uh...what...I don't recall setting this up."
Tom shuffled through his papers, and then checked his computer to see if there was a meeting set up or if he had any notes on the matter.
"I'm sure if you look in your planner, our meeting is written in there. 4:30, Tuesday."
Sure enough, in Tom's planner were notes on what he wanted and needed from an assistant, and a confirmation that he would meet with Lisa. Still confused, unsure of how he could forget such a thing, he quizzed Lisa on her expertise in politics and secretarial positions. After 45 minutes of questioning, Tom realized he would be running late for his meeting with Symon, so he sent Lisa home, letting her know he was glad to have her on board.
On the car ride over to Symon, he couldn't get over how beautiful Lisa was...She was perfect looking, and she was very intelligent. It was as if she had come from his dreams. Then he reasoned that he couldn't do anything with his wife around, and he had to remain honest and loyal with her...But she had so many imperfections, he thought. If only he could have a glance with Lisa, then maybe the decision would be easier. Tom arrived at the restaurant, and Symon greeted him at the door.
"Why hello there Tom! Didn't think you would make it with this downtown traffic."
"How did you get reservations here? I heard it's almost impossible."
"I know the owner, he was a good friend of mine. He used to work on Wall-Street in the 80's, a very powerful man before he settled in and bought this place. Anyway, let's head inside."
Inside, the rich of the rich dined. The most powerful people in New York shared secrets, traded information, and laughed at how pitiful the world below them looked.
"So, Tom, I take it you are so far pleased at what you see?"
"Well, yes, I've always dreamed of coming here."
"This is just a taste of what I could give you. Did you like Lisa, by the way?"
"Ye- wait, what? How did you know about her?"
"Tom, my friend, I sent her to you. I arranged it all."
"Oh...you're from the temp agency."
"I am from a temp agency, I guess you could say."
"I...I don't understand."
"Look I'll stop beating around the bush," said Symon, interrupting himself to order a drink.
"Ok Tom, here's the deal: I am assigned to help people, very powerful people, make themselves more powerful, I offer a service no one else can. I can take you places no one else can, I can do things for your career that no one else can."
"Sounds promising, what does it cost me? Everything has a price, Mr. Lucious, and I can't help but feel you've done this before?"
"You're right, on both points. I've done this many, many times. The only thing required of you is that you never speak of me, you never tell anyone I made this happen for you. No matter what happens, no one can ever know you and I are even remotely tied. And, even if you tell them, they won't believe you. To them, I don't exist; I am off the radar, my friend. This is a deal between me, and you."
"I don't know, sounds unlawful- sounds like I could get into trouble."
"No, as long as you play by the rules, you'll be just fine."
"And you promise me, everything?"
"Everything you could ever want, and so, so much more."
"Deal."
The two finished their meal, and Tom headed home. On the ride, he couldn't stop thinking about the things Symon had offered to him. It was out of the blue, it was like he was being blessed again. He couldn't be happier. Once at home, he rested for a few moments before his daughter came up to him.
"Daddy, do you love me?"
"Why, yes dear, I love you and mommy both!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, of course! Why are you asking me this?"
"And you promise to never let anything happen to me?"
"Yes, I promise, nothing will ever happen to you...Why are you asking me this, dear?"
"At school today, a man came up to me, and he scared me, and you weren't around, I didn't know where you were, and then mommy picked me up, and she told me you were with friends. I thought you forgot about me."
"No, no honey, I would never forget about you. Daddy had an important meeting, with an important man. You know how good life is now?"
"Yes?"
"Well, daddy just made a deal to make things better."
"I just want you to be here with me and mommy."
"I'm not going anywhere. Give me a hug."
Though his daughter was still worried, Tom didn't give it much thought. No, he saw it as just another confused young person, wanting their dreams to come true but nervous of someone taking that away from them. Tom smiled, glad that he didn't have to worry about anyone else taking his dreams from him.
