Hillbilly Mountain Folk Knowledge (162 hits)
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Submitted by Danielle<aussietree82.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2003-08-12 02:15:48 EDT
You know, all through my short life, I have acquired some fascinatingly unusual knowledge. I know things that only witch doctors and the infamous Granny Clampet (from the Beverly Hillbillies) would know. It could easily be deemed as "queer (I mean that in terms of weirdness; none of which would seem unusual to my kin) mountain folk knowledge".
Through trial and error, or perhaps boredom-driven investigation, I have learned many things about homosapien anatomical functioning. Did you know that (SOME OF THESE ARE DISGUSTINGLY GRAFFIC AND COMPLETELY UNNESSECARY) ...
-if you've eaten far more cheese than recommended for human consumption and you're backed up like I-85 during rush hour traffic, take a 200mg caffeine tablet. This is guaranteed to clear up the "highway" quickly and usually without any "accidents"
-after I orgasm during sex (for some reason, this doesn't happen when I masterbate), my nose runs profmasturbateonder if this happens to any other women.
- after a day of hiking, no matter what I've eaten or how much water I have consumed, my piss is always a very dark reddish-orange, almost the colour of river mud. I've wondered if I should see a doctor about this.
-I am unable to eat Chick-fil-a chicken due to the fact that they use a very special ingredient in their frying. Appearantly, my stomach cannot handle peanut oil under any circumstances. But I can rest in the knowledge of knowing that if my caffeine laxative should ever fail me, I always have a back-up plan waiting for me at the counters of my local Chick-fil-a.
-meat, dairy and eggs are the worst thing one could ever put into their body? Meat rots inside your digestive system, harbouring parasites such as worms and deadly strains of bacteria. Particles of meat collect in the crevices and wrinkles of the small and large intestines, providing a nice warm place for bacteria to thrive. People wonder why they have the shits and are plagued with Irritable Bowel Syndrome. This is why. I could preach for days. As for dairy... you wonder why you have allergies? Our bodies weren't designed to drink milk after weening, let alone constantly pump another animal full of artificial hormones to produce what mother nature intended for us to stop drinking after infancy. There is a reason that your mothers milk eventually dried up. The chemical compound in any other milk besides our mothers own doesn't fit the "keys" to our immunity. Our bodies see the cultures of bacteria as outsiders and start to fight them off. Some (more than half the population) peoples bodies never evolve to accomodate them and therefore they are always plagued with an overflow of mucous (these chemicals irritate the mucous membranes and cause increased mucous production). That's why people who are lactose intolerate (like me) always get the major shits when they consume dairy. And let's not forget eggs. Eggs are chock full of protein, but for every gram of protien, there is lots of cholesteral to make the payoff compromising. Not to mention the whole issue of battery cage conditions. These hens and chickens are treated so poorly. They are crammed so closely next to one another that the space they are allowed is about the size of half a piece of notebook paper. Most the time the are kept pregnant without rests inbetween until they eventually died from a heart attack as a result of being pump ful of unnatural hormones. Enough of that.
When I think of more intersting facts, I'll write more. This installment wasn't that great, but it should suffice.
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