Kid (588 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.26 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by mockidol (View user info) at 2008-10-28 23:05:07 EDT
Jen's belly is huge, bulging like gas from the depths of a swap and her mouth is moving very slowly. She's stone cold sober and ranting -shit about baby clothes but I'm so wasted that my vision can't keep up with her speech.
It's a good thing she's driving.
The dried semen on my penis is attaching itself to the inside of my jeans so I try to rearrange in a way as to not make it obvious that I'm not wearing boxers. I drop my cigarette out the window by accident and she says, "You never finish your cigarettes."
"Umm. Yeah." Too bad I meant to.
A car honks but I don't notice.
. .. ... .. .
We're in some store that used to be abandoned that used to be a motel and the workers have wooden stairs pulled down from the ceiling. Voices echo from the attic when I become startled by the green elephant playing the hokey pokey and I realize I need to piss.
Cardboard echoes as I stand in a corner room that used to be a hotel bathroom pissing on the floor. For a second I imagine I can see my smile reflect off the glass of the camera just too far out of place.
Three kids are screaming in another room that people used to rent for forty-five dollars a night as I wonder if I can ever raise a kid.
The bag of bibs is worth $7.20.
The floppy plastic baby aquarium is $6.45 so we grab some socks to match the credit.
I have trouble shutting the sliding door on the van as we leave and my son kicks me because I deserve it.
. .. ... .. .
Son thrashes like a baby in a bag as we drive home and I feel tears just behind curtains as I get dropped off to leave him again.
A beer cracks as the crying windows finally open.
I miss him.
I may have been drunk at the time, but it was good to see you, feel you, whatever the fuck it's called.
Cheers.
User Reviews
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-10-30 01:04:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
rad, yer a bit of a cunt, aren't you?
Submitted by sandmantate (user info) at 2008-10-29 09:10:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have a guitar. Do you know why I don't a pic of it? Because I don't know how to play it. I don't think I should post a pic of something that I don't get any enjoyment or use from. If everybody thought like me, then we would never have seen Oathmeal's dick in a sock.
Think about it.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-10-29 08:06:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
congrats
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2008-10-29 07:59:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-10-29 06:02:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i used to work about 150m from that tower.
its the Prague TV tower.
its called the prague penis.
the antennae on top looks phallic, but not so much anymore as they replaced it with a digital receiver last munth
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shut up idiot we all know its that tv tower thats creepy because of the weird butthole faced infants crawling on it. we have the interbutts too
ps: no one cares you lived in prague no matter how much you bring it up
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2008-10-29 07:57:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this was good though
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2008-10-29 07:57:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh don't be such a pussy being a dad is easy squeezy
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-10-29 06:55:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought this was completely rubbish, but congratulations on proving your fertility.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2008-10-29 06:50:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I have trouble shutting the sliding door on the van as we leave and my son kicks me because I deserve it."
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I liked that sentance particularly.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2008-10-29 06:31:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good for you.
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-10-29 06:02:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i used to work about 150m from that tower.
its the Prague TV tower.
its called the prague penis.
the antennae on top looks phallic, but not so much anymore as they replaced it with a digital receiver last munth
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2008-10-29 04:21:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-10-29 04:14:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2008-10-29 03:43:54 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm having a son in a month.
That's what's going on.
I did embelish a bit but you get the idea.
This is my version of a nervous father.
-------------------------------------
Me too!
Be in charge of the night bath, you'll bond really close.
Shit man, your whole world is gonna be crazy.
Good luck.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-10-29 03:54:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
no time to read, but i remember liking mockidol quite a bit, i think
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-10-29 00:17:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hooray for babies.
This reminded me a bit of Dexter, but with less homocide. Probably because I just watched it.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-10-29 00:05:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Average.
I like that structure though, I have pictures of it saved somewhere, although they're not the same as yours.
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2008-10-28 23:43:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm having a son in a month.
That's what's going on.
I did embelish a bit but you get the idea.
This is my version of a nervous father.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2008-10-28 23:42:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what's going on here?? this is good
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-10-28 23:07:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment