Hippie Fail (1254 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.03 on 32 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jon (View user info) at 2008-10-28 13:34:55 EDT
A couple months ago we had a shitload of rain. We were getting battered by the remnants of a hurricane and a tropical storm which had converged to create some sort of "cluster-fuck" as the meteorologists called it. On a depressing Saturday afternoon I decided I would drive out into this mess to get some Japanese food.
I was only driving about 3 blocks, but it was raining so hard I could only go about 15 mph to still be able to see out the windshield. I parked in the parking lot of the Japanese take-out place and waited for the rain to let up enough that I wouldn't be soaked by the time I got inside. As I sat waiting, I noticed a college girl emerge from the bushes in front of me. However, she was no ordinary college girl... she was a "hippie".
She ran across a busy street and stood in the median, waiting for traffic to clear. She was smiling at cars that passed as if to say, "Look at me, I'm such a free spirit!" I cracked the window to see if I could catch the patchouli scent. She looked back and made eye contact with me. As we looked at eachother her smile slowly faded.
I held eye contact and bared my teeth. Slowly running my finger across my throat in a slashing manner. I could see her spirits whimper as she stood in the median, drenched in rain, watching some random fascist threaten her with death. I'm not a big fan of the "hippie".
She suddenly thrust her middle finger in the air, and said "Whatever man!" And did some lame, weird, hippie dance to turn back around. As she stared at the ground in front of her, I think she came to the same conclusion I did at the same time. The lane she was standing adjacent to was a big lake of water, and a big SUV (her arch enemy) was quickly approaching.
I looked at the driver of this SUV and we made eye contact. He looked ahead, then nodded his head in acknowledgment. The hippie didn't even see him coming as the SUV plowed through the lake of water, shooting water directly into her face hard enough to throw her on her ass. She sat huddled in the median. Just when I didn't think it could get any better, she began to vomit.
Apparently, the water had hit her so hard it had shot into her mouth and sinuses, The taste and grit of dirty road water was a little too much "mother gaia" for this hippie to handle. I laughed so hard I think I peed a little. Right around that time the rain started letting up, so I went inside, still laughing, and wiping away tears.
There, I saw a line of people waiting for their food, looking at the girl as she walked across the other half of the street, covered in HIV, hepatitis, and sand. They were all smiling and some were laughing as hard as I was. This surprised me as I thought most people were a lot nicer than me.
Then I heard one say, "God, the fact that she flipped us off, then did a rain dance, THEN got drenched was so priceless!"
I think deep down we ALL hate hippies. Some of us just act on it. So, next time you're having a bad day, piss off a hippie.
I guarantee you'll feel better.
User Reviews
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2009-03-31 10:21:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-03-27 18:28:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2009-02-20 23:01:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"I think it's difficult to question an ideal set based around kindness to all creatures"
not as difficult as it is to find a solid justification for being kind to all creatures
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2009-02-20 22:15:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-10-28 13:23:41 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Aries are fire signs which means that they are more easily angered than, say, an earth sign. But that's just for those of you that may believe in astrology. I dont believe in predictive astrology (i.e. horoscopes, etc.). I study compatibility within the signs in addition to personality aspects.
jesus
Submitted by fell-8-me (user info) at 2009-02-20 16:57:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What the motherfuck is wrong with the raters of this post?
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-10-29 06:40:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Hippy-sex, as far as I can gather, is the zenith of soulful pleasure.
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2008-10-29 04:24:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by 8bithero (user info) at 2008-10-28 20:57:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mxfgNiQJ8VA
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2008-10-28 20:39:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hippies are only annoying when they protest/ try to enact change.
I think it's difficult to question an ideal set based around kindness to all creatures, but they fail massively when it comes to implementing such a philosophy in a world as selfish and divided as this one.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2008-10-28 20:18:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What, hippies are a protected species on Uber now? Jesus Christ.
Submitted by TooMuchMan (user info) at 2008-10-28 19:40:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
This probably isn't true. I'd -2 you, but I feel a little sad for you having to make up a story like this to make you feel big and tough.
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2008-10-28 18:58:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Leave the hippies out of your hallucinations.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2008-10-28 18:54:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2008-10-28 16:33:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Merlina,
I was interested in seeing who the easily angered female hippies were on Uber. Thank you for identifying yourself.
I bet you wear patchouli
~~~
No... that's sooo 1980's.
Its more Freecia and Sea Grass now.
And occasionally Tibetian Musk.
Peace
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-10-28 17:57:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You know what I hate even more than hippies? Fucking cocksucking arrogant douchenozzles who think putting words like "hippie" in quotation marks make them look like a fucking Oxford don and who include pictures of butt ugly cars at the end of their posts.
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2008-10-28 16:33:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Merlina,
I was interested in seeing who the easily angered female hippies were on Uber. Thank you for identifying yourself.
I bet you wear patchouli
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-10-28 15:23:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
LOOK WHAT YOU DID YOU MADE MERLINA -2 I HOPE YOU DIE AND BURN IN HELL FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER!!!!!
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2008-10-28 14:57:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
AND YOU MADE ME -2
I NEVER -2 ANYONE
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2008-10-28 14:57:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Just actually bothered to read it.
And I hate eijits like you who decide to hate someone because they're different to you.
I bet you're weird.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2008-10-28 14:55:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm a hippie.
You don't scare me, kiddo..
PEACE OUT
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-10-28 14:30:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jack = Aries. Aries = easily angered. Therefore, we can deduce that Jack = easily angered.
Bahahahahahaha!!
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-10-28 14:30:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck ASStrology.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-10-28 14:29:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-10-28 14:23:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Aries are fire signs which means that they are more easily angered than, say, an earth sign. But that's just for those of you that may believe in astrology. I dont believe in predictive astrology (i.e. horoscopes, etc.). I study compatibility within the signs in addition to personality aspects.
-----------------
"I don't believe in magical sky gnomes, but I do believe in magical sky faries."
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-10-28 14:28:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Do it. I'm a quasi-masochist. I'd probably like it.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-10-28 14:26:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm gonna beat your fuckin head in you keep sayin shit like that.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-10-28 14:23:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Aries are fire signs which means that they are more easily angered than, say, an earth sign. But that's just for those of you that may believe in astrology. I dont believe in predictive astrology (i.e. horoscopes, etc.). I study compatibility within the signs in addition to personality aspects.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-10-28 14:09:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-10-28 13:43:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
My cousin's a quasi-hippie...she's also an Aries so she's pretty easy to piss off.
--
I'm an Aries and nothing enrages me faster than reading ignorant, hurtful shit like that.
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2008-10-28 14:08:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i laffed
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2008-10-28 13:49:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You have almost as many issues as the guy below.
Like him, we can only hope you'll take them someplace else.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2008-10-28 13:44:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fascinating. And your concern for the welfare of others is nothing short of tear-jerking, Mother Teresa.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-10-28 13:43:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
My cousin's a quasi-hippie...she's also an Aries so she's pretty easy to piss off.
Note to self: piss off Mandy on Bitter Thursdays.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-10-28 13:39:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Bullshit
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2008-10-28 13:39:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
awesome story, I was riveted from beginning to en...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz