The Friend Rule (952 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.31 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by John (View user info) at 2008-11-09 09:27:17 EST
So I'm at a party, and I've got this bitch rubbing her tits and bacon all over me as we dance. She's hot, so I'm calculating in my mind the chances are of me getting laid, and how not to fuck this up. She wants me. I can see it in her eyes, and the way she keeps glancing at my dick almost protruding from my zipper.
I take her outside so we can get some air and to exchange saliva. All is going well until her fat friend comes out and sees us. I know - so what, right? Apparently not. This fat bitch has told me already that she's into me, but I've told her repeatedly that we're just friends (leave me the fuck alone). But she isn't getting the message. There's no way to let a fat girl know, nicely, that you don't want to be with her. Also, this girl isn't the good kind of fat.
So the fat bitch starts going crazy. This is where the party fucks up. Everyone was having a perfectly good fucking time before this supersized-whore got upset. I felt like smacking her across the mouth and saying "Lose some weight cunt". But I've been told that it isn't nice to treat people like that. So the girl I was dancing with starts to cry so party halts to an end, and everyone goes home. God dammit.
I get told later that I can't be with the girl I was dancing with because the fat bitch 'likes' me. "Sorry, it's the friend rule." What the fuck? See, this one of the reasons why females don't get taken seriously. Why can't two people enjoy a night of passionate awkward sex without being bombarded with shitty rules.
To all the fat females out there: You're fucking disgusting; that's why no one wants you. Your boyfriend is only with you because he can't get any better.
Please bequeath me with the knowledge of how to get around this certain aspect of shittiness, Uber.
College sucks.
User Reviews
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2008-11-19 05:39:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-11-11 06:01:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Wow, children really don't understand relationships. It's almost like they don't get that everyone has a choice.
1) You don't want the fat chick - tough shit fatty.
2) You want the hot chick - tough shit fatty.
3) The Hot chick wants you - tough shit fatty.
4) The fat chick wants you - tough shit fatty, that's your problem, not mine, uh his, uh the guys.
5) Why are you even friends with the fat chick? What good is a fat female friend? unless you're trapped up a mountain and need to eat someone.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2008-11-10 23:42:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
right, a guy that gets cockblocked by his best friend over that is a loser. the guy that cockblocks his best friend is only equally a loser.
I mean, i can see not getting into a serious commitment over input from the friends. There are some relevant and valid interventions out there, but "oh, i like her" isn't gonna count for shit. "Suck it up, pussy. I'll hit it if I want and whether it gets continued has nothing to do with you."
Valid cockblocks to be implemented directly or indirectly between males:
"She's a whore"
"She's my ex-girlfriend"
"She's too ugly"
"Don't be a retard."
"*whipsound*"
Not valid:
"I like her."
"I'm in love with you."
"She's not like us."
"She's a bitch."
"Don't be gay."
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-11-10 16:37:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No, we actually did like each other but his best friend cock blocked the effort, basically, by hating on me and hating on him for liking me. I said that I didnt ever know whether the guy liked me or not but it's more like I don't know what could have become had the cock blocker not gotten in the way.
Mother fucker.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2008-11-10 14:21:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Why would any guy want some chick who only his best friend could have, but his best friend wasn't gonna have her out of principle of their friendship? Anyone that would be that person's best friend is a loser, too.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-11-10 13:34:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I once liked a guy who's best friend liked me and it's pretty much the same thing...even if he did like me back (which I'm not sure of) he never would have dated me on that principle alone.
FUCK the friend rule. It may be hard for the other person involved for a while but time heals everything.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2008-11-10 08:05:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude, you got cock-blocked. Get over it, regroup, and try again.
The best way to get around the "fat friend" is quietly and discretly get the number of the girl you want, away from the eyes and ears of the fat friend. That way the girl you're interested in won't be put in an awkward position of hurting her friend's feelings by hooking up with you.
Just forget about trying to hook up with a girl if she's out with a group of her friends. Even if there isn't a "fat friend," chances are you'll strike out unless you have a buddy for each one of them. Kind of like bringing enough for everyone in class. If you don't have enough for everyone, don't bother in the first place.
This kind of thing has been going on for ages.
Submitted by Bushy (user info) at 2008-11-10 06:56:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
just to clarify, a gunt isn't a type of person but a feature. you know old people that wear their pants high? the belt pulls in awkwardly causing the cuntal region to bulge at the front. this bulge is called 'a gunt'. the male equivalent is still up for debate, but 'gick' is a generally understood term.
Basically a gunt is that odd extra roll, not the entire person. As such, generally the overweight rather than the morbidly obese show their gunt.
Submitted by zoobie2000 (user info) at 2008-11-10 06:41:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"So I'm at a party, and I've got this bitch rubbing her tits and bacon all over me as we dance"
Americans hehe. WTF are you all on? I think the CIA is still testing drugs on the populace...
