EbolaMay For President. (1153 hits)
Category: PoliticsRating: -0.22 on 77 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Director (View user info) at 2008-10-04 20:26:07 EDT
My Platform:
Iraq war over.
Mandatory hot-ass pootnanny for every heterosexual male in the nation, available around the clock.
Ugly chicks shipped to Eastern Europe where they belong.
Under my watch, if you are a person of color, ABSOLUTELY NO BITCHING. I will not keep you down. Nor will I help you anymore than anyone has ever helped me. If you are white trash, you're fired: from life.
Rapists, child molesters, murderers, Method, Beano, Spaghnum executed immediately with a bullet to the back of the head. No trial, no jury, straight to execution.
Embargoes and sanctions against Cuba over. Cuban cigars for all, for life. Hot Cuban broads sleep in the oval office. With me. Daily.
Britain, Australia, Canada and New Zealand 51, 52, 53 and 54th states. Tough shit if they don't like being American. It's not up to them.
Friday... is Hawaiian shirt day. So, you know, if you want to, go ahead and wear a Hawaiian shirt and jeans.
Condoliza Rice gangbanged daily until she resigns.
Bush family banished. To the Congo. Without a spear or a paddle!
Mandatory steak dinner three nights a week. No ands, ifs or buts.
Vegans and Vegetarians get their own state: Missouri. Missouri is a shithole. They will love it there.
Oathmeal banned from Ubersite 11 months out of the year.
Experima instated as Queen of America. She has no real power, of course, but we need a looker Queen.
Apollo sucks my dick daily.
Cricket, Rugby and "football" banned. From the world. Any country participating in one of those "sports" automatically nuked.
Gay people have their own state: Oklahoma. Nothing but steers and queers down there anyway, right? Have all the parades you want, you faggots. Just don't expect us to show, or care.
Fat people sent to Africa and other starving locations for aid. As food.
Mexicans sent back to Mexico. Tiene su propio país. Úsala. America is ours. We killed the injuns for it fair and square. If Mexico is poor, violent, and in squalor, sorry, but that's your doing. You have all the resources in Mexico you need to live prosperously. We don't need fucking up OUR country any more than it already is.
New inquisition against religious people, (except the Dali Lama. I like that guy). You will be persecuted for your religion when I am President. Slave labor camps will be set up for you. Of course, you can worship and pray all you want. Watch how much good it'll do you. HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Food is free. Fuck me, man. We don't have to pay to fucking BREATHE, do we? Why should eating be any different? Be warned, however; if you get fat, you're cut off until you look like John Lennon. Then I might consider letting you eat again. Maybe.
John Lennon declared Greatest Man Who Ever Lived. Every day is John Lennon day. Schools and businesses are closed, except banks. You fuckers get too many goddamned holidays anyway, and look what you've done to Wall Street.
Yoko Ono executed. Sorry Johnny. I just can't stand the bitch.
Bank executives also shot. 6 year olds now heads of financial institutions because they, obviously, will do a much better job than you idiots.
Legal drinking age lowered to 18. You can vote, go to war and die, drive, be tried as an adult, but not have a beer? I don't fucking think so.
Hillary Clinton my personal janitor. Bill Clinton my advisor. In fact I'll just let him run the show, secretly. I'll take all the credit.
Japanese teenagers create all new video games. Oh...wait...
Mandatory sterilization. I just fucking hate kids.
VOTE FOR ME!
User Reviews
Submitted by myshit (user info) at 2008-10-10 13:49:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-10-08 00:38:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks Lungy, Apollo. Your votes mean everything to me. So do your blow jobs, 'Pollo.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-10-08 00:34:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah...what the hell? I'd vote for you, but I'm not going to. Maybe some day. I just watched the "debate," which was marginally better than the first "debate," but not nearly so entertaining as the VP "debate."
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2008-10-08 00:19:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sounds great!
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-10-07 22:38:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Best platform yet
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-10-07 22:27:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-10-07 17:54:20 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2008-10-06 14:16:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
For making shitty asian girl alters and spamming the front page.
================
That actually wasn't me; observe:
Tato. to me
show details Oct 6 (2 days ago) Reply
Well, oops. Guess I got banned, then?
I thought that post change history shit would work...... D:
=============================================================
She is real.
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i think he was making a joke after reading the reviews hon
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-10-07 20:55:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-10-07 20:53:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FREE STEAK PEOPLE! GAWD!
===========================
Exactly. This man knows the issues.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-10-07 20:54:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2008-10-06 14:16:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
For making shitty asian girl alters and spamming the front page.
================
That actually wasn't me; observe:
Tato. to me
show details Oct 6 (2 days ago) Reply
Well, oops. Guess I got banned, then?
I thought that post change history shit would work...... D:
=============================================================
She is real.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-10-07 20:53:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FREE STEAK PEOPLE! GAWD!
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2008-10-07 20:07:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
oops.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2008-10-07 20:06:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like how you snuck the part about you wanting to touch Apollo with your penis on a daily basis right in the middle there.
When I imagine you writing this post, I imagine that you started out with that line and built a post around it.
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2008-10-06 18:11:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The only thing I'd vote for you is Most Likely to Die Lonely/In Jail. Aside from that, no.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2008-10-06 17:15:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The country could go from one monumental retard to another if they voted for you.
You're a 3/1 favourite.
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2008-10-06 14:16:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
For making shitty asian girl alters and spamming the front page.
Submitted by weather (user info) at 2008-10-06 12:05:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-10-06 10:15:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey, I play cricket.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-10-06 10:10:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
how many DUI's do you have again, lowlife?
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2008-10-06 09:59:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-10-05 11:32:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
During my many years as a non member of the house, senate or any kind of committee, I considered California as a dumping ground. However, I went to boot camp in Califorina. I have some family in California. One of my friends lives in California. AND, California is really a very pretty state.
Oklahoma, on the other hand, has a lot of red dirt, and morons. I don't care for either, so Oklahoma it is.
VOTE FOR ME!
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That's right! my opponent has NO experience in the cutthroat world of galactic politics!
I on the other hand have a proven track record at cutting throats! How do you think I got to be dark lord of the Sith?
And he thinks California is pretty! Vote Famine in 08!
I'm Darth Famine and I approve this message.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-10-06 07:07:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Creep
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-10-06 02:29:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-09-28 16:03:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-09-21 00:14:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-09-18 04:33:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2008-09-13 20:20:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Auto -2 forever.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-10-06 01:47:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
In an election between you, Richard Nixon, Michael Dukakis, The Easter Bunny, Howie Mandel, Adolf Hitler, and Satan; I would write-in Louie Anderson.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-10-05 21:40:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Cotton.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-10-05 21:26:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are not Japanese! You are not a Tanaka!
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-10-05 20:19:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're crazy, I've decided, proper straight jacket material
Submitted by Otter (user info) at 2008-10-05 20:09:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HMMMM... OK, director, Oklahoma really means nothing to me other than it boarders Colorado. How about this: We build a large wall around the entire San Fran Bay area, most of the vegitarians homosexuals and Metallica are located there anyway, so we're not really loosing anyhting of value. They don't have to relocated and if an 8.5 earthquake hits, meh.
Maybe the Golden Gate bridge could be relocated to Lake Havasue, AZ to sit next to the London Bridge. It's kind of a national landmark. Oh, and The Mythbusters would have to be relocated as well.
Submitted by iambetteratit (user info) at 2008-10-05 17:14:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You know, they did that before, sent all the criminals to one place and left them there.. they call is australia.. i think it worked out for the best the aussies are OK in my book
Submitted by vexx (user info) at 2008-10-05 16:00:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You're alcoholic, good-for-nothing human waste.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-10-05 11:32:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
During my many years as a non member of the house, senate or any kind of committee, I considered California as a dumping ground. However, I went to boot camp in Califorina. I have some family in California. One of my friends lives in California. AND, California is really a very pretty state.
Oklahoma, on the other hand, has a lot of red dirt, and morons. I don't care for either, so Oklahoma it is.
VOTE FOR ME!
Submitted by Otter (user info) at 2008-10-05 11:25:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd put the vegitarians and homosexuals in California (most of them are already there anyway) and build a huge wall, including anti-aircraft missiles to keep them from leaving, around the state. Well, maybe if you cut the state off just north of San fran and Sacremento, would be acceptable. Northern Cali seems to be fairly normal.
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2008-10-05 07:47:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
On a scale of 10 on the madness-indicator, you just hit a 9.
Please don't nuke my country. There's no place with weed like ours.
Submitted by iambetteratit (user info) at 2008-10-05 01:52:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would vote for you before I would vote for Obama, Experima is hotter than Palin so I guess you have my vote
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-10-04 22:28:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I were a Beatle. Even Ringo. I could hang with being Ringo. He fucked the daylights out of Barbara Bach, for the love of Elenore Rigby.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-10-04 22:26:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i was a beatle. not a beetle. director is correct. it's a nice story actually but i don't feel like telling it tonight.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-10-04 22:06:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Believe me, chump, you are. Oh, yes you are.
NO MORE HEAT FOR YOU, DIPSHIT. I'M DONE.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-10-04 22:04:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mamma insults!
Gee I wish I could be old and unfunny too!
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-10-04 22:00:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-10-04 21:58:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My mother always did have shitty taste in men.
================
Her shittiest taste in men shows up in her son.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-10-04 21:58:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My mother always did have shitty taste in men.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-10-04 21:57:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-10-04 21:53:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, into your house and over your head, hopefully. Where do you live?
=================
With your mother.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-10-04 21:53:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, into your house and over your head, hopefully. Where do you live?
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-10-04 21:52:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't you have some drinking and driving to do?
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-10-04 21:51:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Look, old man, don't you have a heart attack to be having somewhere?
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-10-04 21:49:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Stupid fuck. She was a BEETLE. Many legs. You don'tknow shit, except what you eat.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-10-04 21:35:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The smell of Vick's Vap-O-Rub and Unfunny just entered my post.
I know more about the Beatles than you think.
So does Experima. She actually WAS a Beatle.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-10-04 21:32:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Stupid young fucks who know NOTHING about The Beatles.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-10-04 21:31:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
1) lol
2) tmi
3) wtf
4) brb
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-10-04 21:30:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whatever. I kind of had a date tonight. It went ok. If things go well, I might be showing her my Oh face. Oh! Oh! Oh! You know what I'm talking about. Oh!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-10-04 21:26:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well it softened the "stupid" remark nicely, i thought
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-10-04 21:25:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You do not love me. If you loved me you would wildly fuck me like a teenage girl, but instead you treat me like a monk.
I MIGHT AS WELL JOIN THE ARMY!
Ba-dum Tish!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-10-04 21:24:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
if you read carefully below "i told her AS YOU to log out."
then i changed it.
she was being far too stupid to run the Director account, and that's sayin' something!
:)
ps i love you
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-10-04 21:23:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I mean, I should have known.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-10-04 21:22:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah. YOU changed the password? That's mah gurl.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-10-04 21:21:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
then you shall not
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-10-04 21:20:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No, someone changed the password. I logged out at K's house this afternoon and could not log back in. I'm at the office now. I will log out after tonight and the Director account shall be no more as I do not know nor wish to know what the current password is.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-10-04 21:18:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it was a fascinating implosion.
luckily neither of you changed the password on the account so I told her as you to log out.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-10-04 21:17:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and now everyone thinks you ran a brain-dead asian alter
======
You mean everyone that pays attention to these things.
Free steak guys!
Do NOT fuck this up for me.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-10-04 21:17:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
awesome!
she got banned?
hahahahahahahahaha.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-10-04 21:15:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fell for the post history change thing five or six times then got banned, logged in as you, and now everyone thinks you ran a brain-dead asian alter
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-10-04 21:13:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Right. Hostility on a free steak post? What is the world coming to?
She did what? I haven't been around all week. What did tatersninja do?
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-10-04 21:10:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't understand how there can be even remote hostility on a post where free steaks are promised.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-10-04 21:09:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you didn't give your password to me
you gave it to that taters chick who spammed the whole front page with "POST HISTORY CHANGE"
lol
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-10-04 21:09:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually, John insisted she be there, no Yoko.
So John destroyed the Beatles.
Or if you buy into Anthology, they were going to break up with no hard feelings after Abbey Road, but when Paul spilled the beans to the media prematurely, he really pissed of John and George, while Ringo didn't really care.
John's burns on Paul in that one song on Plastic Ono Band make me laugh, or maybe that song is on Imagine. I enjoy that there were "diss" songs in the late 60's early 70s's. I only know of John's, and Neil Young's (for the south and then for lynard skynard's response to his song about the south).
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-10-04 21:08:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're a retard?
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-10-04 21:08:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"and I give my password out to retards!"
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-10-04 21:07:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
IT TOTALLY COULD!
"Everyone makes mistakes; I HAVE TWO DUI's!"
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-10-04 21:05:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
that could be your campaign slogan
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-10-04 21:04:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Everyone makes mistakes.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-10-04 21:03:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
but john loved her
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-10-04 21:01:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YOKO ONO DESTROYED THE BEATLES MAAAAAAN!
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-10-04 20:58:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i love john AND yoko.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-10-04 20:57:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait...free steak?
I'm on board.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-10-04 20:57:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i just noticed i'm in this thing
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-10-04 20:57:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hmmm, well, I didn't fall under any categories lined up for immediate execution and/or consumption, so I'll consider you.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-10-04 20:56:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
NO BITCHING
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2008-10-04 20:55:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No
You had me until you wanted to let Clinton run the show
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-10-04 20:49:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I did say Minister of Rock, not Minister of Schlock.
You gots my vote.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-10-04 20:44:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Of course you can, Skrappy. No Barry Manilow, Neil Diamond or Michael Bolton, though, or you're fired.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-10-04 20:40:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'll vote for you if I can be Minister of Rock.