Over the next few months, things went well for Tom. His career as a senator set him up to run for president. Symon also started taking Tom to new places, where he met different people. People that rationalized drug use. At first, Tom wasn't in support of it, but at the urge of Symon and some drinks, he decided to try it. He felt he had nothing to lose, there was nothing that could stop him. These new friends also helped him be less tense, and worry less about his family and his wife. Lisa also was getting much better at her job, and soon she and Tom were fucking ever lunch hour, and it was just as perfect as Tom imagined. However as time went on, Lisa wasn't enough for Tom. He wanted more. So Symon gave him more women, more money, more power, more everything. Finally, things came to a head. Tom was sitting at the bar, wondering what this night would bring him. Then, a brunette girl came up to him. He turned to examine her, and after some small talk, they went to one of Tom's suites around the city. Her name was Harley.
"Tom, please, tell me something that no one else knows about you."
"Uh, I don't know what there is that no one else knows about me?"
"There has to be one thing. Like, how did you get all this, how did you become so powerful? It wasn't all just college and good genes, was it?"
"Well, no, but I can't say how it happened, it just happened.."
"Tell you what Tom, if you tell me your secret, I'll not only fuck you, I'll let you kill me afterward, that way no one else knows your secret. You just have to make it look like an overdose...You have the power to cover it all up. Just tell me the secret, and It'll end with me."
"That's ridiculous! Get off of me!"
Tom pushed Harley away from him. Harley kept hounding him for the truth, and eventually Tom called security to throw her out. He didn't understand why she wanted to know so bad. He slept at the suite, and didn't wake up until late the next day. After a few hours at work, he headed home.
When he arrived at home, he noticed everything inside was a mess, and no one was there. He looked around, in a panic, wondering where his daughter and his wife were. Finally, in the kitchen, he saw a note with a knife through it.
[OpEn Ur MoUtH oR I OpEn ThEir THOATS!]
At that moment, Tom's cellphone rang, it was Symon.
"How is everything Tom, did you enjoy last night?"
"What?! No, no I didn't! Symon someone took my family! They left me a note..I think they know about you!!!"
"Did you say anything?"
"No, I didn't. This girl, last night she kept asking me, but I didn't say a word, I don't know if this is related but I don't know where they are, I have to call the cops!!"
"No, Tom, you can't. If you call the cops, they'll know about me, They will know everything. You cannot tell a soul. Look, let me get a few people I know in on this, and I will handle everything. You want your family back...would that make you happy?"
"YES SYMON YES, I JUST WANT MY FAMILY!"
"Okay, remember your promise, though."
"SYMON!"
*click*
Tom, nervous and worried, didn't know what to do. He had thoughts of his family, being in danger. An hour later, Symon called.
"I know where they are, Tom. Go to 2525 Summer Street. Inside that house, from what I am told, live two men that brought in two females that match your daughter and wife"
"Okay...Symon, how did you find this out? The FBI, police, what?!"
"They are a form of law enforcement that's paid very well. Now go get your family."
Tom raced to where his family is being kept. He takes with him his father's pocket knife and a shotgun, not sure of what to expect. When he arrives, all the lights are off, and there is no one outside guarding the house. He walks up, and the door is unlocked. Inside, he whispers out his wife's name, and then his daughter's. He hears someone walking, but he can't see in what direction.
"Stop. Right. There."
Tom can feel a gun barrel pointed directly at his forehead.
"All I want is my family back. That's all, please."
"Then all you have to do is tell us who gave you everything you could want. Who is it that made you so unstoppable? You were a small fry, and then, overnight it seems, you got it all. tell us how."
"No, I can't! I made...I made a promise!"
"Promises are made to be broken."
"No...please...."
The gunman readies the weapon.
"Ya know, we had two girls here that also wouldn't talk. The older one, I thought, maybe if I take off all her clothes, twist her nipple a bit, and then slash them with a knife, maybe she would talk to me for a little while. Nope, all she did was cry. So I decided to shove my dick into her mouth. My partner then informed me that she couldn't very well talk if I had it in her mouth, so I shoved it in her ass. I don't think she's going to walk right for days. I don't know if he meant because of that, or because I cut her foot off and made her taste the blood."
"You...you mother fucker."
"Yes, she was the mom of the younger one, wasn't she? I guess I am a mother fucker. Now, if you don't want anything to happen to that little girl, you will tell me who helped you."
"What promise do I have that you will let me go if I tell you?"
