10 true memories--childhood years (820 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Maddog (View user info) at 2008-09-28 13:53:20 EDT
I've enjoyed reading these "tiny true story" submissions (well, most of them), so what the hell, I though I'd put down some of my own. I noticed that as I typed them that they became more personal snippets of memory, rather than stories, so for truth in advertising, I changed the title.
1. One of my earliest memories is of being in the car. My father was in the military and my family moved a lot. By "a lot" I mean every year of my life until I was 6 years old or so. I spent a lot of time in the back seat of a '68 Ford Galaxy as we travelled from one Air Force base to the next. The car had a blue vinyl interior and a huge trunk deck that I used to climb up into and roll matchbox cars back and forth.
2. I came close to being crippled when I was 5. I severly broke my arm at the elbow, jumping off an air conditiong compressor while playing Superman--complete with a bath towel cape stuffed into the neck of my t-shirt. My arm was to puny to put pins in without severly damaging my ability to bend my arm, so the base doctors basically experimented with me, setting my arm in new casts, in various positions, for over 6 months, to see if it would heal on it's own. It did and there was much rejoicing. I remember going to the San Antonio Zoo to celebrate. Alas, my only memories from that are that of my sisters thumb being bitten by a goat at the petting zoo and a giraffe drooling on a bald guys head as he walked under it. Giraffes have very long, purple tongues, by the way.
3. As a youngster, any pile of contruction dirt in the neighborhood was a reason to have a dirt clod fight. Primo dry dirt clods made a nice "spoof!" as the exploded on your enemy. They weren't much fun when they hit you in they eye, though.
4. I went to catholic grammar school. We wore light blue shirts, navy trousers (aka-pants) and navy blue ties. We actually had nuns as teachers in some of the classes, though they died off or went to the old nuns home as my schooling years progressed. The sexually repressed violence they exhibited was amazing. I distinctly remember Sister John-Anthony dragging a screaming 3rd grader down the length of the hall by his hair. What's funny is that it was no big deal to anyone. We were just glad it wasn't us. My behavior was stellar in grammar school for just this reason.
5. I was 12 the first time a kissed a girl. It was at a Squires dance at the Knights of Columbus hall. Her name was Janet, she had blond hair and went to public school. She was my first "girlfriend", and I was scared shitless to do more than french kiss or cop the random feel over her bra. In the years after I honed my my dating skills and became both "money" and "mack daddy", though it took many years. Thanks Janet, wherever you are.
6. I discovered masturbation around the same time as #5. What an amazing invention. I haven't looked back since.
7. I have always been a "dog person". The dogs my family and I have had over the years were named Sport, Mitzi, Brandy, Sophie, Chelsea, Zoe, Ajax, Nico and Max. The one cat we had when I was a kid ran away. Good fucking riddance.
8. In retrospect, I used to do some amazingly stupid and dangerous shit as a kid. I grew up in the Evel Knevel era and for fun the kids on my street and I would set up plywood board and brick ramps and jump stuff with our crappy BMX Huffys. Trash cans, logs, each other, it didn't matter. The only safety gear we possessed were the "Toughskin" brand jeans that were apparently made from alligator hide and sandpaper. Helmets were for spastic retards in wheelchairs. I think I'm paying today for some of the concussions I received trying to re-enact the Snake river jump.
9. I never played organized little league baseball as a kid. My parents didn't want to "push" me into sports. I wish they had. What the fuck does a 8 year old know about what he "wants"?
10. I was an altar boy for 3 years or so, starting when I was about 10. I was never abused by a priest (alas, no payday from the diocese), but I do remember polishing off many a carafe of communion wine after mass. I was schooled by Eddie, an older altar boy (older as in 13 or so) that we couldn't just pour consecrated wine down the drain. There is nothing like a buzz at 10:00 a.m. on Sunday after church.
User Reviews
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2009-04-22 15:02:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
10. I was an altar boy for 3 years or so, starting when I was about 10. I was never abused by a priest (alas, no payday from the diocese), but I do remember polishing off many a carafe of communion wine after mass. I was schooled by Eddie, an older altar boy (older as in 13 or so) that we couldn't just pour consecrated wine down the drain. There is nothing like a buzz at 10:00 a.m. on Sunday after church.
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3 years, and they never molested you?? I'd fucking sue their asses for discrimination.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2009-04-22 14:45:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What the fuck does an 8 year old know about what he wants!
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-02-26 02:16:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I think I'm paying today for some of the concussions I received trying to re-enact the Snake river jump."
~~~~~~~~~
If you knew then what you know now, would you have been less thrill seeking in your childhood?
Submitted by Zackstersmackster (user info) at 2008-10-01 21:24:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome. Funny.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-09-29 22:55:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cute. Most of my childhood memories (of the very early childhood variety) involve my older sister conning me into mass quantities of trouble with her hair brained schemes and attempts to have me removed from the family via Postal boxes, markers, and home-made stamps from the People's Republic of China.
Also, one time, she put me in a bucket and kicked me down the big hill into the creek. She was well gutted when I didn't sink.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-09-29 14:11:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-09-29 12:22:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2008-09-29 07:25:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this a lot.
Only thing that struck me, being raised Catholic myself: 10:00 a.m. on Sunday after church.
Were we went to church the show/mass started at 10:30 a.m. so we started drinking later...
and there was much rejoicing!
NI!
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-09-29 07:24:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was quite entertaining. I too was an alter boy, I think all alterboys have a buzz at 11am on Sunday, why else did we go to mass?
I too was free from extra "attention" from the preist. Luckily.
I think my time as an alterboy actually reassured me that there is no God and that believing that there is is absurd. Hence my Atheist beliefs.
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-09-29 05:04:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
goodz
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-09-29 01:05:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2008-09-28 22:56:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And how.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-09-28 14:23:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SPOOF!!!
Submitted by earth_collapse (user info) at 2008-09-28 13:56:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not incredibly fantastic stories, but good reading.