the adventure of little ingrid (515 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.2 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by achTUNGBABY (View user info) at 2008-11-10 06:58:25 EST
Little Ingrid held the rail, arms behind her and watched the splash of the sea against the pylons.
She leant forward, shoulders and forearms taking her weight.
"You a good swimmer?" the voice asked.
Little Ingrid released the rail her hands quickly finding it again, this time further back and around.
"I'm a pretty good swimmer - yeah" not looking back.
The whirr of the voice's fishing line sounded behind and then in front of her and she watched as it fell.
"Where's your costume?"
"Excuse me?"
"Where's your costume - your swimmers. Jeans and sneakers will get pretty heavy in the water."
"I don't need swimmers."
The voice released the tension on his reel, 'click, click, click click click', looked back down at his chair, settled, stood again and and busied himself with the bucket by his seat.
"You know I've never quite understood why I bring the lid for this thing."
Little Ingrid looked back. "Maybe it's to keep the fish in."
The white haired man with the white stubble chuckled and said "maybe..but I'm planning on catching whiting and dart, not bunny rabbits and fleas."
Little Ingrid stared at the bucket and the man wrestling with the lid as he pulled it loose. "Jesus, that's some smell, now I know why I bring the lid or at least keep it, my wife wouldn't let me keep that in the garage.."
"Smells like fish" Little Ingrid offered.
"Sweetheart that's bait. I haven't brought a fish home in this since..." the man smiled and chuckled again. "Since I don't know when."
"Aren't there fish out here?" she asked.
"Sure but they're small - illegal. How old are you girl?"
"Fifteen."
"Hm well you look younger. Where are your folks?"
Little Ingrid paused, stared into the ocean and looked back at the man. "at home. My dad..and my stepmom. Dad's like 45 but acts a hundred. My stepmom is an ass."
"So you're here by yourself?"
"yep. Here, there, anywhere, I'm by myself."
The man looked out at the horizon and blinked, looked back at the girl clutching the steel rail - arms stretched out behind her. "See that island over there? The natives used to throw girls your age off the headland as a sacrifice to appease some god, they'd throw them off the point because it's deep water and the sharks would get her or she'd drown, and naturally their god."
Little Ingrid looked across the bay and the man rose from his chair like quicksilver, grabbed her wrists, followed her gaze and then peering back down at the water murmured in her ear. She shuddered at his warm breath, it smelled like mints and/or old people, he released her wrists and her heart and life and breath caught in her chest. "When you jump girl, do a safety dive there's a sandbank, I think I'm snagged on a rock and I want you to walk out and free my line if you don't break your legs."
The man stepped back and turned to look back down the pier. Little Ingrid jumped with all her might.
She trudged out in her tight-legged jeans and water-logged sneakers across the sandbank, pulled on and released the man's hook as he gave her the thumbs up from the safety of the the dry pier, and stomped back to shore.
"Next time I'm catching the ferry to the island" she thought to herself, "next time it's all sharks and deep water."
User Reviews
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2008-11-11 00:08:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"her heart and life and breath caught in her chest", btw, is a jewel of a line.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2008-11-11 00:06:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
It had moments.
Punctuation, grammar, sentence structure, dialogue, and don't refer to her as Little Ingrid.
Fix all that and it might actually be pretty good. Needs to be longer, too.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2008-11-10 18:49:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Readable. I like your way with words.
Submitted by no1hasdis (user info) at 2008-11-10 14:39:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2008-11-10 09:22:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
This wasn't really good.
It reads as if you're despertly trying to be deep and insightful without know how to be.
Sort of like frank 'flirting' with 'internet girls' in his e-mails.
By flirting I mean admiting he is a virgin.
And by 'internet girls' I mean sico.
Submitted by sage104 (user info) at 2008-11-10 09:16:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Story was meh.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-11-10 09:06:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-11-10 14:04:05 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-11-10 08:58:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-11-10 13:27:47 GMT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-11-10 12:47:35 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Easily better than an EI post.
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LOL love you
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I love it how you two bicker as if you you're in an episode of Desperate Housewives. Go and get it on already and relieve yourselves of all that pent up sexual tension already.
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FJ would gladly snog EI methinks.
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I dont bicker with FJ.
FJ would so be my bitch.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-11-10 09:04:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-11-10 08:58:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-11-10 13:27:47 GMT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-11-10 12:47:35 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Easily better than an EI post.
--------------
LOL love you
--------------
I love it how you two bicker as if you you're in an episode of Desperate Housewives. Go and get it on already and relieve yourselves of all that pent up sexual tension already.
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FJ would gladly snog EI methinks.
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-11-10 08:58:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-11-10 13:27:47 GMT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-11-10 12:47:35 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Easily better than an EI post.
--------------
LOL love you
--------------
I love it how you two bicker as if you you're in an episode of Desperate Housewives. Go and get it on already and relieve yourselves of all that pent up sexual tension already.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2008-11-10 08:50:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
nurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-11-10 08:27:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-11-10 12:47:35 GMT (#)
Ranking: 2
Easily better than an EI post.
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LOL love you
Submitted by JasonHarris (user info) at 2008-11-10 08:16:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You are a wanker and I hope you die.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2008-11-10 08:07:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I know it's passé, but proper use of capitalization, punctuation, and the rules of grammar really do make your writing more readable. The ending was a good idea poorly executed.
Submitted by F.J.Bell (user info) at 2008-11-10 07:47:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Easily better than an EI post.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-11-10 07:35:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
weirdo
Submitted by AChtungbaby (user info) at 2008-11-10 07:33:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-11-10 07:26:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
ridiculous looking monkey-faced twatwaffle
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Ok... you got that one right but seriously, this story built up well(ish) but had the worst ending ever.
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bows deeply. I'm so sowwy rit's not rike your wrown prosts homwer, frank you fror the ilirad oh masterfrul wron.
DICKHEAD.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-11-10 07:26:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
ridiculous looking monkey-faced twatwaffle
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Ok... you got that one right but seriously, this story built up well(ish) but had the worst ending ever.
Submitted by AChtungbaby (user info) at 2008-11-10 07:23:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
let's see...... thus far a 'superfriend' and a ridiculous looking monkey-faced twatwaffle - it's not booker prize stuff but still.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-11-10 07:19:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
shut ya face ya whining fag
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-11-10 07:18:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
no comment no
Submitted by AChtungbaby (user info) at 2008-11-10 07:13:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
go +2 a vagina post emission, you idiot.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-11-10 07:00:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
ummm ok