"I don't make promises I can't keep to anyone."
"Okay, okay, I just hope you do what's best. The guy's name is Symon, Symon Lucious, I have his number right here if you want it."
"I don't need it, he's right here."
The lights turn on, and the walls have no blood. Tom's wife and daughter set on two chairs, not tied down, not restrained in any way, but look lifeless. Standing over them is Symon, and the gunman that was in front of Tom is at Symon's side now.
"Tom, Tom, Tom. Didn't I tell you not to tell a soul about me? Why did you...Why did you break our agreement?"
"THIS WAS A GAME?! WHAT KIND OF....Honey, baby, are you all ok?!"
"Oh, yes, they are fine, they aren't here anymore. No, what you are looking at is their bodies, stuffed and seated. They're my trophies."
"What the fuck did you to them you BASTARD?!"
"They were in the way of your happiness, you told me yourself. You told me that you didn't want your wife, her imperfections, too much for you. So I took her away. And your daughter? She was going to be too much trouble for you if she stayed around. Now, look, I do this for you, and you repay me by betraying me? That's not right."
"You'll fry for this, you're going DOWN LUCIOUS."
"No, I'm not, Tom. I told you, no one knows I exist. And right now, the only ones here are you and this fine gunman at your side. Tell me, Tom, I don't look familiar to you in any way? Look a little closer."
Suddenly, Symon's face morphed to look like Tom's, and Tom realized what had happened.
"You see Tom, you didn't have the power to make everything you wanted happen...Well, you did, but you needed a little push. You needed new face to help you. And you gave yourself one. You had it in you, all along."
"What...but...No! NO!"
"Yes...You know the worst part? Last night, when I went home, after that whore didn't want to sleep with me. I got there, and your- well, my daughter, she wanted me to read her a book. I kneeled down, I smiled, and I patted her on the head. Then, I took the book from her, and I smacked her with it. Then, to stop her crying, I bashed her face into the fucking wall. She fell to the floor, unconscious. So I took off her little clothes, one by one, and set her in the tub. I didn't like her laying there all alone, so I got in too, and...well, I couldn't control myself, I got a knife and began cutting her body up. She woke up then, and with her eyes full of blood, she managed to say one last thought....'you promised me'. I laughed so hard!!! Then, she started bleeding, like a virgin! There was blood everywhere, I had to stop it. So, I let it all go down the drain, and began sowing her back up, it took me all day, but I did it. And here we are. Haha, it was GREAT!!!"
"How...how could you?"
"How could I?! HOW COULD YOU?! AHAHAHA, That's a good question. What I don't understand is how we let the wife off so easy. Take a gander, Tom, she just took a bullet, from your shotgun, to the head. Oh well."
"What...what-what now?" Stammered Tom.
"Well, now we let Mr. 'Gunman' here go, his job is done. I've told him what to do next. He calls the cops, and..well, that's it I guess."
"What...no, I can't lose...everything...why."
"Why?! WHY?! Because you broke your promise! You lied, to yourself! Had you just not said anything to our friend here, he would have shot you, and all this would be over. Ignorance is bliss, my friend! You would never have to face knowing what you did, you'd die thinking you were, "good" and maybe see that God you always said 'blessed' you. You made a deal you couldn't keep. You should have never done that. And now...well, now you'll suffer. You can never forget Tom, NEVER forget."
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And see, children, this is why we never make promises we can't keep. This is why we are thankful for everything we have, and this is why we work hard in life and never take shortcuts.
Timmy: Aw...Grandma, that was a great story!
Tony: Yeah Grandma, you are so smart! How did you get so smart??
Well, I guess with age, you just have pearls of wisdom that you want to share. Don't forget now, kids. Don't ever forget.
User Reviews
Submitted by NintendoCzar (user info) at 2008-09-29 22:11:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2008-09-29 21:54:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
*sad*
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Best FUCKING review ever.
About your life, I assume.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2008-09-29 21:54:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
*sad*
Submitted by NintendoCzar (user info) at 2008-09-29 15:05:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-09-29 14:56:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Really?
I find that hard to believe. The first one???
Here's a "make-up" +2 for ignoring your anonymous ass for 4 years.
