Hazardous kinky (881 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dumb JobsRating: 1.86 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by St_Jimmy (View user info) at 2008-10-21 15:42:29 EDT
Back in the early undergrad days, one of the ways I made money was as a maintenance man for a rental company specializing in "campus properties". The job was incredibly basic. I spent most of my time painting apartments while they were between occupants and patching holes in drywall. For some reason, the 18-22 crowd was really rough on walls back then.
Unfortunately for me, not all of my work was done in vacant apartments. Sometimes I had to go where somebody was actually living. I think this was the period in my life when I began to cultivate a healthy dislike for people. In all fairness, some of the calls were reasonable; leaky faucet, hot water tank won't stay lit, etc. Some were a bit less than reasonable, though. To this day, I still can't understand how somebody could write 30 pages describing the struggles of the proletariat in 1900's Russia, but can't plunge their toilet without "professional" assistance.
I soon realized however that most of the time I was dealing with children. They weren't kids in the legal sense, but they were in a practical sense. They usually lived in squalor because they didn't understand why chores like cleaning, dishes, laundry were actually necessary and not just some inconvenience imposed on them their parents. They couldn't plunge their own toilet because that's what dad always used to do. They didn't understand basic physics because, well that one even surprised me.
The work order described the problem as "broken ceiling". Well, that sounded interesting. How exactly would one go about breaking their ceiling? Sounds like fun. My most interesting ceiling related work had been scraping candle wax before painting. We may have a new winner here.
The girl that answered the door was cute, I guess, although wading through the funk that was her home was kind of a boner killer. The ceiling was broke in her bedroom. <studio audience> OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH </studio audience> Yeah, maybe if her room didn't smell like an old onion had diarrhea in it.
*cough* "Could you open a window?"
"Yeah, no problem."
That's the best thing about kids, half the time they don't know when they've been insulted.
Well, sure enough there it was. There was a hole about the size of two fists in the ceiling. Directly beneath the hole, was a strange pile of stuff. Fabric, metal, and a hunk of drywall. "What the hell?" I thought to myself as I picked it up.
Aww. It's kinda sticky. Looks like one of those sex swings I think. said the innocent little voice in my head.
Ugh! The swing made a nice thump as it hit the ground.
"Yeah, so that's my...hammock. My boyfriend put it up and it was ok, but then when we tried to use it, it just came down."
I was amused by this mental picture. Young guy all excited by his kinky girlfriend and their new sex swing. He hurriedly assembles it and hangs it in the most convenient place. But no sooner does the young lass climb into the contraption that it tears out of the ceiling and comes crashing down. And that mounting bracket looked to be rather substantial. If that fell on you, it'd probably hurt.
"Yeah, that kinda hurt. I got bruises and stuff. I'm thinking about suing. My dad's a lawyer."
"Wait, what now? Suing whom?" Yeah I just said whom. What? Proper grammar mofo! I'm a rebel, that's how I roll. Deal with it.
"Suing who?! You guys, for your crappy ceiling. It just fell down!"
"Just a minute. On what planet is it ok to mount a swing designed to hold 100? 200? pounds into a 3/8 inch sheet of drywall? How was that possibly going to work?"
"It's a hammock."
"Sure it is. And if you want to involve your dad with your swing, then go right ahead. However, this is what we consider "beyond normal wear and tear" and it'll come out of your security deposit."
"Whatever, just fix the ceiling. Can't even hang a stupid hammock. This apartment's bullshit."
I ended up leaving that job shortly thereafter. I don't know if she ever sued or if she ever found anyone to mount her hammock to a ceiling joist. I hope so.
User Reviews
Submitted by RoadSong (user info) at 2009-03-06 18:56:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I was amused by this mental picture. Young guy all excited by his kinky girlfriend and their new sex swing. He hurriedly assembles it and hangs it in the most convenient place. But no sooner does the young lass climb into the contraption that it tears out of the ceiling and comes crashing down."
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2008-10-23 17:01:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-10-22 11:31:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2008-10-22 07:41:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-10-22 06:42:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-10-22 04:15:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's put a smile on my face for this shitty cold ass morning.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2008-10-21 22:50:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
*chuckle*
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-10-21 21:12:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The picture made me forget the post.
True story.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-10-21 19:21:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oopsies. I believe the package has mounting suggestions.
Not that I've ever seen one...
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-10-21 17:26:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2008-10-21 12:58:59 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-10-21 15:44:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<3
____________
*swoons*
You still around here? You know, I was in your state back in April, although I was in Carmel, which I don't think is very close to you.
If you want, I could travel back in time six months and we could hang out and ride bikes.
---------------------
that sounds wonderful
i love carmel
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-10-21 17:12:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah
Submitted by Jordan85777 (user info) at 2008-10-21 17:00:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
should of suggested having sex ontop of an actual spidder web or mabie a glass coffie table.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-10-21 16:40:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-10-21 16:09:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Had to be a Liberal Arts major. Engineering or Physics students would know better.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2008-10-21 15:58:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-10-21 15:44:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<3
____________
*swoons*
You still around here? You know, I was in your state back in April, although I was in Carmel, which I don't think is very close to you.
If you want, I could travel back in time six months and we could hang out and ride bikes.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-10-21 15:44:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<3
Submitted by stucker (user info) at 2008-10-21 15:44:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fag below
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2008-10-21 15:43:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Frist!