New York Mets to relocate in Central America; change team name to Wets (523 hits)
Category: NewsRating: 1.5 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by kitchens_closed (View user info) at 2008-09-29 13:53:52 EDT
After another season of succumbing to playoff aspirations and the pressure of the New York media, reports have surfaced earlier today that the New York Wets plan on relocating to Central America as early as 2012. There are also rumors that Puerto Rico and the Dominican Republic, located in the Caribbean, are also possible future venues.
"I think this is not only an unprecedented action, but a move that will glorify the Hispanic culture that now comes hand-in-hand with the New York Wets," said team GM Omar Minaya in an interview.
The story broke just hours after the Wets ended their 2008 Major League Baseball season with a loss to the Florida Marlins, a team whose payroll is 1/6 of the Mets ($138 million to $21 million), leaving the Wets on the outside looking in for the 2008 playoffs.
It is the second season in a row in which the Wets failed to advance to the post-season. Also like last year, the Mets final game resulted in a loss to the efficient Marlins, who themselves were not even in contention for a playoff spot.
"Yeah, it's unfortunate. You know? To lose like this," said star shortstop Jose Reyes."But the Marlins are good, man. They got some good players...they can really play some basebol, essay. Now all we can do is players is look forward, and welcome the move to Central America. At least there they will love us no matter how we play."
The Wets have been playing in New York since 1962. But even since Minaya's arrival in 2005, he has been campaigning for a move to Central America. His requests were predictably denied, but Minaya countered by constructing what is literally a Hispanic fantasy baseball team, more or less a protest to the denial by the Mets front office to relocate the team.
Since his reign began after the conclusion on the 2004 season, Minaya has signed (via free-agency) or traded for the following players, in no particular order:
Carlos Beltran
Pedro Martinez
Carlos Delgado
Moises Alou
Endy Chavez
Orlando Hernandez
Oliver Perez
Fernando Tatis
Johan Santana
When asked why he wished so badly to have the team relocated, Minaya responded with "Being from the Dominican Republic, as a child I longed to watch Major League Baseball. It wasn't until I moved to the United States that I was able to do so. Many people in my home country feel the same as I did, and aspire to have a team they can watch, without having to pay an expensive monthly cable bill."
Reporters then inquired about the wishes of the team owner and thousands of fans in the New York area. "What they want...honestly, it means nothing to me. NL East title this, World Series that...that is not what baseball is all about. It's about getting players only I like; it's about walking into a clubhouse with that lovely sound of salsa and reggaeton massaging one's ears. It's about Hispanic pride!"
After a series of negative responses from reporters to those comments, Minaya became angry and growled: "Well if the Met...I mean, Wets, didn't want me, they shouldn't have just extended my contract. You see, this is why I hate America! I spend over $100 million dollars and you expect so much in return!"
It is not certain when the Wets will make their relocation official. What is certain is that there's a long off-season ahead, and the Wets will have to spend at least another $100 million in collective salaries if they plan on buying an NL east title for the first time since 2006. With a brand new, state of the art stadium opening in '09, the rape of Wets fans will officially begin with the inevitable purchase of the first concession, and will continue until the move around 2012.
Potential players the Wets are expected to pursue include Francisco Rodriguez, Manny Ramirez, and a new manager with a no-doubt-he's-Hispanic last name. (Charlie Manuel managing in the same division as Jerry Manuel is no doubt causing Minaya to go into conniptions over his team's perceived identity)
On a final note, Minaya did tell reporters he will not covet top starting pitching free-agent-to-be CC Sabathia, unless he changes his first name to Sisi.
User Reviews
Submitted by weather (user info) at 2008-10-13 14:09:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No problem. Go PHILLIES, indeed.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-09-30 00:37:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
VA LOS METS
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2008-09-29 17:24:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Go Brewers Woo
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-09-29 14:57:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
haha
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-09-29 14:34:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Replen (user info) at 2008-09-29 14:06:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2008-09-29 14:05:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-09-29 13:57:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
They should. Not bad.
Submitted by kitchens_closed (user info) at 2008-09-29 13:55:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
GO PHILLIES WOO