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I am going to frame this plus 2, but I don't want it to count against my coupon.
Submitted by NintendoCzar (user info) at 2008-09-29 14:58:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-09-29 14:54:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Man, this could have been tightened up a lot, and you really have to work on loosening up your dialogue. Still, at least you put out. That's better than nothing.
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It was a last minute idea, my original story I had to post for this was crap and too long, and then I saw the two titles that KK and some other dude was given and I was like "huh, that would be a fun idea" and I just rolled with it, didn't bother going back and editing blah blah blah. These are all just excuses for me to try and justify everyone's complaints though. I know I could of done a better job, and in retrospect I should have, but I liked the story the way it is.
Thanks for the suggestion, I don't think I'll be doing dialogue in that format again.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-09-29 14:56:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Really?
I find that hard to believe. The first one???
Here's a "make-up" +2 for ignoring your anonymous ass for 4 years.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-09-29 14:54:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Man, this could have been tightened up a lot, and you really have to work on loosening up your dialogue. Still, at least you put out. That's better than nothing.
Submitted by NintendoCzar (user info) at 2008-09-29 14:48:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-09-29 14:46:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You have my email address?
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That's for me to know, and you to never find out. *evil laugh*
Okay, I'll stop trolling my own comments now. On a serious note, thanks for actually posting a comment on one of my stories. It only took...what? 4 years?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-09-29 14:46:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You have my email address?
Submitted by NintendoCzar (user info) at 2008-09-29 14:45:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-09-29 14:18:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What is this... War and Peace?
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No this ia "shutthefuckupoldmanifIwantedyouropinionandnotjustafreakinminus2fromyouIwouldhaveemailedittoyoudirectly" story.
On that note, thanks for the comment!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-09-29 14:26:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sympathy, at least you wrote something
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-09-29 14:18:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What is this... War and Peace?
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-09-29 14:07:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i was disappointed in the whole as it came off as too contrived or pushed too far. can't really say why i end up there but it is what it is.
Submitted by NintendoCzar (user info) at 2008-09-29 03:26:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by UnknownEntity (user info) at 2008-09-29 02:16:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Your imagination is disturbed to say the least.
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Fuck, you think this is retarded, read my entries from last year, my personal fav being "Jacob's Savior". Actually, read all three, and then read this one, and turn your 0 into a -2 because you'll see that all of those are /0 better than this shit i wrote.
Submitted by UnknownEntity (user info) at 2008-09-29 02:16:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Your imagination is disturbed to say the least.
Submitted by NintendoCzar (user info) at 2008-09-28 19:00:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Upon reflection, this story isn't "gruesome" or really all that "gory" until the end. I wanted this to be more of a "haha, what the fuck" type of thing, and I hope no one saw the ending coming, neither of them. I wanted people to originally believe Symon was "Satan", and think "Oh this is based on that stupid Keaneu Reeves movie", but I hope the ending of grandma's story struck them with more of a "Fight Club" feel, albeit my work being less well conceived. Maybe it is disturbing to have your grandma tell you a story like this, or perhaps it's just retarded to think kids would react that way to a story of this manner. But in the days of iPods and iNternets, is that such a stretch?
To address what KK said about the dialouge, perhaps it was the format in which I wrote it. I usually write it more like a script would, stating the name beforehand and then the words they speak. I felt that's a smoother way of doing a conversation. The reason I didn't do it in this case is because at the end, it turns out to be one big story, told by the grandmother, so technically, she was both parties, and it's a small detail like that I thought would stick out, especially when I reverted back to my traditional style at the end.
Sadly, it seems like I failed on all fronts. Not many reviews for this one, but I can tell that's because it didn't capture anyone's attention. I'm proud of it being my first one in a year or so, but not proud of the results. Maybe Ubersite's criteria has just gotten tougher, or maybe this was just a bad piece of literature?
Fuck it, who cares, I only explain all this because sometimes in the past people haven't fully understood my work. Hope you enjoyed, at the very least.
Submitted by Desz (user info) at 2008-09-28 16:24:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2008-09-28 13:58:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-09-28 10:55:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude, sorry... but the dialogue in this was terribly forced.