Fuck You Public Transport. (1119 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.75 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (View user info) at 2008-11-04 13:53:35 EST
I hurt my foot pretty badly recently and as such, I can't be bothered to cycle to work any more. This means I have to endure the hell of public transport.
Public transport, in Newcastle, means shitty old buses that lurch and screech and smell of piss and dust; a truly unique combination. It means surly bus drivers who pretend to have no change. It means children playing shite music out of their phones and generally cunting about. It means sitting next to people coughing their fucking lungs up and rubbing against me in their disgusting unwashed clothes.
It seems that the very worst people in the land travel on my bus: I fit in nicely.
Having said that, there's a few things that are so utterly mystifying that I've decided to stop playing football, get healed and be able to go a bike again.
People who get on, while other people are trying to get off.
You really want to be on the bus that badly that you're prepared to shove past disembarking passengers? You're that fucking keen to get on this stinking rat trap of a vehicle? Fuck me that's devotion, sorry I stepped on you on the way out, you fat, ignorant cunt. May you and your shitting tracksuit burn for a long time.
Old people at rush hour.
I've got nothing against old people out in public, well not much, but why the fuck do they need to travel at half seven when people who actually contribute to society need to travel? I got on this morning at about 7 in the morning and was greeted by blue rinse, talcum powder and a vaguely stronger scent of piss, half masked by formaldehyde. A good 20 of these saggy old cunts were on board, cluttering the place up and nattering about the weather. Where in the fuck are these people going so early? Why do they need to take up all the seats? Why do they tut when I shout at teh inept work experience girl down the phone. As an aside, I've never had the displeasure of 'managing' such a fucking spastic in my life.
"Yo, would you mind picking me up those prints on your way back from lunch? Here's the address etc."
She returns, with no prints.
"You pick up those prints?"
"Uhhh..."
"It's cool, just go get them in the next hour."
I'm still waiting for the fucking things.
Timetables - What are they good for? Absolutely nothing!
The company that runs the buses up here puts up optimistic timetables that are rarely adhered to. I quite enjoy arriving places on time but can't recall the last time I actually managed to pull this off. I've written and called like a dutiful Jewish mother, but I've got nothing. Nothing. As soon as I can generate enough pressure in my right foot, I'll be slamming it squarely into the balls of whatever doss cunt is respsonsible for my disappointing lateness.
We don't need that many buses on the road, surely?!
Of an evening the bus I get home is busy. It's very busy. Like a brothel during two for one hour busy. You'd think that the bus company would take this into account and maybe, just maybe, run a few extra services an hour. I'd be happy with two. Alas, it is not to be, and I can enjoy the sight of three buses stuffed with people running past me before I get to squeeze myself between a student and a tramp.
I wouldn't mind this, in all honesty, as it means I get pretty close to sex (if I close my eyes) and it's better than walking. The problem lies in waiting for the bus and watching eight totally empty ones going in the other direction. Why, goddamnit, why?
Miscellaneous
People tapping their feet (with no sense of rhythm).
Kids smoking at the back of the bus, thinking it's cool - what's wrong with the street you stupid little cunts?
The leaky fucking windows that fucking ruined my jacket the other week.
People who get on with an outrageous number of children and/or bags - get a fucking taxi you cheap fuckers - this is not your personal fucking mini-van.
Fat people, especially when they sit on the aisle and I have to brush against them to get out. Sickening.
The best thing that's ever happened to me on the bus was getting a blowjob at the back of one once - the trip was too short and I didn't cum though, so it was still pretty frustrating.
User Reviews
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2009-01-10 14:33:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this is the best thing ever
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-11-06 04:44:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Buses are minging.
Luckily I can walk to work, the pub, the shops, and anywhere else I need to go. Unless I am going to the West End and have to use the underground.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-11-06 03:48:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
jeanneee you are my hero
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2008-11-05 18:19:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha, nice. Public transportation sucks balls here too. I'd rather walk from Doraville to the airport than take MARTA.
