Grueberfest: A Delicate Balance or How James Woods Explained the First Halloween (643 hits)
Category: Politics -> AfghanistanRating: 1.36 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by icarus (View user info) at 2008-10-12 20:32:32 EDT
"Oh, you can kill me," said the Flatulently Homosexual Yetti, "But before you do, wouldn't you like to know about the first Halloween?"
"Very well, vampire," Said James Woods, puffing in a peculiarly hetrosexual fashion on a phallic cigar, "but keep it quick. I know you'll turn into an easter bunny during the next full moon."
They were in an old church. That was in an abandoned quarry. Which was in the middle of the hauntedest Paper Warehouse in all of Louisiana. And James Woods was wearing a leather jacket.
"Very well." Sighed the Yetti, "Halloween was founded by Hallmark. Gay men had too many salted nut rolls, and they needed nubile young boys to give them to."
"Ah."
"That is why Halloween and Hallmark have the first four letters."
"That sounds very reasonable."
"But then one day Snoopy took Linus to the middle of a field and showed him the 'great pumpkin'. To mark that momentous occasion, children around the world were given Tic Tacs and Little Debbie snack cakes as well."
"Testify."
"Even eskimos."
"That's pushing it."
"But now the children could dress up. So the gay guys couldn't tell which boys were nubile and which were more like Corky from Life Goes On. They had to give preservative-laced sugar treats to all."
"Gosh."
Just then the full moon rose from behind a flourescent inflatable palm tree and James Woods turned into an easter bunny. "I'll get you next time!" He swore, escaping on an anal geyser of glittery pink ostrich eggs, "Neeeeeext tiiiiiii-iiime. Oooooo!"
User Reviews
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-10-16 16:17:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
or if they don't +2, I'll send them a pic of MY bewbs.
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-10-16 15:50:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Then we must +2 it now!
For everyone who +2's and leaves an e-mail address, I'll send pics of a popular Uber girl's bewbs.* (Jeanneee's)
*offer not actually valid as I do not have a picture of Jeanneee's bewbs (or anyone else's for that matter)
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-10-16 15:39:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why not? We've had presidents in office who didn't win at ALL!
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-10-16 14:40:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Can this one still win?
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-10-14 08:36:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-10-13 19:37:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-10-13 12:57:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That part got a little "blue". :-( It was like the orgy scene in Caligula, only with Peanuts characters. Not appropriate even for Uber.
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I demand that you post this.
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You're the boss!
Submitted by nargles (user info) at 2008-10-13 20:12:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i don't understand a damn word of this. so it's either really good, or total crap.
i'm going to assume it's good.
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-10-13 19:37:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-10-13 12:57:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That part got a little "blue". :-( It was like the orgy scene in Caligula, only with Peanuts characters. Not appropriate even for Uber.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I demand that you post this.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-10-13 12:57:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That part got a little "blue". :-( It was like the orgy scene in Caligula, only with Peanuts characters. Not appropriate even for Uber.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2008-10-13 12:14:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You never finished the story about Linus showing Snoopy his "Great Pumpkin". I remember there being something about the SWAT team being called in and there being a showtune/dance number.
Submitted by gonefiguring (user info) at 2008-10-13 11:23:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Trippy.
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2008-10-13 10:26:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-10-13 09:18:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Definately belonged under the category "War-Afghanistan"
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-10-13 05:35:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I knew that.
Submitted by Desz (user info) at 2008-10-13 03:31:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-10-13 03:02:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
?
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2008-10-13 02:58:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well....... yeah.
It all makes sense.....now.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-10-12 22:13:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Makes sense.
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-10-12 21:20:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
pure fucking gold
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-10-12 20:55:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I should have put a nice cellular bump on the feet :(