im gonna attempt 10 stories (363 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Clamato (View user info) at 2008-09-29 01:28:10 EDT
I'm too hopped up to go to sleep, but not hopped up enough to work on homework, so here come ten stories from my life, as short as it is.
1)
One summer when I was in middle school I went to a church camp with my friend who promised it would be fun, despite my dislike of Christians.
We went. There was much Christian Rock. 3 hour sermons with much crying and reaching out and shouting and singing and everything.
It was horrible. I bash him to this day about that experience.
2)
The first time I was drunk was with my friend Emily. We got beer from a gas station and waited for our parents to fall asleep. Then I snuck out of my house and drove to the park behind her house. We drank three beers apiece and ended up cuddling together, dozing off. Then I went home and slept for a long ass time. We repeated that night three times in a row until she got caught sneaking out. Now we rarely get to hang out late and drink.
=[
3)
I had a girlfriend once that would only allow anal for some reason. We did it only about 6 or 7 times till I ended up getting cystitis and pissing blood for a couple days. I didn't really find anal attractive after that. This is the same girlfriend I dumped over text while tripping on red hots.
4)
That same girlfriend, who was quite the inexperienced and prudish one when I met her, ended up having a threesome about two weeks after we broke up. She told me in elaborate detail all about it. It was a slightly pathetic attempt to make me jealous, and I didn't believe her at first till I saw a picture or two.
5)
I once got pulled over by a cop when I was heading to work at 5 am. He questioned me for about 4 minutes, took my id and insurance and then sent me on my way with a warning that my left taillight needed replacing. He didn't mention the cigarette packs in my glove compartment at all. I know cigarettes aren't a big deal but I still get nervous when I'm driving at night and the person behind me has their brights on.
6)
Several months after I picked up the habit of smoking, I started to think my parents knew. They would mention smoking at least once a week and occasionally sniffed around me when I would come home. I learned then to always have mints and a bottle of febreeze in my car, although sometimes I think they aren't that effective.
I know I'll get caught eventually though.
7)
There was this game, Quest 64, for the Nintendo 64 that I rented when I was really young, like 7 or 8 I think. When I first tried to play it I couldn't figure out how to use magic and ended up almost breaking a controller in frustration. I found a copy of the game at a friends house years later and hooked up the 64 to see if I could find out the secret.
About 15 minutes into the game I finally get into my first battle and I immediately discovered how to use the spells. I think of how technologically inept I was back then whenever I see an elderly person struggling with a computer or cell phone. Sometimes it makes me more understanding. But more often than not I still end up pissed at old people for being dumb fucks.
8)
Up until a few months ago I was a very anti-drug boy. The one time that reminds me most of my old mindset was at a sweet sixteen for a girl in my grade. My then-girlfriend was very into drinking and smoking which upset me a lot of the time, and at the party she had a cup of what I think (looking back) was vodka and sprite. She gave the cup to me to hold while she went to the bathroom and while she was gone I dumped the stuff in the kitchen sink and replaced it with just plain old sprite.
When she sipped the drink after it was switched, she made a face and didn't say a word to me the rest of the night. She broke up with me about a week later, with the whole "its not you, its me" spiel. It actually made me pretty heartbroken.
9)
I have always hated the joke "because 7 ate 9" because of its lack of double entendre. The person that "came up with" that joke didn't even have to think of words with double meanings. God what a lame joke. If I have kids, and they laugh at that joke, I think I'd have to replace them with cats. Just like Jack did.
10)
when I was in between Seventh and Eighth grade, I went to my cousins house up in Kansas where the rest of my family (besides momma dad and sister) lived for the Fourth of July since they're small town allowed fireworks. This happened every year except that this year my parents stayed home in OKC for the week to have some alone time. As in fucking. But whatever, I think my parents deserve to have a sex life still. Not that any of this has anything to do with the story.
So anyways, it was about 2 days till the Fourth and my cousin Kyle (he was 1 year older than me) and i had spent about 40 dollars each on fireworks already. We had just let off some mortar shells and parachute men and had some smoking tubes and lots of paper. We were stupid and put the firework wrapping paper in one of the tubes and used a one of those grill lighters with a long barrel to try to start a fire.
It didn't really work but we didn't give up. Kyle kept the lighter barrel in there for a good 3 minutes and then yanks it out.
and the barrel hits me right below my right eye.
and I got burned pretty bad. But it was a long skinny burn that looked kinda badass. So I wasn't too upset. I took pictures.
User Reviews
Submitted by zoobie2000 (user info) at 2008-09-29 08:25:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"I had a girlfriend once that would only allow anal for some reason."
That's because it was a MAN !!!! ATTN GHEY MENZ !!!!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-09-29 07:34:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hopped? too hopped?
did you hop all day?
what?
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-09-29 07:09:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Not cigarettes?!!?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-09-29 03:48:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
shit
Submitted by NintendoCzar (user info) at 2008-09-29 03:33:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just kidding! I'll just jump on your head and get 100 points.
Submitted by NintendoCzar (user info) at 2008-09-29 03:32:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/118825
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If you post ghey video game shit again, I'll fucking kill you.
- NintendoCzar
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-09-29 02:39:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2008-09-29 02:10:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I mean just wow. This was so very lame. This was to interesting post as Oklahoma is to an interesting state to drive through.
Submitted by iambetteratit (user info) at 2008-09-29 01:36:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Stop getting drunk all the time and pay attention in class. You sound like a dipshit.
Submitted by earth_collapse (user info) at 2008-09-29 01:30:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Youngin'