Perniums, Puss, and Magic the Gathering Sex Guilds (905 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.92 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jon (View user info) at 2008-10-03 16:38:12 EDT
Here's a little update on j0andre1... things are going GREAT.
The cancer is gone since last year and I can finally use my penis for more than stopping the leak in the center of my perenium. This is nice because I don't have to fill my underwear with puss everytime I go to take a leak. After that, however, the doctors wanted me to get circumcized. Turns out all that puss getting up in there caused a pretty nasty infection. It smelled like almonds every time I peed...
My wife divorced me last month after she found out about my Magic the Gathering sex guild parties. It's hard to explain, but basically we would pay a bum to sit in the corner and jack off wile we sat around and threw Magic cards at eachother. She found out about them when she found a half empty 40oz. of Steel Reserve and a bunch of "soiled" napkins behind the recliner. We went elsewhere for the bum position after that...
I'm living off welfare right now and my house is being foreclosed on. This economy is really killing me, as is my throbbing penis head (freshly circumcized and looking like the face of Santa Claus I might add).
I'm going to stop beating around the bush and just say what I came here to say... Would any of you would be willing to put me up for a while? I could use a place to stay and some Mac & Cheese.
God Bless
User Reviews
Submitted by hellish (user info) at 2008-10-04 02:02:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2008-10-04 01:19:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Magic Auto +2
Submitted by iambetteratit (user info) at 2008-10-03 23:05:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a Govt. issued tent and sleeping bag not to mention all the MRE's you could ever eat. wana live in the woods behind the barracks?
Submitted by Otter (user info) at 2008-10-03 22:08:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for writing something that made Forensic Chick write something as humorous as she wrote
Submitted by Otter (user info) at 2008-10-03 22:07:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 just for the pure absurdity of it all
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2008-10-03 21:20:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Uhhhh...
Submitted by DaBeast (user info) at 2008-10-03 20:13:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I can put you in the cat cage with the three leftover toms from the last litter but you aren't allowed to use their litter box. You have to go outside.
Submitted by John_H_Kim (user info) at 2008-10-03 19:26:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by write-of-way (user info) at 2008-10-03 19:03:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Grueberfest first round voting ends tonight at midnight!
Give them a read. There's some really good stuff.
icarus1987: Gargoyle http://www.ubersite.com/m/118950
vs
Impassive-Digressive: The Gargoyle http://www.ubersite.com/m/118922
stardamage: Floorboards http://www.ubersite.com/m/118960
vs
Ahumblefool: Floorboards http://www.ubersite.com/m/118981
Fungah: Like Unto Stone http://www.ubersite.com/m/119028
vs
JoeyG: Heartstarter http://www.ubersite.com/m/119012
inion_de_trua: the blizzard http://www.ubersite.com/m/119033
vs
Jack_McCallum: The Blizzard http://www.ubersite.com/m/118987
Hornet: The Nest http://www.ubersite.com/m/118982
vs
Gonefiguring: The Nest http://www.ubersite.com/m/119029
Brian_Johns: The Unspoken http://www.ubersite.com/m/118961
Brdn_Nkd: Under Glass http://www.ubersite.com/m/118973
Squirrelly_Girl: Who Killed the Chokomut Loving Zombie and Why? http://www.ubersite.com/m/118945
Snark: Brick by Brick http://www.ubersite.com/m/119032
Whiskeyjack: Needles http://www.ubersite.com/m/118983
Desz: Duel http://www.ubersite.com/m/118989
Sandmantate: Burning Eyes http://www.ubersite.com/m/118997
NintendoCzar: Made to be Broken http://www.ubersite.com/m/119021
Frankthebear: Pearls Of Wisdom http://www.ubersite.com/m/118941
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-10-03 18:14:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2008-10-03 16:17:48 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-10-03 16:48:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude.......!
How much of this is factual?
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If I tell you can I move in?
======
I'm a charitable person. I must warn you though, you probably wouldn't want to live with me. The reasons are numerous.
1) I'm somewhat of a neat freak. I tend to get stressed at things like bread crumbs on the countertops (could attract pests), dirty mens socks lying about, missing the toilet and leaving puddles, you know, stuff like that.
2) I have 2 cats. I keep up with them so there isn't cat smell or anything like that. They are, however, convinced that they are the supreme rulers of the universe and consider anything in "their" house as their property. This would mean you. You might find my cats stretched out on your pillows and clean laundry. It's arrogance on their part but that's just the way things are.
3) The Man stays over frequently. I just couldn't remain friendly if the two of you got into a beer drinking/farting contest.
4) I awake at 4:30 am during the weekdays. To aid my awakening, I turn on the stereo and several lights. If you value your sleep, this could be a problem.
5) I talk to myself. A lot. Entire philosophical discourses.
6) I might consider you fair game in my own (non-ethics board approved) psychological experiments. If you doubt this, The Man can tell you stories about the sinister activities I get up to.
But, I don't like turning my back on my fellow humans. If the above is acceptable, I'll make up the spare bed.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-10-03 17:38:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Here's an important bit of information that will serve you well.
Bacterial infection ooze: pus
Euphamism for vagina: puss
Nice bicycle.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2008-10-03 17:28:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you're obviously a very cool dude, but sadly i have housing problems of my own
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-10-03 17:27:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
shlongys got a spare mansion
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2008-10-03 17:17:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-10-03 16:48:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude.......!
How much of this is factual?
----------------------------------------------------------------
If I tell you can I move in?
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-10-03 17:11:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I love the smell of puss in the morning.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2008-10-03 16:50:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
needs less penis
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-10-03 16:48:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude.......!
How much of this is factual?