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-11-10 04:59:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
At least she'll sort you out with a good breakfast in the morning.
Submitted by Tokerson (user info) at 2008-11-10 04:45:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"To all the fat females out there: You're fucking disgusting; that's why no one wants you. Your boyfriend is only with you because he can't get any better."
Too true.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2008-11-09 21:50:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by RoscoMalosco (user info) at 2008-11-09 11:57:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2008-11-09 11:54:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Seinfeld's move?
Tell the fat girl that you're willing to get down, but you really want the threesome. She'll be offended, but she'll tell the other girl, who will secretly be flattered. AND she'll be impressed that you aren't so shallow as to refuse her fat friend.
Your chance will soon follow.
---
Jesus christ. That's the most beautiful thing I've ever read. I... I think I love you.
---
easy there, sparky.
Submitted by TheBrad (user info) at 2008-11-09 20:13:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-11-09 14:46:52 PST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd hit that
======================
I call sloppy seconds.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-11-09 17:49:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
As a whole, this post is pretty terrible.
But I have to admit: "Why can't two people enjoy a night of passionate awkward sex without being bombarded with shitty rules." made me smile so fair is fair.
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-11-09 17:46:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd hit that
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2008-11-09 16:56:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2008-11-09 13:56:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This is when you need a wingman with zero standards to take the gunt out of the equation. Luckily fo rme Ive got at least 3 friends who would fuck a sloppy hole in the ground if you laid a skirt around it.
---------------------------------
Ha ha! Listen to this man. Oh yes, and memorize the teachings of this man:
http://www.tuckermax.com/
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2008-11-09 16:30:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Drink until she's skinny.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2008-11-09 15:47:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I love bacon.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-11-09 14:04:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I fucked a fat girl once, from behind. I was disgusted with myself, so I tried to pumphandle slam her but she was to big and i put my back out.
True story
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2008-11-09 13:56:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This is when you need a wingman with zero standards to take the gunt out of the equation. Luckily fo rme Ive got at least 3 friends who would fuck a sloppy hole in the ground if you laid a skirt around it.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2008-11-09 13:45:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
To girls who complain about guys who fuck around with them and don't take them seriously, I say look for someone with depth and don't just declare yourself in love with the cool guy with the lip ring and throw yourself at him.
To guys who complain about stupid cliquey girls who listen to their friends and have no brain, don't go skanking and look for a woman with depth.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2008-11-09 13:25:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I had a fat friend. She talked shit about all her skinny friends when we weren't around. When we found out we dropped her like the two ton weight she was.
She had the hots for one of my best friends and he was disgusted by her. She of course assumed everytime I hung out with him I was fucking him. Psycho.
Submitted by DaBeast (user info) at 2008-11-09 12:03:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You could always take the gunt (my new favorite word! Thanks, Banjo!) aside, swear her to absolute and complete secrecy that will assure her a place in the foulest, slimiest, most utterly depraved pits of hell if she ever breaks that silence, and then confide in her about your inexplicable inability to get any sort of wood unless you're looking at a chick that's under 120 lbs and taller than 5'3". Tell her it's an affliction. Tell her the sight of fat in any form whatsoever on any sort of meat makes you totally limp. Bacon disgusts you. Balogna makes you gag. You can't even look at hamburgers without feeling distinctly queasy.
Then pull a mirror out of your pocket and aim it at her.
Submitted by RoscoMalosco (user info) at 2008-11-09 11:57:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2008-11-09 11:54:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Seinfeld's move?
Tell the fat girl that you're willing to get down, but you really want the threesome. She'll be offended, but she'll tell the other girl, who will secretly be flattered. AND she'll be impressed that you aren't so shallow as to refuse her fat friend.
Your chance will soon follow.
---
Jesus christ. That's the most beautiful thing I've ever read. I... I think I love you.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2008-11-09 11:54:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Seinfeld's move?
Tell the fat girl that you're willing to get down, but you really want the threesome. She'll be offended, but she'll tell the other girl, who will secretly be flattered. AND she'll be impressed that you aren't so shallow as to refuse her fat friend.
Your chance will soon follow.
Submitted by Replen (user info) at 2008-11-09 11:23:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Hook up with her when she's drunk and her fat friend isn't about. Friend rule? What friend rule?
Submitted by douchebag (user info) at 2008-11-09 09:42:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by John (View user info) at 2008-11-09 09:27:17 EST
Please bequeath me with the knowledge of how to get around this certain aspect of shittiness, Uber.
-----
I felt like smacking her across the mouth and saying "Lose some weight cunt".
-----
You answered your own question.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-11-09 09:40:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck you!
On that note though, I learned a new word a week ago from on of my mates...
Gunt - Its a fat girl where you can't tell where her gut ends and her cunt begins.
I fell off my chair.
My friend has been gunt hunting ever since.