Atlanta is absolutely choked with traffic and congestion - probably the worst metro area in the country with the possible exception of Washington DC - but people would still rather rot in traffic than take MARTA. It's that bad. The trains don't even run all night! What is that? I miss the train and my options are a $20 ride in a Bangladeshi death machine (cab) or hang out in Five Points until dawn, waiting to get capped. Fuck you MARTA.
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2008-11-05 12:52:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Actually the public transport here isn't all that bad.
I'm one of the bus folk myself and despite the frequent running commentary of 'Every ten minutes my fucking arse' I find myself spouting from time to time (generally when I'm late for my second job. Or am by that point, anyway) it's kind of interesting in a people watching sort of way.
My bus cadre in the morning are great - we have Stinky Hair Fucking Rude guy, It's Only Two Stops You Lazy Mare lady, the Two Jiggers, Impatient Man, Poorly Fitted Bra Girl.
People sit for hours in front of Big Brother when for the simple cost of a MegaRider you can get the same sort of entertainment and actually get out and breathe in some good, wholesome exhaust fumes at the same time!
Now, the buses in LIVERPOOL, however...
>shudders<
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-11-05 09:59:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the more you comment, the worse I get fakey. A coincidence no?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-11-05 09:37:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-11-05 14:35:37 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-11-05 05:51:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Just over 2 hours, with a month out of training for a fractured leg.
Next year I'm going for an hour and a half - 2010 I'm gonna do the London marathon and in 2012 I'm gonna win a gold fucking medal...
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not too shabby.
if you want to make an hour and a half, I would suggest a headband as they take a minute off your mile.
In uk terms I think that amounts to 1/5th a 9 heleks/kilometer.
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Hurty has a better solution. He's just gone bald.
Submitted by abdansner (user info) at 2008-11-05 09:36:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-11-05 09:35:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-11-05 05:51:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Just over 2 hours, with a month out of training for a fractured leg.
Next year I'm going for an hour and a half - 2010 I'm gonna do the London marathon and in 2012 I'm gonna win a gold fucking medal...
----------------
not too shabby.
if you want to make an hour and a half, I would suggest a headband as they take a minute off your mile.
In uk terms I think that amounts to 1/5th a 9 heleks/kilometer.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-11-05 09:26:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-11-05 14:18:25 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am the nutter on the bus. I lick the sleeve of your jacket when you're not looking.
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*stares at spelling of "your" and "you're"*
*Marvels*
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2008-11-05 09:18:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am the nutter on the bus. I lick the sleeve of your jacket when you're not looking.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-11-05 08:04:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Buses are fucking shit sandwiches of misery.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-11-05 05:58:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes, fuck you, public transport.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-11-05 05:51:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-11-04 19:23:30 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-11-04 14:08:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's a half marathon - biggest in the world or so I'm told.
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37k, that is pretty friggin big.
How was your time?
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Just over 2 hours, with a month out of training for a fractured leg.
Next year I'm going for an hour and a half - 2010 I'm gonna do the London marathon and in 2012 I'm gonna win a gold fucking medal...
Submitted by czwij (user info) at 2008-11-05 03:51:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
cunting about.
teach me how to do this.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2008-11-05 01:34:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 no politics.
Congrats on run.
Even for a rant, it is a bit sweary.
This I identified with 'It means children playing shite music out of their phones' why do they do this? WHY? Usually, to start, their phones are better than mine yet the kids usually board the bus at the council estate stop and don't look like they have had new clothes for ten years (fake Kappa is so 1990's). Then they sit there listening to chart music or worse still, speeded up acid house. Ugh. Do they really have no manners?
Either this, or they sit their with their white wires dangling from their ears, oblivious to anyone.
I rarely take public transport, but when I do I am shocked at how rude soome people are. Funny, when people see you struggle with a pushchair or leave you standing at 8 months pregnant you don't EXPECT help but if says a lot about society today that most folk act like they can't see you or sudden find something very interesting to look at out the window.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2008-11-04 17:10:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Normally I'd agree with you, but when it only takes you 45 minutes to get out of the city and home from the World Series game on SEPTA, as opposed to either taking hours to even drive out of the lot and/or having your car trashed or flipped over by jubilant assholes, you LOVE public transportation.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-11-04 16:01:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahhh, the pleasure of Newcastle busses. I was once the only person on a bus in Newcastle besides a bunch of thoroughbred charvers in the back. Suddenly I smelt burning wafting down the aisle. The kids jumped off at the next stop as I had to gingerly tell the driver the back of his bus was on fire. Turns out they'd got their mits on a load of wind and weatherproof matches, made a bon fire on the back seat and watched it burn.
