Little Known Facts About Jews (1012 hits)
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Submitted by Fungah (View user info) at 2008-10-09 10:37:57 EDT
1.
If you ask a Jew for some change, you may or may not get some change, depending on how generous the Jew in question is feeling. If you ask a Jew for drugs, you'll probably get it, but only if the Jew in question is a drug dealer.
2.
Although Jews have not started most wars, they did start the civil war. How they did this remains a mystery to most, but not to me. No, I'm not telling.
3.
Jewish men can fly by farting. By expelling jets of air from the anus, a Jewish man can sometimes go three furlongs on a single can of beans. The European hatred of Jews was responsible for the creation of the witch myth. When Jewish men saw Christian men burning Christian women at the stake in order to intimidate them, they cut back on the flying thing.
4.
Yom Kippur means: feast of virgin flesh. Jews, who are otherwise not that different than many other people with the exception of their tiny hats, gather 'round once a year in order sacrifice the youngest daughter of the family. Her flesh is stripped away from her bones and eaten raw. Surprisingly, this is in fact much tamer than pre-modern celebrations of Christmas, wherein "rape patrols" would wander 'round European Hamlest and attach people to the "Yule Wheel".
5.
All Jews are ferret whisperers.
6.
No Jewish person has ever died as a result of eating bibles.
7.
Some Jewish people have died as a result of eating the Torah.
8.
Once, a guy who was Jewish joined the army, and he killed a bunch of guys with his machine gun, and sarge was like: Damnit Moishe, why you gotta be killin all those guys with your machine gun, and the Jewish guy said: Cuz you told me to, drill sergeant (even though the sarge wasn't his drill sergeant).The sarge (who was chewing on a big cigar) said: that's a damn fine answer, son. And he meant it, because he was the Jewish guy's dad, but it was kind of weird because they fell in love and had sex in a ditchh and then got blown up by a stray helicopter propeller.
9.
The Jewish Mafia is responsible for the Italian and Russian Mafias, but not the Chinese Mafia, because Jews usually aren't Asian.
10.
Bill Clinton, who is Jewish, once farted in Hillary Clinton (who is a gentile)'s face, and screamed: Take THAT Shikse! Hillary barfed all over her nightrobe. This made Bill queazy, so he also barfed all over Hillary. Bill then went to the store and bought some maneschevitz.
11.
Although all Jews know Hebrew, they actually communicate telepathically. This helps them when, in their subterranean Jew Colonies,they are unable to communicate through vast distances of dirt.
12.
The Jew queen is three hundred feet tall, over six thousand years old, and lives beneath the Great Pyramid of Giza, which is where Jesus was ACTUALLY killed. The Jew queen, despite being massive, is actually quite nice, and is fond of giving visitors gift baskets full of scented soaps and epsom salts and such. Also, she's the one who actually killed Jesus. She ate him because he wouldn't stop kicking her.
User Reviews
Submitted by Tokerson (user info) at 2008-10-11 15:22:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Tokerson (user info) at 2008-10-11 15:22:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was only aware of a few of these after after fact checking, can verify them all. They're also deadly in hand to hand combat and actually evolved from platypus, not primates like everyone else.
http://i33.tinypic.com/25gzzab.jpg
http://i35.tinypic.com/2ykcshl.jpg
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-10-11 07:14:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-10-09 17:35:44 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2008-10-09 10:50:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Isn't also true that most jewish woman don't give head?? Or good head?
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it is good, or none. no in between.
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True.
Submitted by HateMudkips (user info) at 2008-10-10 13:25:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Although all Jews know Hebrew, they actually communicate telepathically. This helps them when, in their subterranean Jew Colonies,they are unable to communicate through vast distances of dirt.
~
BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-10-10 13:00:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Want a little Jewish in you?
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2008-10-10 11:42:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
6.
No Jewish person has ever died as a result of eating bibles.
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I can change that.
I am not jewish.
Submitted by 200killerwasps (user info) at 2008-10-09 20:17:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Oooooooohhhhh.....kay.......
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2008-10-09 19:43:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by phuchuebuddy (user info) at 2008-10-09 18:05:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If you're going to be anti-semitic, at least be funny.
This was just stupid
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That's kind of the point. This is entirely too retarded to be considered anti-semitic by anyone with half a brain.
Submitted by DTII (user info) at 2008-10-09 18:47:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
To offset the dipshit noob below me.
But you forgot one.
If you catch a Jew you get three wishes. But they all must be kosher.
Submitted by phuchuebuddy (user info) at 2008-10-09 18:05:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If you're going to be anti-semitic, at least be funny.
This was just stupid
Submitted by nargles (user info) at 2008-10-09 17:41:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
my dad took me to the Czech republic when i was younger. the Jewish area had little golems for sale, i'll always regret not getting one.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-10-09 15:45:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jews arent real
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2008-10-09 15:15:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-10-09 15:00:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting facts, all.
Points.
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Take your points and GTFO you insipid trull.
This post was educational.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-10-09 15:00:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting facts, all.
Points.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2008-10-09 14:41:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My boss has taken the last two days off work for yom kippur.
I have a question though, they can't wear leather on yom kippur - does that include synthetic leather? if he had a leather couch, could he sit on it?
Submitted by The_Drake (user info) at 2008-10-09 12:41:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this was gonna suck but it didnt. +2 for that.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-10-09 12:35:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yom Kippur means: feast of virgin flesh. Jews, who are otherwise not that different than many other people with the exception of their tiny hats, gather 'round once a year in order sacrifice the youngest daughter of the family. Her flesh is stripped away from her bones and eaten raw. Surprisingly, this is in fact much tamer than pre-modern celebrations of Christmas, wherein "rape patrols" would wander 'round European Hamlest and attach people to the "Yule Wheel".
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Try again, they sacrifice the youngest baptized christian girl in th eneighborhood.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2008-10-09 10:50:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Isn't also true that most jewish woman don't give head?? Or good head?
----------------------------------
it is good, or none. no in between.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-10-09 12:00:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
These are all true
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2008-10-09 11:57:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I did not know that.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-10-09 11:23:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Couldn't be arsed to read this - Hitler had the right idea. Shame Team America stopped him before he finished the job.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-10-09 11:23:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Heh. Pesky Jews.
Submitted by kitchens_closed (user info) at 2008-10-09 11:20:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Suck my circumcised cock.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-10-09 11:15:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The length of the first joint of the first finger of the right hand is very significant to Jews. It is known as their Distance from God (Dg). If one Jew holds his Yarmulka 2*pi*Dg away from his mouth while speaking, it may be heard by another Jew holding his Yarmulka 2*pi*Dg away from his ear, no matter how far apart they actually are.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-10-09 11:14:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Lots of this is true. I KNOW.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-10-09 11:11:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2008-10-09 11:10:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2008-10-09 10:50:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Isn't also true that most jewish woman don't give head?? Or good head?
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they are fine until they get a hold of your mastercard. then it's no more head for you!
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-10-09 11:05:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I already knew number 12.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2008-10-09 10:50:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Isn't also true that most jewish woman don't give head?? Or good head?
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-10-09 10:49:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You forgot the chicken soup.