Little cunts.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2008-11-04 15:20:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No, the worst is when someone is really fat and also in a giant fucking wheelchair, and the bus is already ridiculously crowded. I've seen one grotesque man take up five seats, three along the side of the bus, and two behind them, not to mention the aisle adjacent to him. The last overcrowded bus I was on had two of these bastards. That's ten seats taken by two people.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-11-04 15:10:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2008-11-04 15:02:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Try taking a bus through San Francisco Chinatown. Your fucking head will blow off.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-11-04 14:35:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ps when i move i am walking EVERYWHERE. the rain can fuck itself.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2008-11-04 14:33:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
man. my favorite was during training for one job i had to take the bus route that a was the one for the mental clinic. so no joke i sat next to half a busload of people that muttered, twitched, screamed, petted things, drooled, licked and generally were just not fully functional people. fucking out-patient state run programs. just because they're not a danger to themselves or others doesn't mean their caregiver shoving them onto a bus for a trip through through the city counts as independence. fuck's sake get the schizos and the droolers on a tart cart.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-11-04 14:30:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'd rather have a rope tied to my testicles and tied to a car, dragged by a carload of white supremecists (sp) to my destination, than take public transportation.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-11-04 14:25:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2008-11-04 14:23:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You forgot the adamant cunts that want to hold their sopt by the door, there by preventing the 2 dozen people stainding outside in the rain from being able to get in in less that 5 minutes. I mean sure they're able to hop right off at their stop, but they've managed to make the entire bus trip 50% longer
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I love it how they pretend they are deaf when the driver shouts to move back, or pretend that if they stand up straight other people can magically walk through their fat ass/bags etc.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-11-04 14:25:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-11-04 13:58:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The Great North Run followed by 5-a-side football two days after, a walk up a hill the following week and more football in between were the cause of my downfall.
When I went to the doctor he actually laughed at me, then gave me a bunch of Ibuprofen.
he was thinking "PUSSY!" to himself whilst laughing at you.
I played two indoor games last night, 7v7. I can feel your pain. somehow i seem to have really fucked up my heel. it's excruciatingly painful.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2008-11-04 14:23:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You forgot the adamant cunts that want to hold their sopt by the door, there by preventing the 2 dozen people stainding outside in the rain from being able to get in in less that 5 minutes. I mean sure they're able to hop right off at their stop, but they've managed to make the entire bus trip 50% longer
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-11-04 14:23:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-11-04 14:08:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's a half marathon - biggest in the world or so I'm told.
--------------------
37k, that is pretty friggin big.
How was your time?
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-11-04 14:08:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I could piece together the rest of your blather as regular walking and childrens soccer, but what is this run?
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It's a half marathon - biggest in the world or so I'm told.
Submitted by rubbermaid (user info) at 2008-11-04 14:05:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought you died and finding out that you haven't is quite disappointing.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2008-11-04 14:04:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-11-04 13:58:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"The Great North Run"
I could piece together the rest of your blather as regular walking and childrens soccer, but what is this run?
Submitted by Replen (user info) at 2008-11-04 14:00:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Having caught public transport in Newcastle I agree it's bad (especially if you're wearing a Spurs shirt and you've just lost to the Toon). Not as horrific as a London night bus heading south, but still very bad.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-11-04 13:58:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The Great North Run followed by 5-a-side football two days after, a walk up a hill the following week and more football in between were the cause of my downfall.
When I went to the doctor he actually laughed at me, then gave me a bunch of Ibuprofen.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-11-04 13:57:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-11-04 18:55:20 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
was your foot "hurt by the sun"??
ba doom doom chick...
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He's Scottish, the mere thought of sun makes his hair stand on end and vapourises his skin.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-11-04 13:55:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
was your foot "hurt by the sun"??
ba doom doom chick...